“Now, that’s CUTE!” she teased.
“It’s actually . . . my little brother’s!” I lied. “I’m just borrowing it. For, um . . . a class project.”
“But it’s NOT as CUTE as THIS!” She whipped out a hot-pink glittery Princess Sugar Plum thumb drive from a pocket in her backpack. . . .
ERIN AND ME, COMPARING THUMB DRIVES
“YOURS definitely wins for cuteness!” I laughed.
After another minute Erin said, “Finished!”
She placed her thumb drive in her backpack. Then she handed mine back to me.
“PLEASE don’t lose Eagle of Doom! Your little brother would never get over it!” She winked.
Then Erin stood up, cracked her knuckles, and shook out her hands like she’d just finished SLAYING a DRAGON or something.
“I got in, viewed the file, and copied it. No one should know you were here or that I helped you! NOW let’s get out of here!”
I was so happy, I wanted to hug her. Can you blame me? She’d saved my life at least four times just this week!
Although we’d been through a lot together, I didn’t think we were quite at the hugging stage yet.
So instead, I held up my hand for a high five.
“AWESOME WORK, ERIN!”
“Hey, you’re the one who took down three criminals!” She smiled.
“But I couldn’t have done it without YOU!” I said.
YES! Erin and I made an UNSTOPPABLE team!
We were the . . .
MASTERS OF MISCHIEF!
I glanced at my watch. “If we hurry, we still have time to make it back to the cafeteria for lunch!”
I grabbed the door handle to leave, when we suddenly heard footsteps, and then voices!
Erin and I FROZE!
Several men were standing right outside the door having a conversation.
We exchanged panicked glances and tried not to have a COMPLETE MELTDOWN! . . .
ERIN AND ME, REALIZING WE WERE TRAPPED!!
That VOICE! It sounded VAGUELY familiar!
But I didn’t have time to figure it out.
WE ONLY HAD SECONDS TO HIDE!
There was no way we’d make it to the storage closet on the other side of the room.
I looked around in sheer desperation.
Finally, I pointed, and Erin nodded in agreement.
It was a cruddy place to hide, but we didn’t have much of a choice.
We scrambled into place just as the authorities entered the room!
21. A GAME OF REVENGE HIDE-AND-SEEK!
While I was hiding underneath that desk, I did a lot of serious thinking about my life.
Like how sometimes you REALLY want something to be real so you just ASSUME that it is.
Then later you’re shocked to find out it’s FAKE!
Well, that’s what happened to my little brother when we were playing a board game last week. . . .
I’d known it was RISKY to sneak into that bio room. I’d also known there was a chance Erin and I could get caught and end up in big trouble.
My problem is that I have really fantastic . . .
BAD IDEAS!
So there we were! Hiding in a room with THREE security guards only inches away.
And just like my little brother’s $50,000 . . .
. . . THOSE SECURITY GUARDS WERE FAKER THAN MONOPOLY MONEY!!
There was only ONE thing WORSE than possibly getting caught hiding under that desk by the AUTHORITIES.
And it was possibly getting caught hiding under that desk by three RUTHLESS CRIMINALS!!
Erin and I could NOT believe this was actually happening to us!!
AGAIN!!!
We had no idea HOW those CREEPS had gotten into the school, WHY they were there, or WHAT they were doing!
But soon it all became VERY clear!!
“Hurry up, you MEATHEAD! Find that security footage and DELETE IT,” Ralph growled. “Once the evidence is gone, they can’t charge us with anything! Then our worries will be over!”
“Okay, boss! I’m working as fast as I can!” Tucker said. “WOW! LOOK AT THIS!”
“Is there a problem?! Are we too late?! If we’re on that footage, we’re JAILBIRDS!” Ralph sputtered. “WHAT’S WRONG?!”
“Nothing,” Tucker answered. “I’m just surprised the new photo I uploaded this morning of my cat, Mr. Fuzzybottoms, has already gotten THREE likes! SEE? Can you believe it?!”
“Did you say LIKES?!” Ralph snarled. “How would you LIKE me to shove that keyboard down your throat? Quit wasting time, Tucker! According to the police scanner, they’re going to be viewing this security footage after lunch! So get the lead out!”
