by Darren Lewis
“What? I…I want to go home. I want to go back.” Blue protested, hating the weak tone of his voice. Cerys didn't reply but simply stared into Blue's eyes. He couldn't hold her gaze and looked down at the table.
“I understand, Blue.” She said after an uncomfortable minute. “You've experienced something terrible about the world as it is now and for you to know it was perpetrated by the ones you aspire to be; I cannot imagine how difficult that must be for you.” Blue continued to stare at the table. The lamp gave just enough light for him to see that someone, probably many years ago, had scratched their initials into the wood. He tilted his head as he followed the curved lines.
You're ignoring her on purpose you coward.
Blue flushed as he said those words to himself. He looked up and saw Cerys smiling at him.
“You're not a coward, Blue. Overloaded, overwrought and tired I expect.” Cerys now let out a small laugh at Blue's expression. “Yes sometimes I can see inside people's minds. It's a gift at its best and a curse at its worst.”
Blue shook his head, groaned and put his head in his hands.
“I was meant to be choosing my dragon today.” Blue mumbled into his hands. “I still want to do that in spite of what you've shown me.” He admitted.
“Hardly surprising, Blue. You've spent your life working towards it. A lot has happened to you today. It will take you time to process it all.”
Blue opened his fingers and looked at Cerys through the gaps.
“So are you part of the resistance? The Grey Rose we were told about?” He asked, wondering how this young, slight woman could be any such threat to those in charge. Cerys lifted her hand and tilted it from side to side.
“Sometimes, when I'm needed like now. But I can promise you one thing, Blue. If you will travel with me you will learn a hell of a lot and,” Cerys leaned forward and took Blue's hands from his face. “You may yet join with a dragon.”
* * *
How did it go?
A lot better than expected. He'd forgotten about failing 'ascendency' so was quite open to me.
Will you have any problems?
I think it will take him some time to get used to the idea that those he served were and are trying to wipe us out.
If you have any doubts, Cerys then you must…
I know what I must do. Please don't lecture me on that point. I decided to return on your word about this one. Remember I was done converting potential riders from the Academy.
Sorry. We're still wary after the last incident.
I know. I'm sorry too. But his mind is different, more like mine.
Then you can confirm he's gifted and his connection with Calda and hearing your conversation with Tarvos wasn't some kind of fluke?
Yes, but I doubt he knows it. I think it would explain why he felt my memories so intensely, so personally.
Okay. Well, we shall see you soon, Cerys.
Soon? It's a bloody long way on foot and we don't all have a dragon.
* * *
Blue rolled and shuffled in agitation on the hard floor with a groan, wishing he had returned to the barn to sleep on the cot. Then he scoffed at such a thought and wished for his own bed at the Academy. That thought brought him fully awake and Blue's mood darkened. He turned his head slightly and saw Cerys asleep under the kitchen table. She had no mattress, pillow or even blanket and was sleeping soundly it seemed, much to Blue's dismay. He sighed and pushed himself up, then with light steps made his way outside. Blue walked a short distance bringing him to the three mass graves. Blue had always prided himself on his memory, it was a gift that helped him to be a good rider and jump between two places blind. Now it was nothing more than an accursed trait. He could still hear the shovels biting into the earth as hundreds of people worked on their own graves. He could smell the fear, as daft a concept as that was to him. Most of all he could see and hear the cries of the children as seen through Cerys's eyes.
“No!” Blue whispered through clenched teeth. “It can't be true. She's lying!” Blue had never felt at odds with himself in his entire life. Anger rose swiftly coupled with the belief he was being used. Without a look back he marched off away from the farmhouse, away from the graves and Cerys. He needed answers.
* * *
Cerys watched from a broken kitchen window as Blue stormed away into the night. She felt nothing but pity for him. She'd experienced a great deal of grief and loss herself and had no wish to cause it in others, especially those like Blue who were programmed almost from birth to be good little soldiers. Amazingly she sensed Blue's mind was quite open to seeing another truth about their life and their world. Cerys sighed and sat down with her back against the wall. She closed her eyes and tried to doze off. Blue was easy enough for her to follow and he needed to see the state of things for himself.
* * *
Blue ran his tongue around his teeth nervously, grimacing at the night's fuzz covering them. He'd walked through the night until just before dawn when a small settlement came into view as Blue reached the top of a low rise in the landscape. Blue had never seen anything like it. Cars and vans were arranged as a makeshift circular wall on the outskirts of the strange village. Metal corrugated sheets were then affixed in a number of fashions to the roofs of the vehicles, creating a single, if wavy, continuous roof. The metal did not extend to the centre of the village and from here Blue saw pale blue smoke rising into the chilly, early morning air. The smoke gave rise to a set of chills running through Blue and he became very aware at how cold he was standing at the top of the rise. He hesitated for a moment, while rubbing his arms and stamping his feet to inject some warmth into them, as he wasn't sure what type of people he would find here. His inner voice came back to haunt him.
Coward.
Blue snorted a laugh at his own reluctance and set off down the small hill.
