by Dilly Court
‘Oh, Gideon, I have, but it’s confusing. I do care for you, very much, but I had to be sure.’
‘Sure of what? I don’t understand.’
‘I had to be sure that you weren’t just being a gentleman, and that you weren’t offering me marriage because you felt responsible for me in some way. After all, we hardly know each other.’
He answered her with a kiss that robbed her of breath, reason and possibly sanity. The stable yard and the drunken grooms and soldiers melted into nothingness. The world about them ceased to exist and she was intoxicated with the heady masculine scent of his body, and the familiar aroma of Macassar oil and saddle leather. His lips were tender and yet demanding and she gave herself up to the pleasure and heart-stopping sweetness of the moment.
‘Private Ellis, this won’t do.’
The jovial sound of Joe Benson’s voice shattered the dream, and Lottie gasped for air like a swimmer coming up from the deep.
‘Leave us alone, Joe,’ Gideon said, chuckling. ‘You’re just jealous because I’ve got the most beautiful girl in the world.’
‘I won’t argue with that, mate.’ Joe turned to Lottie with a broad grin. ‘Glad you sorted him out, miss. He’s been a miserable devil since you left Chatham.’
‘Thanks, mate.’ Gideon slipped his arm around Lottie’s waist. ‘Now go away. Lottie and I have a lot to talk about.’
Joe shrugged and ambled off to join his fellow sappers.
‘I’ve been miserable too,’ Lottie said earnestly. ‘I’ve had to put a brave face on it, but there wasn’t a day went by when I didn’t wish I could see you to make things right between us.’
He laid his finger on her lips. ‘There’s no need. I understand, and I love you all the more for being honest with me. Although,’ he added smiling ruefully, ‘I couldn’t see it at the time.’
‘You didn’t tell me that you loved me, Gideon.’
‘I thought you knew how I felt, Lottie. I thought women sensed that sort of thing without having to be told.’
‘Maybe someone like Lady Aurelia has that intuitive power, but I didn’t know how you felt. I needed to be told.’
‘I’m telling you now, Charlotte Lane. I’m not a poet or even very good with words, but I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you.’
A gurgle of laughter rose to her lips. ‘You didn’t even know your own name then, my boy.’
‘I might not have known who I was, but I knew you. It was as if you’d always been there in my heart and in my head. I am your boy, Lottie. I am your man, and always will be, no matter what.’
A cold shiver ran down her spine and it was not just the cool breeze that wafted through the stable yard. ‘And I am yours for ever, Gideon. I’m going to the Crimea with Lady Aurelia and I’ll be close to you.’
He kissed her again, to the accompaniment of whistles and shouts of encouragement from his comrades.
Lottie pushed him away gently, holding him at a safe distance with her hands flat on his uniformed chest. ‘I have to go. Lady Aurelia might be looking for me.’
He covered her hands with his. ‘I don’t know exactly when we’ll be leaving, but I must see you again.’
‘We’re staying at Mrs Kempson’s lodging house in the High Street. Anybody will be able to give you directions; she’s well known in this town.’
‘If I asked you to marry me now, would you accept? I would be far happier to know that you were safe in England than risking your life abroad.’
‘No, Gideon. That wouldn’t do at all. I want to be where you are, and I have a duty to Lady Aurelia. I have a feeling that she needs me more than she would ever admit. I’ll follow you with a glad heart, and I’ll share the danger with you. I’m not a meek and mild little woman who would ever be content to sit at home and wait.’
They parted with one last, lingering kiss, and then Lottie hurried back to the ballroom. Her joy on being reunited with Gideon and on hearing him declare his love for her was tinged with fear and sadness. They had been thrown together, but for how long?
Chapter Nine
Lottie lived for the brief moments she was able to spend with Gideon, although they were rarely alone. Colonel Dashwood had decided to remain at the barracks to oversee the important business of getting the Telegraph Detachment and the telegraph wagons ready for embarkation at the beginning of November. His visits to the lodging house in the High Street were brief and infrequent, and it was Gillingham, accompanied by Gideon, who called at every available opportunity. Quite how he managed to arrange it was as much a mystery to Lottie as it was to Aurelia, who seemed to think it a huge joke. Lottie was not convinced that the colonel would be amused if he knew that the man he sent bearing messages of love and bouquets of flowers was a rival for his wife’s affections. It was clear to Lottie that the colonel had lost the fight almost before it had begun.
