by Tl Reeve
“Ugh!” was the only response I could muster at what we were looking at. “They did this same shit last year. Oh, let me guess, it’s different since now they have bows around their necks?”
Remember how I said the tiny little asshats were allowed to go on Christmas Eve only to feed off humans, but they had to leave a gift of thanks in their wake? The previous year, they decided to be funny and left presents in the form of rats. The infestation was so horrid it took us almost an entire year to help the humans to get rid of them, without them realizing they had help. No way would any mundane exterminator have been able to take care of it. Lucky for me, Jason was quite popular among the familiars—yes, my raven had more friends than I did—and they were willing to help him take care of the problem by having all night feasts and contests of who could catch the most rats.
I had gone there myself, after that barbaric display of insolence, letting them know a bunch of dirty rats would never be perceived as gifts. And I gifted them with a large bald spot on the top of their heads. All I could do was shake my head at the creative display that Jason uncovered this time.
There were tons of cages with small white mice inside, with tiny red bows tied around their necks. Some of those cages were even gift wrapped, with tiny holes in the paper so that they could breathe. How thoughtful.
Maybe I should have just killed them all instead of giving them any chance at redemption. They were still acting like the childlike bodies I put them in. If they’d just act the adults they truly were then, bam, spell over, curse broken. Instead, they just seemed to be getting more immature than the day I had cursed each of them in the first place. Who else but a child—granted, a fairly demented one—would think of passing a rodent off as a gift?
“Jason, see if you can curtail your laughter long enough to do a quick flyby.” I looked up at the clock on the wall before I continued, “You’ve only got, like, five minutes left anyway.”
“You got it.”
As Jason made his final swoop, something caught both of our eyes that boggled my mind even further as to how twisted the idiots truly were. It’s no wonder no one was making a big uproar about them being missing. “Please tell me that is not what I think it is.”
“Caw, then I’d be lying.”
“Tell me they didn’t.”
“Oh, Jackie, but they did.”
“Ugh! I should have just stripped away their magic completely!” I had left the fools with just enough magic to slip in and out among humans without being noticed. How else would they feed on Christmas Eve and leave behind a real gift and they just think it was due to some type of Christmas miracle? Not for them to do something like that!
“Looks like they took a page out of your book to play on human stories.” Jason started laughing yet again, which made my headache that much worse.
The tiny imbeciles had taken the tale of Frosty the Snowman and his wife, and turned it into the most sordid porn I had ever laid eyes on, and I’d seen plenty. Mr. and Mrs. Frosty were going at it like a couple of jack rabbits on crack. It was one of those things you just couldn’t un-see. Frosty was hitting the Mrs. from behind with what looked like a rather large tree branch. I couldn’t tell whether they had given her a hole, or if Frosty had just drilled one into her himself.
I didn’t even realize Jason had popped back home until I heard him laughing directly in my ear from my shoulder.
“Jason, get off of me,” I said as I gave him a gentle zap that made him fly upward. “How can you seriously find that funny? It’s sick.”
I don’t know why I was the slightest bit surprised when he said, “Well, guess I have a sick and twisted sense of humor.”
3
I was out doing something I was forced to do each week and shuddered just thinking about—shopping. We didn’t go out to into the human world or any such thing as that, and we sure as shit didn’t do any online shopping since it hadn’t even been invented yet. No, each tightly knit supernatural community had its own marketplace disguised as nothing more than a vendor’s row whenever a human was allowed in.
This tedious chore was one I despised the most due to all of the stares and dirty looks I always received, as though I were the town pariah or something. Yeah, sure, I kind of was. But they only had suspicions that I was behind all the disappearances, no actual proof. Until that day.
While minding my own business, and leaving everyone else’s alone, I sensed an all too familiar presence not too far from me. But that had to be a mistake, ’cause it was still broad daylight. First question that popped in my mind: what was so important that he was risking being burnt to a crisp?
