by Nicki Elson
Jen worked herself into a panic. Her heart beat wildly, and her breath came in shallow spurts. She tried thinking of what her mother had told her: “When two people truly love each other, inhibitions don’t get in the way.” That made her feel a little better. But still…
Jen narrowed her eyes at the rising sun. There had to be a way to gain experience while still saving herself. Fate was taking too long to show her the right guy, so maybe it was time for Jen to take control of the situation. She stood and turned her back on the orange glow that now blazed over the ocean. Dragging her feet through the sand on her way back to her motel, she allowed the seeds of a new plan to plant themselves in her imagination.
***
The ride back to CIU seemed far longer than the drive away from it. Celia did most of the driving, and Chris claimed shotgun, leaving Maria and Jen in the back seat. Chris propped her bare feet on the dashboard and reclined her seat as far as it would go, forcing Maria to lean toward the center. Jen pressed herself closely to the door and stared out the window. She still felt a twinge of irritation toward Maria.
Away from Mr. Margarita and without the haze of infatuation clouding her eyes, Maria finally sensed Jen’s distance. After a few failed attempts at light conversation, Maria leaned in closer and grabbed Jen’s hand. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Jen’s hand stiffened, but she left it in Maria’s and turned to face her. “Do you really not know?”
Maria’s gaze flicked downward. “Evan?”
“Was that his name?”
“I’m sorry. I know this was supposed to be a girls-only trip. Did I ignore you too much?”
“That’s not it at all.” Jen tilted her head, boring a look into Maria that invited her to guess again.
“Oh, Tom.” Maria gave a casual wave of her hand. “Don’t worry about him. He’s a big boy. He knows what goes on during spring break. And you saw Evan—it’s not like he was just any guy. Tom would be proud to know his girlfriend attracted someone so amazingly beautiful, especially with all of those other girls after him.”
“Tom would be proud?”
“Yep.”
“You’re going to tell him?”
“Nooo.” Maria’s long, black waves swished from side to side as she shook her head. “I’m not crazy. Besides, it’s not like I slept with the guy.”
“You didn’t?”
“No! Of course not! I do have some self-control. It’s just, like, I don’t know. I get this feeling Tom’s the one. Evan might’ve been my last chance to have a fling.”
Jen wasn’t sure there was ever a good reason to cheat on someone, but they were leaving Evan in their dust, so she was willing to get over it—especially if Maria was serious about it being the last time. “You really think Tom’s the one?”
“Uh-huh.”
“How can you tell?”
“When he’s the one, you just know.” When Jen smiled, Maria flung her arms around her. “Yay! Jenny loves me again.”
Jen hugged her back and laughed. “Please don’t call me Jenny.”
Chris shifted in her seat and shot a bleary-eyed glare at them, then repositioned herself and resumed her slow snoring.
Chapter 7
Jen’s thoughts from her last morning on the beach remained with her after returning to campus. They morphed into a loose plan—one that deeply preoccupied her at times. She mentally filled in some of the finer details one late April afternoon as she walked into the study lounge at the student center. She’d gone there with the sole intention of reading a chapter for Sociology class.
She noticed a familiar, rumpled head across the room. It was David, bent over an array of books and papers. Jen let out a small gasp. Her plan had taken on specific parameters over the last few days and David was one of those parameters. Jen interpreted his presence on that day as a sign that her plan was good. Keeping her bag slung over her shoulder, she approached him and pulled out the chair on the opposite side of the small, square table where he sat. He looked up when the chair scuffed across the tile.
“Hey” he said, grabbing papers off her side of the table to clear a space.
“Don’t worry. I’m not staying. I just have a question for you.” She sat, trying to appear casual.
His dark eyes surveyed her as he leaned back in his chair, nodding for her to continue.
“Do you still want to be friends again?” she asked.
“Yeah, of course.”
“You understand there would be absolutely no chance whatsoever of us ever dating again. Never, never, ever.”
