Letters From Grace

by C. J. Carmichael

  “It’s enough to hear your friendly voice. I’ve had enough of my hometown and the so-called friends who live there. I wouldn’t say I was run out of town. But it sort of feels that way.”

  “They didn’t love your photographs? Your beautiful new book?” Harvey sounded scandalized.

  “Oh, they were supportive of my art. What they didn’t like was me getting too friendly with my ex-boyfriend.”

  “Ohhh, this sounds scandalous. Don’t tell me. He’s married.”

  “Harvey,” she admonished. “You think I’d go after some woman’s husband? No, he isn’t married. He’s widowed.”

  “So where’s the problem then?”

  “Exactly. Levi and I are two, consenting, available adults. Yet everyone in town—including my best girlfriend—treated me like I was a praying mantis after the town’s most eligible bachelor.”

  “Is he? The most eligible bachelor?”

  “Probably.” In her eyes he certainly was. “In the over-thirty category, anyway.”

  Harvey laughed. “I’m surprised you let those busybodies push you around, girl.”

  She thought over Levi’s invitation to stay another week, or at least one night. A part of her had been tempted to accept. But Levi had made it very clear he had nothing more to offer.

  “Here’s the strangest part. Remember me telling you about the grade twelve student who came to Manhattan to interview me?”

  “I do. She was the one who suggested you go to the Woodland Autumn Foliage Festival in the first place.”

  “That girl turned out to be Levi’s daughter, Jessica.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes. I just figured that out tonight when I saw pictures of her on Levi’s fridge.”

  “Does Levi know his daughter came to see you?”

  “He has no idea. But what do you think her motive was?”

  “Are you kidding? This is a plot straight from a Disney movie. She was trying to get you and her father back together.”

  “I wondered if that was it. Only it didn’t work.”

  “Disney plots rarely transfer well to real life. Are you going to call her on it?”

  “I don’t think so. I’ll probably never see Jess…” or Levi “…again.”

  “You’re letting her off easy if you ask me. But you’re probably right to move on. Speaking of which, you’re welcome to come help me finish this bottle of red when you get home.”

  “You’re the best, Harvey. I may just do that.”

  *

  “I thought you were staying overnight at your grandparents?” Levi was sitting on the porch when Jess appeared a few minutes after ten. He’d been here since Grace left, mulling over the events of the last week, reliving the intensity of their parting kiss, and generally feeling like he had somehow mucked up his entire life in just seven days.

  “Changed my mind.” Jess, dressed in jeans and a hoodie, her hair in a ponytail, was standing outside the pool of light cast from the porch, so he couldn’t see her face.

  “Good. You’ve been a bit too elusive the past few days. Let’s go inside.” He pushed himself out of the wicker chair and went to open the door. As Jess walked by he wasn’t reassured by her expression. She looked unhappy. And she had dots by her eyes again, a sure sign she’d been crying.

  Jess paused in the foyer. She looked through to the kitchen, where two coffee cups and the French press still sat on the table, then to the grouping of paintings, with the obvious blank space where the bluebird had been.

  “You’ve had company. Was it Grace?”

  “Yes, Sherlock.”

  He expected Jess to laugh, or at least smile. But all she said was, “I heard she left the barbecue early and then you ran after her.”

  He knew word traveled quickly in Woodland, but this was ridiculous. “Who told you that?”

  “Grandma. I don’t think she likes Grace much.”

  Levi studied his daughter’s face. She wasn’t meeting his eyes—it was almost as if she felt guilty about something. Maybe it was the fact she’d been chatting about him with her grandmother behind his back.

  “Grace has gone back to Manhattan, so it doesn’t much matter what your grandma thinks of her. Want some hot cocoa and toast?”

  He’d started the hot cocoa and toast routine when she was a little girl. Jess had been tracking underweight for her age, and the family doctor had suggested a bedtime snack.

  Once the snack was ready they sat at the kitchen table as usual.

