Suddenly I remember another moment from earlier, another clue perhaps. As we’d prepared to leave the restaurant I had struggled to gather all of my things and Mel, Michelle and Lynne were already out the front door. Chris had waited for me, helping to put on my jacket and holding the door open as we left together. Very chivalrous, but am I reading more into all of this than what really exists? I know I’ve felt the magnetic pull of his energy. Is this something Michelle has picked up on, or is he in cahoots with her? If that’s the case I’m not sure how I feel about that. Should I be offended? I do have a boyfriend after all and Michelle clearly knows that, so part of me knows I should speak up. Protest now and suggest I swap rooms with Mel. Yet I find that I’d rather be here in the room with Chris, than lying on my own in the back bedroom.
“Night-night, you two,” Michelle says, as she leaves the room, giving Chris a gentle pat on his chest as they pass in the doorway. He has just returned from the bathroom, now only wearing boxers and a loose t-shirt. “Be good, boys and girls,” she says as a throwaway comment, her back to me as she leaves the room, but based on the smile that flashes across Chris’s face as she leaves, I think she’s just given him the cheekiest of winks. Proof that there is definitely something going on. An unwritten scheme that I’m not privy to as I realise it’s no accident that the sleeping arrangements have worked out as they have.
“We will, sis,” Chris replies.
“Night, Mich,” I add, climbing into my makeshift bed on the floor, as she quietly leaves the room and closes the door behind her.
I’m not ready to go to sleep yet. The heady mix of emotions coursing through my veins combined with the wine from earlier in the evening means I’m feeling very relaxed but also wide awake. The reluctant acknowledgement of Chris’s attractiveness, the feelings of being smothered by Jeremy’s persistent devotion, the confusion about my own physical response to Chris’s obvious non-verbal flirtations from earlier in the evening, and the possibility of what all of this means has me completely wired. I can’t deny the undercurrent passing between the two of us across the table at the restaurant was almost palpable, which I reluctantly admit to myself is very exciting, but I had thought that was just my physical attraction to him. It terrifies me but also excites me in equal amounts.
I’m not stupid, I know I’m playing with fire and what I should do is turn over right now and go straight to sleep. If I don’t I’m effectively waking up the sleeping tiger, poking it with a metaphorical stick, albeit he’s still safely tethered away from me on the other side of the room, but the tiger is also wide awake too and based on his confident stare, already locked onto his prey.
I feel powerless to resist Chris’s magnetic pull. It’s as if he has an invisible cord attached to me and with every smile, every look, and every movement he’s pulling me ever closer. So, I don’t turn over and go to sleep like I know I should, instead I lean up on one elbow from underneath the covers, look in his direction as he climbs into his sleeping bag, clearly waiting for me to start talking.
I begin with an intentionally leading question hoping to draw him into an easy conversation. “So, come on then Chris, what is it in life that really gets your juices going?” hoping to open up the conversation to a generic topic around likes and dislikes.
“Oh, this ‘n that,” he replies nonchalantly.
“Reeeally?” I reply sarcastically “That’s very specific - NOT. Throw me a bone here, Chris. I was being nice.” I flop back down onto my back in protest, the unintentional innuendo hanging heavily in the air between us.
Is he trying to play it cool? After what I’ve interpreted as non-verbal flirtations earlier, he’s suddenly being very non-committal, but before I’m left feeling awkward he flashes me another winning warm smile. He’s playing with me. The tiger is playing with me, as a cat would a mouse.
“It’s quite an odd situation I suppose we find ourselves in,” I say trying again to lead him into a conversation. “I feel as if I know you really well, Chris, but then I don’t know you at all... if that makes sense. Because obviously I know your sisters really well, especially Mel, and more recently I have got to know your mum even more and they talk about you and your family all the time. Sharing stories that involve you, so it’s more than a bit weird having you here in the flesh.
