AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by
Walter Knight
Licensed and Produced through
Penumbra Publishing
www.PenumbraPublishing.com
SMASHWORDS EDITION
EBOOK ISBN/EAN-13: 978-1-935563-42-6
Copyright 2009 Walter Knight
All rights reserved
Cover Art: G.E. Ambrose, Thomas Smith-Hurt
Also available in PRINT ISBN/EAN-13: 978-1-935563-43-3
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, planets, asteroids, alien species, evil empires, galaxies far, far way, or future events and incidents, are the product of the author’s imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons or aliens, living or dead, events or locales including those on Mars and New Colorado, is entirely coincidental.
Licensing Note: This ebook is licensed and sold for your personal enjoyment. Under copyright law, you may not resell, give away, or share copies of this book. You may purchase additional copies of this book for other individuals or direct them to purchase their own copies. If you are reading this book but did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, out of respect for the author’s effort and right to earn income from the work, please contact the publisher or retailer to purchase a legal copy.
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AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by
Walter Knight
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Copyright Information
Author Acknowledgement
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Author Note
Author Information
Publisher’s List of Other Titles
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AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
The military science-fiction saga takes a new turn as Colonel Joey R. Czerinski and his division of legionnaires, just trying to maintain peace in planet New Colorado’s New Gobi Desert, find themselves in the midst of more skirmishes with their spider alien foes.
The spider Arthropodan Emperor declares war on American culture, hoping to preserve Arthropodan traditions and avoid cultural contamination from the American way of life. Tasked with carrying out the Emperor’s new strategy, the spider Governor of the North Territory takes his responsibility seriously by ordering the spider marine commander in the New Gobi sector to put a halt to interspecies trade. The spider commander complies by confiscating all incoming US merchandise flowing over the border between Legion-controlled and spider-controlled areas of the Demilitarized Zone.
But despite the spider commander’s best efforts, the new generation of Arthropodan citizens on New Colorado have already adopted many American cultural icons, including the Nike Swoosh and skateboarding. Addicted to Starbucks coffee, the spider commander can’t see he’s a victim of cultural contamination as well.
As the cultural war escalates, Czerinski deals with everything in his own unique way – by overreacting and alienating those closest to him. But this conflict is bigger than even Czerinski suspects, and the revolution grows stronger while the laughs keep coming.
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~AUTHOR ACKNOWLEDGEMENT~
I dedicate America's Galactic Foreign Legion – Book 6: Culture War to American heroes Walt Disney, Bill Gates, and Phil Knight, for their profound contributions to American and world culture. The galaxy is a better place for their genius. I also wish to thank Penumbra Publishing editor Patricia Morrison for committing to this thirteen-book project, and thank my loving wife Barb for her patient support.
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AMERICA’S GALACTIC FOREIGN LEGION
Book 6: Culture War
by
Walter Knight
Chapter 1
Blue powder immediately impacted the Arthropodan Empire upon first contact with humanity. Even before diplomatic relations were established, traders were importing the drug. Drug addiction was a foreign concept before contact with humans. Now, drug addiction and alcoholism was commonplace in the Empire and a part of the culture. The Arthropodan Emperor declared drug and alcohol addiction even more dangerous to the fragile social fabric of Arthropoda than the human pestilence and their satellite TV.
Nowhere was the American contamination of the Arthropodan culture more pronounced than on the shared colony of New Colorado. Even the planet’s name had been corrupted by the human pestilence. After several wars, the Arthropodan Empire and the United States Galactic Federation divided New Colorado at the equator, but the contamination spread north anyway.
During peacetime, commerce flourished between the spider North and the human South. Citizens of the Empire consumed large amounts of blue powder and endangered their health by eating fast food from Taco Bell, KFC, and McDonald’s. The high cholesterol rates among spider youth were staggering. University students, drunk on Coors (cowboy) beer and spurred on by mind-numbing human pestilence music, demonstrated in the streets, calling for reckless concepts like democracy and an end to the Empire. Brain damage and hearing loss caused by the American music threatened the health of an entire spider generation.
The Emperor was convinced that militarization of the DMZ could at least slow down the American contamination from the South, with the ultimate goal being complete separation of the two species and cultures. A quarantine of the human pestilence would be implemented in increments. Even if it took generations, the Emperor was determined to purge Arthropoda of all human pestilence influence. It would not be easy. First, businesses would have to be weaned from free trade. Tariffs would be a good start in that direction. Immigration of humans to the North would be stopped. The Emperor realized public support was essential. To merely impose Imperial will would only fuel discontent, driving citizens to the increasingly popular Independence Movement and the growing Insurgency.
