He’d have to get used to all the brick and concrete as well. Trees lined the street, but they were surrounded by concrete with only a metal grate to allow moisture inside. Most of the brownstones had been converted to flats that housed at least four if not six families, though there was just one other name posted next to Grace’s on her building. Presumably H. Peters was the man who’d been going out when Levi and Jess arrived.
Then there was the noise, mostly traffic but mingled in with the engines and horns he could make out the almost frantic chirping of sparrows. He followed the chatter to a low boxwood hedge that had overgrown its allocated space between the sidewalk and one of the buildings. Levi quickly identified the highly adaptable house sparrow, one of the few species that seemed to thrive in urban settings. He wasn’t sure how they did it. There was so little green. Even the dogs in New York had to settle for peeing on concrete rather than grass.
But he shouldn’t judge too harshly. He had to admit there was an energy to this place, a vibe that was kind of exciting. And just five blocks away, New York’s Central Park was a birder’s paradise, especially during migration seasons.
No time for a visit on this trip though.
He glanced up at the second-story windows of Grace’s home, wondering what was going on in there. Jess had been so nervous on the train ride to Manhattan. No matter how Grace reacted, it would be a big relief for his daughter to get this over with.
As for Grace, he could only imagine what she thought of his daughter’s scheme. Or his parenting abilities, for that matter.
His phone chimed and he pulled it out of his back pocket to read a message from Jess.
All done. Grace wants to talk to you.
Be right there, he responded.
He hurried up the walkway, feeling apprehensive. Grace had good reason to be upset, but he hoped she hadn’t been too hard on Jess. He was about to press the bell to gain admittance, when the gentleman from before stepped past him.
“I can let you inside. You’re Levi Shanahan I presume?”
Levi nodded, making room for the well-dressed, older man to unlock the door. “And you’re H. Peters?”
“Call me Harvey. This is my home. I’ve been renting the upper apartment to Grace for about five years.” He inserted the key into the lock then turned back to Levi. “You’re Grace’s bird nerd friend from Woodland. Must say, you don’t look the part.”
This man must be a friend as well as a landlord, if he was in Grace’s confidence. “You thought I’d be wearing a khaki vest and a Tilley hat with field binoculars strung around my neck?”
Harvey chuckled. “Something like that.” With the door open he made an elegant hand motion for Levi to precede him.
As he climbed the stairs, Levi sensed the older man watching him. When he turned to look, however, the foyer was empty.
When Grace opened the door, Levi felt a burst of pleasure at seeing her again, even under these circumstances. His gaze dropped to her lips as he remembered their last kiss…
“Hey, Dad.” Jess gave him a wan smile from her seat on a spotless, cream-colored sofa.
He looked her over. “No blood. Things went okay?”
Grace smiled. “We’ve sorted things out. Jess tells me you’re planning to head straight home. Want a coffee first?”
He met her gaze for a few seconds as he recalled the last time they’d seen each other, on the night he’d tried, unsuccessfully, to stop her from leaving Woodland. “Thanks, that would be good.”
“Great. It’s already made. Black, right?”
As she turned to the kitchen, he took a closer look at her home. They were in a long room with a waist-high bookshelf separating the living area from the kitchen and dining table. The walls were neutral, the furniture modern and understated, leaving the art—large, colorful abstract pieces—to take central stage.
“You don’t have any of your work on display,” he noted. “No photographic art at all.” And no sign of his little watercolor either. He felt embarrassed he’d even given it to her. The quality just didn’t compare with what she already owned.
“That’s business. I like to buy art from the places I visit and especially from artists I’ve actually met.” She handed him a cup of black coffee. “Sit down. Relax.”
He had never felt less relaxed in his life. But there were things that needed to be said. He glanced at his daughter. “Would you mind giving me a few minutes alone with Grace?”
Jess jumped to her feet. “Would I mind having some free time to roam around Manhattan? You’re kidding, right? Can I have an hour?”
“How about thirty minutes? I’ll meet you outside at—” he consulted his watch “—quarter after three.”
“Got it.” Jess turned to Grace. “Thanks again for being so nice about this.”
“No problem. Just—be your honest self from now on, okay?”
“I’ve learned my lesson. I promise.”
Once Jess was gone, Levi set down his coffee. “I need to apologize for my kid. I had no idea what she was up to. She’s never pulled a scam like this before. I guess I trusted her more than I should have.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. She’s almost eighteen. You can’t have the control over her that you had.”
“Yeah, that was my thinking when I okayed the trip to New York.” He went to the window and looked out to the street he’d been pacing a few minutes ago. He was a man who was used to being decisive, who knew his place in the world. But the past few weeks had changed him, and so many emotions were churning inside him.
“I never should have kept those letters,” he muttered.
“I’m not sorry you did.”
He turned from the window to her. In all probability this was the last time he would see her. Which made this the only opportunity to ask her something he’d always wondered. “Grace, when you wrote to me suggesting we see other people…was there already another guy in your life?”
She folded her arms over her chest and tilted her head. “Of course not.” She hesitated. “Is that what you thought?”
