Sara's Choice

by Patty Schramm

  “Mom, did you eat today?”

  “Just a candy bar at around noon. I didn’t have time. I had to get intake done on this kid the police picked up. He needed to get into the hospital today, and you know that stuff is never quick. Make it a Saturday, and the system slows down to a crawl. It was awful.”

  She slid onto a chair at the kitchen table and put her head in her hands.

  “Let me heat up something. You need to eat.” Terry pulled out the leftover chicken casserole and popped it into the microwave. “Have you checked your blood sugar?”

  “Are you the mom now?”

  “If that’s what I need to be, then yes.” Terry knew her mother well enough to know her blood sugar was too low. It couldn’t be in a danger zone, or Shirley wouldn’t be able to walk, much less sit at the table. “You have to keep better tabs on it, Mom. You’re working too much, and you’re going to make yourself sick.”

  The microwave dinged, and Terry placed the dish in front of Shirley. She was unusually quiet as she set about eating and accepted a glass of orange juice without a word.

  “I’m worried about you,” Terry said. She was standing by the door again, keeping an eye on Felicia and Elmo, while making sure her mother ate. “I think you need to tell them you can’t be on call anymore. These all-day deals and late-night and early-morning calls are too much for you.”

  “It’s my job,” Shirley said. Her tone made it clear the discussion was over.

  But Terry wasn’t ready to stop. “I know that, and I know you love it, but you have to consider your health. You won’t do anyone any good if you’re in the hospital again.”

  “It wasn’t that bad. I had something from McDonald’s for breakfast on my way to the office. That always tides me over for a while. The candy bar wasn’t ideal, but I was fading and needed a fast boost of sugar. I do know my own body. I can handle it.”

  “You do realize that if I said those same words to you, you’d take my head off? As soon as you tell me you can handle it, I know to worry even more. I can see by the look of you right now you’re not handling it, Mom. Far from it.”

  “Grams!” Felicia screamed and ran to Shirley. She threw her arms around her as best she could in her snow-coat onesie. “We played all day today. How come you weren’t here?”

  “I had to work, baby. But I promise to play in the snow tomorrow, okay?”

  “Yep.” With that, Felicia was off and outside again, Elmo trailing on her heels.

  Shirley said, “That dog loves her more than any other human, and I’m the one who rescued him.”

  “And you’re changing the subject.” Terry took a seat across from her. “Will you please consider what I’m asking you? Back off on the extra work. Let me do that instead.”

  “You need to spend time with Felicia. That’s more important than work or money.”

  “I agree, but right now I need the money. And I won’t work a lot extra. Just the occasional weekend. I have some new clients that only come for the gold season and could use my help during the off time. Three of them can only meet on Saturdays because they all work during the week. I’ll set up those times this week, but I need you here with Felicia. Please, Mom.”

  “Fine. I’ll take myself off the call-out list for now. There’s a chance I might get called in as a backup person, but I guess we’ll deal with that if it happens.”

  Terry got up and hugged her tightly. “Perfect. Now, finish your dinner and check your sugar before you go to bed.”

  “Who said I was going to bed?”

  “Your daughter did. You’ve taken care of me my entire life. Time I turned the tables on you.”

  Shirley squinted both eyes at her in mock anger. “Are you saying I’m an old lady who needs taking care of?”

  “You’re not old, but yeah, you need looking after,” Terry said. “I’m going to try to pull my child and your dog in from the snow. I’ll keep them quiet while you rest.”

  “You really are a good kid.”

  “And you really are a good mom.”

  Shirley smirked and went back to her dinner.

  ****

  Terry paced her office. Sara was late. Which wasn’t like Sara at all. She was never late, and Terry wondered if she might not be planning to show up. Terry watched the snow fall on the street and wished she’d picked a different day to do this. It would be a long drive home if the snow didn’t let up soon. She couldn’t have been more surprised to see that damn beemer pull up and park next to her truck. Again. What the hell did William want? Hadn’t his lawyer told him to leave her alone?

  She stalked outside without her coat and was there as he got out of his car. “Get the hell away from me, William. You know you’re not allowed to be here.”

  “I came with an offer.” He had that look on his face that told Terry he expected her to accept whatever he was going to say. “You give me full custody of Felicia, and I’ll allow you visitations during the summer holidays. You’ll have to come to Vancouver, of course, but—”

  “No. Offer rejected. Talk to my lawyer, not me.”

  “I wanted to do this in a civilized manner.”

  “Little late for that, isn’t it? You’ve been hounding me for months. I’ve tried to make deals with you, but you rejected everything we’ve brought to the table. If you keep harassing me, I’m calling the police. Go home. We’ll deal with this at mediation.”

  Terry spun around and stomped back toward her office, shocked to find Sara standing in the doorway. Had she heard the entire exchange?

  “I’m going to prove you’re an unfit parent.”

  Terry ignored him as she passed Sara and went inside. Sara followed and closed the door.

  Terry shut her eyes against the tears she so desperately needed to shed. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

  “Who was that guy?”

  “My father-in-law. Ann’s father.”

  “Oh.” Sara remained standing, her hands clasped in front of her in a move that Terry knew meant she was nervous.

