When the kids come home every day, we really try to make it a point to greet them, be happy, and ask them how their days went. I do the same thing for Willie, and he does the same thing for me. When Willie comes home, I’m excited. I hug him and kiss him. We find out what happened in each other’s day, and it sets the right tone for everything else. Our kids see our love for each other, and they realize that’s how they should be treating one another too.
I think having happy kids and a happy marriage is all about respect. Willie and I have a mutual respect for each other, and we try to treat each other respectfully. Sadie once asked me why marriage is so hard. She realized married couples don’t always make it and that there are a lot of people getting divorced. Our kids see that Willie and I are happy and think marriage looks pretty easy. Of course, they didn’t see us during the early years, when times were tough. In those days we fought our way through all the things newlyweds have to figure out in order to live together peacefully. I told Sadie that sometimes it’s hard because you go into a marriage with expectations, and you think the other person is going to be a certain way. You want them to be that way because that’s how you always envisioned your husband or wife, or that’s how your daddy or mama was when you were growing up. But until you can let those expectations go, and value your spouse for who he or she really is and be thankful for it, then a marriage is never going to work.
HAVING HAPPY KIDS AND A HAPPY MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT RESPECT.
I’m very different from Willie’s mom, and Willie is very different from my dad. So if you go into a marriage with all these unrealistic expectations and try to change your spouse to be exactly like you want them to be, then you’re always going to be fighting and miserable. But if you can let those false expectations go, you can learn to appreciate and be thankful for who that person is, and then marriage can be a great thing.
I think marriages start to go bad when selfishness creeps in. Korie and I are super laid-back, in a lot of ways like my parents were. I never liked taking orders, never liked being bossed around, and I didn’t marry a parent figure. There is no sense in my giving her orders or her giving me orders; we’re both adults. I married somebody to share my life with. You have to let your spouse be the person they want to be, and you have to let them do the things they want to do. If she doesn’t feel like cleaning the kitchen one day, she doesn’t have to. If I feel it needs to be cleaned, I can do it myself, or hire someone to do it. I don’t tell her what to do. I’m not her father. She does the same for me.
Korie ended up working at Duck Commander with me, but if she wanted to do something entirely different, I would have supported her. As the kids have gotten older and as the business has grown, there have been times where I’ve told her, “If you want to stop, you can stop. Don’t feel like you have to work.” I’ve asked her several times if she didn’t want me to go on the road, and if she hadn’t wanted me to go, I wouldn’t have gone. Now, she’d have had to realize that the business might have suffered from it, but if it did, then so be it. Making a little extra money is never worth it if it’s at the expense of your family. If you work with your spouse, then you really have to respect each other and communicate well. Those are the keys to living and working with your spouse happily.
Korie: When Willie was growing up, he always knew what the consequences were if he misbehaved or acted out of line, and it was the same in my home. We try to never yell at our kids or even raise our voices at them. I can honestly say that I have never heard Willie yell at our children but he has always disciplined them with an immediate action. I remember one time when the kids were fighting and driving me crazy. The TV was turned up really loud, and they were yelling at each other, fighting over some toy or what movie they were going to watch next. Willie came through the door and saw that I was about at my wit’s end. He just walked over and turned the TV off. The kids looked at him and thought, “Wait, what just happened?” There was complete silence in the room. Without saying a word, Willie was telling them, “If you’re going to fight, then you’re not going to get to watch TV.” The argument was over, and there was no discussion or arguing back and forth. Willie just put an end to it.
THE ARGUMENT WAS OVER, AND THERE WAS NO DISCUSSION OR ARGUING BACK AND FORTH. WILLIE JUST PUT AN END TO IT.
That’s how discipline generally works in our house. When our kids were toddlers, if one of our kids woke up from a nap and was whiny or in a bad mood, then he or she was expected to turn around and go straight back to his or her room. If one of the kids is driving everybody else crazy, then he or she is removed from the situation. They’re sent to their room until they can get along with everyone else.
But Willie seems to get his point across better than me. I’m usually the one who wakes the kids up for school in the morning, and Bella takes forever to get out of bed. I have to admit, I was the same way for my mom, so maybe I have too much patience for it. But I have to roll her over and keep prodding her to get up. Then I have to go back and check to make sure she didn’t go back to sleep after I left. But Willie literally just walks into a room and turns on a light. He says, “Get up,” and they get up. I’m always like, “How in the world did you do that?” I guess that’s just the difference between mamas and daddies, and it’s important to have that balance.
When the kids are misbehaving, I don’t count to three. One is enough. I try not to be the one always saying no, but when I do, it should carry some weight. I try to be the parent who disciplines our kids because I don’t want Korie to be burdened with it. I think Korie and I have really defined roles in how we handle situations. Korie’s tolerance line has always been a lot higher than mine. My kids will test me, but they understand that when they reach my tolerance line, that’s it and it’s over. The key is being consistent so you never confuse them.
