“Ironic, right? Since you’re the one breaking it?” Bren’s smile took the sting from her words, and Sara returned the gesture.
“Probably. But I’m going to do it anyway. Once we get through the pizza, we’ll dig into a tub of chocolate ice cream and have a proper cry over it all. Okay?”
“Deal.”
Chapter Eleven
Terry arrived at her office an hour early. She needed to get her equipment ready for a site survey later in the afternoon. She’d be going to one of TNT’s mines with Liv and a surveyor to talk about potential areas to mine. After a two-hour meeting with Frank yesterday, and based on the information he’d gathered last year, Terry was confident she could help Liv find the right spot to excavate. Once layers of earth were pulled away, Terry could examine them and best tell Liv and her team what to do.
Winter wasn’t normally so busy, but she had a feeling Frank was sending people to her. Not that she minded, but with the stress from William, Sara, and now the ordeal at Felicia’s school, Terry got precious little sleep. She rubbed her tired eyes and felt the thin plastic of her right contact lens touch her fingers. Before she realized it, the damn thing was on the floor, or her desk. It was hard to tell with only one good eye.
She gently moved her hands around her paperwork, searching for the tiny blue circle. Nothing. Probably on the damn floor. She carefully pushed her desk chair out of the way and ended up on her hands and knees.
Terry heard the front door of her office open and waved from her position on the floor, next to her desk. “Be with you in a minute.”
Seconds ticked by, and whoever came in made themselves comfy in the chair across from her desk. She got her penlight from the side pocket of her cargo pants, turned it on, and caught a reflection against the concrete floor. She retrieved the wayward lens and settled into her chair again.
“Sorry. Dropped my contact. Just a sec.” She cleaned it carefully and put the stupid thing back in. She hated them, but it was much easier than wearing glasses when in the field.
Her eyes focused, and she was surprised to find Liv sitting in front of her. “Did I miss an appointment? I thought our site inspection was at two today?”
“It is. That’s not why I’m here.”
Uh-oh. Terry saw the determined look on Liv’s face, and her heart sank. “You want to talk about Sara.”
“I do.” Liv shifted in her seat. She’d yet to meet Terry’s gaze. “I didn’t get a chance to really talk to you the other night at the pub.”
“Sorry about that. I was sort of in a rush to get out of there.”
“I got that impression. I meant what I said. I’d like to be your friend.”
“Thanks. I may end up taking you up on that offer.”
“Good. You should also know I appreciate what you did for Sara last week. You drove out there to pick her up when that bitch Angel dumped her, and you didn’t question why she was with her or lecture her about seeing Angel. You simply showed up and took her home.”
“What else could I do? It’s not my business who she sees, but I’m not about to say no if she needs my help. It might not seem like it, but I still care about her.”
“And that brings me to why I’m here. I didn’t want to talk to you at the job site later today, because I need to ask you something very personal. I know it’s none of my business, but can you please tell me how you really feel about Sara?”
“It’s complicated.”
“It usually is.”
“I care a lot about her. That was never the problem between us. I’m going to guess she told you about my situation with Ann’s father?”
“She did and I’m sorry to hear about it.”
“Thanks. It’s been a very rough road, and on some level, maybe I didn’t want to trust Sara with all of it. I wasn’t sure if she’d go running for the hills. Most women would take off the second they found out I have a kid. But Sara didn’t, and that should’ve been a clue. She wanted to meet Felicia as soon as I showed her a picture. Did she tell you Felicia has Down Syndrome?”
“No, but I haven’t gotten Sara to talk all that much about you. I had to pick her up at the park that day.”
“You had to pick her up? She drove there…”
Liv’s smile was grim. “She was a mess and collapsed on the sidewalk. Took me ten minutes to figure out what she was sobbing about.”
“Oh God. I never meant—I just kept going—practically ran away. I had no idea.”
“I figured. But trust me when I say I was a hair’s breadth from coming after your ass. I wanted to kick it into next week.”
“I deserved it,” Terry said.
“No, you didn’t. You were acting in the interest of your child. But you have to admit you could have gone about it differently.”
“I’m hearing that a lot lately.” Terry heard her mother’s voice echoing Liv’s words. “I panicked. The day before, I’d been wondering what it might be like to live with Felicia and Sara. If Sara would love Felicia as much as I do.”
“She loves kids, and she’d make a great mom.”
“You’re not making this easy.”
Liv shrugged. “Not my plan. I guess I came here to be Sara’s advocate. Though if she knew I was here, she’d kick my ass.”
“I’m sure she would.”
“But I am here, and I want you to know you should talk to her again.” Liv leaned forward, and something in her eyes confused Terry. A mix of sadness and regret maybe? “She cares about you, too. More than she should, and she doesn’t know what to do with it. You’ve got to talk to her. Really talk to her.”
“I tried. We fought and she left. There wasn’t much more I could do.”
“You could have followed her. I know Sara. She’d have turned around and given you another chance. She was in shock, and who the hell can blame her?”
“It certainly wasn’t how I wanted to tell her. William being here threw me off completely.”
“Who’s William?”
“Ann’s father. Didn’t Sara tell you about him?”
