by Ali Parker
"Do you love Jace?"
"No. And I'm not sleeping with you like I sleep with him." I pushed at his chest. "I can't. It might seem stupid, but it would leave me empty. I don't want any more empty in my life right now, okay?"
Somewhere along the way, tears had blurred my vision. His fingers were soft as he brushed them away and leaned down to kiss my cheeks, one at a time.
"Okay. I'm sorry." The sound of his shaky inhale left my heart quaking inside of me. I prayed like hell that Clayton or Deza or someone could make me stronger. I needed to separate desire on the screen from desire off the screen. Maybe I was mixing up the two, but I seriously doubted it.
"Don't apologize. Just protect me right now like you promised you would." I moved back and sucked in a deep breath. "God, you turn me on."
"Me too. I turn me on all the time." He moved back, leaving me to stand alone. "All right. How about dinner Friday night? My brother Liam has a big ugly house in the city. Come out and bring Charlotte with you, or are we calling her Jade still?"
I laughed in spite of myself. "It's Charlotte. Do you really think us having dinner would help anything right now?"
"Yeah, I do. I want to bond as friends. We'll just have to keep the part of us that wants to fuck in the shower like bunnies at bay." He shrugged and gave me a boyish smirk. He was beyond cocky, and I loved him for it. "That sound fun?"
"The sex or the denial?"
"Well, when you put it that way, jeez." He winked at me and nodded toward the building. "I'm sure father time is getting antsy. Get in there and show his old ass up, just promise not to fall for him. If you're going to fall for a movie star asshole with a swollen ego and a great smile, it's going to be me. Not him. Promise?"
I laughed and nodded my head. "Yeah, I promise."
"Good. Get out of here before I change my mind about this stupid friendship nonsense and haul you off by your hair like a caveman to my trailer."
"So corrupt." I turned and walked back toward the studio as my blood raced through my body at breakneck speed. I wanted to belong to him, but it wasn't happening today. I needed to heal, to find myself again, or maybe for the first time ever.
"Friday night. I'll text you the address."
I glanced over my shoulder. "It's Tuesday. Are you planning on hiding for the rest of the week?"
"Would it make me seem incredibly mysterious and you'd be willing to do anything to uncover my secrets?"
"Define anything." I smiled, knowing I was pressing my luck.
"In your dreams, baby." He smiled and turned, walking back toward Tricia. I couldn't seem to tear my eyes off of him.
"Clayton's waiting for you." Deza walked out of the open door I stood holding open for no one.
"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry."
"It's all right. He's mesmerizing to all of us. You just gotta learn how to keep a poker face around him." She winked at me and walked toward Ethan.
"Ethan or Clayton?"
She glanced back. "Both."
I chuckled and walked down the hall toward the conference room Deza had texted me earlier. I was nervous, but I wasn't. It was an odd place to be, but seeing Ethan helped something snap into place. I was good enough to act next to the biggest, hottest name in Hollywood. I could hold my head a little higher than I had lately, and surely believe a little more in myself. Everyone around me seemed to think I was capable of greatness.
When the hell had I started to believe that I wasn't? Shit, when had I ever started believing that I was?
"Sorry to keep you waiting." I walked in and stopped short. Something about Clayton left me paralyzed in place. It wasn't his looks or the way his eyes left me feeling completely bare before him. It was his past, his achievements, his greatness. The man was a god on Broadway and had been in some of the biggest movies of the last fifteen years.
"Not a problem. That Ethan Lewis can captivate all of us, me included." He smiled and patted the desk beside him where he sat. "Come here and tell me a little bit about yourself. I've been talking to Deza about how you got the part for Down Low, which I love. It's about time these stiff-necked bastards opened an audition to see what new talent there was right under their noses."
I sat down beside him and spent the next hour talking about myself. My dreams and aspirations, my desires and biggest challenges. By the end of our conversation, I was completely relaxed and felt good. Solid. Warm.