An incident was needed to garner public support against human pestilence contamination of Arthropodan culture. That would be easy. Satellite images showed large drug-producing poppy fields in the hills of the human pestilence South. In spite of numerous diplomatic efforts, the United States Galactic Federation seemed unwilling or unable to eradicate those fields. In fact, the poppy fields were still not illegal in the South. From an Imperial viewpoint, this was an inexcusable provocation.
The human pestilence lack of concern about the poppy fields would be their undoing. If the human pestilence refused to take action, then Arthropodan marines would be given the job of eliminating the blue powder menace. That would bring America’s Galactic Foreign Legion into the fray. It would be easy to pick a fight with the Legion. The Legion was predisposed to fight. It would not have to be a big fight. There was no need for nukes. The battle would be just big enough to create an incident, and a pretext to close the border. There would be no more Big Macs or Walmart Super Stores. With public support, the Emperor could send tanks and the Air Wing to get rid of casino gambling run by the human pestilence Mafia. Combating Mafia infiltration would be an even tougher fight than the Legion. Strategy dictated one fight at a time. Patience was the key, and the Emperor knew it.
The Emperor drank another cappuccino as he daydreamed of victory over the evil human pestilence. A triple shot of coffee in the morning gave the Emperor the
boost he needed during these trying times. Giving his attention to that thought, the Emperor made a note to nationalize all Starbucks restaurants. The human pestilence would be given no quarter!
* * * * *
I am Colonel Joey R. Czerinski, hero of the Legion, Butcher of New Colorado, and commander of the Legion garrison stationed on planet New Colorado at the New Gobi City border crossing. After several intergalactic wars, the United States Galactic Federation and the Arthropodan Empire are at truce, sharing colonies on planet New Colorado. The new commander from the spider side met me at the border checkpoint. He seemed upset, but spiders these days are always upset about something.
“Why are we meeting on the street?” I asked. “What is so important it could not be discussed later at poker tonight? The game is still on, right?”
“Colonel Czerinski, thank you for meeting me on such short notice,” said the spider commander. “There will be no more Saturday night poker parties. The Emperor appointed a new governor, and he is a real tight-ass. The governor just decreed there will be no more fraternization with the Legion. That means no more gambling parties or drinking together.”
“What’s his problem?” I asked. “No more gambling? That’s un-American!”
“Exactly,” said the spider commander. “I am not even allowed to shop at Walmart. I have to send a team leader to get in on the Thanksgiving pre-Christmas sales. I’m expecting a boycott of Pizza Hut any day now.”
“So the poker games are cancelled permanently?” I asked, unable to accept what I was hearing. “Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
“I am not worried about the poker game,” said the spider commander. “I am sure the new governor will forget about that directive after a few weeks, and things will go back to normal. This always happens when a new boss comes in and tries to impress everyone with how he is in command.”
“Then what is on your mind?” I asked. “It’s hot out here. Right now I could be in my air-conditioned office, watching the World Series on TV.”
“The real problem is all those poppy fields you allow growing in the hills,” said the spider commander. “Either you weed your garden, or I will do it for you.”
“What?” I asked. “Poppies? What do I care about poppies? The stuff grows wild. You want to get rid of poppies? Lots of luck.”
“Your farmers are cultivating poppies used to manufacture blue powder,” accused the spider commander. “It’s an issue the new governor raised today. Drug addiction is causing untold harm to our population. All the poppy fields are on your side of the border. Spray them, or there will be serious consequences.”
“The key to fighting illegal drug use is education,” commented Major Lopez, my aide de camp and military intelligence officer. “On Old Earth, the copa del ora is just a harmless flower. If you spiders stopped snorting blue powder, you wouldn’t have this problem.”
“Who is he?” asked the spider commander. “McGruff the crime dog? I am giving you a heads-up that there will be serious difficulties along the border if you human pestilence continue to provide a sanctuary for illegal drug manufacturers and smugglers.”
“We do not protect drug smugglers,” I insisted. “It’s just that there is no law against poppy cultivation. Besides, it’s a police matter. I am not a cop, and I don’t want to be a cop. What can the Legion do?”
“The governor does not want to hear your lame excuses,” advised the spider commander. “He wants results. Destroy the poppy fields, or I will close the border.”
“You can’t do that,” I said. “The trucks would be backed up for miles. Besides, you would upset the Teamsters Union big time. Do you want that?”
“The Teamsters Union?” asked the spider commander. “What do I care about Teamsters? Drug dealers are attacking the Empire from the South. Drug addiction threatens our culture. It’s a war. Our sovereignty is threatened. Our border will be defended!”
“You will care about the Teamsters when you wake up in the morning with a horse head under the blankets,” I said.