“Why else would you have suggested we see other people?”
“Because I knew you wanted to be free.” She ran her hands up and down the silky fabric on her arms. For the first time that afternoon, she’d lost her air of composure.
“What made you think that?” he asked quietly.
“Connie told me.”
Levi blinked. “You’ve lost me. What does Connie have to do with anything?”
“Connie and I kept in touch during first semester of college, though we drifted apart soon after the Christmas break. She told me that you had met someone but that you were too honorable to do the long-distance breakup thing. She warned me that you were probably going to do it over the Thanksgiving holiday.”
“That doesn’t make sense. Connie knew how much I was looking forward to seeing you over the break.” By then Grace’s parents had already moved to Florida, but Grace had agreed to come to Woodland and spend Thanksgiving with him and his family. He’d had every minute of their four days together mapped out.
“You weren’t already in love with Maggie?”
“I didn’t even meet her until six months later.” Which meant Connie had been lying. “Why would Connie want to stir up trouble between you and me?”
Grace raised her eyebrows. “Maybe so she could make a move on you?”
Oh man. He’d been so blind. He sank into a chair near the window and shook his head.
“I thought she was my friend.” Grace looked sad and troubled. “Did the two of you ever…?”
“No. Definitely not.” Now Connie’s earlier comment about him and Grace, the guilty flush on her cheeks, made more sense. Anger flared, but only briefly. What good would come from blaming Connie for something she’d done twenty-odd years ago? Her life, like his, had not been easy.
“You know what I hoped would happen after I sent that letter?” She blinked back tears. “I hoped you’d take the first possible trai
n to Manhattan and tell me that you didn’t want to see other people. That you only wanted me.”
“The idea didn’t occur to me,” Levi admitted. “Our lives were already on a different trajectory. I think a part of me had already accepted we wouldn’t last. I just hadn’t seen it coming that soon.”
*
Grace wrapped her arms around her waist and stared out the window, his words repeating in her ears:
Our lives were already on a different trajectory. I think a part of me had already accepted we wouldn’t last.
She wanted to stamp her feet. To scream. To shake him. “You talk about our different paths, as if that were the only thing that mattered. What about our feelings? That sense of rightness when we’re together?”
“I don’t deny I felt those things back then.” He hesitated. “And I still do. But—”
“Stop.” She put her hands over her ears. She’d wanted to stay calm and in control today, but it simply wasn’t possible. “I don’t want to listen to you recite all your reasons we can’t be together again. It’s just garbage, Levi. But you don’t see that. You’ll never see it.”
His face took on a hard, grim look. “So my life in Woodland is garbage? Thanks for clarifying that for me.”
Oh, he was impossible. “That is not what I meant.”
“I’m sorry our small town isn’t good enough for you. I happen to love it. And I think it’s about time I got back to it.”
“If you want to purposefully misunderstand me, then go ahead.” She went to her door and opened it. And when he left without another word, she was almost glad. Five minutes later she was crying. Fifteen minutes later she was angry again.
And then, with perfect timing, she heard a knock on her door. For a wild moment she hoped Levi was back, this time to apologize on his own behalf. But of course it was Harvey, with a nice bottle of Cab Sav.
“Don’t look so disappointed,” Harvey said. “From the stormy look on your man’s face, he’s going to take a day or more to calm down.”
“He’s not my man. But I accept your gift of wine. Do we have to wait for five o’clock?”
“On this occasion we bend the rules.” Harvey took the bottle to her kitchen where he opened it and poured two glasses.
She accepted the glass when he passed it to her. “Cheers.” She took her first drink. “That helps.” She went to the washroom to blow her nose and rinse her face. While she was there, she took a moment to appreciate the new bluebird painting. Yes it was beautiful. But maybe it was time she redecorated and finally put her high school romance in the past where it belonged.
When she returned she said, “I look terrible.”
“After a fashion. Your terrible is not like most people’s. You have this unflappable quality that is very disarming.”
“It’s a ruse. I feel very flapped right now.” She sank into the sofa with her glass of wine. When Harvey started to speak, she raised her free hand to stop him. “Say anything right now except that you liked the look of him.”
Harvey kept his mouth shut.
“I knew it,” she muttered. That was the problem wasn’t it? She was furious at Levi right now, but she still couldn’t help loving him, and what was almost worse, liking him.
“Tell me what happened,” Harvey said.
She didn’t think she wanted to talk about it, but once she started, she couldn’t stop. She told Harvey about Jess’s apology, how it had been sincere and heartfelt, then about Levi and his reaction to finding out that Connie had lied to break them up.
“He made it sound like our love affair was doomed anyway. And I guess it was. Is.”
“Are you ready to accept that?”
“What choice do I have? If he can’t even take three weeks to come to Costa Rica with me…”
“It’s nothing for you to take off on a big trip like that. But for some people a three-week trip to Costa Rica is a big ask,” Harvey said gently. “Is it really a deal-breaker for you if he can’t go? Have you given any thought to what you’d be willing to give up for him?”