Yes, vampires had needs, too, and also needed to shop. But the stores that catered to their needs opened up at sunset, since most were run by other vampires. Which meant he must have been out there getting ready to buy something for someone else. And may the Gods help him if it was for anyone other than my sister.
My attention was so rapt on Victor that I barely heard the shopkeeper talking to me, and she didn’t sound very happy, “Don’t you dare touch that amethyst, Jacquelyn. You know damn well it’ll be dead the moment you put your hands on it.” She then wacked my hand to drive her point home.
“Sorry,” was the only word I could say, since she spoke the truth. Some witches and sorcerers alike had that effect on certain stones, and I was definitely an amethyst killer. Not only would the stone’s magical properties not work for me, or on me, if I touched it, it wouldn’t work for anyone period. But I still liked to look at it.
Extracting my hand before I caused any damage and gave people yet another reason to hate me, I followed behind Victor. I kept a safe distance between us, though I don’t know why I worried he’d see me. It was a wonder he could see anything in the getup he wore. Victor was wearing so many layers of clothing, I couldn’t help but to vaguely wonder if a vampire could have a heat stroke. Good thing it was winter. He had on some type of hat that looked to be a cross between a cowboy hat and sombrero, large sunglasses that covered up half of his face with a black scarf covering the lower, black leather gloves to conceal his hands, topped with a trench coat that damn near dragged the ground above his shit kicker boots. How did I know it was him, then? Because that seemed to be my curse. I always knew when he was around. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how, I just did.
I had barely finished that thought when I heard, “I know you’re there, Jacquelyn.”
My Goddess, I hated how the way him just saying my name sent warm shivers throughout my bloodstream. Along with a certain tingle down in my nether regions. Victor didn’t have any sort of magical voice, it’s just that it was his—deep, strong, and masculine in every way. But I’d never admit that out loud to anyone, ever.
“Well, whoopdy-fucking-doo,” was my response. “Would you like a gold star for that accomplishment? Want me to place it on your forehead, if I can find it under all of that? What are you doing out here anyway?”
“I’m not spying on people the way that you are. I’m out here shopping. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to be doing?” Though I couldn’t see it, I could most definitely hear the grin in his voice.
“I am shopping.”
“Oh, really?” Victor turned around then so that we were standing face to face—well, front to front, at least. I could feel the weight of his gaze from behind those tinted lenses. “I don’t see any bags.”
“I just got here, not too long ago.” Which was true, I hadn’t been watching Victor for that long. And I had every intention on just grabbing the few things that I needed, up until I noticed him. “You don’t have bags, either, Mr. Observant. Isn’t it rather early for you to be out and about, anyway?”
“There’s something in particular I wanted to purchase that isn’t available at any of the evening shops.”
“And just what would that be, a pint of milk? Guess you do need to keep those canines of yours nice and healthy.” At the thought of him sinking those fangs of his into my sister, I honestly did
n’t know if I were truly disgusted or really jealous.
“Flowers for a very special, yet bullheaded woman, who doesn’t realize just how much we’re meant to be together. Though that could possibly be my fault, due to my unfair treatment of her over the years since I was determined not to have a mate.” He paused for a moment before he continued, “And I learned that her favorite is only sold in the daytime shop.”
“Then you were misinformed.” Bullheaded isn’t exactly a term I’d use to describe my sister. Naïve. Nitwit, maybe, but not bullheaded. “Jadine loves plain old roses, and I’m more than sure those are sold in both shops.”
“Why would I…?” Victor let that question just trail off, as though I were talking nonsense. “I’m not referring to your sister. I’m talking about the woman who has been making my blood boil and turns me into a blithering idiot with my words running into one another with the wrong ones coming out, since she tends to make my brain work at a slower speed than my mouth and the right ones decide to make their appearance way too late.”
“What are you talking about? You’re rambling on like an idiot.” Which could only mean one thing. “The bitch is here right now, isn’t she?” I got right up in his face.
