by Adele Abbott
Hmmm.
***
The three men were already seated when I arrived at the meeting. The atmosphere was sombre, as was to be expected given the recent turn of events.
“Gentlemen, and Jill.” Andrew Clowne was chairing the meeting as usual. “I’m sure we can all agree that the events of yesterday evening are nothing short of a tragedy. The three of us all knew Mr Bobo. His death is a loss not only to his family but to the whole clown community. I must also report to the meeting that I have received another note from the extortionist.” He took a sheet of paper from his pocket, and held it out. The words had been produced using cuttings from newspapers as had the previous note. He read the letter aloud, “Ignore this final demand at your peril. You will know by now that I am deadly serious. Unless the money is delivered tomorrow, two more people will die during the upcoming conference.”
Everyone took a moment to take it in, but then Andrew Clowne continued, “As you all know, I had been totally against paying the money, but I don’t see how we can ignore this now. Whoever is behind this, is obviously deranged, but deadly serious. We have to take another vote right now to decide what we’re going to do. The question before us is a simple one: Do we pay the money? I vote yes.”
Ray was next to speak. “I don’t think the money should be paid. You simply cannot give in to people like this. But the conference must be cancelled. We cannot possibly carry on after what has happened to Mr Bobo. I vote no.”
“You know that I thought this was a hoax all along,” Don Keigh said. “But I’ve been proven wrong. However, this conference has been running for almost a hundred years, and has never been cancelled—not even during the war. I do not want to be on the committee that cancels this for the first time in its history. It’s for that reason, and that reason only, that I vote yes. We should pay the money.”
“That’s decided then,” Andrew Clowne said. “The motion is passed two votes to one.”
“How do we pay the money?” Don Keigh asked.
“This latest note says we’ll get further instructions tomorrow, but we can decide who’ll make the drop now. I think I should do it.”
“No,” I said. “You hired me to stop this man. I haven’t been able to do that, but I won’t stand idly by while one of you gets hurt. We have no idea what this man is capable of. I’m better placed to deal with someone like this than any of you. I should take the money.”
“I agree,” Ray Carter said.
Don Keigh nodded.
“Okay,” Andrew Clowne said. “In that case, once I have the final instructions tomorrow, I’ll get in touch with you, Jill. In the meantime, I’ll withdraw the money from the bank, and have it ready.”
***
After I’d finished at Chuckle House, I decided not to go into the office. I wanted to get home before Jack because there was something important I had to do. Something I wasn’t looking forward to at all.
Megan’s van was on her driveway. A part of me had hoped that it wouldn’t be—that would have given me a get out. But, I knew it was time for me to try to put things right.
When I knocked on her door, she glanced out of the window. I waved, but she just shook her head. Who could blame her? Why would she answer the door to the mad paint woman?
I mouthed the word ‘please’.
She thought about it for a while, and then came to the door. “What do you want, Jill? I have nothing to say to you.”
“Can I come in, please?”
“Why? Do you want to scribble all over my walls with a pen?”
“I know I deserve that, but if you’d just let me in for a couple of minutes, I can explain.”
Megan stood to one side, and allowed me in, but she didn’t invite me into the lounge. Instead we stood and talked in the hallway.
“What do you want to say to me?” She was as icy as it was possible to be.
“I’m so sorry about what I did. I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately, so I went to see the doctor. He prescribed sleeping pills, but they obviously didn’t agree with me because I started sleepwalking. That’s what happened that night. I wasn’t awake; I was just sleepwalking.”
“Why did you paint over my van?”
“While I was sleepwalking, I was having a dream about a pink elephant which asked me to paint it white.”
What? I’d like to see you come up with something better.
“A pink elephant asked you to paint it white?” Megan’s expression was one of total confusion.
“I know it sounds crazy, but it was all down to the sleeping pills. I’ve stopped taking them now, obviously, but I feel terrible about what I did that night. I value our friendship, and I’m hoping you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
And the Oscar goes to…
She thought about it for the longest moment, but then managed a weak smile. “That must have been terrible for you, Jill? You must have been terrified when you woke up?”
“I was, and horrified at what I’d done.”
“It obviously wasn’t your fault.”
“I still feel responsible. I hope you will at least allow me to pay for the work you’ve had done on the van.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
I was sure—sure that Kathy would be picking up that particular bill.
“Definitely. And, why don’t you come over and have dinner with Jack and me one night?”
“I’d like that, thanks. Would it be okay if I brought my new boyfriend with me?”
“Of course, the more, the merrier.”
Chapter 19
Jack was already eating breakfast when I got up. I’d slept much better for having resolved the issue with Megan, and there hadn’t been a single elephant in my dreams: white or pink.