She stared at Harvey, remembering how Levi had accused her of devaluing his life in Woodland. She’d denied the point, but when she looked to Levi to change his life in order to fit in with hers, wasn’t that what she was essentially doing? Telegraphing that her career, her life, was more important than his?
“I believe you have a point there, Harvey,” she said slowly.
“I usually do.”
December 1, 2000
University of Vermont
Dear Grace,
I’m writing this letter even though I’ll never have the nerve to send it. Thanksgiving was so lame without you. I didn’t do any of the things I’d planned. Didn’t go hiking or birding or play any chess. Went out with Connie and a few other friends one night, but only lasted an hour. You said we should see other people, but it turns out the only person I really want to see is you.
Chapter Fourteen
“I heard you and your dad went to the city yesterday.”
Jess looked over her shoulder as Max ran up beside her. “What are you doing? You hate getting up early.” Which was why she’d started running at this time, to avoid him.
“Trying to talk to you.” Max adjusted his stride to match hers. “Why are you avoiding me?”
“I’m not.” But that was a lie. “I’m confused.”
“You’re not the only one.”
She threw him a questioning glance, but all he said was, “So why the trip to New York?”
“Dad figured out what I did and wanted me to apologize to Grace in person. She was pretty good about it.” And Jess felt a lot better now too.
“Did your plan work? Are your dad and Grace—”
“No. All I did was make my dad miserable and disappointed in me.”
“I’m sorry about that.”
“You warned me. But thanks for not saying you told me so.”
“Hey, what are friends for?”
She turned to him, arching her brows. “So we are friends? Lately I’ve been wondering. Like the night of the bonfire. Why didn’t you wait for me?”
He kicked at a stone at the side of the path. “I had stuff on my mind.”
Here it was. Max was going to tell her about his new girlfriend. Suddenly short of breath, Jess slowed to a light trot. “Stuff like what?”
“You can’t tell anyone else, okay? Not your dad. Especially not your grandmother.”
Jess stopped in place. This sounded serious. She focused on Max’s worried face. “I won’t.”
“Dad lost his job last month.” Max’s shoulders slumped. “Things suck at our house. Mom and Dad fight all the time—though not so much when I’m around.”
The problem was his family, not another girl. Jess almost sagged with relief. But then she felt selfish. Being out of work was a big deal for his father, for their entire family. “Is that why you’ve been going home for dinner? So your parents don’t fight?”
“Yeah. Trying to keep the peace. My sisters are being tools…whining because my parents made them drop their horseback lessons. Mom’s freaked out because she doesn’t think Dad can find another job. And Dad’s pissed because he worked twenty years for that company, and now they just downsize and leave him out in the cold.”
Poor Max. Stuck in the middle of all his family’s unhappiness. “And you? How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” He lowered his head and added quietly, “But if Dad doesn’t find work soon, they’re going to have to draw down on my college fund.”
“What will that mean for you?”
“I figure I’ll have to work a year or two before I can start college.”
“That’s so unfair.” Max wanted college so much—definitely more than she did. “I wish you’d told me sooner. I’ve been so bitchy.”
“I shouldn’t be telling you now. Dad’s paranoid about the whole town finding out. Which is crazy, because you can’t keep any secret for long in Woodland.”
“
Well, thanks for trusting me now.”
“Yeah. About that. You know when you asked if I was dating someone?”
Jess nodded, holding her breath.
“I’m not.” He reached for her hand. And when she folded her fingers over his, he added, “But I totally want to be.”
*
On Sunday morning Levi was packing his lunch when Jess came into the kitchen in baggy flannel pajamas.
“Going hiking?” Jess grabbed a coffee cup and helped herself from the French press.
He gave her a second look. Her voice was bright, and her eyes were glowing. Something good must have happened but he knew better than to ask outright.
“Taking the kayak out to Morley Lake. Want to come?” He issued the invitation automatically though he was really in the mood to be alone. He was relieved when Jess declined.
“Max and I have plans.”
Levi stopped stuffing veggies into his pita. His daughter was gazing down into her coffee cup, but there was no hiding the pink bloom on her cheeks. “So the two of you have made up?”
“Yes.”
Levi sensed there was more to this. He hadn’t seen his daughter so happy in ages. “Fair to say the two of you are dating now?”
She couldn’t suppress her smile any longer. “Fair to say.”
He gave her a one-armed hug. “That’s great news.”
“Max and I talked about lots of stuff yesterday. He told me that he needs to spend more time with his family these days. So do you think Grandma and Grandpa would mind if I missed Sunday dinner? Max invited me to his house.”
This was different. Max often ate here or at Jess’s grandparents, but Jess almost never went to a meal at his house. Levi had always assumed it was because Max’s parents had their hands full with his younger twin sisters.
“I’m sure your grandparents will understand.” He suspected there was more to this story, but he’d wait until Jess was ready to fill him in. He wrapped up his sandwich and grabbed his water bottle. “I’ll probably go straight to your grandparents’ when I’m finished kayaking. Should be home by eight.”
Letters From Grace Page 15