“Yes, actually, she’s much closer than you think.”
“Do you have any scruples?!” I screamed while shoving an accusatory finger in his chest. “All those nights of creeping in and out of my sister’s home while you’ve been courting someone so deeply you’re willing to risk burning to death just to get her favorite flower!”
“Jacquelyn, you have no idea what you’re talking about.” Victor had the audacity to sound like I was the one acting crazy.
“I’m talking about you! You’re just like all the rest of them. No, I take that back, you are so much worse.” I shoved my finger into his chest again and absently wondered if the rest of his body felt just as solid. “All of you vampires are worse! You get nothing from her leaking magic, so what is it? Does her blood taste sweeter, have an extra kick to it?” People had stopped doing their shopping to start staring at us. I didn’t even care.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, woman.” Victor sounded as if he was the one getting frustrated.
Just then, Jadine came up behind him from out of nowhere, wearing a dress so pink I was frightened for my eyesight. “What is going on over here? You have the entire marketplace watching the two of you.”
“This imbecile here has been using you, just like all the rest of the sorry excuses for males you used to be with. He’s out here shopping for another woman.” I put my hands on my hips as I waited on her reaction, but I did not get what I expected.
Jadine rolled her eyes to the top of her head so far, I thought for a moment they might actually get stuck up there like Mom and Dad used to threaten us that they would. Then she shut them like she was looking on the back of her eyelids for some patience—but with me, and not Victor, as if I was the one in the wrong. “Jackie, you are totally clueless on this one.”
“I’m clueless?!” I screamed in outrage. The skies darkened instantly as my mood quickly changed. Thunder cracked and lightning struck. There were no rain droplets yet, but you could feel the moisture in the air and smell the eminent storm, one caused by my turmoil of emotions. We had a full-on audience at this point, but I just could not find it in myself to care. “How much longer are you gonna let men just walk all over you? Maybe I should put you with all the rest of ‘em just so you can see how many males have taken advantage of you. Make you their mother figure or some shit, since they still haven’t managed to grow up yet.”
“Jacquelyn, watch what you’re saying in front of all these nice people,” Jadine whispered from between clenched teeth with a placating grin as her eyes darted about. Much later, I’d come to realize she was trying to warn me. Right then, I thought she was just embarrassed by my loud mouth.
Both Victor and Jadine started talking at the same time. Their words ran into one another to the point that I couldn’t even make out what either of them were saying. That just made my anger all the worse, especially with everyone else in the market pointing and looking at me like I was the one in the wrong.
Finally, I had it and just snapped, “Just stop talking!” Not only did Jackie and Victor stop midsentence, but so did everyone else in the vicinity. The only sounds made were from that of the storm that chose that moment to break. I felt so much power well up inside of me, I thought I might burst with it. I closed my eyes and reveled in it. I threw my head back and just let the rain sluice down my face and laughed like the evil bitch everyone thought I was anyway.
My voice took on a cadence so much stronger than normal, it was foreign to my own ears. I outstretched my arms with my palms up, and in a dark, sinister, and ominous tone, I cursed them both. “Since the two of you seem to be in sync right now, and you don’t give a flying shit about being lied to and used up like a damn ragdoll, the both of you can go right along with all the rest. Better yet, y’all can go up there and help them to get their shit together and grow the fuck up!”
The rain disguised the tears that were coming from my eyes. Victor had not only betrayed my sister by having another woman in his heart, he had shattered my image of him. True, I couldn’t stand his ass, mostly, but I had always thought of him as being faithful and loyal. And, yeah, I may have even had a minor crush on him, maybe. Yet there he stood without a care at being caught red- handed, and my dumbass sister was standing at his side like it was no big deal. If that was the case, why had I bothered trying to protect her for all these years?