“Speaking of lunch, I’m STARVING!” Moose whined. “There’s a cafeteria here, right, boss? Maybe we can grab a BITE to EAT!”
“Sorry, Moose! YOU’RE not going to be able to BITE anything! If you don’t SHUT your TRAP, I’m gonna knock your TEETH out! Every last one of ’em. Now both of you, try to FOCUS!”
“Good news, boss!” Tucker finally announced. “That password you lifted from the office Friday night actually worked. I just pulled up the security file for Friday. And . . . BAM!! I just DELETED it!”
The men high-fived each other!
“Now, that’s what I’m talking about!” Ralph exclaimed. “Listen, gentlemen, to celebrate our success, how about a fancy meal at a swanky restaurant? After we leave here, I’m taking both of you to Crazy Burger! We’ll eat like KINGS!”
“THANKS, BOSS!” Tucker and Moose grinned.
Ralph continued. “But first we have a really important meeting we need to get to. It’s going to put us in the BIG LEAGUES! We’re done with petty crime. I should have invested in these fake security guard uniforms years ago. Now let’s get out of here.”
Then they opened the door and disappeared. Erin and I just stayed right there under that desk. We were too STUNNED and too SCARED to move!
22. STRANGER DANGER!
It was hard to believe that Ralph, Moose, and Tucker were CRAZY enough to dress up like security guards, enter the school, and ERASE the surveillance footage.
Like, WHO does THAT?!!
The footage that showed them at the school stealing computers no longer existed.
Now the authorities would NEVER connect them to the crime, and there were no other witnesses.
Well, OKAY! No other witnesses except ME, ERIN, and PRINCESS SUGAR PLUM.
“Come on, Max! We need to go straight to Principal Smith and tell him everything that just happened!” Erin fumed as she crawled out from under the desk. “We can’t just let these JERKS get away with this!”
“Erin, that’s exactly what I wanted to do all along. But YOU talked me out of it. At this point I really don’t care if I get in trouble and end up being homeschooled by my grandma again. I don’t want YOU to get in over YOUR head!” I explained. “You’ve got way more to lose than I do!”
Erin just stared at me. “Okay, Max! I get it. We shouldn’t tell Smith anything that he could possibly use against us. What if I say that I went to the bio room to get my . . . um . . .” Erin looked around the room and spotted the plastic skeleton. “To get my ROCKET, and I overheard those guys talking!”
“Yeah, that might work! But how do we know they’re not STILL hanging around?” I asked.
“Actually, we don’t! But it seemed like they were in a big hurry to leave. And Ralph said they had an important meeting they needed to get to. Also, they planned to eat at Crazy Burger. That’s THREE reasons why I think they’re gone!”
Erin had a really good point!
“Okay! Let’s go!” I finally agreed.
We hurried down the stairs to the main floor and then raced down the hall to the principal’s office.
The principal’s secretary was talking on the phone.
“Is Principal Smith in his office?” I interrupted. “We need to talk to him! It’s really important!”
She covered the phone with one hand and looked super an
noyed. “I’m sorry! He’s in his office, but he’s NOT available right now! I can schedule an appointment for you later this afternoon if you—!”
“THANKS!” Erin and I said as we rushed right past her and BARGED into the principal’s office!
“PRINCIPAL SMITH!” Erin shouted frantically. “I’M REALLY SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU! BUT WE RUSHED DOWN HERE TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I JUST SAW SOME SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING MEN INSIDE THE SCHOOL! I THINK THEY’RE DANGEROUS! SO PLEASE CALL THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY IF YOU SEE . . .”
“MAX?! ERIN?! WHAT IS GOING ON?! I’d be happy to speak with you both later, but right now I’m in an important meeting!” the principal scolded.
“Principal Smith, we’re sorry! But this is REALLY, REALLY important!! Can we talk to you right NOW?! Um . . . ALONE?!” I pleaded.
“These men are NOT who you think they are!” Erin said. “You have no idea why they’re here!”
“Actually, I DO! They’re with, um . . . what’s the name of your security company again?” Principal Smith asked.