“Sure, yeah.”
Jen sat silent, deciding on her next words. She had to phrase this just the right way. Glancing from side to side, she made sure no one was close enough to overhear.
Before she could speak, David jumped in. “Jen, I’ll do whatever I can to make things up to you.”
“Anything?”
“Yes. Anything. Just ask.”
A small smile crept onto Jen’s face. “Okay, so I’ve already forgiven you, but I was thinking maybe you could do something for me in return.”
David nodded in agreement and Jen launched into an explanation of her epiphany in Daytona Beach. David listened with his brow furrowed, probably wondering what any of this had to do with him.
“My plan is this: I need to sleep with someone. Soon,” Jen told him.
David shrugged. “Should be easy enough to accomplish. Lots of young, virile men on campus.”
“Not just anyone. I mean, I don’t want it to be like a casual sex kind of thing. I want it to be focused lessons on intercourse with someone I’ll absolutely never date.”
David still looked confused.
“Never, never, ever.” Jen gave David a significant look.
His dark brows unfurrowed, and a devilish grin crept onto his face. He’d caught her meaning.
“Are you dating anyone right now?” Jen asked.
“Nope.”
“Good. Can you commit to not dating anyone during a five week period?”
“Not a problem. But why five weeks?”
“I think five sessions, each spaced about a week apart, ought to be enough to cover the basics and give me a strong foundation on which to build in the future.”
“You make it sound like a formal program,” he teased. “Do I need to fill out an application?”
“First requirement: a working penis.” Jen cast a questioning glance at David to which he responded with a confirming nod. “Check. Second requirement: no girlfriend. Check. And third: you owe me. Check. See, you’re totally qualified. So…you in?”
“Of course I’m in.”
“Good. Great,” Jen was relieved, but it had all come about more easily than she’d expected. She wasn’t sure what to do next. Fortunately, she’d been proactive and had already started on her birth control prescription from the university health clinic. She had condoms tucked away in a hidden pocket of her book bag. “Okay, so, um, give me a call when you’ve finished studying and we can set something up. Make it soon, though. Before I change my mind.”
“I can study later.” David snatched at his papers and books, gathering them.
“Oh, uh, okay…I guess now’s good, then.” Things were going way more quickly than she’d expected. At least she wouldn’t have time to obsess about it anymore. She was nervous, but she was also confident in her plan and with her choice of David. She didn’t have to worry about “what if” with him. She’d already seen it, and a repeat wasn’t the least bit tempting.
David crammed a mass of papers into one of his books and dropped his calculator three times before managing to secure it in his backpack. When they started walking and David’s back was to her, Jen smiled. It gave her great pleasure to see him so agitated, especially knowing that she was the one who’d caused the agitation. On the walk to Pemberley Hall, he asked, “Did you honestly think there was any chance I’d turn you down?”
“Well, it’s a rather odd request, don’t you think?”
&nb
sp; “Odd doesn’t equal unpleasant.”
Once in his small dorm room, David assured Jen that his roommate wouldn’t be back for hours. He was off hunting turtles or something for his zoology class. Jen had never been in David’s room before. Painting wasn’t allowed, so David had taped black sheets of construction paper over every surface of the wall on his side of the room, giving it a creepy ambiance. His roommate had posters of planets and other outer space scenes on his side. Over his desk by the window was tacked a large map of a mythical kingdom.
David’s wall held only the black paper. No posters or maps or anything at all. From the ceiling he’d hung shoes by their laces—Jen recognized his old high tops—and a large sculpture made entirely of paperclips. It was bizarre but had a certain elegance.
“This is charming,” she said. “Real cheerful.”
“Thanks,” David replied with a grin. “I recently redecorated. I asked my interior designer to give me something appropriate for defiling virgins.”
Jen laughed. “Good timing, I guess.”