“Just that he’s trying to take Felicia from you. She didn’t say he was here.”
Terry sighed. “He was here all right. She showed up while I was in the middle of an argument with him. I was so angry—he came all the way from Vancouver to harass me. I think he’s staying somewhere local. I’ve seen him twice, and I doubt he’s going back and forth. His lawyer told him to stop coming around me, but he won’t. He seems to think if he shows up, one of these times I’m going to give in and do what he wants. William isn’t used to losing. He’s had anything he wants delivered to him on a silver platter his whole life. What’s worse is I’m afraid he’ll accost me when I have Felicia in the car.”
“So Sara saw you fighting with him?”
“Oh yeah. She heard him say how he was going to use my girlfriend against me and prove I was an unfit mother because of how we were out partying all the time. It was just another tactic of his. He knows we’re not together anymore.”
“Partying? Sara? Does he not know anything about her?”
“He hired a private detective to follow us,” Terry said. “He sent photos of Sara and me going to a couple of clubs. You know how she loves to dance…and that’s all we were doing. Dancing. We might have had a few beers, but every time we went out, we took a cab to and from, just in case. He didn’t bother to put that into his report to William, though. The guy made it sound like I was neglecting my child.
“I couldn’t have that. I can’t have that. I know William well enough to know he’d bring Sara into the whole mess. Use her as an example of my lifestyle. He told me if I broke up with Sara, he’d drop everything. So I broke up with her, and he said I had to move to Vancouver. I started thinking about moving, but I can’t just up and go. Felicia isn’t equipped for more disruption in her life. Things need to be consistent for her. So I put my foot down and said no. Then he filed for custody. He’s come here twice now and m
ade threats about taking her from me.”
“Sara didn’t tell me all that. But really, what does he have against you?”
“Nothing substantial according to my attorney, but that doesn’t change the fact I didn’t want Sara to have to deal with all this. I thought I was doing the right thing. I mean, I guess I could have gone to her when he filed anyway and asked her for forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean he won’t use her. He’ll try to say I’ve found another sugar momma to keep me in money.”
“What an asshole.”
“A rich asshole that lorded his wealth over me and Ann our entire marriage. When she died, he tried to say he should get Felicia because I’m not her bio mom. Then he said how he’s got the money to give her a proper, safe life. I moved from Quebec, but it took me three years to do it. I was drowning on my own, and I needed my mom’s help. William’s idea of help is hiring someone to care for Felicia. When I got the chance to come back here, I took it. Honestly, I think I didn’t go back to Sara because a part of me thought I was protecting her.”
“Take it from me,” Liv said, “she doesn’t need protecting. It pisses her off. You need to talk to her. Make her understand how scared you were—are. I can tell she means a lot to you. Right now, she’s hurting and there’s nothing I can do to help her. But you can.”
“What can I do? I’d just end up messing things up and making it worse. Besides, she’s with someone. I saw that very clearly at the pub.”
“They’re not in a serious relationship. Casual dating is what Sara called it.”
Terry scoffed. “I know Sara, and I’m sure she wouldn’t dance like that with someone she’s casual with. They’re lovers, and for Sara that’s a big deal.”
Liv sighed. “Talk to her. Please. Tell her how you’re feeling. Tell her how you feel about her. She needs to hear it. Trust me on this. You might even manage to be friends when you’re done.”
“Friends?” The idea hurt more than Terry expected it to. She didn’t want to be friends with Sara. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. Could she settle for friends?
“Yeah. Don’t say it like it’s a dirty word. She and I managed to make it work. I’m sure you can do the same. Sara’s the most forgiving person I’ve ever known. Hell, she went out with Angel twice after the woman fucking hit her. I can’t believe she wouldn’t at least consider being friends with someone she loves.”
“She still loves me? After everything that happened?”
Liv had the decency to look sheepish. “Oh, did I say that out loud? Huh. Well, look at the time.” She got to her feet and headed for the door. “I have a meeting in ten minutes. See you later today.” And she was gone. But not before she had dropped her bombshell.
Sara still loved her? Did Terry still have a chance with her? If she begged, pleaded, groveled, whatever? For the first time in a long while, Terry allowed herself a smile. She’d find time to see Sara and plead her case. If nothing else, she really needed a friend right now.
****
Later that night, Terry scrolled through her months worth of text messages to Sara. Most of what they said to one another held no real importance. Times and places to meet up, maybe a note about how the workday was going, whether they could have lunch at the pub. She’d read them a hundred times and wondered why she kept them.
Four months ago, she’d have said she kept them for posterity. Or to remind her to poke fun at Sara over something silly. Maybe to remember a specific moment they’d shared. But now? Now it was torture, plain and simple.
She switched from the text messages to her photos. Mixed in with pictures of Felicia and the occasional work-related shot were images of Sara. Dancing, laughing, smiling at Terry with so much love in her eyes it hurt Terry to look at it. But she figured it was her penance, right? She deserved to see how happy Sara once was in order to know what she’d ripped away. What kind of person was she? Why didn’t she trust Sara with the truth?
And why couldn’t she let her go?
