A muscle flicked in his jaw as if he was having trouble containing his outrage at the treatment she had been subjected to. ‘Was the man arrested and charged?’
She shook her head. ‘I didn’t report it.’
His frown was so deep it created a V on his forehead. ‘But what if he did it to some other girl?’
Lily crossed her arms over her body. ‘I thought about that. A lot. But it was complicated.’
‘That lowlife creep should be brought to justice. It’s not too late. I can get you a good lawyer. It’s not too late to file a charge. I know retrospective cases are much harder to prove but it would be worth it to have your day in court, even if it’s only to name and shame him.’
‘No, I don’t want to do that. I can’t do that.’
‘Why can’t you?’ His frown was even more severe, his look even more forbidding. ‘It’s not right that he gets away with it. He hurt you, damn it. He should be made to pay for his crime. Do you have a good description of him? The police have face-recognition data files now. The technology is improving all the time. They might be able to track him on that to see if he’s a serial offender.’
‘He’s not a serial offender.’ Lily let out a long breath. ‘Or at least, I don’t think so. He was my best friend’s older brother and he’s got a law degree, along with his father, grandfather and great-grandfather.’
‘You know him?’
‘Most sex crimes are committed by people known to the victim. Random acts are still thankfully rare, although they do happen.’ She knew she sounded like a police statement but she had heard the words so many times. ‘I guess that’s why I didn’t take any precautionary steps. I didn’t realise he was a threat until it was too late. Up until that night he’d been like a brother to me. But he was drunk and I was very tipsy. I thought we were just having a bit of a flirt with each other but suddenly everything changed. He got aggressive and before I knew it I was having unwanted sex. There was nothing I could do to stop it. He was very strong and I was under the influence of alcohol. I should have been more careful, but I guess everyone is wiser in hindsight.’
‘You’re blaming yourself for his lack of decency and control?’ He gave her an incredulous look. ‘How does that work? He should’ve realised you weren’t able to give proper consent. It was his responsibility, not yours.’
Lily couldn’t help a part-sad, part-wry smile. ‘In spite of being known as a ruthless playboy, you’re really a rather old-fashioned man, aren’t you?’
His expression was dark and brooding. ‘I’m not going to apologise for believing women deserve respect and protection.’ He glanced at her arms. ‘Is that why you started cutting?’
‘Yes.’
‘It’s nothing to be ashamed of. The shame belongs to the man who took advantage of you. You were just trying to cope in the best way you could.’
‘It wasn’t a great way of coping.’ She let out a ragged sigh. ‘I wish I’d chosen something a little less permanent.’
‘What, like drugs or alcohol or smoking? They’re just other coping mechanisms, and they can have far more serious and dangerous implications in the long term.’
‘I hate my scars.’ Lily looked down at the white marks on her arms. ‘I wish I could erase them.’
‘Scars are a way of reminding ourselves of what we’ve learned in life. We all have them, Lily, it’s just that some are more visible than others.’
Lily looked into his strong yet kind eyes and wondered yet again how his fiancée could have left him. He was such a noble man, so proud and yet so honourable. What woman wouldn’t want to be loved and protected by such a man?
But then, he hadn’t loved his fiancée, or so he had said. Was he capable of loving? Some men weren’t. Neither were some women, and up until very recently she had been one of them.
Love?
You think you’re in love with him?
Are you completely nuts?
Lily rubbed her hands over her shivering arms. ‘I’ve been in the water too long.... I’d better go in. Do you need a hand getting out?’
‘No, I might stay in for a while. Try some of that walking in water you suggested.’
‘Is your cast still dry?’
‘So far.’
Lily got out of the pool and turned to look at him. He hadn’t moved at all. He was still watching her with a frown pulling at his brow. He looked so normal leaning there against the side of the pool. It was gut-wrenching to think his legs were not able to hold him upright. But maybe his limitations had given him the ability to understand hers. Or maybe he was just a truly wonderful man who didn’t deserve what life had thrown his way. Either way she knew she would never forget this night. Being in his arms, feeling normal and desirable, had touched her deeply. He had seen her scars and had wanted her anyway.
He had made her feel beautiful and she hadn’t felt that in a very long time.
* * *
Raoul waited until Lily had gone back inside the château before he moved from the side of the pool. His insides were churning at what she had gone through. He wanted to fix things for her, to seek justice, to undo the wrong that had been done to her. It seemed so unfair that she had suffered for so long on her own, hiding herself behind shapeless clothes, downplaying her features, living half a life in order to avoid a repeat of what had happened. The scars on her arms did nothing to detract from her beauty, or at least not as far as he was concerned. He had always thought she was stunning, but even more important to him was her inner beauty. She was kind-hearted and gentle, compassionate yet spirited.
He felt deeply ashamed for thinking she had only come for the money. How could he have misread her so appallingly? She had wanted to leave at the first opportunity because she didn’t feel safe. He had probably terrified her with his snarly comments and black looks. But, in spite of her fear, she had been drawn to him.