Aurelia was a different woman now that she had been reunited with Gillingham. Her megrims were forgotten and the laudanum bottle put aside. She rarely expressed the desire for a glass of brandy, and she bloomed like a rare and delicate flower. Her skin glowed with health and her eyes sparkled. Lottie was happy in her own right, but it was a deep, serene calm that had taken hold of her spirit now that she knew Gideon loved her. Even so, she was afraid for her mistress and for Gillingham, whose whole future was at risk even before he had set foot on the battlefield.
Lottie confided her worries to Gideon on one of the rare occasions when they had time to themselves at Aurelia’s lodgings. ‘It will end badly,’ she said, sighing. ‘I can’t believe that the colonel is so blind that he cannot see what’s going on under his nose.’
Gideon held her close as they sat side by side on the uncomfortable sofa. ‘There’s nothing we can do about it, sweetheart. Gillingham knows the risks he’s running, and he obviously thinks she’s worth it.’
Lottie angled her head so that she could look him in the eye. ‘You don’t like her, do you?’
‘It’s not a question of like or dislike. She’s my commanding officer’s wife, and her father is an earl. She’s so far above me that I get dizzy from looking up to her, but I don’t approve of what she’s doing.’
‘And yet you don’t disapprove of Gillingham. That doesn’t seem fair.’
Gideon kissed her on the forehead. ‘I think he’s a fool, but he’s besotted, and there’s nothing that I or anyone else can do about it.’
‘You think he’s a fool to be so deeply in love that nothing else matters?’
He drew her into his arms and kissed her, but, from the street below, the sound of someone hammering on the door knocker made them draw apart.
‘Mrs Kempson will see who it is.’ Lottie slid her arms around his neck and parted her lips, waiting for him to take her to the point of desire when it was dangerous to go any further, but the sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs was followed by a sharp knock on the door.
‘I’ve an urgent message for Lieutenant Gillingham.’
Gideon stiffened. ‘That sounds ominous.’ He rose to his feet, straightened his tunic and moved quickly to open the door.
He stepped outside, and Lottie sat very still, straining her ears in an attempt to hear what was being said. Moments later he reappeared. ‘We’ve had the call to duty, my love. I’ll rouse the lieutenant and then we’ll have to leave you.’
She rose to her feet. ‘What does it mean?’
‘It looks like our ship has arrived in dock.’ He seized both her hands and raised them to his lips in a brief salute. ‘This is it, Lottie. It looks as if we’ll be leaving very soon.’ He released her and went to knock on Lady Aurelia’s door.
‘Sorry to disturb you, sir, but orders have come. We must leave right away.’
A muffled voice answered and then Gillingham appeared, smoothing his hair and adjusting the high collar of his jacket. ‘I’m ready, Private Ellis.’
Aurelia appeared behind him. ‘Does this mean we’re all leaving for the Crimea? Why wasn’t I told sooner?’
‘I don’t know, my love,’ Gillingham said gently. ‘Perhaps the colonel wants to tell you in person.’
She tossed her head. ‘Heaven knows I’m used to his sudden departures, but it doesn’t usually involve me. I need to know urgently, Farrell. I can’t pack and be ready in a blink of an eye.’
He clasped her hand to his cheek. ‘I can’t tell you what I don’t know, but Ellis and I have to leave immediately.’ He kissed each of her fingers in turn. ‘Always remember that I love you, Aurelia.’ He turned to Gideon. ‘Come along, Private. You’ve had plenty of time to say goodbye.’
Gideon blew a kiss to Lottie as he followed Gillingham out of the apartment. The door closed with a bang and they were gone.
Aurelia’s bottom lip trembled. ‘They can’t leave without us. Start packing, Lottie.’
