by Ivy Knight
"Three weeks before my fake wedding, I got my father's right hand to switch the papers with the ones I gave. These ones stated that my father was the sole owner of the black market and that's why Kai got off with only twenty-five years with a chance of parole."
"That was two years ago, but I will always remember it like it happened yesterday. I lost everything. I was born in the heart of chaos and I let it consume me. I found peace in destruction and eventually, I let it tear me apart."
"My whole existence became a game of life or death and I chose both. I chose my life by giving death to others. Deserved or not, I became addicted to this lifestyle."
"But how would I know any better?" tears stream down my cheeks.
"Revenge was my father’s only strive. He didn't love me like a daughter. Like every other man in my life, he sought the devil in me so that he could use it to his advantage. I wasn't going to be a pawn again. Not after what Nick and Vince did to me. I couldn't lose, so I killed, manipulated and lied. I did whatever had to be done to win, I even loved. I fucking fell in love and walked away from it like it was nothing."
"Summer, you-"
"No! No, just let me talk," I back away from him. Taking a deep breath, I fist my hands at my side as I feel them shake.
"Don't you see, Jayce? I won. I beat Nick, I beat Vince, I beat Kai and I even beat my own fucking father. A woman beat all of them. Women, a class most men still define as lesser than them and I know that for them, it's the saddest part. But you know what my biggest regret is? Falling in love. Fuck! Fuck!" My elbows rest on the railing, I put my face in my hands as I cry.
"He's ruthless and disgusting and heartless and everything that society deems unacceptable, but no one can make me un-love him. Not even him or everything he's done. I fell in love with the goddamn devil. His touch on my skin was like flames dancing on my soul, his voice a vibrant roar of boundaries that kept me sane and his eyes, fuck... his eyes were my only escape. Deep into a world unknown to everyone except for him and I. I'd do anything for him and he'd do anything for me, I know that, but I destroyed us."
"I destroyed us, because he didn't deserve a love like mine. A love pure enough to die for, but dark enough to kill for. I did what was right in the eyes of society and I'll stand by it for the rest of my life. Damn, I think he got it easier, at least he got a trial, I just kind of had to go with it," I let out a dark chuckle.
"If I learned anything from the last twenty years of living, it's that life is a game and it's not gonna end until the day your heart stops beating. So keep playing, and keep acting, because people choose to see what they believe, not what is real. And what hurts the most, is that in the midst of all the rage, even Kai, the man that loves me, thinks that I don't love him anymore," I take a deep breath and wipe away my tears.
"And Jayce, I'm sorry that I showed up like this almost three years later, but I needed someone to see who I am. I needed someone to know the whole truth and if I had seen love in your eyes for me today, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. So thank you for listening and thank you to the girl you love, but it's time for me to go now."
"Wait, you just got here. Stay a little longer. Please," Jayce begs.
"The girl you love isn't the girl standing in front of you, Jayce. It's the girl you left behind three years ago and she's gone. You see that, but you refuse to believe it. I did my part, now do yours and move on," I end by wrapping my arms around him. "Please, Jayce."
"Where are you gonna go?" he asks once I take a step back.
"I made a promise to someone and now I have a baby to take care of," I make known before I take a step back. "Bye, Jayce."
"Bye... Summer..." his voice damp with longing emotion.
With the only goodbye, I'll ever get, I take that as my leave.
I had everything.
Now, I have nothing.
But, it doesn't feel like nothing.
It almost feels... content.