He'd used probing questions to help me dig deeper and where they weren't comfortable at first, by the time he stood up and rolled his shoulders, inviting me to join him, I was invested in our relationship. Him the teacher and me the pupil. Me... a nobody and the great Clayton Welms.
"All right. Shake out your shoulders. We're going to do some improvisation. You know what that is, surely?" He lifted his eyebrow and gave me a challenging smile.
"Of course. Throw your best at me." I rolled my shoulders and took a few deep breaths through my nose.
"We've been together for five years, and you've been waiting on a ring from me. We're at your favorite restaurant. Go."
"Are you here with me, or am I pretending like you're here?" I rolled my arms in big circles, not feeling nearly as foolish as I should have. He had a way of calming me completely. I loved it.
"No questions. Use what you want. Do what you need. Improv. Go."
"Oh my God." I pressed my fingers to my lips as tears filled my eyes. "Yes. Yes to all of it." I reached out and pretended to pull someone close to me, kissing the air and spinning around.
He clapped and laughed. It was a simple one, but fun.
"Bravo. You'd think for a ring I'd get a little bit of tongue action, but great job."
I laughed loudly and rolled my eyes. "You men are all the same."
"Are we?" He rubbed his hands together and pressed the tips of his fingers against his lips. "You've been in love with me for five years and yet have never told me. I'm soon to ship off to the military and you think it's time I know. Go."
I moved toward him and slid my hands up his chest, fully using him as a prop this time. "I know you have to go, and I support that, but don't leave here without knowing how much you mean to me."
Something washed over me. My mind moved Clayton out of the picture and left Ethan standing before me, his beautiful brown eyes filled with desire that I'd yet to tap into.
"Every day I've spent beside you as a good friend... I've wanted more." I took a shaky breath and glanced down. "I wanna know what it's like to wake up beside you, to feel your fingers across my skin, to hear you cry out my name in the middle of the night when you've been overwrought with the pleasure I've doused you in. I need you. I need you today like I needed you yesterday." I licked my lips and pressed myself to the front of him. "Like I'll need you tomorrow when you're gone. Don't leave without knowing..."
He whispered, "That you love me."
The kiss was long and hard, it felt right, good, solid. I pressed into it and turned myself over to him, letting him be Ethan and opening myself up to the torrent of emotions that blasted through me. I moaned and turned my face, opening my mouth and welcoming his tongue.
We parted a minute later, both of us panting.
"Damn," he mumbled, his eyes wide and cheeks pink. "Why the hell did Deza think you needed a coach? You're a natural, Riley. You don't need me."
"Yes, I do." I took a shaky breath. "I need help learning how to separate the passion I feel on the screen from what I feel off of it."
"Bloody hell." He smiled and pressed his fingers to his lips as he watched me. "You're in love with him."
I glanced down at my hand and sighed. “I don’t know for sure, but I think so.”
“Then I’ll help save you from yourself. Let’s make you impenetrable to anyone’s charms, yes?” He chuckled.
“I would love that.” I smiled.
At least then it would be a choice.
Chapter 16
Ethan
"All right. Get in your places, people. We want to wrap this shit up in
a timely manner, right?" Daniel Barns clapped his hands and turned in circles, repeating himself until everyone walked up toward the stage. He was another director for Eon, and not my favorite by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn't starring in the movie, so no need to throw a fit over it.
Seeing Riley the day before had me wanting to throw caution to the wind and drown her in lust until she yearned for me the way I yearned for her. I rolled my eyes at the internal monologue going on in my head. I sounded like Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind.
"Places. And... action."
I turned and jogged through the scene of New York City at night, the streets so real, the buildings gone. They would add those later with computer generation.
"Don't let them catch up." Tricia ran toward me and grabbed my hand as I moved in front of her and ran faster. The belts below my feet sped up and I cursed myself internally for not asking if I needed to work on my cardio before coming onto the set. All of the action parts in my own films were more strength and less cardio, which meant I could pump iron in my spare time and feel manly about it.