The banter was light, but Jen’s heart thundered in her chest. This was really going to happen. David walked up to her and tilted her chin. He touched his lips to hers in a tentative kiss. Jen’s eyes stayed wide open, watching him and keeping her lips stiff. After a moment, she jerked her head back. “David, you don’t have to kiss me.”
“You’re about to be lying naked in my bed. I actually do have to kiss you. I want to kiss you,” he quickly rephrased.
“All right. But I think for this first time, let’s keep it simple. No fancy stuff. Just straight to business. We can work on technique later.”
“Okay.” David gently drew his fingers down the side of her face and locked his dark eyes on hers. His lips twisted into a soft smile. “You’re a very strange girl, but I’m glad you’re talking to me again.”
Jen smiled at the affection in his tone. His voice rolled over her like a warm blanket and put her more at ease. He pressed his mouth to hers again, and her lips were softer, but the kiss still felt awkward. They moved on to undressing, which Jen did as swiftly as possible and then dove under David’s blanket to avoid the embarrassment of standing naked in front of him.
David soon joined her and was persistent in his kisses, covering her mouth in a series of tender pecks until it all felt very natural. Jen closed her eyes and lifted her face to his. David pressed her head down into the pillow, and their mouths opened in a real kiss. Jen tried not to think about the last time they’d kissed. She tried not to think about the first time, either.
Soon, she was only thinking about David’s hands as they began to wander, massaging her breasts, playing with her tender nipples, and then moving farther down. This was all stuff she’d done before with other guys. His touch was confident and stimulating, but Jen was nervous about what was coming next. Her body stiffened. The logical part of her brain fought with her natural instincts. Relax, enjoy, relax, enjoy!
David’s slender fingers began to gently probe inside of her, sending her internal struggle into a rage. Only one other guy had ever had his fingers in her. She’d been super drunk when it had happened. David’s hand stopped, and he broke the kiss, lifting his face away from Jen’s. He shifted his weight off of her and leaned to the side on an elbow while he leveled a serious, penetrating gaze at her. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Now that Jen was here, she wasn’t at all sure. It had made so much sense when it was just an idea. She hadn’t realized the stars would align so neatly or so quickly. Could she really sleep with someone she wasn’t in love with? Someone she wasn’t even dating? But that was the whole point—gain experience with someone non-threatening so she could revert back to her virginity and store the experience in a vault to be retrieved when the right guy finally came along.
“I’m sure,” Jen said, pulling David back down on top of her. He didn’t kiss her and didn’t look at all convinced. “Please.” If she didn’t go through with this now—right now—she never would.
David nodded his acquiescence and kissed tenderly down her throat and around her breasts until her body again relaxed. He sucked at the base of her neck and returned to his probing. Jen ran her fingers up and down the muscles of his smooth, bare back, indicating that all was good. She was ready. Without fanfare, David pushed himself into her. Jen let out a small cry with the first shock of pain. She bit her lip and turned her head to the side so he wouldn’t see her tensed expression.
His mouth again locked onto her throat, and he groaned. Jen was glad that at least he was enjoying it. It didn’t hurt anymore for her, but it didn’t exactly feel great, either. While David panted and pumped, her mind became consumed with nature videos of animals mating in the wild. He was acting out his animal instincts right on top of her, but somehow Jen felt separated from it. She didn’t lose herself in carnal pleasure the way David did. His groans continued, and his breathing grew thicker. His thrusts became more urgent until he arched his back, his chest lifting off of Jen as he gave a final push inside her. Then it was over.
He exhaled heavy gusts onto Jen’s face as he caught his breath. She lay very still, unsure of what came next. He pressed a quick kiss onto her mouth and then hopped off the bed to dispose of his prophylactic. He looked down at himself and then at Jen. “There’s a little bit of blood. Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Jen reached under the blankets and felt a small, sticky spot of wetness under her. “I’m sorry, there’s some on your sheets.”
“That’s all right.” David’s voice was gentle. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah,” she answered, feeling an irrational flash of irritation with him. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. You look like you’re about to cry.”
