Ivey was silent. She didn’t want to push Louella to speak but her curiosity was almost too much to bear.
“That summer, we got a new horse. A wild one it was,” Louella started reminiscing, with sadness in her voice. “None of us could ride it. It was just too unruly, jumpin’ round, throwing off the best of the town’s riders. We thought if we gave it sometime, let it get used to us, to the ranch, it’d get better, and it’d calm down. We specifically told the boys not to approach that horse. Not even to think about it!” her voice suddenly rose as she remembered. She took a breath and continued. “We kept it separate in the stables, but took it out to blow off some of its energy from time to time. . One day, the boys had this idea…” Ivey could feel the ominousness of Louella’s tone. “Their idea was to go see the horse and try to feed it. Sometimes, when the horse accepts the food from you, it lets you be its owner. That’s how you know a horse is yours. The boys knew this. We’d been teaching them about horses for years,” Louella sighed.
“I need to sit down now,” she said and sat on the sofa.
“Can I get you some water?” Ivey asked quickly.
“Could you?”
Ivey rushed to the kitchen, fetching a cool glass of water. Louella drank it thirstily. She didn’t continue immediately afterwards. It was as if telling the story had made her older, weaker. Ivey felt such sympathy for her.
“Let’s just leave the story for another time, Louella,” she urged her.
“No, dear. Please, let me continue. When you know the full story, you’ll understand Gabe better,” she continued. “Gabe wanted to go first and offer the horse some carrots, but Clark was faster. This was always the case. I’m not exactly sure how it all happened, you see, I wasn’t there. It was only later that Gabe told us. Apparently, Clark approached the horse, which was already anxious. It was an instinctual animal, it didn’t know what it was doing. Unfortunately, neither did my boys.” She buried her face in her hands, only to lift her head back up again. “When Clark approached it, it was already making those noises, warning you not to come close. My poor baby boy didn’t understand. He thought the horse was being playful. He misunderstood the signs, and he got too close. The horse reared up and kicked Clark in the chest.” Ivey gasped in horror. “It took only a second for Gabe to react. He pulled Clark’s unconscious body away from the horse, and then ran back to the house to get us. We called the doctor, and Clark was in a coma for several days, before he finally left us, to go to a better place beyond.” Louella finally finished her story.
Ivey could barely believe it. She and Gabe had another thing in common-the loss of a brother. While Ivey’s grief was fresh, Gabe had been carrying his since childhood, along with the guilt of being unable to save his brother.
“So, you see, dear,” Louella continued, a little calmer now, “it’s not Gabe’s fault. He’s just…. unable to get over this. We were hopin’ he would, eventually, with the help of someone like you.”
Ivey hugged Louella tight. She felt an enormous amount of love for this strong little woman, who had been through so much in her life, and yet, managed to keep her cheerful outlook. Ivey couldn’t possibly have imagined how it must have felt to lose a child. As a woman unable to have any on her own, she thought her trouble was the worst. But now, she wasn’t so sure. Was it worse not having a baby to hold at all, or having it for a short while, only to lose it to such a tragic accident?
That afternoon, when Ivey finally stumbled across Gabe, she knew that she had to talk to him. She caught him behind the barn, shoveling. As a peace offering, she was carrying a tray with ice cold lemonade. This obviously came unexpected, as he jumped a little upon seeing her there.
“Ivey!” he exclaimed. “What are you doin’ here?”
“I came to bring you some refreshments,” she smiled. “Here.” She offered him the glass, which he took, thankfully and gulped down its contents within seconds. He wiped his sweaty forehead with his dirty hand.
“Anything I can help you with?” He didn’t sound annoyed, but she knew that he must have had work to do. She didn’t wish to bother him, but she had to talk to him, right then and there.
“Actually, there is,” she stated boldly, surprising even herself. “I need to talk to you about something.”
He looked at her, puzzled. “Why don’t we sit on the veranda?” he suggested. “I can take a break.”
They sat on the veranda, their bodies close to each other on a small straw sofa.
“Your mother told me about Clark,” she thought it would be easiest to start by grabbing the bull by the horns, instead of beating around the bush. No point in such things when she was this eager to sort everything out.
“She did?” He didn’t sound upset. His body was calm, and she could feel the heat emanating from him. It felt soothing. His elbows were resting on his knees and he looked at the floor between his feet.
“Please don’t be mad at her,” Ivey stated.
“I’m not,” he admitted. “It’s just that you were supposed to hear that story from me, not her. I apologize for that.” Here he was, the Gabe she fell in love with, the Gabe she felt safe with.
“I understand. The story is… devastating. I can see why you couldn’t tell me before.” She placed her hand gently on his tense shoulder.
“It’s just that it’s too difficult for me to talk about Clark.” He looked down, at his muddy shoes. His sweaty hair fell down and shielded his face.“It was all my fault.”
She was afraid she would hear him say that. She could imagine Gabe as a boy, punishing himself daily for the mistake of letting his younger brother die in such a horrible way. She could also imagine how he was punishing himself now, as an adult, by preventing himself from ever having a child, because he believed he wouldn’t be able to take care of it.
“No, Gabe…” she whispered into his ear, breathing in his scent. “You mustn’t think that.”