At the moment, I was trying hard not to keel over from the physical exertion.
"They won't. Just turn left up here and I'll turn right. Keep moving, Daniella. I'll find you, baby."
"You promise?" She pursed her lips as the camera panned in.
"Have I ever lied before?" I winked at her and turned right, running off the stage into the darkness.
"And cut. Great job. Let's move on to the bar scene on set five in fifteen minutes. Catch your breath, change your clothes and get over there. Ethan you're going to be sitting in the bar we used yesterday, having a martini, and Tricia will join you, flirting a little. She'll try and pick you up. Deny her. You know the script."
"Why do you guys do these things out of order?" I barked as I walked back out to the middle of the stage. I almost tripped over the running treadmill floor, but caught myself.
"Because of the various elements and people we need for each scene. Do not act like this is new to you and start blowing up like the diva we all know you are."
"Yep. Suck a dick to you too, Dan." I smiled and hopped off the stage like a cheerleader might. "Maybe tell someone next time they gotta be ready to run a fucking marathon for a side part too, hmmm?"
"It was three minutes of walking. From what I hear, you're more than capable of keeping up cardio for hours. What, between your fucking everything that walks and dry humping strangers on the dance floor, you should be good."
"Don't be catty because I said no to your last casting call. Jealousy doesn't look good on you, baby." I gave him some jazz hands and walked toward my dressing room. "Send me a banana, a glass of milk and a hooker please. I can make magic with ten minutes on my hands."
The laughter behind me felt good. I had a great crew for my latest film too, but we had more extras than anything. The only two side characters that would be with us when we started to film again was Marco, who played my brother on the set and freaking Vanessa, who I'd treated like a whore back in Rio. That was a comfortable discovery. Why Deza couldn't take me by the ear and point out the girls that I absolutely, positively wasn't allowed to bone when we got somewhere was beyond me. It seemed that she should suffer the same embarrassment that I did when I realized the error of my ways. The shit happened all the time, or used to. Now with Riley on the set, I wasn't nearly as bad as I used to be.
I walked into my dressing room and pulled my shirt off as Tricia stuck her head in the room.
"Hold that stripping action." She slipped in and closed the door. "What happened yesterday? With Riley? Deza was with us when you came back, remember? You didn't get to tell me the goods."
I smiled at her in the mirror as I kept my back to her. "I wasn't going to tell you, silly. I'm a guy. We don't kiss and tell."
"Did you guys kiss?" She moved around me and awarded me with a huge smile. "I think you guys would be so good for each other."
"This coming from the woman that thinks love is a hateful bitch that wants us all to suffer before we die?" I reached out and tugged on a lock of her hair. "How's your hubs? Any change?"
"No." Her eyes moved down toward the floor. "I'm not sure what to do."
"Then don't do anything yet. People move too fast and ruin things before they really think through the option. Sit down and put it on paper. Write down all the great things about your marriage and all the horrible things. Then... talk to him. Maybe you guys can work things out. You didn't get married for convenience or because you had to, right?"
"No. We fell in love."
"And that was only a year or so ago. You're still in love. Uncover what's fucking it up and change it, or decide it's not worth it and move on. You can't live in limbo."
"You're right. See you out there." She squeezed my hand and moved around me.
My own words seemed to echo in the room around me. I dropped down in the chair behind me and let my mind wander. I needed to make my own list. Why did I want to be with Riley? Truly, really want to be with her. Was it lust or infatuation? If it was, then I was done pursuing her. I couldn't turn both of our worlds upside down over something that would end after a night or two. She and I would become something worse than Clayton and I have become. The thought of our friendship souring left my heart hurting. I'd never tell him or another goddamn soul how badly I missed him, but I did.
He'd stabbed me deeply and bruised my ego, but that had been his purpose in stealing the part. He didn't even want it when they awarded it to him, but taking it from me was enough to push him to work like a mother fucker for it. Why? Why did he want to see me suffer?
