‘Vitamins, you mean?’
‘Yes. Things like fish oil, glucosamine, vitamin D—that sort of thing. Studies have shown they help in the repair of muscles and tissues and can even halt the progress of osteoarthritic change in your joints.’
He gave a bark of scorn. ‘For God’s sake, Miss Archer, I’m not arthritic. I’m only thirty-four years old.’
Her small chin came up. ‘Preventative health measures are worth considering no matter what your age.’
Raoul pinned her with his gaze. ‘How old are you?’
Her frown came back but even deeper this time and she seemed to hesitate over her reply. ‘I’m...I’m...twenty-six.’
‘You looked like you had to think about it for a moment.’
She gave a tight movement of her lips that didn’t even come close to being a smile. ‘I’m not keen on keeping a record on birthdays. What woman is?’
‘You’re very young to be worrying about that,’ Raoul said. ‘Once you’re over thirty, or even forty, it might be more of an issue, but you’re still a baby.’
She looked down at the soup in her bowl, that same little frown pulling at her forehead. ‘My father died on my birthday when I was seven years old. It’s not a day I’m used to celebrating.’
Raoul thought of the tragic death of his parents so close to his own birthday. Rafe had been ten; he had been eight, just about to turn nine, and Remy only seven. His parents’ funeral had been on Raoul’s birthday. It had been the worst birthday present anyone could imagine—to follow those flower-covered coffins into the cathedral, to feel that collective grief pressing down on him, to hear those mournful tunes as the choir sang.
To this day he hated having flowers in the house and he could not bear the sound of choral music.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘What about your mother? Is she still alive?’
‘Yes. She lives in Norfolk. I see her whenever I can.’
‘You live in London, yes?’
She nodded. ‘In a flat in Mayfair but, before you get all excited about the posh address, let me tell you it’s got creaking pipes and neighbours who think nothing of having loud parties that go on until four or five in the morning.’
‘Do you live alone?’
Her eyes flickered with something before she disguised it behind the screen of her lowered lashes. ‘Yes.’
Dominique came in to clear their plates, ready for the next course. She looked at Lily’s barely touched soup and frowned. ‘You are not hungry, mademoiselle? Would you like something else? I should have asked. Was the soup not to your liking?’
‘No, please, it was lovely,’ Lily said. ‘I’m a bit jet-lagged, that’s all. I suspect it’s affected my appetite.’
‘I have some lovely coq au vin for the main course,’ Dominique said. ‘It is Monsieur Raoul’s favourite. Perhaps that will whet your lagging appetite, oui?’
‘I’m sure it will,’ Lily said with a smile.
Raoul felt a spark of male interest when he saw Lily’s smile. She had beautiful white teeth, straight and even, and her smile had reached her eyes, making them come alive in a way they had not done previously. He felt a stirring in his groin, the first he had felt since his accident. He tried to ignore it but when she brought her gaze back to his he felt like a bolt of lightning had zapped him. She was stunningly beautiful when she wasn’t holding herself so rigidly. Her brief smile had totally transformed her rather serious demeanour. Why did she take such pains to hide her assets behind such drab clothing and that dour expression?
‘I hope I haven’t offended her,’ Lily said once Dominique had left.
‘She’s not easily offended,’ Raoul said with a hint of wryness. ‘If she were, she would have resigned the day I returned here after my accident. I wasn’t the best person to be around. I’m still not.’
‘It takes a lot of adjusting to accept limitations that have been imposed on us,’ she said. ‘You want your old life back, the one where everything was under your control. But that’s not always possible.’
Raoul picked up his wine glass again but he didn’t take a sip. It was more to have something to do with his hands, which increasingly felt compelled to reach across the table and touch one of hers. He wondered if her skin felt as soft as it looked. Her mouth fascinated him. It had looked so soft and plump when she’d smiled, yet now she held it so tightly. She gave off an aura of containment, of rigid self-control.
He gave himself a stern mental shake.
He was reading her aura?
‘That sounds like the voice of experience,’ he said. ‘Have you been injured in the past?’
Her expression closed like curtains coming down on a stage. ‘I didn’t come here to talk about me. I came here to help you.’
‘Against my will.’
She gave him a challenging look that put a defiant spark in her gaze. ‘I’m leaving first thing in the morning, as you requested.’
Raoul didn’t want her to leave, or at least not yet. Besides, his brother had paid a king’s ransom for her services. The no-refund clause she’d insisted on irritated him. She would be home free if he let her pack up and leave before she had even started.
No, he would make her stay and make her work damn hard for the money.
He gave her an equally challenging look. ‘What if I told you I’d changed my mind?’
‘Have you?’
‘I’m prepared to give you a week’s trial. After that, I’ll reassess.’
Her expression was wary. ‘Are you sure?’
‘When do we start?’
She reached across the table and snatched his wine glass away. ‘Right now.’
Raoul tightened his jaw. He knew he was using alcohol as a crutch. Normally he was appalled by such behaviour in others, but he didn’t take kindly to being treated like a child who didn’t know how to practise self-restraint. ‘It helps me sleep.’