“I’m not going to cry!” Jen snapped, and then burst into tears. They’d come out of nowhere, so she’d been unprepared to fight them.
“Damn it!” David shouted. “We shouldn’t have done this.” He wiped his hands and then came to kneel beside the bed. He laid Jen’s weeping head on his shoulder and stroked her hair. “I’m so sorry.” The tenderness in his voice made Jen cry harder.
When she was able to form words again, she said between sobs, “Don’t b-be sorry…I’m not s-s-sorry…I wanted th-th-this…I’m g-glad.”
“You don’t sound glad.” David wore a small, ironic smirk as he pushed her hair from her face.
“Losing my virginity is a b-big deal I g-guess. And you’re being so s-sweet…I don’t know…” She started crying again, and David held onto her until she finished. She eventually managed to compose herself, and before she left his room, she assured him that this was one hundred percent what she wanted. They made an appointment for the following week.
On her way out the door, David asked her one more time, “You sure you’re okay?”
“Ask me again, and you’ll be the one crying.” She was only half kidding.
On her way back to Longbourn Hall, Jen was glad she’d cried herself out in David’s room. It was so much better than breaking down in front of her girlfriends. She’d decided not to tell anyone what she and David were up to. No matter how Jen explained it, her friends would think there was more going on than not-so-innocent lessons. It was best to let everyone believe she was still the big V. That’s essentially what she’d be again in another four weeks, anyway.
Jen suddenly felt very alone. She’d just lost her virginity. At this point, she’d always expected the guy would be lying next to her, caressing her while he gazed upon her in near-worship and sprinkled her with rose petals. Instead, she tromped alone across campus to a group of her very best friends…who’d have no idea she’d just experienced a major life event. Her first time.
The loneliness cascaded through her, and then she brushed it away. After all, she reasoned, it was good for this time to be anticlimactic. Now her real first time, with the guy she loved, would be that much more special.
Chapter 8
Jen slid past the se
cure doors into David’s hallway behind two dorm residents. She knocked on his door, and his roommate answered. “C’mon in,” the guy said.
She stepped into the room and cast an alarmed glance at David, wondering exactly what this lesson would entail.
David set her straight immediately. “Greg’s leaving in about five minutes, so we can get started on the project then.”
“Yeah,” grunted Greg.
As soon as Greg left, Jen asked, “He doesn’t know what the project is, does he?”
“No.”
“Discretion is the key here. I want to get experience but not a reputation. If people find out about it, then—”
“I know,” David cut her off.
“Okay,” she said a little uncertainly and started unbuttoning her blouse.
“Wait. I was thinking we should make this scenario more natural. You know, like we’ve been out at a party…” He gave her a sly smile as he pulled a bottle of Jack Daniels out of his bolster. “…and I talk you into coming back to my place.” He unscrewed the top, took a swig, and handed the bottle to Jen. She took a tentative sip while David pushed a few keys on his laptop. “And I flip on some tunes…” The first sultry strums of the song Jen recognized as Echo and the Bunnymen’s “Lips Like Sugar” flowed into the room.
David came back to Jen and reached for the bottle. He drank from it, then set it on his desk and gently took her face in his hands.
“And I kiss you…” He kissed her. “…and I kiss you some more…” He repositioned his mouth on hers.
“Shut up,” she whispered against his lips.
He pushed her back until she pressed up against his door. With his mouth fully engaged on hers, he threaded one hand in her hair and reached the other up her shirt, unhooking her bra. His lips moved down her throat and to her breasts as he shoved her shirt and bra up to expose them. Jen clutched at his hair. She was in familiar territory, being groped by a cute guy in his dorm room, getting turned on by his eager ministrations. Except this time, she didn’t panic when he unbuttoned her jeans and lowered the zipper. She didn’t stop him from sliding both hands past the elastic at the back of her panties and grabbing handfuls of flesh.