“Horse head?” asked the spider commander. “What’s a horse?”
“Okay, maybe they’ll use a dragon head,” I warned. “What’s the difference? My point is, you are going to upset a lot of powerful special-interest groups. Your governor doesn’t realize the kind of heat he is going to draw.”
“The Empire will not be intimidated,” said the spider commander. “Those poppy fields will be destroyed one way or another.”
“Just make sure you do not cross the border,” warned Major Lopez. “More military adventurism by you spiders will not be tolerated.”
* * * * *
After the meeting with the spider commander dispersed, Corporal Guido Tonelli approached the spider guard shack across the Military Demarcation Line. The spider border guard came out to greet Guido.
“Did you hear any of that?” asked Guido. “Are they serious? No more poker nights?”
“It gets worse,” said the spider guard. “The ‘no fraternization’ order puts the Angry Onion Tavern off-limits to all Arthropodan military personnel. The governor thinks the Angry Onion is a bad influence on us, just because it’s a biker bar.”
“He’s right,” said Guido. “It is a bad influence. That’s why we go there! Plus the biker babes are hot.”
“Because I won’t be there, I’ll be missing the ball game on the big-screen TV,” complained the spider guard. “I want to place two hundred credits on the Yankees over the Red Sox. New York is going to kick butt tonight!”
Guido recorded the wager into his communications pad. “If anyone else wants to place a bet, just send them here,” said Guido. “I’ll be doing a lot of business right here in my guard shack, since I’m going to lose half my business at the Angry Onion. I should sue your new governor.”
“We need to do something about all that blue powder coming across the border,” said the spider guard. “That’s what started all this nonsense. It would all be good if we got rid of the blue powder menace.”
Guido reached down and patted his monitor dragon Spot on the snout. The dragon hissed affectionately. “What can we do?” asked Guido. “Spot has sniffed out so much blue powder from smugglers, I think he’s addicted to the stuff. You spiders have already made drug dealing punishable by summary execution. If that won’t deter the smugglers what will?”
“I don’t know,” replied the spider guard, getting depressed. “Change my bet to five hundred credits on the Yankees. You know I’m good for it.”
“Bet responsibly,” cautioned Guido. “You’ve been living life on the edge a lot lately.”
“The governor is going to close down all sports gambling in New Gobi City,” said the spider guard. “I have to make my money while I can. I’m going all in!”
“Don’t worry,” said Guido. “I heard your commander say this will all blow over in a few months. Then business will be back to normal.”
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Chapter 2
An anonymous tip advised that a high-speed Arthropodan mini attack helicopter was going to dart across the MDL at midnight to blow up a Legion radio station that broadcast human music and Free Colorado messages and news to the spiders. The Legion was waiting with SAMs. However, the helicopter abruptly veered off course and dropped a powerful defoliant on the vast poppy fields south of New Gobi City. Afterward, as the helicopter took evasive action on return, it was shot down. Its pilot was immediately captured by the Legion.
“I demand our Air Wing pilot be released,” said the spider commander, again standing at the border crossing. “Your escalation of hostilities is a reckless and irresponsible provocation.”
“No,” I replied. “The pilot is being interviewed and may face charges.”
“Our Air Wing commander was flying an unarmed civilian craft when he innocently strayed across the border,” insisted the spider commander. “The Legion shot him down in violation of our treaty agreements concerning off-course or lost air traffic. I thought these inciden
ts were behind us. This new provocation will not stand.”
“Your pilot crossed the MDL intentionally,” commented Major Lopez. “Why? I will find out sooner or later.”
“If you torture or abuse my pilot, I will hold you personally responsible for war crimes,” warned the spider commander.
“War crimes?” I asked. “Are we at war?”
“Yes, war crimes!” insisted the spider commander. “The Butcher of New Colorado should be very familiar with that term. Release my pilot immediately!”
“Pack sand,” I replied. “I will release your pilot only after I find out his mission.”
“I have reason to believe my pilot needs medical attention. If you won’t release him, I at least demand an Arthropodan medical team examine him.”
“I don’t think so. We don’t want him to end up with mysteriously terminal injuries.”
“Then I have no choice. Effective immediately, the border is closed to all traffic. The MDL will stay closed until you come to your senses and release my pilot.”
After a few days, the poppy fields began dying, and the pilot’s mission became more apparent. TV reporters camped at Legion Headquarters, wanting to know when the spider pilot was going to be released. I refused interviews. When I finally ordered the pilot released, the spider commander gave his pilot a hero’s welcome. The spider Air Wing commander was interviewed on all the Arthropodan Cable TV news and talk channels. He promised his mission was just one of many planned in the war on human pestilence drug trafficking. The war on drugs would continue.
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