“Why is this such a turn on?” I asked because I was truly confused. He always looked at me like I’m insane when I don’t understand his reactions.
“What? I’m not a guy, I don’t get it. But apparently this really turns you on.” I wiggle my butt so it rubs against his very erect penis.
His fingers trail down my tummy and between my legs, “Ahhh, as I suspected.” He wiggles his eyebrows and licks his shiny finger. “Your body betrays you.”
I defensively intoned, “What? I always get wet when you touch me. You practically worship me—that is arousing! I don’t care who you are…”
I poked his chest and giggled and again ground against his hardness. “You, mister, have a way of turning me on.”
His hand dove between my legs again and he stroked my wet folds, “I do worship you. You are my glowing Madonna. My child is growing inside you. You are lush with my seed.”
He flicked his hips and prodded me, “I want you always, Jules.”
I dramatically exhaled and made a joke, “I think all the sex is good for your back. That was a pretty dexterous hip roll big guy.” His hearty guffaw, followed by another jab, made me laugh, too. Then I got serious.
“Amir, I don’t know how I existed before you. Something about the way you love me gives me wings.”
His expression was hard to read, but it was entirely serious, “The same for me—you are my air—my heart—my reason.”
I melted even more and quivered on top of him. He slid his finger into my entrance and my internal muscles pulsed and began to hum. I gasped.
“Again? Now? It’s only been a couple hours.” His only response was to grip my hips and lewdly rub himself against me.
I was about to straddle him when there was a knock on the door. He grumbled and I saw him considering what to do. Omar said something through the door that I miss. Amir cleared his throat and gave me a weary expression.
“Sorry, love. Just a moment.” He shouted something in Arabic towards the door.
I heard Omar chuckle. It’s not like him and Anna were any better, so I know he understands. I slid away from Amir and pulled down my dress. When I opened the door and let the grinning Omar enter, he chuckled.
“Indeed, my friend. I see your therapy is moving along nicely.”
I excused myself as Omar took a seat at the round mahogany table. “Matters of government, I fear. Can I borrow your ear for a few?” Amir agreed and I blew him a kiss on my way out.
***
I wandered around in this incredible penthouse that Anna referred to as the palace in the clouds, and I eventually found her out by the pool. We started up a game of chess and fell into a comfortable silence as we both think. I knew she loved it out here, with the clouds and sky so close, and I commented on how nice it was to be in air conditioning. Anna likes the heat and the sun, me not as much. Maybe it was my fair complexion, but I’d always tended to avoid a lot of sunlight.
Absently she asked, “Have you started on the supplements I got you?”
I nodded apprehensively. “Yeah, but I’m still throwing them up as often as I keep them down.”
She looked concerned.
“I wonder why you’re still sick so much. It’s supposed get better after the first trimester. I noticed a total turn around right at the three month mark. Now I can’t get enough into my mouth.” She giggled and patted her stomach. “I’m turning into a whale!”
I shrugged. At length I offered, “It’s amazing how radiant you are.”
“Best thing that ever happened to me,” she said. I nodded again and remained silent. After she makes a bold move with her knight, I grimaced in thought. She asked, “Aren’t you even a little bit excited about being a mommy?”
I twist up my mouth as I think. “I guess. I think I’m mostly happy because Amir is. I mean, I think me being here with him right now is probably the best thing for him.”
She pursed her lips, “What about you, though? You okay?”
“I think so. Lots of changes for me. You know how I am with huge direction shifts.”
She nodded in understanding, “Yeah, you’re too focused.” She moved a pawn and I saw where she was closing in on me. She added, “You’re like a pit bull—direct line all the way—no deviations allowed.”
“I’m really trying,” I said.
“You do love him, though. I can see it when you look at him. Actually,” she lifted her hand and pointed at me with a joyous twinkle in her eye. “The very first time you two made eye contact, I was watching, and I saw it then. It was like a lightning bolt shot between you.” She bobbed her head in remembrance and muttered as she moved her queen across the chessboard, “Yup, knew it even then. Checkmate.”
She leaned back and rests her hands on her swollen abdomen with a very pleased expression.
“Dammit. Have you been practicing? You were never that quick before.”
“Omar plays with me every day.”
“Yeah, but have you been practicing chess, too?” I joked.
She snorted and blushed. “That man—I swear he has the libido of a stallion.”
I nodded in understanding, “Yup—same here. Even injured, he’s a specimen.”
“You okay?” she asks again. “I know you, Jules, and I know something is wrong.”
“I dunno–I just feel off. I’ll get over it.”
“Okay, if you need anything, just ask. And talk to me! No bottling it up like I know you do. There is nothing worse for the baby than you living in emotional stress.”
I nodded and gave her a weak grin. “Besides—you’re here! We are together, Jules! Our kids are going to be best friends. This is the greatest thing I could have ever wished for.”
Melinda strolled in and yawned, “Hey girls. Man, that was a great nap. I really could get used to living this way.” She patted my thigh, “That reminds me, sweetheart. I’m going to head home in a couple days. Are you staying?”
I looked between Anna and her mother and blinked. “I guess I’m staying. Amir needs me.”