“What time did you get in last night?” I asked, as I slid two slices of bread into the toaster.
“Just after midnight. Leo Riley is driving me insane; the man’s an idiot. He’s being deliberately obstructive at every turn. The sooner this case is sorted, the better I’ll like it.”
“Do you want another drink?”
“No, I have to get off. I’m working out of Washbridge again today.”
“No progress on the bank robberies so far, then?”
“Not really. I have my doubts that the two robberies are connected. The only thing they have in common is that they were both committed at night. Whoever hit the West Chipping bank used industrial tools to remove the ATMs. Their escape was caught on CCTV—they were in a white van with false number plates. These guys actually took the ATMs away with them.”
“What about the Washbridge robbery.”
“That’s just it. There’s no indication of how the robbers got into the bank, and no sign of them making their escape. It’s like the money disappeared into fresh air. We have no idea who committed the Washbridge robbery. They weren’t caught on CCTV, and there are no witnesses. The other strange thing is that they took very little money. According to the bank manager, it was just about enough to fill a single bag. The two MOs bear no resemblance to one another. Hopefully, the powers-that-be will realise that, and treat them separately because the sooner I get shot of Riley the better. How was your evening?”
“Okay. I had a chat with Megan last night. I’ve invited her and her boyfriend over for dinner.”
“Good. I’m glad you and she have buried the hatchet.”
“There’s no hatchet to bury.”
“If you say so. Who’s this boyfriend of hers?”
“I’ve no idea. I’m looking forward to meeting him, though.”
***
I’d arranged to meet the NOCA committee at Chuckle House. Don Keigh and Ray Carter were seated, but Andrew Clowne was standing at the far end of the table. On the table in front of him was a black bag with a zip fastening.
“Are you absolutely sure about this, Jill?” Andrew Clowne said. “It seems an awfully dangerous mission for a woman to undertake.”
“I’ll be fine. This i
s what I do for a living.” I picked up the bag. “Where is the drop off?”
Andrew Clowne took a sheet of paper from his pocket. “This note came this morning. You are to take the money to the bridge over the Wash—the one next to the hospital.”
“Whereabouts on the bridge am I supposed to leave it?”
“There’s a wastepaper bin in the centre of the bridge, on the right-hand side as you walk from the hospital. You’re to wedge it behind the bin, and then leave the scene immediately.”
“What time am I supposed to make the drop?”
“He’s very specific about that. It must be left there at eleven thirty-eight on the dot. Not a minute earlier; not a minute later. Then you’re to leave the scene immediately. He says he’ll be watching, and if he sees anything he doesn’t like, the deal is off.”
“He’s chosen a good location.” I picked up the bag. “It would be practically impossible to keep an eye on the bag unless you’re actually on the bridge. He could easily drive up in a car, stop just long enough to pick up the money, and be gone again in seconds.”
“Who’s to say he’ll be in a car?” Ray Carter said. “He might have an accomplice who could pick up the bag, and throw it to a boat waiting under the bridge.”
I checked my watch. It was a quarter to eleven. “I’d better get going or I might not make it in this traffic.”
“Be careful, Jill,” Don Keigh called after me.
“Yes, don’t take any unnecessary risks,” Ray Carter said.
***
I parked around the back of the hospital from where it was only a couple of minutes’ walk to the bridge. If I had anything to do with it, this scumbag wasn’t going to get away with the money. But it wasn’t going to be easy to follow whoever collected the bag without being spotted.
It was the designated time, so I walked slowly to the centre of the bridge. When I reached the bin, I checked my watch again. It was eleven thirty- seven. I waited until the minute hand clicked over to eleven thirty-eight, and then wedged the bag behind the bin.
Mission accomplished, I hurried back off the bridge. I had no time to lose, so I dodged down the first alleyway I came to, cast the ‘invisible’ spell, and then ran back onto the bridge.
To my relief, the bag was still there. I’d deliberately laid it on its side, and unfastened the zip just a quarter of an inch. Still invisible, I cast the ‘shrink’ spell, and then climbed through the gap in the zip. It was dark inside; I couldn’t see a thing.
I didn’t have long to wait because, less than a minute later, someone picked up the bag, which sent me tumbling back and forth. Whoever had collected the bag was on foot, and obviously running. That was bad news for me—I was being thrown around in the dark interior.
Thankfully, that didn’t last for long. The scumbag stopped, and placed the bag on its base. This was it. As soon as he opened the zip, I’d make my escape, reverse the two spells, and then make him sorry he’d ever been born.
The zip slid slowly open, and light shone into the bag. For the first time, I could see the contents—it wasn’t what I’d expected.