As he neared Blue saw a small gap between two large vans, creating a gate just wide enough to admit one person at a time. Rather than a gate however Blue was faced with four large metal, horizontal rods, blocking his entrance. Each rod had a handle so it could be pulled out of holes punched through the back doors of one of the vans. Blue frowned as he couldn't really see the point in such a construction that was meant to keep people out.
“Surely I just open it.” Blue said to himself, reaching for a handle. A snap of metal sounded to his right and he looked instinctively to its source to find a black tube pointing at his face.
“You can, laddie.” A man's tinny voice from an opening in the van said. “But I'll blow your face off if you move that hand of yours another inch.” Blue froze and tried to think of an appropriate response while staring at the end of what he now knew to be a rifle. A snicker of laughter came from inside the van. “With your eyes crossed like that you look like the mother in law!” Blue attempted a fake smile in an attempt to win some favour but failed miserably.
“What's going on, Al?” A man's voice from the other side of the gate piped up.
“We have a wee visitor in the wee hours it seems.”
Blue cleared his throat and swallowed with difficulty as his mouth was nearly bone dry.
“I'm sorry. I'll go. I wasn't looking for any trouble.” Blue eventually explained, his voice tense.
“Well you're a rare breed then, laddie.” The man identified as Al commented while, to Blue's relief, he withdrew the rifle slightly. A clank of the metal rods drew Blue's attention forwards and he saw a man leaning casually against the gate, studying him.
“Not looking for trouble? As Al said that's rare. But then you're hardly dressed for scavenging or raiding are you?” Blue looked down at his simple wardrobe and shrugged.
“In all honesty I don't know what I'm dressed for.” The man on the other side of the gate didn't smile but an amusement of sorts shone in his eyes.
“Hmm. Well I like a good mystery, young man. What's your name?”
“Blue.”
The laugh from the van returned and Blue's face flushed.
* * *
Blue watched with interest as the camp bustled into life as the sun peaked over the horizon. Once through the gate and under the escort of Rick, Blue saw the inside of the circle of vans was separated into segments by wooden or metal panels, blankets or scraps of fabric sewn together. Blue surmised, as he watched people emerge, that each area was home to a family for the night but come the morning they gathered, as they did so now, around the central column. From his view outside Blue had only seen the smoke rising from the hole in the middle of the 'caravan' but now he was sat next to a few large black ranges, providing heat and stoves for cooking. As Blue watched curiously these people in turn watched him until he was forced to turn his head away in embarrassment only to start his observations again a few seconds later. A quick head count gave Blue a total of thirty people, at least those up and about and including Al at the gate but what surprised Blue given that number of people which included children was how quietly they went about their early morning business. Apart from the clanking of metal pots on the ranges and whispered conversations, about him Blue had no doubt, there was no noise that Blue considered 'normal.' He recalled breakfasts, lunches and suppers at the Academy, certainly there were more students than here but still the amount of noise at meal times just generated by talking was a constant loud drone.
Rick walked over carrying two metal cans, each with steam rising from them. He sat down next to Blue with a soft groan and handed him one of the metal cans.
“It's not great coffee but,” Rick paused, “actually I can't finish that sentence, it's shit,” Blue nodded before very carefully setting down the can in front of him. Rick took a tentative sip of his own drink and shook his head. “Jesus H Christ that's bad.” Rick followed suit and placed his can of coffee down. “So, Blue, why are you here? I guess you've surmised from Al's greeting we don't get many visitors and let in even less.”
Blue watched a woman carrying a baby sit down before the heat of a range where she pulled aside her shirt and began breastfeeding. Blue flushed and looked away.
“Only an imbecile is embarrassed by nature, Blue.” Rick told him, frowning at Blue's reaction. Blue bit his bottom lip and gave Rick a glance and then the woman who was still breastfeeding. She noticed his attention and gave him a small smile. Blue nodded and turned back to Rick.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean any disrespect, I've never seen a baby or…well, that.” He finished at a loss for words.
“You've never seen a baby?” Rick asked, his eyes wide with incredulity. Blue shook his head which Rick copied. Both men fell silent for a time. Blue once again let his gaze roam about the caravan, noting the shabby clothes and gaunt appearances of many and though there seemed to be quite a number of children Blue could see no one he thought was over sixty years of age.
“Why is it so quiet?” Blue asked suddenly. Rick once again fixed Blue with a look of stern disbelief.