Lottie spent the rest of the afternoon filling the cabin trunk and the various cases and portmanteaux with little or no help from her mistress. Aurelia sat on the bed issuing instructions as to which ball gown she would take and those she would send home to Chatham. At any other time Lottie would have demanded to know what good a ball gown would be in camp, but she knew better than to ask questions of a woman teetering on the brink of losing self-control. Aurelia’s blue eyes were red-rimmed and her fingers plucked nervously at the counterpane. ‘I don’t understand it,’ she said angrily. ‘Why hasn’t Dashwood sent word to tell me what is happening?’
Lottie folded a shot silk gown carefully and laid it in the trunk. ‘I don’t know, my lady.’
‘It’s ridiculous.’ Aurelia stood up and walked to the window. ‘Heaven help us. There’s that dreadful old hag and I do believe she’s heading this way.’ She crossed the floor and leaped back onto the bed. ‘Tell her I’m ill. Tell her anything, but don’t let her near me.’
‘I’ll do my best.’ Lottie abandoned the packing and went into the next room, where she waited for the inevitable tap on the door. She went to open it and Cordelia Fothergill brushed past her.
‘I want to see Lady Aurelia.’
‘I’m afraid she is indisposed, ma’am.’ It was a well-rehearsed sentence that tripped off Lottie’s lips without her having to stop and think.
‘Nonsense. I saw Lieutenant Gillingham leaving the building earlier. Anyway, she will see me as I have something important to impart. We’ve received orders and I need to pass them on. Kindly ask her to rise from her sick bed.’
Lottie could see that Mrs Fothergill’s mind was made up, and it seemed useless to continue with the charade. ‘Very well, ma’am. Please wait and I’ll see if her ladyship is well enough to receive visitors.’
Aurelia climbed out of bed reluctantly and moved like a sleepwalker to the dressing table. ‘I heard what she said. Hateful creature.’ She smoothed a curl into place and reached for the rouge pot. ‘I don’t want the old bitch to see me looking pale and wan.’
‘I think she might have news of our departure date, my lady.’
‘I’ll have something to say to Dashwood when I next see him. How dare he leave me to find out what’s happening from that person.’ Aurelia straightened up, braced her shoulders and marched into the drawing room.
‘Cordelia, how kind of you to pay us a visit. What brings you here?’
‘I see that your maid is packing,’ Mrs Fothergill said, glancing through the open door. ‘It is a little premature, my dear.’
‘Really? How so?’
‘We are not to travel on the troop ship. Orders have come from the top, so there is nothing that our respective husbands can do about it, although I myself am far from disappointed.’
‘Are we not to accompany them to the Crimea?’ Despite her outward show of calm, Aurelia’s voice broke on a suppressed sob.
‘You have not been well, my lady,’ Lottie said urgently. ‘Won’t you sit down?’
Mrs Fothergill’s lip curled disdainfully. ‘Your maid has a lot to say for herself, Lady Aurelia. I keep Cole well and truly in her place.’
‘I think I know how to treat my servants, Cordelia. Please say whatever it was you came here to say.’
‘The vessel taking our men to the Crimea has to pick up another contingent from Plymouth and there will be no room for civilians. We will travel at a later date, which has yet to be decided.’
‘Of course I knew this was a possibility,’ Aurelia said coldly. ‘Dashwood keeps me informed of all such matters.’
‘Then it seems it must have slipped his mind this time.’ Mrs Fothergill’s voice was silky smooth but her eyes flashed with malice.
Lottie had to curb the desire to throw the hateful woman out of the apartment, but Aurelia seemed to have no such reservations. She moved swiftly to the door and opened it. ‘Thank you for calling, Cordelia. Let’s hope the weather doesn’t deteriorate too much before we eventually set sail. Mal de mer is a beastly affliction, so I hope you are a good sailor.’
This sudden change of topic seemed to throw Mrs Fothergill off track. Her startled expression was replaced by one of studied nonchalance. ‘I come from a long line of seafarers,’ she said icily. ‘My great-grandfather was a vice admiral.’
‘Really?’ Aurelia uttered a mirthless laugh. ‘One of my ancestors was a privateer, but he used his wealth to good effect and was granted lands and a title by Good Queen Bess.’
‘Well, I must be going,’ Mrs Fothergill said hastily. ‘I’ll keep you up to date with travel arrangements.’ She whisked out of the room. ‘I’ll see myself out.’