Liv was convinced she needed to talk to Sara more, but she’d moved on. Terry saw her twice walking through town, holding hands with the blue-haired woman. The subtle touches and little smile told her they were lovers. She could still read Sara’s body language, even from a block away. She should be glad Sara’s moved on, not wallowing in pain over it.
She tucked the phone into her hip pocket and got up from the table. The snow came down hard now, and she leaned against the doorjamb to watch it. The white faded as the sun set, but she continued to stare at it until it blended into the darkness. Her vision blurred, and she realized there were tears on her cheeks. More crying. She didn’t think she cried this much when Ann died. Lately she cried when the door shut too hard, or Felicia looked at her funny, or she thought of Sara.
Familiar arms wrapped her in a warm hug from behind, and Terry leaned into her mother’s embrace. Once again, Shirley’s intuition was spot on and she showed up when Terry needed her most.
“If I tell you to go talk to her, will you think I’m crazy?”
“No. I’d think you were right. I love her, Mom. That’s not going to change. And I made a colossal mistake by pushing her away. You didn’t see the look on her face when I tried to explain myself to her. I never expected Sara to think I didn’t trust her, but I guess she’s right. I mean, if I had trusted her, where would we be right now?”
Terry turned so she was facing her mother. “Would she be at my side helping me to get through this crap with William? Or would she have run screaming for the hills because she didn’t want to get involved?”
“I think you can disregard that latter statement, dear. From what you’ve told me about her, I can tell Sara is a loyal person. She’d have stayed by your side. She still might, if you give her a chance to.”
“I’m pretty sure that ship has sailed. She’s done with me.” Terry peered at her hands, surprised at how hard they shook. “I convinced myself I was protecting Felicia, and it’s cost me more than I thought possible. I want to go to her, Mom. Tell her how I feel, but I’m scared. I don’t know if I could handle a rejection from her.”
“You can. You’re a strong woman who’s dealing with more stuff than anyone should ever have to. Of course you were thinking of Felicia. Did you make a mistake? I think you did, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix it. You’re only human. Give it a go. I’ll watch Felicia. She’s almost ready for bed anyway.”
“Right now? You think I should call Sara right now?”
“No. I think you should go to her house right now.” Shirley hugged her again and pointed Terry toward the door. “Go and don’t come back telling me she wasn’t home. You have to actually knock on her door and wait for her to open it. If she kicks you out, that’s one thing. If not, you open your mouth and spill your guts.”
Terry stared at her mother for a few seconds, not sure whether to be angry or thankful. For once, she chose thankful, grabbed her coat and keys, and left.
****
Sara finished putting the clean dishes away and decided to settle in for the evening to watch a bit of television. She’d not had much time for her usual binge watching, but tonight she would make an exception. Now to figure out what to watch.
Her phone dinged to let Sara know she’d gotten a text message. Bren sent her smiley faces—several different ones. No words, just the cute emojis. She was comforted by Bren’s friendship. They were going dancing this weekend. She couldn’t wait.
The woman was such a breath of fresh air and a balm for Sara. It saddened her she wasn’t what Bren needed. Such a sweet, loving woman deserved more than someone only partially present. On some level, Sara was glad she wasn’t the one for Bren. No matter how she examined it, she was still very much in love with Terry. Even after their fight and how much hurt and anger poured out over it, Terry Alexander owned her heart.
But to find out Terry dumped her without ever coming to her with the truth—Sara didn’t think Terry could break her heart a
ll over again, but she had. Even with all the “I’m sorry’s” she said, Sara was amazed by Terry’s lack of trust in her.
They’d shared countless nights talking about everything, especially Ann. How could they share those moments without a word about Felicia and Terry’s fears she’d be taken away from her? The child meant everything to Terry. And so, Sara thought, had she.
The doorbell interrupted her. Sara peeked out the window before opening the door. Instantly the air was sucked out of her. Terry stood there in her worn jeans, her leather jacket opened enough Sara noted she wore her favorite k.d. lang T-shirt. Her hair was longer than usual, almost covering her ears. She looked sexy as hell, and Sara hated the way her body suddenly responded to Terry’s presence.
She did her best to ignore it and got right to the point. “What do you want?”
“We need to talk,” Terry said, as if that was reason enough. “Please.”
“We’ve done enough talking, don’t you think?” Sara started to close the door, but Terry stopped her and stepped partially inside. “You’re not taking the hint, so let me be clear. Go the fuck away. Now.”
“No. This is too important. I should have told you this a long time ago, but I didn’t have the courage to do it. Please, Sara. I need to talk to you about Felicia and the custody stuff. You can kick me out when I’m done, but I’d rather do this inside.”
Sara’s heart melted at the hurt in Terry’s eyes. It mirrored the hurt she felt every time she saw Terry, thought of Terry, walked by Terry’s office. Did she even care to hear Terry’s explanation?
Deep down, she knew she did. She motioned Terry in and closed the door. “Why do I need to hear this? You don’t trust me. That makes things pretty damn clear to me.”
“That’s not true.” Terry stepped forward and stopped herself. “It wasn’t a matter of trust. I was scared.”
Sara's Choice Page 17