  “Tell me what’s going on,” he asked his daughter. “It’s not like you to miss a town barbecue. Is it Max?”

  Jess’s eyes flooded with tears. “I don’t want to talk about him right now.” She dipped her toast in the cocoa, then set it back on the plate.

  Misery came off her in waves and Levi’s heart ached for her. “I don’t want to pry. I just hate seeing you so sad.”

  “There’s nothing you can do. Max is dating other people, and he doesn’t have time for me anymore. It’s as simple as that.”

  Remembering how tight the two of them had been, Levi found this difficult to believe. “That doesn’t sound like Max.”

  “Well I guess he’s changed.”

  “Maybe. But have you tried—”

  “Dad.” Jess pushed back on her chair so she could stand up. “You can’t fix this. Nobody can.”

  As she ran away, with tears in her eyes, it killed Levi that he was absolutely powerless.

  Nov 15, 1999

  New York University

  Dear Levi,

  Yes, I was serious about spending the holidays in New York, but I do understand that you don’t want to disappoint your parents. Yes, I’ll stick to our original plan, of course I will. I’m dying to see you!

  I just realized we hardly texted at all this week. Things are really intense for me right now. I guess it’s the same for you. Though Connie did say you hit the party scene pretty hard last weekend. If anything is changing for you…for how you feel about me…you’d tell me, right?

  Chapter Twelve

  The next morning the sky was full of gloomy, dark clouds that matched Levi’s mood perfectly. As he dressed, he listened for the usual signs that his daughter was awake and getting ready for school. But there was nothing. No shower, no footsteps, no closet banging open or closed.

  “Jess?” He tapped on her bedroom door. When there was no answer he looked inside. Maybe she’d slept in. But no, she wasn’t there.

  “Jess?” he called again on his way to the kitchen. He found a note on the table.

  Gone for a run. See you tonight.

  Levi looked from the note to the threatening clouds outside. It had already started to drizzle. He hoped Jess didn’t get soaked. The idea of having breakfast alone didn’t appeal, so he decided to go into work early. He took a seat at the counter and waited for Connie to finish handing four coffees in a take-out tray to a young woman he recognized from his bank. He waved to her as she left the store, then turned to Connie.

  “Good morning. I didn’t see you at the barbecue last night.”

  “We were there. But I’m not surprised you didn’t see us—there was such a crowd.” Connie tucked a strand of her dark hair back into the messy bun on her head. “Congrats on another successful event. Your co-chair sure seemed to be having fun. She was on the dance floor with that new lawyer fella most of the night.”

  He hoped it was true, that Erin and Oliver were hitting things off.

  Connie passed him a mug of coffee. “Want a breakfast sandwich to go with that?”

  “Sure, thanks.” He watched as she popped a homemade biscuit stuffed with egg, sausage and cheese into the microwave.

  “I heard you and Grace left the barbecue early,” Connie noted, as she waited for the microwave to beep.

  No doubt the entire town knew this. “She needed to get back to Manhattan, so…”

  “Well, I was glad to see the two of you reconnecting. I’ve always felt a little guilty about what happened that f
irst year of college.”

  “What happened in college…you mean Grace and me breaking up?” There had been no drama associated with it, so Levi didn’t understand what Connie meant.

  “Um, yeah.” Connie’s color was high as she plated his sandwich and handed it to him.

  “As splits go, ours was civilized. Not to mention over twenty years ago.” Even if it had left him with a broken heart, it had never occurred to him to hold any kind of grudge.

  “Right. Of course.” Connie seemed flustered, wouldn’t meet his eye. “Excuse me, I need to put on another pot of coffee.”

  Levi watched her for a moment. Did Connie know something about his and Grace’s breakup? He couldn’t see how that was possible. Not that it mattered after all this time.

  He took his breakfast with him to the back office. After all his time away from the store last week there was a backlog of paperwork for him to attend to. But it was hard to concentrate. His thoughts kept drifting, first to Grace, who had texted her safe arrival in New York at ten thirty last night, and then to his daughter, who had to be pretty upset if she’d gotten up early just to run in the rain.