“STEEL SECURITY! You know, like the metal. NOT the crime!” Ralph smirked.
“They’ve agreed to VOLUNTEER their time to help protect our students and assist with the ongoing investigation,” Principal Smith explained.
“We feel it’s our civic duty as responsible citizens.” Ralph smiled. “We’re just trying to help out however we can! The YOUTH are our FUTURE!”
Principal Smith continued. “Due to our recent budgetary issues, I’ve been authorized to accept any donations of goods or services from the community to help us get past this unfortunate incident. These gentlemen have even agreed to provide twenty-four-hour security for our computer lab! We believe our new computers were being targeted.”
“That’s correct!” Ralph said. “We’ll protect YOUR computers just like they were our OWN!”
I shuddered! Principal Smith had no idea he was dealing with three RUTHLESS CRIMINALS! And now the ENTIRE school was in DANGER! That’s when Erin totally lost it! “Principal Smith, I was . . . backing up files for the computer club, and somehow I, um . . . accidentally downloaded a, um . . . SECURITY file. You really NEED to take a look at this!” she said as she placed her thumb drive on his desk. “RIGHT NOW!”
Ralph glared at Erin. “Well, I hope you didn’t carelessly ERASE any of the security footage, young lady! We need to check that out RIGHT NOW!” he said as he grabbed Erin’s thumb drive. . . .
RALPH, VOWING TO CATCH THE SUSPECTS!
YES! Ralph actually accused Erin of carelessly ERASING a surveillance video file! After THEY’D erased it THEMSELVES in the bio classroom!
It was quite obvious that Ralph was a THIEF and a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR! I resisted the urge to give him a BEATDOWN right there in Principal Smith’s office!
It pretty much went DOWNHILL from there.
Principal Smith threatened us with detentions for rudely interrupting his meeting and threw us out of his office!
He said he couldn’t talk to us today because a team from the police department was arriving soon to view the security footage with him. So he had his secretary give us an appointment for tomorrow.
But tomorrow was going to be too late!
I already had a hunch how all of this was going to play out from reading my comic books and watching all those CSI crime shows on television.
Once they discovered that the school’s security footage had been deleted, Erin was going to be blamed, thanks to Ralph.
But they’d ALSO want to see the security file SHE’D “accidentally downloaded to HER thumb drive while backing up material for the computer club.”
At some point Principal Smith was going to ask Ralph for Erin’s thumb drive because it possibly contained potential evidence.
Ralph desperately needed to know how much Erin knew. So he was going to view and then erase Erin’s thumb drive as soon as possible! Like, BEFORE the police team arrived.
And he needed to do it at a computer where there would be no witnesses.
If my hunch was correct, any minute now those three crooks would be rushing out of that meeting and heading BACK to that computer in the bio classroom with Erin’s thumb drive.
“I can’t believe Ralph accused ME of erasing that file!” Erin sniffed, blinking back tears. “What are we going to do now, Max?!”
I was pretty sure Erin’s tears were real this time. I couldn’t help but feel really bad for her.
“I think those creeps are heading back to the bio computer to check your thumb drive and erase it. Only this time, we’re going to take a video of them doing it! With my cell phone!” I fumed.
“SORRY! But I am NOT going to hide under that desk AGAIN!” Erin protested. “We were lucky they didn’t see us the first time!”
“We’re not going back INSIDE the room. That would be way too dangerous. We’ll have a much better view from that VENT near the ceiling!”
“MAX, THAT’S CRAZY!” Erin exclaimed, wiping a tear that had rolled down her cheek. “Our situation is HOPELESS! How in the world are we going to get inside a vent in that room?!”
I nervously opened my locker. “Through here?!” . . .
ME, SHOWING ERIN MY SECRET ENTRANCE INTO THE VENTILATION SYSTEM!
I’d had quite enough of those three . . .
CLOWNS!
For the past five days, they’d pretty much turned my world upside down. Erin’s, too! My crush friend was actually in tears.
Those CROOKS had STARTED this war. And now I was going to FINISH it.
Sorry, but Max C. was NOT going down without a FIGHT!
If they wanted a piece of me, it was . . .
GAME ON!