‘Alcohol disrupts sleep patterns. Anyway, Dominique told me you were a bad sleeper.’
‘I wasn’t before.’
‘Do you have nightmares?’
‘No.’ He could tell she didn’t believe him, but there was no way he was going to tell her about the horrifying images that kept him awake at night. The pain he had felt on the impact would stay with him for life. The fear that he would drown before anyone got to him had stayed with him and made him break out in a cold sweat every time he thought of it. He couldn’t bear the thought of being submerged in water now, yet he’d used to swim daily.
‘I have a list of supplements I’d like you to take,’ she said. ‘And I want to introduce some aquatic exercises.’
Raoul held up his plastered right arm. ‘Hello? This isn’t waterproof. Swimming is out of the question.’
‘Not swimming, per se. Walking in water.’
He gave a disdainful laugh. ‘I can’t even walk on land, let alone in water. You’ve got the wrong guy. The one you’re looking for died two thousand-odd years ago and had a swag of miracles under his belt.’
She gave him a withering look. ‘You can wear a plastic bag over the cast. It will help your core stability switch on again to be moving in the water.’
Raoul glared at her furiously. ‘I want my life switched on again! I don’t give a damn about anything else.’
She pressed her lips together as if she were dealing with a recalcitrant child and needed to summon up some extra patience. ‘I realise this is difficult for you—’
‘You’re damn right it’s difficult for me,’ he threw back. ‘I can’t even get down to the stables to see my horses. I can’t even dress or shave myself without help.’
‘How long before the plaster comes off?’
‘Two weeks.’
‘You’ll find it much easier once it’s off. Once your arm is strong enoug
h, you’ll be able to do some assisted walking on parallel bars. That’s what I did with my last client. Within twelve weeks she was able to walk without holding on at all.’
Raoul didn’t want to wait for twelve weeks. He didn’t want to wait for twelve days. He wanted to be back on his feet now. He didn’t want to turn his house into a rehabilitation facility with bars and rails and ramps everywhere. He wanted to be able to live a normal life, the life he’d had before, the life where he was in the driving seat, not being driven or pushed around by others. The grief and despair of what he had lost gnawed at him like a vicious toothache. How would he ever be happy with these limitations that had been forced on him?
He could not be happy.
He would never be happy, not like this.
How could he be?
Dominique came in with their main course. ‘Would you like me to cut the chicken into smaller pieces for you, Monsieur Raoul?’ she asked as she set his plate in front of him.
‘No, I would not,’ Raoul said curtly. ‘I’m not a bloody child.’
Lily gave him a reproachful look once Dominique had left the room. ‘You’re giving a very convincing impression of one, and a very spoilt one at that. She was only trying to help. There was no need to bark at her like that.’
‘I don’t like being fussed over.’ Raoul glowered at her. ‘I refuse to be treated like an invalid.’
‘It’s always much harder for people with control issues to accept their limitations.’
He let out a derisive grunt of laughter. ‘You think I’m a control freak? How did you come to that conclusion? Was my aura giving me away?’
‘You’re a classic control freak. That’s why you’re so angry and bitter. You’re not in control any more. Your body won’t let you do the things you want it to do. It’s galling for you to have to ask anyone for help, so you don’t ask. I bet you’d rather go hungry than have that meat cut up for you.’
Raoul curled his lip. ‘Quite the little psychologist, aren’t you, Miss Archer?’
She pursed her mouth for a moment before she responded. ‘You have a strong personality. You’re used to being in charge of your life. It doesn’t take a psychology degree to work that out.’
He gave her a mocking look. ‘Well, how about I read your aura, since we’re playing amateur psychologist?’
Her expression tightened. ‘Go right ahead.’
‘You don’t like drawing attention to yourself. You hide behind shapeless clothes. You lack confidence. Shall I go on?’
‘Is it a crime to be an introvert?’
‘No,’ Raoul said. ‘But I’m intrigued as to why a young woman as beautiful as you works so hard to downplay it.’
She looked flustered by his compliment. ‘I—I don’t consider myself to be beautiful.’
‘You don’t like compliments, do you, Miss Archer?’
She brought her chin up. ‘Not unless I believe them to be genuine.’
Raoul continued to hold her gaze, watching as she fought against the desire to break the connection. Her eyes were dark blue pools, layered with secrets. What was it about her that so captivated him? Was it that air of mystery? That element of unknowable, untouchable reserve? She was so different from the women in his social circles—not just in looks and manner of dress but in her guardedness. She reminded him of a shy fawn, always keeping a watch out for danger—tense, alert, focused. He would enjoy the challenge of peeling back the layers of that carefully constructed façade.
‘What time would you like to start in the morning?’ he asked.
‘Is nine OK? It will be hard work, but hopefully you’ll find it beneficial.’
‘I certainly hope so. Otherwise my brother is going to be without a best man.’
She frowned at him. ‘You mean you won’t go to the wedding at all if you’re not walking by then?’
‘I’m not going to ruin all the photos by being stuck in a chair. If I can’t walk, then I’m not going.’