  At eleven thirty he left his office to help with the noon hour rush. The first customers he saw were Erin and Oliver. They came through the open entrance holding hands and paused when they spotted him.

  “Hey, Levi, sorry you had to leave early last night,” Erin said, not looking sorry at all. “It was such a perfect night.”

  “It really was,” Oliver concurred, his eyes, his smile, all for Erin.

  How did it happen, Levi wondered, that after months of seeing each other at regular committee meetings, suddenly the two of them seemed totally smitten? Maybe his conversation with Erin had helped clear the air—and let her see what had been right in front of her, all along.

  “We’re lucky the rain held off until today,” Levi said. “Can I help you with anything?”

  “We had planned to have a picnic lunch in the park,” Erin said. “But we’re going to eat in my boardroom now.”

  “I’ll buy us some sandwiches and coffee,” Oliver offered. He stepped around Levi and hurried to the lunch counter.

  Levi turned back to the mayor. “You look happy.”

  “I am.” Erin stepped closer and lowered her voice. “I thought Oliver was kind of boring and dull, but last night he proved me wrong. Turns out he’s an amazing dancer. And we have way more in common than I ever guessed. We’ve read so many of the same books and we like similar movies and…” She paused and gave a self-deprecating smile. “Sorry. I’m getting carried away.”

  “Not at all. I’m happy for you, Erin. Happy for both of you.”

  “What about you and Grace? Are you going to be able to keep seeing one another now that she’s gone back to the city?”

  “We weren’t ‘seeing each other,’” Levi corrected. “We’re just friends. And I doubt I’ll be seeing her again. She’s off to Costa Rica soon, on a new project.” He forced a broad smile. “Have a nice lunch with Oliver.” Then he left before Erin could offer any of her New-Age counsel. If a person’s thoughts really did manifest their destiny, his was sure to be dark.

  *

  Grace woke with a headache, compliments of the bottle of wine she’d shared with Harvey last night. A long shower and two glasses of water helped somewhat. Once she was dressed, she stared glumly out her bedroom window, wondering where all the clouds and rain had come from.

  She turned on the TV in the living room, hoping to dispel the cold, sterile feeling of her apartment. The perky man and woman on the network morning show were sharing quips and tidbits of news in a fast-paced and upbeat manner. Grace tried to listen, but her mind felt like mush.

  Maybe food—and caffeine—would help. Since all her fridge contained was condiments and a bag of carrots, Grace grabbed her trench coat and umbrella and braved the rain in a dash to her favorite neighborhood café. She told herself she had missed the energy of the city, the quality of the espresso, the texture of the bagels. But the food had no taste in her mouth today. And for the first time it bothered her that she was less than a block from her home and she did not recognize one single face in this café. Even the server and the barista weren’t familiar to her.

  She finished her latte, ate half the bagel, then put up her umbrella and headed toward Central Park. As she walked she reached to pat her camera case, only to discover she’d forgotten it. Rainy days weren’t great for photography, still it wasn’t like her to leave home without her camera. She definitely wasn’t herself today.

  She was walking over the Bow Bridge when her phone rang. Pulling it out, she saw Alicia’s name and almost put the phone away again. But she supposed she couldn’t put off this conversation forever.

  “Hey, Alicia.”

  “Thank you for answering. I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. I should have been more supportive yesterday and I’m so, so sorry.”

  Grace let the apology soak in. They were words she had needed to hear. “I wasn’t playing games with Levi. I loved him when we were in high school. And…” it was painful to admit, but also necessary “…I still love him.”

  “I know, Grace, and I’m sorry for not being more empathetic.”

  “You’ve got Sean and your kids. When you come to visit me in the city, you see a lot of fun and glamor. But that’s not my normal. I’m alone most of the time. I do have friends, but they’re used to me being away for my work. And when I’m away they simply forget about me.”