“The only other situation I can think of that would be anywhere similar to this, would be meeting someone famous. Someone who you’ve been a fan of for years and years, having read everything that’s available on them, or talking to people who know them, only to then unexpectedly meet them for real and become friends. From everything you’ve learned, you’ve already formed an opinion of them, on who you think they really are, when in fact it soon becomes apparent you only ever knew the illusion of them and it turns out you had absolutely no idea who the real person is behind the imagine. I suppose on some level that’s what I feel about getting to know you. I think I know you, when in fact I don’t know you at all.” I’m rambling now. My nerves making me jabber away unnecessarily.
“Would you like to get to know me, Vicky?” Chris says slowly and with clear purpose. I feel as if the tiger within him is slowly stalking me, circling me, ready to pounce at any moment. I should be taking actions to stop that happening, but instead I feel compelled to continue, powerless to resist his controlling magnetism which has me rooted to the spot.
“Well of course, Chris. I love Mel, so why wouldn’t I want to know all the members of her family?” My tone is suddenly elevated and I’m talking a bit too quickly.
“But would you really like to get to know me, Vicky?” he pauses, his eyes locking with mine again, his words laced with meaning, “because you must realise by now that I really want to get to know you - all of you.”
That’s it. He’s put it out there. He’s made his intentions clear. I know I should be offended. He’s making a play and I’m not available but instead as he holds my gaze with that magnetic stare, I feel my insides flip upside down again. We’re still a couple of feet apart in the living room, me on the floor and him on the sofa and inside my head my common sense is screaming, “Stay where you are. Vicky turn over now and go to sleep,” whereas the hot desire I feel between my legs is screaming “Come and join me on the floor, Chris and kiss the hell out of me.” I know what I should do, but I also know what I want him to do. I desperately want him to make a move.
“You do know I have a boyfriend, Chris.” I stall him, my head kicking in for a fleeting moment as I attempt to do and say the right thing.
“It hadn’t escaped my notice.” He’s speaking so slowly and intensely it’s almost hypnotic, pulling on that invisible cord ever so slowly drawing me closer and closer still. I am aware of this pull but continue to feel completely powerless to resist. “But admit it, Vicky, he’s a dickhead.” I let out an involuntary snigger. Partly through nerves and partly because he’s hit the nail on the head. I mean honestly, who still calls their parents ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ like they’re two years old? Certainly not a grown man in his twenties.
“That’s not a very nice thing to say about Jeremy.” I attempt a protest, although my heart clearly isn’t in it.
“See, I knew you knew it,” he says, acknowledging my snigger and the tone in my voice. “I’ve seen you with him, and there’s no way you love that guy, Vicky… he’s a complete dickhead. A posh one, but a complete dickhead all the same.”
I find that I’m offended by this last comment. It’s one thing to give his opinion on my boyfriend’s character, but it’s completely another to make a big leap from that to the assumption of my own feelings.
“Well I think that’s a bit presumptuous of you, Chris, to be making such an assumption about what I do or don’t feel for my boyfriend.”
“I know I’m right,” he says arrogantly, “and I’ll prove it to you.”
With one swift movement he slides off the sofa and under the covers next to me, onto the airbed on the floor, leaning up on his hip next to me, so we’re both l
ying on our sides facing each other, his head also propped up on the hand that is supported by his bent elbow, mirroring how I’m also lying. He loosely lies his free arm over my torso, gently stroking my waist back and forth.
On one level I find his arrogance hugely offensive. I want to rebel against him and tell him to go fuck himself. To take his Kiwi arse and park it back over on the sofa because he has no right to prove or disprove how I’m feeling, even if he is right. But more powerfully I find his masculinity and authority intoxicating. My insides are on fire with desire. I feel as if I could internally combust at any second. We stay still, lying next to each other, staring into each other’s eyes for a few long minutes, not saying anything just looking at each other, him gently stroking my waist over the top of my PJs.
“See, you would have stopped me by now if you really loved him.”
“I need you to stop, Chris” I say softly, even though the tone of my voice and the intensity of my stare is saying the complete opposite. “I need you to go back over onto the sofa.” I sound weakened and Chris’s tone softens in response as he continues.
