She’d thought this sense of connection would have faded over time, but it hadn’t.
His eyes burned into hers. She could tell he wanted to kiss her. And she wanted that too.
But Mary’s warning—and Alicia’s—were still too fresh. She took a deep breath. “Coffee?”
A second passed, and then another, before Levi broke his gaze. “Yes. Coming right up.”
She followed him into the kitchen, a warm, inviting place with honey-colored, shaker-styled cabinets and butcher-block counters. Levi gestured for her to sit at the table while he ground coffee and put a kettle to boil.
Levi moved around his kitchen with the same relaxed ease he did everything. That was one of the many things she admired about him. No matter the circumstances—including preparing coffee for an ex-lover—he was never flustered.
“Remember the time we ran into that female black bear and her cub at Algonquin Park?” she asked. They had been on a post-graduation camping expedition that extended all the way to Ontario, Canada. Encountering the bear and her cub had been a memorable highlight.
Levi paused in the middle of measuring coffee into the French press. “You were upset you didn’t get any pictures.”
“That was later. In the moment I never even thought about my camera. I was so scared, if you hadn’t stayed so calm, I would have run away screaming.” Which would have been the wrong thing to do. Running might have incited the bear to give chase.
Levi had known this. He’d put his arm around Grace and spoken calmly to the bear. “We’re going to back up and leave you and your cub in peace. No need to get worked up.”
His message had been for Grace. The sound of his voice—firm and steady—had been for the bear.
And it had worked out exactly as Levi had said it would. The bear had watched quietly as they retreated, then turned back to foraging for plant roots and insects.
“Do you still feel scared when you run into bears?” Levi asked.
“Not as long as they’re not too close. Thanks to you I know how to react now. I’ve even become so calm that once I’ve retreated to a safe distance, I’ve been able to get some wonderful pictures of both black bears and grizzlies.”
“You have,” Levi said. “I especially love the one of the three cubs in your newest book.”
“Thank you.” She had commercial success and critical acclaim, but nothing felt as good as Levi’s approval.
The kettle boiled and Levi added the water to the French press. She focused on his hands as he carried two mugs and the coffee to the kitchen table. They were strong and capable, but also elegant, with the long, nimble fingers of an artist.
She brought her mind back to their conversation. “No matter how often I encounter a bear in the wilderness, I’m always reminded of that first time. With you.”
Levi let her words hang in the air for several long seconds before he answered. “We had a lot of memorable firsts.” His eyes were kind and loving as he reached for her hand. “Like in the back of my truck cuddled up in our sleeping blankets.”
“I wondered if you would go there.”
“Damn right I would. One of my favorite memories. Definitely better than the bear one.”
“Agreed.” His hand felt so warm and protective over hers. At that moment she wanted two things. To sit here with him forever. And to be back in that old truck of his, exploring each other’s bodies.
“Tell me,” he said, still holding her hand. “Why are you in such a hurry to go back to Manhattan? I was hoping you’d stay a while longer. You owe me a chess rematch. We could get out for some more hikes. You could come here for dinner. I’d like you to meet my daughter.” He frowned, slightly. “She isn’t usually so elusive.”
“That sounds tempting, it really does.” She slipped her hand out from under his. “But at some point, I’ll have to go back to Manhattan. And then to Costa Rica. And after that there’ll be another trip. There always is.” That was her life and right now it felt like an albatross, but Grace knew she couldn’t give it up.
Levi looked troubled. “Do we have to plan out the future? Couldn’t we just take this week?”
Grace wanted to say yes. More than anything she longed to prolong her time with Levi. But Levi’s mother, Alicia—hell, probably half the town. Everyone seemed to think that Grace had the ability to break Levi’s heart.
None seemed to worry about him breaking hers though.
“We could take this week,” she agreed. “But wouldn’t that make it even harder to say goodbye?”
Levi let out a long breath. He looked like he wanted to argue the point. But eventually he just said, “So…driving to the city?”
She nodded. “Driving to the city.”
“We better load you with caffeine then.” He plunged the French press and poured out the coffee. “Careful, it’s still hot.” He took a sip, then remembered. “You take milk. Let me—”
“I’ve got it.” She was already on her feet, making her way to the fridge on the far side of the kitchen. She was about to open the door when she noticed the photos. At least a dozen were affixed to the fridge door. Grace recognized Levi, his parents, and a pretty woman she assumed was Levi’s deceased wife Maggie. But the person who most snagged her interest was the girl—Levi’s daughter. She was a baby in her mother’s arms in one photograph, an awkward pre-teen with braces being hugged by her grandparents in another. In a more recent photo she had bloomed into a lovely young woman with honey-colored hair and Levi’s thickly lashed gray eyes.
Grace leaned closer for a better look. Those eyes. How had she not realized right away?
“Is something wrong?” Levi asked.
“Your daughter…she’s very beautiful.” Another picture caught Grace’s attention. This one included a tall and very skinny young man with thick, unruly black hair. The very same young man who had accompanied “Rae Stedwell” on her trip to Manhattan to interview Grace.