He thought of the way she kissed him, so unrestrainedly, as if for those few moments she had acted purely on instinct and allowed herself to be who she was truly meant to be. What would it take to unlock that frozen passion for good? To get her to come out of her protective shell and live life the way it was meant to be lived?
Was he the man to do it?
How could he help her when he couldn’t even help himself? He was stuck in a chair with legs that refused to work. He had nothing to offer her other than an affair to remember. He could just imagine her telling her friends about it some time in the future—the little fling she’d had with a guy in a wheelchair to get her confidence back. What a story that would be to dine out on.
He couldn’t think of anything worse.
Why couldn’t he have met her before his accident? They might have had a chance to build on the mutual attraction they felt. If he acted on it now, how could he be sure she wasn’t feeling sorry for him? How could he know she wanted him for himself and not as a confidence boost?
Why did it matter? It had never mattered before. Sex was sex. It was a physical experience that didn’t touch him emotionally. He’d had dozens of partners and he hadn’t once thought of anything but the physicality of making love. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the women he’d slept with, although admittedly he had liked some more than others.
He wasn’t comfortable with getting close to people emotionally. He had been very attached to his parents but the accident had taken them away from him and his brothers, shattering their lives in the blink of an eye. The family unit he had taken for granted had been destroyed. Everything that had been secure and sacred to them had been lost, even the very roof over their heads. The modest villa their mother had insisted they be brought up in to keep them grounded and in touch with those less fortunate than themselves had been sold within days of the funeral. They hadn’t been consulted. Their grandfather had taken control and he’d had no time for tears or tantrums. He rul
ed with an iron fist and it came down on anyone who dared to thwart his will.
Raoul had shut down the feeling part of himself because it was safer to be distant and in control than to be up close and unguarded.
Turning it back on again was out of the question.
Especially now....
CHAPTER TEN
DOMINIQUE WAS BEAMING from ear to ear when Lily came down for breakfast the next morning. ‘You have worked a miracle, oui?’
‘Yes, well, he’s agreed to keep me on for the month, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up too soon.’
‘Not that.’ Dominique pointed to the window. ‘Look.’
Lily moved over to the bank of windows. Raoul was in his wheelchair down near the stables talking to Etienne who had one of the horses on a lead. It was a huge beast, strong and feisty-looking with a regally arched neck, wide nostrils and jittery stamping feet. But after a moment it quietened, stepped forward and nuzzled against Raoul’s outstretched hand and then started rubbing its head against his chest with the sort of familiarity that spoke of deep affection and trust. Even from this distance she could see the smile on Raoul’s face. A knotty lump came up in her throat and she had to swallow a couple of times to remove it.
‘You are very good for him, Mademoiselle Archer.’ Dominique’s voice sounded like she had her own prickly lump to deal with. ‘I did not think he would ever go outside again. It broke my heart to see him. He bred that stallion himself. People from all over the world pay a lot of money to have him sire their foals.’
‘He looks gorgeous.’
Dominique gave her a cheeky look. ‘I was talking about the horse.’
Lily felt a blush steal over her cheeks. ‘So was I.’
The housekeeper poured Lily a coffee and handed it to her. ‘Etienne told me you used to ride.’
‘Not recently. I’d probably fall off as soon as the horse took a step.’
Dominique smiled at her. ‘They say it is like riding a bike, no? You never forget.’
Lily took the cup and cradled in in both hands. ‘Then I must be the exception to the rule because I’ve completely forgotten.’
‘It’s just a matter of confidence. The right time, the right horse, oui?’
‘It’s the most dangerous sport of all. It doesn’t matter how well trained the horse is, they can still revert to their instincts.’
Dominique gave her a thoughtful look. ‘Not all horses are like that.’
Lily put her cup down on the counter as she turned to leave. ‘Maybe not, but all the ones I’ve met so far are.’
* * *
Raoul was already in the gym doing some weights when Lily came in an hour later. Although he didn’t like admitting it, he felt better for having spent a bit of time outdoors. He had decided to relax his rule about going outside a bit further—just to the stables, not off the property or out in public. It went against every instinct he possessed to compromise, but last night in the pool had made him realise he could be short-changing himself not to stretch and push against every boundary that had been placed on him. It hadn’t been easy getting down to the stables but Etienne had helped him down and back and the horses, particularly Mardi and his stallion, Firestorm, had appreciated his efforts.
‘Etienne told me you are a former horsewoman.’
‘Hardly that.’
‘Would you be interested in exercising some of my horses while you are here?’
Her expression closed like a fist. ‘No.’
‘I have a very quiet mare that you—’
‘You’re not lifting that weight properly.’ She picked up a lighter weight and demonstrated. ‘See? You’re incorporating the wrong muscles if you don’t do it properly. It’s a waste of time and effort if you don’t do it the right way.’
Raoul didn’t even look at the weight. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘You’re upset.’
She put the weight back down with unnecessary force, clanging it against the others on the rack. ‘I’m here to help you rehabilitate. That’s what you and your brother are paying me to do. I’m not here to get back in the saddle, either figuratively or literally.’