“But Vicky, you haven’t said you love him yet and I know that you don’t. Tell me that you’d rather it was him lying next to you now, rather than me. Just tell me that you love Jeremy, that you wish he was here and not me and I’ll leave you in peace Vicky. But if you don’t love him Vicky … please don’t waste this moment.”
We continue to gaze at each other. I don’t think I’ve ever stared so deeply or intently into a man’s eyes before. Even though Chris has only one seeing eye, his glass eye a static mirror image of his true iris, I feel like I can see into the deepest depths of his soul. Like me, I see a heart that has also known pain and loss. A soul that is desperate to love and be loved. A confident but complicated persona, but overall, I see a strength and masculinity I’ve never encountered before.
“Tell me you love him, Vicky, if you really do.” He leans in, whispering softly into my ear. The short hot puffs of his breath on my ear as he speaks are driving me absolutely wild with longing and my back arches upwards involuntarily.
“I can’t,” I say, desperately dropping my gaze.
“You can’t what, Vicky? You can’t tell me you love him?” he says, gently lifting my chin with his hand, so that our eyes meet once again. “Or you can’t kiss me, because you know how much I want to kiss you?”
My mind and body are no longer connected. My mind is whirring so fast I can’t catch any of the thoughts or pictures that are flying through my brain, meanwhile every nerve in my body is tingling. The burning heat inside me is like a volcano ready to explode. My conscience and my desire are in conflict but eventually my body wins, and unable to hold back anymore, I lean forward and kiss him ever so lightly, our lips brushing together delicately, giving him the answer he’s been waiting for. The tiger has won. In the end he didn’t need to pounce on its prey, I surrendered willingly.
Instantly he kisses me back fully, passionately, so that I can taste the coffee and wine that lingers on his tongue from earlier in the evening. As he kisses me, slowly, deeply, his tongue twisting with mine he sucks air urgently in through his nostrils, I feel the tender touch of the back of his fingers as he strokes the side of my face and I can hardly breathe. Never in my life have I ever felt such an intensity or passion, ever. I realise this feeling; these uncontrollable physical sensations are what have been missing with Jeremy and with Steve and even with Mr Summer Fling and Mr STI. Even with them it never felt this powerful. This overwhelming. This perfect. Whatever it is about Chris that makes me respond this way, I’m liking it and I simply want to lose myself in the moment. I never want his kiss to end but then, reluctantly, my mind floats slowly back to reality.
“But what about Jeremy?” I say breathlessly, pulling back ever so slightly.
“Let’s worry about him tomorrow, because right now, Vicky, all I’m worried about… is kissing you again,” he says, as he slowly rolls on top of me, kissing me again before we slip under the covers together.
Chapter 11
Chris
Waking up next to Vicky is absolutely magical. Everything I had hoped it would be. I was determined last night to use the opportunity facilitated by Michelle who, by putting us in the same room to bunk down, was clearly creating the opening for me to get closer to Vicky. Once we were alone, though, my worst fear was either coming on too strong by misjudging the situation and blowing any opportunity I may have had; I could just imagine Vicky slapping me across the face in anger and ordering me out of the room. “Get off me Chris, what on earth do you think you are doing?”, or worse still not being forthright enough with my feelings and slipping into the quicksand of the ‘friend zone’, a place that is almost impossible to climb out of once there and is a path I sensed we were already travelling down.
No, I needed her to see me as the man that I am. The man who deeply desires her, but who does so in a gentle, respectful way. Ultimately, to be sure she would reciprocate any approach I needed her to come to me. I would never force myself on her physically but once she leaned in to give me that first kiss, I was able to unleash my passion. To show her how serious I am about her. So waking up this morning in each other’s arms, I am so so happy that she warmed to my advances and although the setting was far from the romantic ideal I would have envisioned for my seduction (an airbed on my sister’s living room floor!) in the end it didn’t matter as we spent the night getting closer and closer to each other.