‘But you can’t not go to your brother’s wedding.’ Her frown deepened. ‘It’s the most important day of his life. You should be there, chair or no chair.’
Raoul set his jaw. He was not going to make a spectacle of himself on his brother’s wedding day. The wedding would be large and the press would be there in droves. He could just imagine the attention he would receive. He could already see the caption on the photograph: the poor crippled brother. His stomach churned at the thought of it. ‘Your job, Miss Archer, is to get me out of this chair. You have one week to convince me you can do it.’
She moistened her lips with another little sweep of her tongue. ‘I’m not sure if I can or not. It’s hard to put a time frame on the healing process. It could take months or it might not happen at all...’
‘That is not an option,’ Raoul said. ‘You’ve supposedly worked a miracle before. Let’s see you if you can do it again.’
CHAPTER THREE
LILY DID HER best with the meal Dominique set before her but the intensely penetrating gaze of Raoul Caffarelli did no favours to her already meagre appetite. He made her feel threatened, but strangely it wasn’t in a physical way. He had a way of looking at her as if he was quietly making a study of her, peeling back the layers she had taken such great pains to stitch into place. Those layers were the only things holding her together. She could not bear the thought of him unravelling her, uncovering her shame for the world to see.
She tugged her sleeves down over her scarred arms beneath the table. The multiple fine white lines were not as noticeable as they once had been but she still liked to keep them covered. She hated the looks she got, the questioning lift of eyebrows and the judgemental comments such as, ‘how could you deliberately cut yourself?’.
But the external scars were nothing to what she kept hidden on the inside.
Lily hated thinking of herself as a victim. She liked to think of herself as a survivor, but there were days when the nightmare of her twenty-first birthday came back to her in sharp stabs of memory that pierced the carapace she had constructed around herself. Sometimes it felt as if her soul was still bleeding, drop by drop, until one day there would be nothing left...
She looked up from fiddling with her sleeves to find Raoul’s hazel gaze on her. She had lost track of time; how long had he been looking at her like that? ‘Sorry... Did you say something?’
‘No.’
‘Oh...I thought you did.’
‘You looked like you were miles away,’ he said.
She tried to keep her features blank. ‘Did I?’
‘Are you a dreamer, Miss Archer?’
Lily would have laughed if she could remember how to do it. She had long ago given up dreaming for things that could never be hers. She was more or less resigned to the bitter reality that she could not turn back the clock and make a better choice this time around. ‘No.’
He continued to hold her gaze, watching...watching. She forced herself to keep still, to not fidget or shift in her seat. But the tension was making her neck and shoulders ache and she could feel a headache starting at the back of her eyes. If she wasn’t careful it would turn into a migraine and she would be even more vulnerable than she was now.
Lily put her napkin on the table. ‘Will you excuse me?’ She pushed back her chair. ‘I need to use the bathroom.’
He gave a formal nod without once disconnecting his gaze from hers. ‘Be my guest.’
* * *
Lily let out her breath in a stuttered stream once she was inside the nearest bathroom. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror and flinched. There were still times when she didn’t recognise herself. It seemed like another person lived inside her body now. Gone was the outgoing, cheerful, laugh-a-minute girl who loved to party with the best of them. In her place was a drab young woman who looked older than he
r years.
Lily knew it pained her mother to see her downplay her features, but it was the only way she could cope with the past. She didn’t want to be reminded of who she had been back then.
That girl had got her into trouble.
This one would keep her out of it.
When Lily came back to the dining room, the housekeeper was clearing away the plates. ‘Monsieur Raoul has retired for the night,’ Dominique said, looking up from her task of placing their used glasses on a silver tray.
‘Oh...’ Lily wasn’t sure why she felt a little tweak of disappointment. It wasn’t as if she had been expecting him to entertain her. The fact that he’d joined her at table was surprising in itself, given how tetchy he’d been to find out his brother had brought her here. But to leave without even saying goodnight seemed a bit rude. Was it his way of showing her he was still in control of some aspects of his life? Was he reminding her of her place here? She was just an employee, one he hadn’t even wanted to hire.
‘Would you care for a coffee in the salon?’ Dominique asked.
‘Coffee will be lovely.’ She stepped forward. ‘Can I help you with that tray?’
Dominique smiled. ‘You are here to work for Monsieur Raoul, not to help me. But thank you for offering. I will bring your coffee to you shortly.’
Lily gnawed at her lip as she made her way to the salon. Why had Raoul changed his mind about having her here? He had said he would give her a week’s trial and then reassess.
But what exactly would he be assessing?
* * *
Raoul tried to concentrate on some bloodlines on the computer in his study. There was a thoroughbred sale in Ireland he went to every year, but how could he turn up to it like this? It was the most humiliating thing of all, to be so helpless that he couldn’t operate his chair with both hands, but until this arm healed he was stuck with it. He had not realised how dominant his right arm was until he had lost the use of it.
As for his legs... He tried to wriggle his toes but it was as if the message from his brain was delayed. He gripped his thigh with his left hand, digging his fingers in to see if the sensation was any stronger than the day before, but it was still patchy and dull in some places.
Never Underestimate a Caffarelli Page 4