  “Well, I don’t ever forget about you. I may have been a jerk the last few days but I’m still your best friend. So why don’t you come back to stay with us in Woodland and give your relationship with Levi a chance?”

  “I appreciate the invite. But I made my feelings to Levi very clear last night. And he basically offered me a week. Nothing more.”

  “That fool.”

  Grace smiled. “Thank you for saying that. But I better go. I’m standing in the middle of Central Park in the rain and I’m getting soaked.”

  With a promise to talk soon, she ended the call and then resumed walking. An hour later she found herself back at her apartment with her thoughts no clearer than they’d been at the beginning of the day.

  Last night she hadn’t bothered unpacking her car, so she did so now. As she hung Levi’s bluebird painting in her powder room—next to the framed collage of the sketches he’d included in his letters, she wondered why she was torturing herself. Just looking at this made her heart ache. But Levi’s work was so good—she couldn’t hide it away in storage.

  Late that afternoon she was trying to decide whether to order in Thai or Indian when Harvey showed up with another bottle of red.

  “I’ve ordered us Vietnamese,” he announced, making his way straight to the cabinet where she kept her wineglasses.

  “Harvey, you are the best.”

  “Aren’t I though?” He opened the bottle and poured them each a glass. “Now show me your pictures. I want to see this town…and the man who had the nerve to break your heart.”

  Grace wasn’t sure she was ready to look at her pictures yet. But she had to face the images sometime and maybe it would be like pulling off a bandage quick, to do it now. She set her computer on the table and quickly downloaded her memory card.

  “I haven’t had a chance to edit them,” she warned.

  “Never mind, let me see them all.”

  She set up a slide show with a five-second pause, then projected the images to her TV screen. She and Harvey sat on the sofa, sipping wine, and watching as her carefully composed scenes flew by. There were shots of Alicia and her family, shots of the town and the park and Levi’s store, the hike they’d gone on together, and action shots of the festival.

  She tried to see it from Harvey’s eyes. The small-town charm, the beautiful autumn colors, the sense of community. She hadn’t realized at the time how very often Levi was included in her pictures. Even when he wasn’t the subject of a photo he could often be seen somewhe
re in the periphery. If nothing else showed how obsessed she was with him, these photographs certainly did.

  “Not too hard to figure out who your guy is,” Harvey commented, once they’d run through all the photos. “He’s got a Ryan Gosling, everyday man appeal to him. Just looking at his face, you can’t help instantly liking him.”

  “There’s that. Plus the fact I took about a thousand pictures of him.”

  “That was another clue,” Harvey agreed. He took a drink of wine, then eyed her speculatively. “Your pictures tell me something else, too.”

  “Oh?”

  “Not only do you love that man, but you love that small town, too.”

  “That’s not true.” Something in her balked at the very idea.

  “You capture a lot of beauty in your art, but you are not a sentimental photographer. Not normally. Now look at your pictures again.”

  Harvey made her run the slide show again. And this time, she saw what he meant. The flattering angles, the sweet close-ups, the majestic vistas. There was no evidence of her usual objectivity. It was like she’d been wearing rose-colored glasses the entire time.

  And as the awareness built in her, so did the painful hurt of rejection. She was grateful her hometown appreciated her as an artist. But they’d still closed ranks on her, deeming her not good enough for Levi.

  She turned off the TV and shut down her computer. “You’ve made your point.”

  *

  Levi left work early so he could rake another batch of leaves for his parents, and hopefully grab a minute to talk to his mother. He got his opportunity when she came out with a glass of iced tea.

  “You’re working so hard, son. Why don’t you take a break?”

  “Glad to. I was hoping we’d get a chance to talk.” He gestured to the wooden chairs by the firepit and waited for his mom to be seated. “I heard you were talking to Grace at the barbecue last night.”

  His mother lifted her chin defiantly. “I thought that might be what this was about. You can’t blame me for trying to protect my son. You’d do the same for Jessie.”