It was unreasonable that his drive to destroy me in some way back then was related to nothing. There was no way he woke up one morning and hated me instead of loved me like the brothers we'd been, the friends we'd become.
"Fuck it." I got up and kicked off my shoes and my pants before changing into a three piece suit. One of the assistants rushed in as I had my pants halfway up my legs.
"Sorry, Mr. Lewis. They're ready to start filming." She was thin and short with dark hair in a tight bun and glasses that were too big for her face. She was cute. Not pretty or beautiful, but certainly cute. "Let me help with that."
"Thanks." I finished getting my slacks up and buttoned them as she worked on the buttons to my shirt. If she found me at all attractive, she did a fantastic job of hiding it.
She moved back and grabbed my jacket, helping me into it and fixing me to look perfect while I slipped my feet into the black shoes beside her. She reached up and combed my hair before smiling and patting my chest.
"Beautiful. Get out there and steal their hearts." Her genuine smile was nice. I liked her. Like I might like a little sister, or a friend of Liam's.
"What's your name?" I walked to the door and paused, glancing over my shoulder.
"I'm Margo, and you're late. Go before we're both in trouble."
I laughed and walked out of the dressing room. A few minutes later I was perched on a stool in an old timey looking bar, drinking the strongest whiskey I'd ever drank. I took another sip and stifled a growl at the burn.
Dan, that fucker. He'd probably put the toughest shit he could find in the glass just to mess with me. I'd have to get him back for it, but when he least expected it. We were idiots like that, always trying to outdo each other. He made my job hard, and I made him look bad.
Shit... I made everyone look bad.
It was the liquor talking. Had to be.
***
We finished about twenty minutes early, and the crew wanted to go out for dinner, but I turned down the invitation. I found Deza sitting in her office with her eyes closed.
"Hey, pretty girl. I'm going to the lookout point with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. I ain't got no flowers to make the place pretty, but you'd fill in nicely instead." I wagged my eyebrows at her. "Or maybe you'd be the chocolate."
She snorted. "You're an idiot."
"You coming with
me?" I pulled out my keys and let them dangle from my fingers. "I brought the convertible."
"Yeah. I'm coming. No trying to seduce me. I don't know where that dick has been over the last ten years. I ain't interested." She scrunched up her nose and got up.
"Here you go, trying to make me feel dirty for loving anal sex again." I scoffed and wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we walked toward the parking lot. "You'd love it too if you let me-"
"Hush. No being dirty. I ain't in the mood to play around with you."
I glanced down at her and kissed the side of her head. "What mood are you in? Wanna talk about how badly life sucks?"
"Not really." She wrapped her arm around the back of my waist. "I do want to tell you that I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" I pulled away from her and moved to open her side of the car up. "This is a first. What did you do? I'm usually the one fucking up."
"I judged you, and I shouldn't have." She shrugged and pushed her long black hair over her shoulder. "You're a young man and you deserve to go out to any fucking club you want and have a good time. I just want to protect you, Ethan. Sometimes I overstep my boundaries. I'm sorry."
I nodded toward the car. "Apology accepted. Get in and stop making me want to bend you over my knee and spank your fine ass."
"You're corrupt." She got in and buckled up.
"Riley thinks so too." I closed her door and walked to the other side as I let my eyes scan the cars in the lot around us. I got in and glanced over at my best friend. "Speaking of my future baby-momma... where is she?"
"At school. She's got tests this week and her performance is Friday afternoon."
"Yeah, speaking of. I wanna go." I started the car and rolled down the windows before pressing the button to have the hood retract. "You and Frank want to come with me?"
"I was going to ask you to come with us." She laughed and leaned back. "Do you really have wine and chocolate?"
"Yeah, I'm a slut, remember? I always have help." I reached in the backseat and pulled out a bag. "I'm glad you're with me. I was going to down the wine, eat all the chocolates and make love to myself. Seems like lady luck is on my side tonight."