They both looked pleased with my statement. Why then, did I feel like I was going to be sick? Anna joked, “A couple more months, and she won’t be able to leave, even if she wants to.”
Melinda laughed, and they both acted like me being captive was the best thing in the world. Meanwhile, I ran to the bathroom and vomit all of my lunch.
Chapter Eleven
A couple more weeks pass, and Amir is seriously improving. I was reading a book while he was doing his PT. He and his trainer talk in Arabic, so I don’t understand a thing they say. Amir was supporting himself between two upright, parallel bars. His upper body was still quite strong, and I could tell he was mostly using his arms. His legs still looked awkward and noodle-like. He winked at me and then his focus returned to what the trainer was asking of him.
I went back to my book, and I missed what happens next. All I heard was a thud and then a long string of words said in a definite swearing tone. I stood to rush to Amir, and with a flushed face he yelled at me.
“No—leave this instant!”
I was aware I’m overly emotional at the moment because of the hormones flooding my body, but I couldn’t stop the tears as they welled. Amir again struggled from the floor and told me to get out of his sight. I did as he said and fled the room. Sobbing my way through the house. Feeling aimless and lost. As I staggered past Omar’s office, he shouted my name. I stalled and wiped my cheeks.
“Julie?” he called again. “Join me,” he orders.
There was an odd thing that happened to me when I was around Omar the great. At least, that was how I thought of him in my head. He was every bit a king. Royal-born oozes from his pores and even a blind person would bow to the aura of power that emanates from him. Amir has this same kind of energy, but not in the overwhelming capacity that Omar does. When he speaks, my ears hear it as a command, I am unable to disobey.
I entered his office with my head down. He motioned to the chair opposite him, across
the desk. Again I obeyed even the unspoken dominance willingly. Without preamble he began.
“You are hormonal. I understand females must cry often because of this. Anna does not go a day without at least one fit of hysteria. Do not confuse Amir’s anger at his own weakness. It is not targeted at you. He merely does not wish for you to see him in an incapacitated state. Do you understand this, Julie?”
I nodded and chewed at my lip. “Yeah—I guess.”
Omar leaned back and steepled his fingers together.
“You are aware he loves you beyond all else?” This time I shrugged.
I know he likes to have sex with me a lot. I know he is poetic when he tells me how much he adores me. But lately, I haven’t felt loved.
I didn’t verbalize any of this to Omar, but he uncannily seems able to read my thoughts. With narrowed eyes he went on.
“I feel I can speak for Amir on this matter. We were not raised to focus on our females the way I believe you would like. We were both raised to lead nations and rule our people. The females were there as comfort and…” He leans forward and his voice lowers. “Release.”
I snort, “Yeah—got that!”
His grin is wise to my thoughts, “Amir is not the same man he was before you came into his life. You’ve shattered his foundation. You’ve unsettled him. Be patient with him. He will learn how to give you love in other than physical ways.”
I tilted my head at this last comment. How did he knew, or maybe he felt my discontent. “May I ask you a question?” I hesitantly asked.
“Of course. You are family. I am open with my family.”
“Amir and I rarely just talk. He professes his adoration—but it’s never emotional. He –um—well what you said—he shows me physically how he feels—but we don’t talk much.”
Omar picks his words. “Julie, be patient with him. He is from a generation not quite as modern as mine. Deep emotional conversations are not something the men of his time ever had with their wives. He is struggling with his own strength at the moment. He cannot be the male he feels he must be.”
“But shouldn’t that mean we talk more? He only seems infatuated with my stomach and with…” I made a sound of frustration and bit my lip.
“You can tell me. Spit it out.”
I blurt, “I don’t want to be his fuck toy.” Omar chuckled. “Sorry,” I offered.
He waved his hand, “I am un-offended by your language. I find it perfectly descriptive.”
He pulled something out of his desk drawer and pushed them across the shiny surface towards me. “These are from the accident.” I leaned forward and gaped at a half dozen pictures of an unrecognizable black sports car. It looked like a tin can after being stepped on.
“Amir is an expert driver. This car—the Bugatti—is a world class handling vehicle. It is also a heavy, well built, sturdy vessel. For him to have wrecked it to this extent tells me only one thing.”
Tears welled anew, and I sniffed, “He wanted to die.”
“Yes. Until he justifies all of this within himself, I fear he will be of no use to you as a communicator.”
Omar leaned across his desk, and I involuntarily pushed forward, acting as if he were telling me a secret.
“Julie, this relationship is very new. Your pregnancy holds far-reaching ramifications—extending far past your hormonal comprehension. The man has a lot on his plate. When you tell him you are staying—mean it! Stop the wavering despondent attitude and back him up. Be strong for him until he can be strong for himself.”
“But—but—I am doing that,” I whined.
Omar fell back in his chair. “No you’re not. You say one thing, but even I can see the clouds in your eyes. How must Amir feel?”
Omar stood and towered over me, “Julie, either put both feet in his camp, or leave. Be delighted you are carrying his child and rejoice in what you have together. Trust me, life is short, and hesitation can destroy the tentative connection you’ve both found.”