I never raise my voice. Phil never yelled at us when I was growing up. When Phil said it, he said it and didn’t have to scream. I see people yelling at their kids, and I always think, “I ain’t going to do that.” Phil let his actions speak louder than his words. I think one of the most powerful things that happened to us as kids was when my oldest brother, Alan, was seventeen. He and his buddies went camping and were drinking beer. Then they decided to knock down a bunch of mailboxes up the road in a drunken redneck night. A neighbor came down the next morning and talked to Phil. Jase and I were pretty young, and we could hear the adults whispering in the kitchen. I remember hearing Phil say, “Okay, I got you.” Phil walked out the front door, climbed in his truck, and drove off.
Phil drove to Alan’s camp and found beer cans all over the ground. He told Alan to get in his truck. Then he told the three other boys, “If you ever want to come to my house for the rest of your life, get in my truck, and you’re getting a whippin’ for tearing up those mailboxes.” Two of Alan’s friends came over to our house pretty regularly, so they figured they’d better get in the truck. The third guy had never even seen Phil, and Al and the other two boys told him they wouldn’t hold it against him if he didn’t come. I guess he figured, “How bad can it really be?” The four of them climbed in the back of the truck, and Phil drove them back to our house. Jase and I hid in the azalea bushes and watched Phil whip four seventeen-year-old men. One of them was Bill “Red Dawg” Phillips, who was one of Alan’s best friends and later worked for Duck Commander and appeared in several Duckmen videos. Phil told him, “I’ve known you all your life. I’m so disappointed. I can’t believe you pulled a stunt like this.” Greg Eppinette, who would later become one of our cameramen on the Duckmen videos, was also there. Phil told him, “I know your parents. We’ve been to church together. You tell your daddy why you got this.” Then Phil whipped him. Next was the boy Phil had never laid eyes on. “Son,” Phil said, “I don’t know who you are but you tell your daddy that I whipped you and why I did it, and if he has a problem with it, he can come talk to me.” Last was Alan, who was wearing these short little running shorts. It was the 1980s, and he looked like Richard S
immons. You want to talk about influencing young ones. It hurt Jase and me to watch that belt hitting Alan’s pasty thighs. That was pretty much all it took to keep Alan in line for the rest of high school, and Jase and me as well.
After raising four kids, I think discipline has to start when they’re young. A lot of our friends will say, “Oh, he’s out of control,” and their son is ten years old. I’m always thinking, “He’s probably going to be out of control when he’s eighteen. You missed it.” By the time a kid is ten years old, his parents have missed their window of opportunity to really lay down the ground rules. I’m not saying it’s over, I’m just saying the sooner you start teaching your kids what is expected and being consistent with your discipline, the better. Kids respond better when the boundaries are clearly defined. All of our children are old enough now that spankings are pretty much a thing of the past. I know that they will continue to find ways to test our boundaries, but disrespect is not tolerated, and if I see even an ounce of it, I promise, I can still think of some ways to make them regret it.
THE SOONER YOU START TEACHING YOUR KIDS WHAT IS EXPECTED AND BEING CONSISTENT WITH YOUR DISCIPLINE, THE BETTER.
Of course, John Luke and Sadie always tell Will and Bella that they have it a lot easier. But I think the two younger kids saw how the two older kids acted, and they learned that’s what was expected of them. If the two older kids were terrors, then the two younger kids would have probably ended up being terrors, too.
Korie: Willie commands respect from our kids because they know there is always going to be an immediate reaction if they misbehave. You have to discipline out of love, and there are lots of ways you can do that. We discipline them because we love them and we want to help them to grow into happy, healthy adults. Now that John Luke and Sadie are teenagers, they say that we are more relaxed than their friends’ parents. We don’t have to do much discipline anymore because we instilled that respect when they were young. And I have to say, we have really good kids. Of course, our kids aren’t perfect. We’ve been on trips where everything was great until the ride home. Will and Bella will start arguing over something ridiculous, and they turn into typical nine- and ten-year-old kids. They’ll have their struggles and their difficult times, but they know that we love them and will always be there for them, no matter if they’re “a policeman or a jail person.” They’re ours!
Sometimes people ask us if we’re worried how the fame will affect our kids. You know what? We’re all in the same boat. Everybody is trying to raise their kids to be compassionate, loving, and responsible adults. There are some famous people who have kids who have messed up, but there are people working at a mill whose kids have messed up. We’re all doing the best we can to raise our children. It’s not really about fame. It’s about spending time with your children, disciplining them when they need it, praising them when they need it, and letting them know they’re loved.
All right, enough about our awesome kids. I hope you don’t think we are saying we are the perfect parents or have the perfect family. Far from it! We do try to glorify God in the way we treat one another and the way we raise our children, and then we ask God to do the rest. Many of you reading this could certainly teach us a thing or two about marriage and child rearing, but these are just some things that we’ve done in our home, and if they help any of you, then it was worth writing it.
I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT I’LL JUST GO AHEAD AND THROW IT OUT THERE: I’M NOT THE COOK THAT KAY IS. OKAY, I’M NOT EVEN HALF THE COOK KAY IS.