“Let’s take away those good looks and turn you both into a portly old man and woman with plump rosy cheeks and bellies full of jelly.” As I said the words, they were lifted slightly off the ground, and they began to change. Good thing the storm clouds blocked out the sun, because Victor’s carefully put together outfit began splitting apart, buttons popping off from his rock hard abs turning to flab and mush. “Dear Victor, how about we take away some of the hair from the top of your head, and give you a nice white beard instead? Both of your luxurious locks, they can turn the same color as the snow you will both soon know. Those clothes, they will no longer do. Red velvet dregs with white fur trim will most certainly suit you. Your hunger shall be curtailed just like the rest, let your vampire strength be put to the test. Teach the tiny fools the error of their ways, then everyone’s curse will see the end of its’ days.” Their eyes were now wide with shock, and they both looked like they had something they’d like to say. “Something weighing heavy on your heart? You may tell five final words before you depart.”
I wanted to slap my sister, as the only thing she thought to say was, “You know I hate red.”
But, Victor’s words that shocked me to the core. For the first time in ages, I felt a tinge of regret and like a damn fool. “The flowers were for you,” he said.
As I stood there, blinking like an idiot at the spot where they no longer stood, the storm dwindled down to nothing as did my power. In what seemed like surround sound, everyone began talking. What they were saying did not bode well for me.
“…knew it was her all along.”
“…well, now we finally have some proof, don’t we?”
“…her own sister.”
“That evil bitch killed them all…”
Before I could even process what Victor had said, and what everyone else was rambling on about, someone came up behind me and slapped a pair of magic nulling handcuffs on my wrists, locking my arms together behind my back. In a tone that brooked no argument, I was told, “Jacquelyn Lantross, you are under arrest for the murders of Joshua, Grigori, Jeremiah…”
I didn’t even have a chance to protest. I had just overtaxed myself, and those cuffs draining my magic were in turn draining me. All I had time to say was, “Those fuckers are not dead,” before I passed out.
4
“Dammit Jackie, I can’t leave you alone for five minutes. Caw.”
“Oh, Jason,
ever the sound for sore ears. You’ve come to break me out, right?” The hopeful note in my tone was so sweet, it was sickening to even my ears.
The cot I woke up on was so hard I didn’t know why they bothered putting a mattress on it. My mouth was so dry, it felt like a huge wad of cotton had been stuffed in and sucked out every last bit of moisture. I also had a headache so bad, you would think there was a vice braced around my skull. It wasn’t an old antiquated dungeon, but it sure was close to it.
It was dank and dark in my prison, the only illumination coming from the small, barred glassless window which Jason had squeezed through and the lights in the hall. I couldn’t see if there was anyone in the cell directly across from mine, but if anyone else was nearby, they weren’t saying anything.
No one had been by so far, so they probably figured I was still out cold.
“Caw! I can’t get you out. Not unless you can shrink to the size of a bird or a mouse like that one standing in the corner over there.” When I looked over in said corner, there wasn’t a damn thing to be seen. Jason chose the worst moments to try to be funny. “Made you look.” I wanted to throttle him when he started laughing.
“This is not the time or the place. I thought Bruno was standing over there.” Bruno was Jadine’s familiar. Yes, he was a mouse, but he walked around on two legs and rarely crawled. Yes, he also wore clothes. If you can’t tell by now, my sister is obsessed with Cinderella, and yes, I know the dog’s name was Bruno and not the mouse’s. Jadine has issues. “Pipe down before they hear you.”
“No worries on that yet.”
“And just why not?”
“Everyone is too busy arguing with your parents out front. They’re demanding you get a fair trial, while everyone else wants your head on a silver platter.” Jason flew over to my makeshift cot. I turned and folded my legs beneath me, so that we were face to face. He had been flying back and forth in the air, like he was pacing on the fly. “I told you what you were doing was a bad idea, but did you listen to me? Nooo. Don’t listen to the raven.” He said all of that in a mocking, condescending tone.