  “You want to have a seat?” Terry steadied herself against her desk in an attempt to gain her equilibrium. Sara’s face was a mixture of sadness and confusion, and she didn’t know what to say to her.

  “I can’t really stay long. I promised Liv I’d stop by for dinner tonight.”

  “Sure. I understand.”

  “Did I hear him right?” Sara asked. “Is he trying to take Felicia away from you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? All the times we talked—talked about Ann and Felicia. You never said a word.”

  “He filed for custody after we broke up.” From the concerned look on Sara’s face, Terry saw her words fell short. “At first, he told me if I broke up with you he’d call off the lawyers.” Terry choked back a sob. “So I did. But he also wanted me to move to Vancouver. I considered it, but Felicia just got settled and I don’t want to uproot her again. Plus I need my mom as much as she needs me, so I said no. That’s when he decided to file for custody. He’s trying to say I can’t take care of Felicia on my own.

  “I don’t have as much money as he does—he’s richer than God. There’s more specialized care in Vancouver than here, and he claims it’s harmful for Felicia to be so far from those doctors. He says I’m keeping her away from him to hurt him, and the last bit he’s come up with is that he has pictures of you and me going out dancing and he’s trying to use them to say I have some wild, partying lifestyle.”

  “He’s using the fact that you were dating me against you? He forced you to break up with me?”

  “He is and yes, I guess.” Terry gave in and sat behind her desk. She put her elbows on the top of it and held her head in her hands. “He’s been an ass since Ann died. Like it was my fault she went out so late at night to get medicine for Felicia. Like I was the one that caused her to go off the road.” Terry ran her fingers through her hair and tried to get her thoughts in order. “He wanted me
to give him Felicia. He said he could provide for her better than me. I stayed in Quebec for almost three years trying to prove him wrong.

  “When he told me he’d stop this custody battle if I broke up with you—I didn’t see myself as having any choice. I love my daughter, and there’s nothing in this world I won’t do for her.”

  “You should have told me.” Sara’s voice was unusually quiet, cold even. “But I guess you didn’t really trust me.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Isn’t it? If you trust someone, you tell them these things. I mean, you asked me not to meet Felicia for a while until you were sure about us. Then right before we were set to go to the park together, you broke up with me. What kind of message do you think that sends to me? What did I do wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Terry was on her feet now and tried to go to Sara, but she backed away. “Sara, please. I didn’t have a choice. You have to believe me.”

  “I do believe you, Terry. That’s what’s so hard. I believe you did what you thought was right. I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. I was so stupid to think you might actually love me.”

  Sara quietly left the office.

  Terry froze, unable to stop her.

  She stared after Sara for what felt like forever, only shaken out of her shock by the ringing of her cell phone. It was her mother.

  “Honey, take your time getting home. I’m already here and picked up Felicia for you. The roads are getting bad.” Shirley paused, but Terry’s voice caught in her throat. “Hey, you there? Hello?”

  “Uh, yeah. Thanks, Mom.”

  “What’s wrong? Wait, weren’t you supposed to talk to Sara? Am I interrupting?”

  “No, you’re not interrupting anything. There’s nothing, Mom.”

  “Oh no.”

  “William was here. She heard me arguing with him. It was bad.”

  “Come home so we can talk about this.”

  “I need some time first. I don’t want Felicia to see me like this. Tell her I’m working late, and I’ll be home in a couple of hours.”

  “Will you be all right?”

  “I don’t know.” Terry let the tears fall. She wished her mom was there to hold her, but she couldn’t chance Felicia seeing her this upset. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you too, honey. Let me know when you’re on your way home.”

  “I will.” She disconnected the call, slid to the floor, and cried.

  Chapter Eight

  For once, Sara remembered to knock on Liv’s door. She didn’t need a repeat of the last time she barged in on her and Grace. Liv was there in a few seconds, her slightly flushed face letting Sara know it’d been wise to knock first. She scooted past Liv, hung up her coat, and sat at the kitchen bar. The tears came before she could speak.

  Liv’s arms were around her as Sara sobbed uncontrollably. She heard Grace move around, felt her gentle touch on her back, and cried harder. Her friends had so much love and trust between them. Why the hell couldn’t she have that for herself?

  “What’s wrong with me?” she finally asked after she soaked Liv’s shirt and emptied half a box of tissues.

  “Nothing. Why would you think that?” Liv still held Sara and kissed the top of her head. She always felt so safe in Liv’s arms.

  “There must be something. I thought—I thought Terry and I had something special, but apparently she can’t trust me. I’m trustworthy, right? I don’t gossip about people, except to you. I don’t tell lies, and I don’t share secrets.”

  “All of that is true or you wouldn’t be my best friend.” Liv hugged her a little tighter. “I don’t know why Terry can’t trust you. That doesn’t make any sense to me. If that’s the case, then you’re better off without her.”

  “That’s just it.” Sara heard her own voice, and she sounded pathetic. Which was fine since it’s how she felt. “I don’t think I am better off without her. I love her, Liv. What am I supposed to do with that?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Grace spoke up. “Did you tell her?” Sara pulled away from Liv and glanced at Grace, who sat across from her at the bar. “Does she know you love her?”