Aurelia slammed the door. ‘Good riddance, I say. Pour me a large brandy, Lottie. I’m in need of resuscitation after that ordeal by Fothergill.’
‘I’m so sorry, my lady. That woman has no tact and no feeling.’ Lottie measured a small tot of brandy into a glass and gave it to her mistress. ‘Are you all right?’
Aurelia twirled the glass in her hand, staring into the amber liquid. ‘I don’t know why she hates me so much, Lottie. What have I ever done to her?’
‘She’s just jealous, my lady. You are everything she wishes to be but is not.’
‘I don’t know if that is true, but you are such a comfort to me, Lottie.’
‘I am?’ Lottie stared at her in amazement. ‘But I’m just a servant.’
‘You’re more than that. You are probably the only true friend I have in the whole world, and I need you now, more than ever.’
‘I don’t understand.’
Aurelia raised her head to look Lottie in the eye. ‘I will tell you now because it will soon become apparent to all, but I am, in common parlance, in the family way.’
‘You are?’ Lottie was at a loss for words. She did not know whether to congratulate her mistress or to commiserate as there was no joy in the announcement.
‘I am.’ Aurelia fixed her with a hard stare. ‘Don’t tell anyone, especially Gideon. If my husband finds out he’ll forbid me to travel.’
‘But is it wise to undertake such a journey, my lady? Wouldn’t it be better for you and the child to remain here in England where you are safe from harm?’
Aurelia shrugged and shook her head. ‘Childbirth is unsafe wherever the mother happens to be. I might easily die, and the baby too. I’ve no intention of being left behind. I will be close to the man I love, and that is more important to me than anything.’
‘More important than the child you carry?’
‘Yes it is, if I’m honest. Does that sound wicked and heartless?’
‘I don’t know, my lady. I can’t imagine being in your position, so I couldn’t say.’
‘Well, I’ve made the decision and you are the only one who knows about it.’
‘When is it due, my lady?’
‘I’m not sure, but I think it will February or March, but it will be winter when we finally arrive in the Crimea and I will be swaddled in fur, so I should be able to keep my condition hidden for quite some time.’
‘But the colonel will have to know,’ Lottie suggested tentatively. ‘You won’t be able to conceal your condition
for much longer.’
‘I’ll tell him when the time is right, but until then it is our secret. I’m relying on you, Lottie. Don’t fail me now.’
They were at supper that evening when Colonel Dashwood arrived. Lottie ushered him into the parlour, where Aurelia was just finishing her meal. She looked up, unsmiling.
‘Dashwood, this is a surprise.’
He moved swiftly to her side. ‘My dear, I must apologise for not coming sooner, but our orders came through just as the ship docked, and everything had to be organised in a hurry.’
‘You could have written a note. I’m sure that wouldn’t have taken up too much of your valuable time.’
He pulled up a chair and sat down beside her. ‘Now, now, my love. I understand that you’re angry and perhaps a little disappointed not to be travelling with me.’
‘I am exceedingly upset, as you can see.’ Aurelia pushed her plate away. ‘What are you going to do about it?’
‘The reason I’m so tardy in coming to see you is because I have been attempting to make alternative arrangements for you and your maid.’
Aurelia leaped to her feet. ‘What are you saying? Are you going back on your word?’
‘No, my dear. It’s just that you will have to be patient and wait a while longer.’
‘How long?’ Aurelia demanded angrily. ‘Or is this just an excuse, and I am to sit the war out in this horrible apartment?’
‘No, of course not. Be reasonable, Aurelia. Our transport is overfull and is no place for a lady, or ladies, as the case may be. I’ve booked passage for you and Miss Lane on a vessel in three weeks’ time.’
‘Three weeks, Dashwood? Do you mean to say I have to kick my heels in this dreary town for another three weeks?’
‘I’m afraid you have no choice, my love. Mrs Fothergill and her maid will be travelling on the same vessel, and I’m sending Hansford with you, so you will be quite safe.’
‘Cordelia will hate life in camp,’ Aurelia said crossly. ‘She’ll do nothing but complain.’