Although things did get pretty heated at one point, I held back and didn’t allow things to go any further because I know she’s still technically involved with Jeremy, and despite the obvious passion which threatened to consume both of us, I didn’t want her to wake up this morning being any more conflicted than she already is. He’s due to come over this afternoon to hang out with us all, and although inwardly I feel quite smug that I’ve managed to draw her away from him, I can only appreciate how difficult today is going to be for Vicky to manage.
“You’ll need to give me time Chris,” she’d said to me at some point in the early hours whilst we were lying in each other’s arms. “I need to find the right moment to break it off with him, and this afternoon when we won’t have any time to be alone is not fair on him. He’s really into me. He’s told me he loves me, so can we cool it please, at least until I’ve spoken to him? He’s going to be hurt, and I need to find a way to let him down gently.”
“Of course,” I say reassuringly. “Just don’t take too long. I’ve wanted you from the very first moment I saw you, Vicky. The instant I set eyes on you that afternoon in your office, I knew then that you belong in my arms, so of course I’ll be patient, but please put the poor guy out of his misery sooner rather than later.”
She looks over at me sharply and I can’t work out if she’s annoyed or flattered. “You wanted me from the very first moment you saw me? So seducing me last night was all just part of your master plan? To get laid while you were over here on holiday, fill in a bit of time while you’re travelling, and I just happened to be the first girl you met. I’m just another notch on your bedpost?” She’s clearly annoyed and that’s obviously not what I meant.
“No, not at all, you great big goose,” I try to lighten the tone as I wrap my arms around her once again. “You don’t understand at all, do you? I had absolutely no intentions of getting involved with anyone while I was here, but the minute I saw you, the absolute second I laid my eyes on you, Vicky, everything changed. I knew instantly I wanted to hold you and smell your sweet body next to mine, to kiss your soft beautiful lips,” I lean in and kiss her gently as if to emphasise my point, “to make you mine.” I finish my monologue with another tender kiss, so she appreciates the sincerity of my words. I mean what I’m saying. I mean every word. I’ve never felt an intensity like this for anyone before.
“I’m not sure what to make of all of this, Chris… to make of you… to make of us,” she gestures in a circular motion indicating the two of us. “You
’ve had weeks to process this, to plan this. This has all just happened for me in one night and it’s all very overwhelming. All my common sense is telling me that we shouldn’t get involved, that we should just stay friends and not make things complicated. Meanwhile, my body is loving being here next to you, but my mind is racing with a million, billion, unanswered questions. We live on opposite sides of the planet for God’s sake. I may not be in love with my boyfriend, but I know he’s in love with me and I have no idea how to handle that. You don’t even have a proper job for fuck’s sake. I feel like we’ve just opened Pandora’s box, or should I say you have. Can you see why I’m so messed up? You decided weeks ago that you were going to make this happen, you’ve had time to adjust.”
“Well that’s not actually 100% accurate,” I interject. “In Greece I decided I was going to let it go, to let you go, even before anything got started.”
“Really? Why?” She turns her head sharply towards me. Based on what already happened last night between us, this new information clearly surprises her.
“Lots of reasons, including some of the things you’ve just said. I was driving myself crazy every time I was anywhere near you but couldn’t be with you, and even more so when I had to watch you with him. I wasn’t sure you would be interested in me. Like you, I have absolutely no idea what the future will hold, and Mellie even warned me away from you, the very first night I came to stay with you both in Wotton Bassett.”
“Mel did what? Why would she do that?”
“Oh, she wasn’t being nasty or anything. She just didn’t want me to screw things up between you and Jeremy. She thinks he’s good for you.”
“Well I see you clearly took her warning seriously - not!”
“Even though my instincts were clearly correct,” I say as I tap the end of her nose with my index finger, “I wasn’t confident you would want me, but despite the decision I’d made in Greece, as soon as I saw you again last night, Vicky, when you walked through the door with Mellie, my heart just stopped and I knew it was now or never. I have a feeling Michelle thought the same which is why she engineered it for us to sleep in the same room.”
Belonging: Two hearts, two continents, one all-consuming passion. (Victoria in Love Book 1) Page 15