23. BOILER ROOM SMACKDOWN!
24. FLUSHED! EVEN YET ANOTHER MORTIFYING MISADVENTURE OF MAX CRUMBLY
Okay, now I’m totally FREAKING OUT!
The people sitting in Principal Smith’s office are . . .
MY PARENTS!!
And that’s just WRONG on so many levels!
If this were a superhero comic book, it would probably end like this:
When we last left the Masters of Mischief, our hero, Max, and his trusty sidekick, Erin, were barreling down a dangerously steep tunnel in a flooded section of the school’s labyrinth-like ventilation system.
Unfortunately, it led straight to the PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE, where MAX’S PARENTS were in an unscheduled meeting discussing his FUTURE at South Ridge Middle School!
Will our courageous heroes dramatically CRASH into the room at ninety miles per hour in a massive man-made TIDAL WAVE and rudely interrupt the meeting? Or will they somehow miraculously AVOID landing IN HOT WATER?
Will Max and Erin become suspects in the school break-in and remain sworn to secrecy?! Or will they SPILL their guts and end up shipwrecked in STORMY WATERS?
Will those fake security guards be successful in their second attempt at stealing the school’s new computers? Or will their evil plot be BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER once again by our valiant heroes?
Will Thug get away with stealing that collectible comic book? Or will his devious plan go DOWN THE DRAIN when Max brilliantly outsmarts him?
And, finally, will Erin, the computer genius and Max’s crush, be cleared of false allegations that SHE erased the school’s security video? Or will she be tossed headfirst into TROUBLED WATERS?
Is this the FINAL misadventure of our soon-to-be WASHED-UP heroes? Or will they somehow triumph over adversity and resume their SECRET lives fighting crime and protecting students in the dank, dark halls of South Ridge Middle School?
YES! I’m leaving you hanging AGAIN!
But I WARNED YOU about the CLIFFHANGER!
Right?!
If I can prevent what happened to ME from happening to YOU or another kid, then every second Erin and I spend almost drowning in those flooded vents will be worth it.
And when you’re DROWNING in doubt and FLOODED with insecurities, just remember, if Erin and I can become heroes and make the world a better place . . .
&nbs
p; SO CAN YOU!
Just hang in there!
And KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE WATER!
YOU GOT THIS!
FOR REAL!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Max is back as the Master of Mischief thanks to my incredibly talented and dedicated Superhero Squad.
To my editorial director, Liesa Abrams Mignogna (aka Batgirl), thank you for all that you do. Your ingenious master plan always saves the day.
Karin Paprocki, my brilliant art director, I’m always blown away by your incredible artistic feats. Katherine Devendorf, my managing editor, I’m highly impressed with your extraordinary editing prowess.
A special thanks to my superagent, Daniel Lazar. Your guidance, advice, and support are the secret source of my superpowers.
To my league of superheroes at Aladdin/Simon & Schuster: Mara Anastas, Chriscynethia Floyd, Jon Anderson, Julie Doebler, Caitlin Sweeny, Anna Jarzab, Alissa Nigro, Lauren Hoffman, Nicole Russo, Lauren Carr, Jenn Rothkin, Ian Reilly, Christina Solazzo, Chelsea Morgan, Lauren Forte, Crystal Velasquez, Rebecca Vitkus, Michelle Leo, Sarah Woodruff, Christina Pecorale, Gary Urda, and the entire sales force. Thank you for your hard work and dedication, blasting through the galaxy to get these books into the hands of children around the world.
Torie Doherty-Munro at Writers House, and my Writers House foreign rights agents, Cecilia de la Campa and James Munro, thank you for your energetic intergalactic support.
A special thanks to Deena, Zoé, Marie, and Joy for your powerful force field of creativity and teamwork.
To my super-talented and awesome sidekick (and daughter) Nikki—your masterful and brilliant illustrations bring Max’s fascinating world to life.
My manager, Kim; my assistant, Arianna; and my entire family, thank you for your heroic support and unwavering love.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PHOTOGRAPH © BY SUNA LEE
RACHEL RENÉE RUSSELL is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the blockbuster book series Dork Diaries and the exciting series The Misadventures of Max Crumbly.
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