“Christ, Blue, you're either from another planet or taking the piss? Now which is it?” Blue spread his hands to display his innocence, eliciting a cynical huff from Rick. “Okay, I'll play.” Rick said reaching for his coffee. “Reason one; we may be quite an obvious little community here with our circle of vehicles and smoke from our cookers but to keep silent or quiet at least keeps the attention down from scavvies.” Rick saw Blue's frown. “Scavengers.” Rick took a drink of coffee his eyes never leaving Blue's own. “They're not too much trouble but you occasionally get a band of Raiders passing through. Now some would say, make a lot of noise and scare them away but I prefer sitting silent until they're close and then raising merry hell over the speakers!” Rick barked a short laugh, pointing to various points around the camp. Blue saw black wires trailing up posts to large conical speakers. “It works more often than not. If not, then we are ready to defend our little community here.” In already meeting Al, Blue was aware just how seriously wrong his morning could have been if not for Rick's intervention but Blue was also impressed by the passion this man clearly showed when speaking about his home. “Reason two.” Blue noticed Rick's voice dropping as if speaking the next explanation out loud would involve severe repercussions. “The bloody dragons.” Rick took a moment to spit with disgust onto the ground. “They see our lights and smoke, they know we're here, but we keep quiet, keep still, act like good little humans so those bastards leave us alone.” Blue covered his surprise at Rick's heresy by reaching for his coffee. “Last time they came here it was to round up some of the younger ones.” Rick's voice wavered and Blue leaned in to better hear. “We had five little ones, from one to two years of age. They were taken. Taken from their families, while their mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters screamed for them to stop. They didn't of course.” The hand Rick was using to hold his coffee was shaking and Blue, without thought, reached out his hand and steadied the older man's. Rick's mouth twitched in an attempt at a thanks. “One family, the Fords, there were two brothers and a two-year-old sister. Well the riders wanted the girl of course but her father was having none of it. He grabbed a club and threatened anyone who went near that girl.” Rick's eyes were glazed over as he relived the past for Blue. “They got her of course, but not without the riders getting a few lumps and bruises. The rest of us did nothing. They decided on a punishment for the father. Ten lashes. You know what that is?” Rick's voice turned hard and he looked at Blue. Blue nodded. “Except those bastards have their weird sense of honour and loyalty. They actually respected the father for making a stand! Can you believe that? And then chastised the rest of us for being cowardly. Anyway, as a final lesson the lashes were to be dealt by the leader of our little clan. I guess you know who that was?” Blue could see the guilt in Rick's eyes and simply nodded. “Clever buggers I'll give them that.” Rick gazed off again, upwards towards the roof and the escaping smoke. “He didn't survive, the father. Ten lashes might not sound much but we have no doctor, no medicine. His wounds became infected and then one night, gone. His wife followed him a short time after. Who said you can't die from a broken heart eh?”
Blue closed his eyes and felt the ground shake and tilt, back and forth. He gripped his knees though he knew the sensation was not geological but mental. The firm ground upon which his life was built was literally cracking underneath the strain of the past twenty-four hours. But Blue's mind fought back, rebelled against what he'd learned.
“Why did they take the children?” Blue asked, not daring to open his eyes lest they betray the truth of his origins.
“No idea. We hear rumours from passing traders but I always wonder where the hell do they get their information? Worst gossips in the known world they are.” Blue groaned quietly as a single piece of Rick's story span about his swirling mind.
Children. They were taken. Taken from their families.
Blue's own memories at the Academy started at four years of age and there was nothing about his parents or possible siblings before that.
Is that what I am? Is that what I was? A stolen child?
“Blue are you alright? What are you saying? You've gone white as mother's milk!” Rick grabbed Blue's arm and gave it a small shake causing Blue to open his eyes and grab Rick's shoulder.
“I… I was one. They must've taken me. Oh no, please.” Blue's mental strength seemed to be leaching his physical as it fought a battle within.
You're a rider! Now act like one!
No! I am not!
You're better than anyone here. You were born for this, destined for your own dragon until humans interfered!
Blue released Rick and went to his knees.
But it's a lie, all of it.
This is just one sample of humanity but it shows you what kind of creatures they are. Living off the scraps we throw them, fighting amongst themselves, unwilling to stand for one another! He even told you that!
He was afraid. He didn't want others to suffer.
That's no excuse.
No. But it is a reason.
; Blue heard raised voices behind and turned to see Rick speaking with members of the camp. They were gesticulating at Blue and shouting; many were holding wooden clubs.
You see. They know what you are. They are afraid of you.
Blue heard a strong voice shout above the others and though he couldn't understand the words he knew that accent. Al strode to the front of the group of people, his face red from shouting, his rifle slung over his shoulder.
They will kill you now.
Rick came back to Blue's side and knelt with him in the dirt.
“Jesus, Blue. You just had an entire conversation with yourself out loud! And it didn't sound all that good for us!” Rick let out a frustrated sigh. Blue watched as Al unslung his rifle. “Who the hell are you?” Blue shivered as Al walked closer. His vision was gradually darkening and Blue was certain these were his last few minutes. As his mind circled downwards he thought of Cerys and then nothing else.
* * *
“You're telling me that not only do I have an ex dragon rider in my camp, but you're a member of the Grey now?” Rick asked pointing first to the sleeping form of Blue and then Cerys. Cerys rubbed her already red and tired eyes and slumped heavily into the chair offered her. She was frustrated and angry with Blue, she had hoped that giving him a little leeway and finding out a few things on his own would help him to see the world as it was and not the fantasy he had been spoon-fed the majority of his life. If she'd even harboured a hint of a suspicion that he would meltdown fully and in front of a group of people she never would have let him out of her sight.