He left then. On his way past, he momentarily rested his broad hand on my shoulder. I was sobbing again, but he didn’t say anything else. A gentle squeeze and then he was gone. I had no idea how he understood what I’d been unable to process even within myself, let alone verbalize. I now knew why Anna had fallen so deeply for him. He was like a father, brother, confidant all in one—and to Anna, according to her—the reason for her radiance.
Help him, he’d said. How could I do that when I couldn’t even figure out myself?
***
Once I’d composed myself, I returned to our room. Amir was in bed, alone. His expression was apologetic. I went and pressed a finger to his lips when he tried to speak.
“No—it’s okay you yelled at me—I need to tell you some things. You don’t have to respond, but I need you to hear me. Will you listen and take in what I need to say? I need you to see me for real, Amir. Not just as your fantasy. And especially not as the mother to your child. Okay? Can you do that?”
He nodded and gave me his full attention. I proceed to tell him all that had been boiling inside since I first laid eyes on him. I explained how torn I was about giving up my life, but this time I didn’t tell him it was because I wanted to be free of him—or rather independent of him. I just didn’t know how to hold onto myself and still give fully to another person. Giving all to a goal or ambition was something I could do—but giving every spec of myself to another human—who could mortally wound my heart in the process—was something I had no concept of.
I didn’t even know where to start—I imparted how when I focus on something, I give it my full attention. I laser beam in on my goal, and I don’t let anything deter me. When I told him I felt helpless when I gave into the idea of belonging to him—that the very idea of giving up everything for him was so outside my scope of comprehension that it paralyzed me in the process—I think he understood.
“I’m all or nothing, baby. But I can’t be all to someone who is only half there for me.” I shook my head, “That doesn’t make sense.”
Amir held my hand and then squeezed it. “You make perfect sense to me. You are a warrior, Julie—a general. I understand this about you. I love this about you.”
He kissed my hand tenderly. “I will beg your forgiveness for earlier. My fuse is short, and I did not want you to see me useless on the floor.” I made a sound of protest and this time he put his finger on my lips.
“No. Now I will tell you.” I crumpled my mouth and nodded once. At length he said something simple, but it helped.
“I never learned how to impart my feelings through words. I am much better at physically showing you how I feel.”
I muttered, “True story there.”
He huffed out his nose and continued. “You are a wonderful communicator—you know how to express your feelings…”
I interrupted him again, “Um—not really. Omar was the one who told me how I feel.”
Amir sniffed and rubbed his jaw and then broke into an amused chuckle. “Yes indeed. The boy king is good that way. He was correct, though?” I tilted my head to the side indicating the affirmative. “Yes, he is wise beyond his years. What did he tell you?”
“He showed me your car, after the accident.”
One curt nod and another mouth rub preceded his confession, “I too am lost in these uncharted waters.” He dramatically waved his hand. “It is my emotions. How do you deal with so many? They are deep!”
I laid down on his chest. “Together then? Together we will chart and navigate—as a team? And you promise to try and talk to me?—not at me. Oh, and I can’t just be submissive.”
I felt his nod, and then he wrapped his arms around me, and I burrowed into his chest.
“We will stand together,” he rumbled under my cheek.
Chapter Twelve
Melinda left for the States, and I had a brief moment of longing to join her. My life in the cloud palace was luxurious and as easy as it could get, but I missed little things like walking to Starbucks for a
mocha or the meatball subs from the corner deli. Amir was doing slightly better and had begun to tend to some business matters from a wheelchair. He had various and a sundry assistants buzzing around him for a good part of each day, which left me to my own devices.
Anna and I had taken to playing a lot of chess and binge watching series on Netflix. We currently were deep into Sons of Anarchy and were sitting in the theater room with bowls of popcorn and mouths agape. Anna muttered through a mouthful, “Gemma is a piece of work. Glad she’s not my mother-in-law.”
“Ditto. Whomever wrote this, sure understood a passive aggressive matriarchal bitch.”
Anna giggled, “Not very passive right now. Just plain aggressive.”
“Truth.” We sat and watched on, making sounds of agony during a particularly gruesome scene.
“I miss the meatball subs from Dave’s,” I announce out of the blue.
Anna squealed, “Ohhhhh! Me too! Random at this particular moment, but yeah. Now I’m hungry.” We both munched popcorn as the screen panned to a guy’s brains all over the floor.
“I think I’m jaded. This isn’t even grossing me out,” I said.
“I know right? All I can think about is meatballs.”
“There is something innately wrong with us,” I offered.
She shrugged, unconcerned. Then she popped open her mouth as if a light bulb of an idea had just exploded over her head.
“Guess what? I’m gonna get us those subs! Might take a few hours, but we’ll get ‘em.”
“No way! There’s no way!”
She grinned from ear to ear and lifted one finger, “Watch and learn, grasshopper—watch and learn.” She picked up her walkie talkie and buzzed Omar.
“Yes darling,” he answered.
“Sweetheart, I have a craving. Correction, both of us heavily laden, heir carrying females, have the same craving.”
In the background I heard Amir’s familiar chuckle of amusement and the muffled words, “What could it be now?”
The Sheikh's Surprise Mistress 2 (Jatar Sheikh Series Book 6) Page 4