  “I don’t know. I never said the words, but I thought my actions would speak for me, you know? I thought we had this connection…that we were made for each other. How is it I’m always so wrong? I mean, I went out with Angel twice knowing she could turn on me in a heartbeat, which she did. I’m dating this young kid who dotes on me, but I can’t give her anything in return so I feel like I’m stringing her along. It’s all so fucked up.”

  “It’s not,” Grace said. She handed Sara another tissue. “First, Angel doesn’t count in any of this. You went out with her because you were trying to make nice and keep a client. That backfired, but it’s not the same as with Terry or Bren.”

  “How so? I still made a colossal mistake.”

  “But that was about work more than anything else. Bren knows how you feel because you told her outright. She’s a grown woman capable of making decisions for herself. If she says she wants to keep going out with you on a casual basis, then good. Go with it. I personally think she’s what you need right now.”

  “And Terry?” Sara asked between sniffles. “She just told me she couldn’t trust me with something that was major. Something that will affect her life forever—literally.”

  “The reason she broke up with you?”

  Sara nodded and spilled the entire story in one go, nearly in a single breath so she wouldn’t be able to stop herself. “I kind of get why she stopped seeing me, but if she’d just told me, we might have worked something out. I would have waited for her.”

  “Maybe she was afraid,” Grace said. “I’m not trying to stick up for her, but if she’s scared of losing her daughter, maybe she was just as scared of losing you.”

  “She did lose me.”

  “And maybe that’s the problem. She had to choose one of you, and she chose her child. Given her circumstances, I can’t fault her for choosing Felicia over you. Clearly she felt like she’d been backed into a wall.”

  “I suppose.” Sara wanted to stay angry at Terry, but Grace wasn’t making it easy. “I still think I deserved to know.”

  “And I agree.” Grace gently held Sara’s hand. “Which is why I’m suggesting you go back and talk to her some more.”

  “What?” Sara and Liv chorused the question.

  “Are you nuts?” Liv said. “She doesn’t need to put herself through any more of this. Terry had a chance to explain herself, and she did.”

  “But Terry also didn’t have all the information at hand, either,” Grace said. “She has no idea how Sara feels about her. Maybe if she did, the outcome would have been different. Maybe she’d never have broken things off.”

  “How could she not know that Sara loved her? I mean, this is Sara we’re talking about. She’s the most affectionate, loving person in the world. Terry would know exactly how she felt.”

  Sara said, “Um, you two do know I’m right here?” They stopped talking around her and gave her their full attention. “I don’t know if I can talk to Terry right now. I need time to think about all this. Do you guys mind if I skip dinner? I think I need to be alone for a while.”

  “Skip dinner? Seriously?” Liv looked suitably horrified. “Now I know you’re more upset than you’re letting on. Do you want me to come home with you?”

  Sara looked briefly at Grace, whose expression was neutral. She knew Grace would never stop Liv from coming with her, but she had the feeling Grace might not always like it. “No. I’m good. I really need to lie down, maybe go to sleep. It all just sucks right now.”

  “It’s okay if she goes with you, Sara,” Grace said in the kindest of ways. “Seriously. You don’t have to be alone. I do understand how close you two are. If she’s what you need, take her up on the offer.”

  “Grace, you are one in a million, and I’m glad Liv has you. But
no. It’s something I need to work out for myself.”

  “At least let me fix you something to take home. You’ll want to eat eventually.”

  “Sure.” Sara got up while Grace moved about the kitchen, on a mission to make sure she ate a good meal. She pulled Liv into the living room and kept her voice to a whisper. “She’s really special.”

  “I know. It’s why I’m marrying her.” Liv held Sara’s gaze for a few moments, her expression one of concern. “I love you. You know that. Tell me what I can do to help you.”

  “I love you, too, and you’ve already done it. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over Terry, but I have to figure out how to move on. One day at a time, one step at a time, I guess.”

  “What about Bren?”

  Sara shrugged. “She’s sweet and fun and a pleasant distraction from all the drama. If she’s willing to hang out with me, I’ll take it. Maybe you two can come to the club with us on Saturday. I’d love for you to meet her and get to know her. I know you’ll like her.”

  “We’ll make it a tentative yes. I’ll check with the wife-to-be.”

  Sara chuckled. “You’re already whipped, aren’t you?

  “I was whipped after our first kiss.” Liv laughed and Sara joined her.

  “Now that’s a sound I like to hear,” Grace said. She handed Sara a plastic container big enough to hold two full meals. “Left over lasagna and salad. Eat it all, or I’ll come over and kick your ass.”

  “Do I have to eat it all tonight?”

  “No, but you have to eat a lot of it tonight and the rest can be lunch tomorrow. I’m not working, by the way, so if you’d rather have lunch out of the office, call me.”

  Sara hugged them both. “I’ll do that.”

  “Text me when you get home,” Liv added as they walked her to the door.

  “You do know I live like two minutes from here, right? You can practically see my house.”

  “If I had X-ray vision, I could see your house.” Liv gently pushed Sara onto the porch. “But since I don’t, text me that you got home safely.”