‘I thought you might like some time off to relax. I don’t expect you to spend all of your time here stuck indoors with me.’ He scraped a hand through his hair and frowned. ‘God knows it’s bad enough for me being with me. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you.’
There was a little silence.
‘I don’t find it hard being with you.’ Her voice was so soft he almost didn’t hear it.
Raoul looked at her. ‘What, you enjoy my cutting sarcasm?’
‘I think you push people away because you don’t want them to see how much you’re hurting.’
‘Here we go.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘The psychology lecture. Have I paid for that or is that extra?’
Her chin came up a fraction. ‘It’s free.’
‘Well, guess what? I don’t want it. I was doing just fine until you came along.’
She folded her arms across her chest. ‘Sure you were. That’s why you were stuck inside this great, big old mausoleum with no one but your housekeeper to feed you meals through the tiny gap you allowed in the door. Oh, yes, you were getting on just fine and dandy.’
He glowered at her. ‘And just how well are you getting on? Why don’t you take a dose of your own therapy? Perhaps read your own aura for a change. See what everyone else sees when they look at you.’
She stiffened as if he had thrown something nasty at her; she was determined not to show how much it affected her. ‘By “everyone else” I suppose you mean you?’
‘What I see is completely different. I see a young woman who is deeply passionate but is too frightened to show it. I see how much you want to grab life with both hands, but those hands have been burnt once and you’re too scared to reach for what you want because you don’t want to get burnt again. What other people see is a distant, somewhat cold, frumpy woman—that’s not who you are, Lily. You will never be happy until you are true to who you are meant to be.’
Her mouth flattened and her eyes flashed at him. ‘I don’t need you to sort out my life for me.’
‘If you can’t sort out your own, life what chance have you in sorting out mine?’
She opened and closed her mouth, her cheeks going a deep shade of pink as she turned away. ‘I don’t think this is going to work. I think it’s best if I just leave.’
‘You do that a lot, don’t you?’ Raoul said. ‘You run away when things get uncomfortable. But avoiding a problem only means you won’t be the one to eventually solve it.’
Every muscle in her back seemed to stiffen before she turned back to face him. ‘And how are you going to solve your problems? By pushing everyone away who could help you? Good luck with that. I’ve tried that in the past and, believe me, it doesn’t work.’
‘Then let’s both do it differently this time.’ Raoul let out a long breath. ‘Let’s pretend my brother didn’t engineer this. Let’s just be two people who might be able to help each other get back on their feet...or back on the horse; whatever metaphor works.’
Her look was guarded. ‘I’m not sure what you’re suggesting.’
‘Just be yourself. That’s all I’m asking. I want to get to know the real Lily Archer.’ He suddenly realised it was true. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to understand her and help her to claim back the life that had been stolen from her. She was a beautiful, warm-hearted girl who had been treated badly. She needed to regain her confidence and trust in people—and wasn’t he the perfect man to do it?
Are you out of your mind? You can’t help her. You can’t even help yourself!
Raoul didn’t want to listen to the voice of reason. This time he was go
ing to go on his instincts rather than rationality. Spending time with her would make her feel more at ease with herself. Make her less shy, less defensive. It would be a two-way deal. She would be helping him to get back on his feet and he would help her embrace her life once more.
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip again. ‘You might be disappointed.’
‘I might be surprised. And you might be, too.’ He gave her a crooked smile. ‘I’m told I can be quite charming when I’m not snapping people’s heads off.’ He held out his hand. ‘Truce?’
She put her small, soft hand in his. His almost swallowed it whole. ‘Truce.’
* * *
Lily spent the next fortnight working with Raoul in the gym and on parallel bar exercises. She kept things as conservative as she could because she was concerned he was doing too much already. She had caught him a couple of times doing extra sessions in the gym, and she had seen him in the pool each afternoon since his plaster had come off, although she hadn’t been brave enough to join him. It worried her that he was pushing himself beyond his body’s capabilities. She didn’t want to leave him worse off.
Leave him.
Those words made her uneasy every time she thought of them. She had to keep reminding herself that this was a job like any other. She wasn’t supposed to get attached in any way to a client. She was supposed to do what she could to help them regain their mobility and strength and then move on to the next person who needed her. She wasn’t supposed to daydream about their kisses or touches. She wasn’t supposed to hope they would kiss her again or touch her other than incidentally.
He had kept a polite distance after that night in the pool. He had dined with her only a handful of times, mostly preferring to eat in his study while he worked. But she had seen the way his gaze kept homing in on her mouth now and again when he was speaking to her. It was like an involuntary impulse he couldn’t control.
She wasn’t much better. Only that morning she had helped him stabilise on the parallel bars and had come too close to him. He had momentarily lost his balance and she had stepped in to support him. She felt his warm, minty breath on her face and her heart had given a kick inside her chest in case he closed the small distance and covered her mouth with his.
Never Underestimate a Caffarelli Page 11