It was taking a while to sink in.
Rae Stedwell was actually Levi’s daughter Jessica.
This must explain why Levi’s daughter was being so uncharacteristically elusive. She didn’t want Grace to find out who she really was.
But why had she encouraged Grace to attend the Woodland Autumn Foliage Festival in the first place? Had she been trying to stir up trouble? Or—could this even be possible—doing a little matchmaking?
Whatever Jessica’s motives, she clearly hadn’t told her father any of it. And Grace decided, in that instant, she wouldn’t either.
October 30, 1999
New York University
Dear Levi,
Thank you for the beautiful ink drawing of the campus pigeons. That’s so sweet that you sneak extra toast at breakfast so you can feed them.
I’m not surprised you keep falling asleep in your econ class. I bet you wouldn’t fall asleep if you were studying something you were actually interested in, like art or biology. I know you feel lucky to have a family business to inherit. And you love Woodland. But there is so much to see and do in this world.
Maybe instead of spending Thanksgiving with your folks, we should spend it here in the city? I’d love to take you to the Frans Lanting show. And to the Guggenheim. And birding in Central Park. We could have so much fun! What do you say?
Chapter Eleven
Levi didn’t know if it was the coffee or his emotions that were burning the hole in his gut. His every instinct was to hold on to Grace, to keep her in Woodland, to make her see they belonged together. But she was going to leave.
He couldn’t argue with her logic for not staying. A week together might be fantastic, but it definitely would make it harder to say goodbye. And if this week had taught him anything, it was that his daughter still needed him. He’d been so preoccupied with the festival—and Grace—he hadn’t been here for her. And that made him feel awful.
After Maggie’s accident, he’d stood at her deathbed in the hospital and promised he would look after their child. He’d promised he woul
d keep Maggie’s memory alive for her and that he would always put Jessica first.
Up until this week Levi believed he’d lived up to that promise. But there was no denying that Grace had distracted him.
Was distracting him now.
He wished she’d come back to the table and continue their conversation, but she was looking at the family photos on his fridge with an almost excessive interest. He supposed it was because she’d never met Jess.
“Almost every year I add a picture to the collection. Jess teases me that I’m going to run out of fridge door soon.”
Grace came back to the table with the carton of milk. She added some to her coffee, then asked, “This is probably a silly question, but does Jess know about me? That you and I used to date when we were in high school.”
“It’s funny you ask that. Because the subject did come up, about three weeks ago. Jess asked me about any girlfriends I had before her mother.”
“That is…funny.” Grace stirred her coffee, her expression pensive.
“She seemed pleased when she heard you were coming to the festival. Which is why I’m surprised she hasn’t been around to meet you.”
“It’s curious, isn’t it…”
“I can only guess she’s having problems with her friend Max and she’s not thinking about anything else. Teenagers can be a little self-centered.” Levi paused to reflect. “It’s crazy how fast it all happens. One minute you’re changing diapers. The next, your kid is leaving for college.”
Grace took a sip of her coffee, then smiled. “She hasn’t left yet.”
“No. We still have this year.” And though he’d slipped up a bit the past few weeks, he still intended to make the most of this final time.
Grace took another sip of coffee. “And you’ll really be okay if college inspires her to go in a different direction than Woodland and the general store? Lots of things could happen. She could develop a passion for, say, journalism. Or fall in love with a guy who wants to live in Texas.”
Levi didn’t know whether to laugh or groan. “That’s every parent’s dilemma I guess. You hope your kids end up settling somewhere close to home. But you can’t clip their wings. Their happiness and fulfillment has to be the ultimate goal.”
“Said the man who is the perfect father. Not every parent is so evolved in their thinking.”
There was a note of bitterness in her voice. “Are you thinking of any parents in particular when you say that?”
“I probably shouldn’t say this, but after seeing your paintings, I can’t help feeling upset that you weren’t allowed to pursue your interest in the arts.”
“It wasn’t that my parents didn’t allow that. It just never came up.” He felt honor-bound to defend his parents. However, Grace had a point. Neither of his parents had let him know he had options, which was why he was so determined not to make that mistake with Jessica.
“So you never wonder what would have happened if you’d come to college in New York with me and studied the arts?”
“I still probably would have ended up running the general store and sketching and painting as a hobby.” And if this wasn’t entirely true, what did it matter? Every decision he’d made that had led to Jessica being born was a decision he couldn’t regret. And giving up Grace…well, that one was in her court. Even if he’d followed her to New York, they’d probably have broken up.
He noticed Grace’s cup was empty. “More coffee?”
“I should get going.” She took her mug to the sink and rinsed it out.
The burning sensation in his gut got worse. As he walked her to the door, he told himself it would go away soon. A few weeks from now he’d forget all about Grace Hamilton and her brief reappearance in his life.
Once she’d put on her boots he picked up the painting of the bluebird. “I’ll carry this out for you.”
It wasn’t so big or heavy that she couldn’t do it herself. Maybe he was just being polite. Or maybe he was postponing the inevitable goodbye. Levi didn’t understand his own motives at this point.