Korie: You may have been wondering why we named this chapter “Fast Food.” Well, I hate to admit it, but I’ll just go ahead and throw it out there: I’m not the cook that Kay is. Okay, I’m not even half the cook Kay is. That’s why on Duck Dynasty you always see me chopping vegetables. It’s a joke around here that in every scene I’m in with Kay, I’m always chopping vegetables. Willie says I put my apron on to toss the salad. I’m just not a good cook. I’m always rushed and have a hundred other things going on, so I burn the bread, or I’ll start cooking something and realize I don’t have the main ingredient!
Willie’s the cook in our house. He is incredible. He can just throw a bunch of stuff together along with something he caught or brought out of the woods and it turns into a gourmet meal. Am I ever thankful that I married a man who can cook! The problem is, when he is not around, I am helpless. The kids and I have to survive on breakfast for supper. I’m good at pancakes, bacon and eggs, or something easy like tacos, but that’s about the extent of it.
I promise I tried. When we got married, Kay gave me all of her recipes, along with a set of my own black skillets. I cooked for a while, but the more kids I had, the worse I seemed to get. I just couldn’t do it all, and I had to admit it just wasn’t my thing. Willie says he retired me from the kitchen when Will and Bella came along. It doesn’t bother me. I’m good at a lot of things. Cooking just doesn’t happen to be one of them. I’m good at being a mom; Willie’s good at cooking. It works for us.
So, having said all that, I have to tell you that sometimes—well, more often than I care to admit—we just eat fast food. There, I said it. The end of every episode of Duck Dynasty shows us all around the dinner table, and that’s real. It’s what we do. We love to get together and enjoy a big meal together as a family. We do it often, but not every day. Sometimes we just go through the drive-through line and talk about our day in the car on the way to the next sporting event, and then we wait for Daddy to get home from his latest hunting or business trip so he can whip us up one of his gourmet meals!
HOMEMADE MAC AND CHEESE
Korie: This is an easy mac and cheese recipe that both kids and adults love. It is one of Kay’s recipes that I make often. It’s so easy, I can even do it!
1 package (16 ounces) large elbow macaroni
8 tablespoons butter
salt and pepper to taste
8 tablespoons flour
21/2 cups milk
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated
1. Cook macaroni according to package directions.
2. While macaroni is boiling, melt butter on medium heat in a medium-sized saucepan and add salt, pepper, and flour. Stir continuously.
3. When butter is melted, add milk.
4. Stir until it thickens, then turn off heat.
5. Strain the macaroni and pour it into a pan.
6. Cover with butter sauce and mix together.
7. Add grated cheese on the top and put in oven at 350 degrees until the cheese is melted.
13
FRIED BURGERS
WHAT, THEN, SHALL WE SAY IN RESPONSE TO THESE THINGS? IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US?
—ROMANS 8:31
If you’ve watched Duck Dynasty, you know all about Kay’s skills in the kitchen, but don’t overlook Phil when it comes to cooking. One of Phil’s specialties has always been good ol’ hamburgers. Of course, they’re not ordinary burgers. There is a very specific way that Phil cooks a burger. Most people put a patty of meat on the grill and just mash the heck out of it with a spatula, squeezing all the juice out of it as they try to cook it as fast as possible. But Phil’s philosophy is to never put a spatula on a burger. Phil’s famous burgers are not cooked on a grill—although he does grill burgers, but that’s a whole ’nother story. His famous burgers are cooked on a griddle or in a frying pan. They just taste better that way. While most people take about a quarter-pound of hamburger and make as big of a patty as they can, Phil prefers smaller, thinner patties. Phil never takes any shortcuts with his cooking, so he applies more pepper than needed, and the cooking surface is a lot hotter than required. When Phil throws a patty on the griddle, he sears one side and then the other, locking in all the juices that give a burger its flavor. He browns his buns on the griddle and they soak up the grease, which makes them taste even better. Phil’s burgers are some of the best around.
When I got older and had my own place, I started cooking my version of Phil’s burgers. I cook them kind of like Phil does,
but I’ve changed some things to make them my own. Phil taught me a long time ago that there’s no use in changing something if it works, so I still cook my burgers on a griddle or in a pan, use thin patties, and toast my buns in grease, just like he does. But to make them different, I’ve at times added jalapeños, bacon, onions, different seasonings, and even blue cheese to the meat. I’ve covered them with all kinds of different cheeses. We started calling my burgers “Willie burgers.” You know your burger is good when people start calling it by name. “Willie burgers” have become kind of famous among our family and friends, and there’s a big debate as to whether my burgers or Phil’s taste better.
Cooking burgers is pretty easy, which is probably why they’re so popular at barbecues or when you’re sitting by the swimming pool on the weekends. Not everyone can cook them well, but anyone can cook them. You fire up a grill or griddle and go to work. I feel like it’s kind of that way in business, too. From day one, Duck Commander wasn’t anything flashy. It started with a pretty common man with a very big dream. With the exception of Phil’s invention of the double-reed duck call, the things we’ve done with Duck Commander over the years haven’t necessarily been revolutionary. We didn’t bring in a consultant from Harvard Business School to create a business model or strategic plan for us. In fact, very little of what we’ve done has been by the book, but I think we took some chances and risks over the years in our quest to make Duck Commander a success. Some of them worked out; some of them didn’t.
The Duck Commander Family Page 13