“Then, what am I supposed to think, Ivey?” he sat up, facing her. “He was my younger brother, it was my duty to protect him, to take care of him, and what did I do? I let him go to that damned horse and…” he couldn’t finish his sentence. It was too painful. Her heart was breaking, just looking at him. “You can’t possibly understand how that feels like, Ivey, you can’t…”
She leaned on his shoulder, pressing her burning cheek onto it.
“ButI do,” she suddenly said. “Wayland was younger than me. Exactly two years. Just like you and Clark. I felt the same way about him.” She could feel his body tensing, then relaxing. Tensing, then relaxing again. “I was everything to him when we were children. He followed me blindly, like a puppy dog. Whatever I said, was law for him. I was a queen, a princess, a fairy – I was an unearthly being to him. He loved me that much. And I loved him. I protected him always. He was my little brother, up until the point when he went to fight in the war. From then on…” she suddenly sobbed. “He wasn’t my little brother anymore. He was… a man. A man who wanted to protect me, his parents, everyone from the evil in the world. That’s why he went to fight. To protect us. And that’s how he died… protecting us.” She sighed. “So, you see, I know exactly how you feel, what you feel when you say that you were always the protector, who suddenly lost his powers when it counted the most. I know, Gabe. I’ve been there, too.” She caressed his cheek.
Gabe was silent. She didn’t know if her words reached him or not. But, she had to keep going.
“I know you feel like no punishment is enough for you, but trust me… Clark wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself.”
A rush of wind tinkled the wind chimes. They played a pleasing melody, as if trying to scatter ghosts and regrets. Ivey desperately tried to shift Gabe’s focus from the pain of the past to the possibility of the future.
“And I know that this is the reason why you think you don’t deserve to have a child of your own,” she finally said, afraid that she might have crossed the line. Nonetheless, she was his wife and she wanted to help him past it.
>
“But… how can I?” he wondered. “I’d be a terrible father. I wouldn’t know how to take care of a child. Just look at what happened!” He turned away from her.
“Gabe! Gabe, you were a child…. How were you supposed to know right from wrong? Children know of no consequences. As a child, you were no different than anyone else. It was you who forced yourself to bear this cross, but Lord Almighty knows that you’ve carried it long enough. Gabe…” she cupped his face in her hands. “Look at me.” She turned his face to face hers. “It’s not your fault, darling. It’s not.”
She could see the twinkle of a tear in his eyes. She knew that her words had finally touched his heart.
“But, what if…” he started, but she pressed her finger against his lips.
“What if nothing. It’ll be you and I, all the way, Gabe. You will be a wonderful father to this baby, and I will be there to support you throughout the entire journey.”
Gabe hugged her tight. She didn’t care that his shirt was dirty and that it might leave stains on her new dress. She was just happy to be in his arms.
“What did I do to deserve you?” he whispered in her ear. She smiled.
“It’s not what you did, but who you are. You are a good man, Gabe Riddell. And that is why I fell in love with you.” She kissed him tenderly.
Neither of the two noticed the curtains on the second floor window of the house move just a little. Louella smiled at the scene below. She had prayed for this day, when a woman as wonderful as Ivey would steal her Gabe’s heart and give him back hope of a future. She wanted this for him more than anything, and she knew Clark would have wanted the same.
“So, how about you join me next week, when I go to visit my parents?” Ivey asked him.
“Are we bringin’ the little guy home?”
She loved the sound of those words. Little guy. Home.
“You betcha!” She laughed.
“Now that I think of it,” he suddenly remembered something, “you never told me his name. What’s the baby’s name?”
“Mother and father said that Wayland left that choice to me.” she smiled. “And I think I know the perfect one.”
“Oh yeah?” Gabe pinched her cheek. “What it is?”
“Clark.”
She knew how much this would mean to Gabe, and she was more than happy to do this for him.
“Ivey, I…”
“Shhh… It’s the perfect way to honor your brother. And mine. Don’t you think so?” Her eyes were gleaming, as she looked at him.
“I couldn’t imagine a better way of doing so.” He hugged her again, tighter than ever before.
They stayed like that for a while, hugging on the veranda. The wind had stopped. The chimes made no sound. There were no more ghosts left to frighten away. The past was behind them. Lived and gone, but not forgotten. The present was as beautiful as either of the two could imagine, with so many new prospects, new and exciting adventures ahead of them in the future.
Feeling Gabe’s warm embrace, Ivey closed her eyes. She thanked the Lord for helping her in this dire time of need. She knew He would. He always did. All she needed was to have faith in His power and trust that His decisions, hard though they may seem from time to time, are actually exactly what we need.
Ivey opened her eyes, and looked at her hands. They were empty… for the time being. This time next week, they would be the hands of a loving mother, who would do anything for her child. And she knew that she would have the most wonderful man beside her, to help her along the way.
Just like her father said, it was all going to be alright. Someway, somehow, the Good Lord knew what He was doing, every step of the way. And Ivey knew that she was finally exactly where she was supposed to be.
The End
Table of Contents
Fallen Duchess
Bonus Books
Mail Order Brides with Babies
Western Mail Order Brides
The Heart Series
BestSeller Bonus: Blessed this Child
Regency Romance: Fallen Duchess (A Historical Victorian Murder Mystery Love Regency Romance) Page 58