Grace took the blanket she kept in her car for emergencies and wrapped it around the painting. He then placed it snugly between two boxes so it wouldn’t rattle around. Finally they were at that moment where Grace had to get behind the wheel. He opened the driver-side door for her, but she paused before slipping inside.
“I’m not sure whether coming to Woodland was such a good idea after all. But I’m glad I got to see you again, Levi. It’s…meant a lot to me.”
He should have said something short and conclusive at that point. Something like. Me too. Look us up if you’re down this way again. Drive safe.
But he made the mistake of gazing into her eyes—so large and blue and glazed with tears—and he couldn’t look away. And then, as if it had been preprogramed by biology or fate, they were reaching for one another. He cupped one side of her face and slowly brought his lips to meet hers.
He thought she gave a small sob and he pulled back.
“Don’t stop,” she pleaded. She put her hand behind his head and pulled him back to her.
This deeper kiss made him crazy with wanting her, pushed caution and reason right out of his mind. “Can’t you stay,” he whispered between kisses, “at least one more night?”
“Is that all you want?”
“Of course not. I wish things were different…that we could have more.”
“We could.” She pressed her nose against his, something she’d done when they were younger and she wanted him to focus on what she was saying. “I’m only three hours away in Manhattan.”
The idea filled him with excitement…but also fear. “What about the Costa Rica trip? And the trip after that?”
“Don’t overthink this. One step at a time.”
Levi pulled back so he could see her eyes. It amazed him that this beautiful, accomplished woman could really want a small-town man like himself. But if he went…what if he disappointed her? And then there was his daughter. This definitely wasn’t the time to start a long-distance affair.
“I wish I was the sort of man who could head off on adventures with you. But if I was that kind of man, I probably would have joined you in New York when we were both eighteen.”
As the glow of hope left her eyes, Grace dropped her arms to her sides. At that same moment he heard a faint chime from his phone in his back pocket—a signal he was getting a text message, probably from his daughter.
And sanity returned.
He brushed her fine hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. He thought of many things he wanted to say to her. Many things he ought to say to her. But in the end, all he managed was, “Drive safe.”
And then he let her go.
*
Grace blinked back tears and blew her way through an entire packet of tissues on her way to the interstate. She didn’t know if she was crying because of sadness or frustration or anger. Probably it was all three. Plus a whole lot of confusion.
The connection between her and Levi still felt so strong. So why was he so dead set against a relationship? The excuses he gave—his daughter, his store, the fact that they lived in different places—none of them were insurmountable. Couldn’t they meet on weekends? Take the occasional trip together?
His daughter wasn’t ten—she was almost an adult. Yet Levi seemed to feel he was needed twenty-four seven. Maybe he was. She’d never been a parent, how would she know?
“Enough,” she told herself when it came time to merge onto the multi-laned highway. She needed to focus on the road and her driving.
She selected an upbeat jazz playlist from her phone and took a long drink from the water bottle in her cup holder. Leaving would have been much easier if Levi hadn’t gone and kissed her at the end like that. Though it wasn’t fair to blame just him, since they had sort of melted into one another at the same time.
No, she couldn’t blame him for the kiss. But she did blame him for offering her a night of his life, like it was some sort of conso
lation prize.
Fortunately the weather was good and the traffic was light. She’d been on the road for an hour—one-third of the way home—when Alicia called. Her phone was connected with Bluetooth, but Grace let it go through to messages. After a few minutes, she couldn’t stop herself from playing the recording.
“Hey Grace, we’re still at the barbecue but we’ll be coming home soon. If you haven’t left town yet, please don’t go. I feel awful about what happened at the barbecue. And you shouldn’t be on the road by yourself so late. Please let’s…” At this point the background noise grew so loud Grace couldn’t hear the rest of what Alicia had to say. She waited for the click signaling the end of the message and then erased it.
When she got home, she would send a text letting Alicia know she’d arrived safely, but she would wait a few days before calling Alicia back. She was still too hurt, too angry. In a way she could understand Mary Shanahan stepping over the line tonight—she was Levi’s mother and obviously would put his interests ahead of Grace’s.
But Alicia was supposed to be her best friend. Only, she sure hadn’t acted like it tonight.
Another thirty minutes passed. Grace was used to long drives on her own, often at night. But tonight she felt intolerably lonely. She ran though the short list of people she could call at this hour.
Her parents—no, they would sense she was upset and want to know what the problem was.
Alicia—she’d already decided against that.
Which left her landlord Harvey. Hoping he would be home—unlike her, Harvey did have an active social life—Grace made the call.
“How’s my favorite tenant?” Harvey said, picking up on the first ring.
“You mean your only tenant? On my way home. So don’t panic if you hear noises in my flat later tonight.”
“I won’t. But if I hear the popping of a cork, I may come over.”
She laughed despite her terrible mood. “That’s unlikely to happen. Not much to celebrate.”
“You’re upset. I can hear it in your voice. Want to talk, sweetheart? I’ve got my Netflix on hold and a full glass of red.”
Letters From Grace Page 12