Above me, looking down into the bag, was a man in his mid-thirties. He was unshaven and had unkempt hair.
But he was of no interest to me now.
I slipped out through the open zip. The bag was on the ground, next to a bench beside the river—no more than a few hundred yards from the bridge. I made my escape, found a quiet spot, and reversed both spells.
I now felt sure I knew who was behind the extortion threat. I just needed to work out why they had done it.
***
En route back to my car, I walked past the bank which Slippery Sam had robbed. Poor old Blaze. He was in for a whole heap of trouble once Daze got back from her holiday.
I could see how being able to transform into a snake would help the robber to get in and out of the bank, but that wouldn’t help him to make a getaway with the money. To do that, he’d surely have to transform into a man again. So why hadn’t he been caught on CCTV?
And then I noticed something. Something which might just save Blaze’s bacon. I made a call.
“Blaze, it’s Jill. Look, I’ve had an idea about Slippery Sam. It might prove to be nothing.”
“Anything’s better than what I have now.”
“Have you seen which shop is in the building adjacent to the bank?”
“I can’t say I’ve taken much notice.”
“P For Pets.”
“I still don’t understand.”
“According to Jack, the police found nothing on CCTV, and have no witnesses to the robber’s getaway after the Washbridge bank robbery.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. They wouldn’t have been looking for a snake.”
“He may have got into the bank in snake form, but he wouldn’t be able to make off with the money unless he changed back into a man. In which case, why didn’t the CCTV pick him up?”
“I hadn’t thought of that.”
“What if he decided to lie low with the money, and wait until everything has settled down.”
“What are you saying, Jill?”
“I’m saying that if that was his plan, then what better place for a snake to lie low than in a pet shop? Maybe he never actually came back outside, but found a way through to the shop next door? It’s a big store. I’m sure there’s lots of places in there where he could stash the money.”
“It’s worth a shot. I’ll get over there straight away.”
“Okay. Good luck.”
***
My plate was pretty full what with murder, extortion, a timeshare scam and bank robberies. To say nothing of the witchfinder who had moved in across the road. But more worrying than all of those combined was the thought that it was Grandma’s birthday in two days’ time, and I still hadn’t bought her a present.
It occurred to me that maybe if the twins and I put our heads together, between us we might come up with something, so I magicked myself over to Cuppy C. The twins’ new assistants were working behind the counters. Amber and Pearl were seated at the window table, both eating muffins. It seemed rude not to join them in the muffinfest, so I ordered a latte and a blueberry muffin, and then went and sat with the girls.
“You two look busy.”
“We’ve been run off our feet today, Jill,” Amber said, tucking into a Black Forest muffin. “We can’t all laze around like you do in the human world.”
“Laze around?” I took a bite of my muffin. “I’ll have you know I’m working on three cases, at the moment. And, I’m worried about Grandma’s birthday; I haven’t come up with a present for her yet. I thought if the three of us put our heads together we might be able to come up with a few good ideas. What do you think?”
“No need.” Amber grinned. “I’ve already bought the perfect gift for Grandma.”
“Not as good as the one I’ve got for her,” Pearl said.
“Hold on. Do you mean to tell me that you two have already bought presents?”
They both nodded, and couldn’t have looked any more smug if they’d tried.
“Come on then. Tell me what you’ve bought.”
“I’m sorry,” Amber said. She didn’t look sorry. “But if I told you, I’d have to kill you.”
“What about you, Pearl?”
“Sorry.” She didn’t look sorry either. “It’s top secret.”
They both giggled.
“Well, thanks for nothing, you two.”
“You’ll think of something,” Amber said. “Maybe.”
“Yeah.” Pearl nodded. “No pressure.”
“I’ll remember this. Just wait until you two need my help.” I stood up. “I’ll go and talk to Aunt Lucy. I’m sure she’ll be happy to give me some ideas.”
“Good luck!” They called after me.
Aunt Lucy was cleaning the oven when I arrived. “Would you like a drink, Jill?”
“No, thanks. I can’t stay long. I just wanted to pick your brain about Grandma’s bi
rthday present.”
“What about it?”
“I wondered if we could kick around some ideas as to what we can buy for her?”
“I’ve already bought her a present.”
“Oh? What did you get?”
She hesitated. “I’d rather not say.”
“Why?”
“It took me ages to find just the right thing. And, well, I’m not being funny, but I don’t want someone else to buy the same present. You do understand, don’t you?”
“Oh yes, I understand. I understand that you and the twins have thrown me under the bus.”
“That’s a bit harsh, Jill. I’ll gladly try to think of something for you to buy.”
“It’s okay. Don’t trouble yourself. I’m sure I’ll come up with something.”
“Okay, dear, but if you get stuck, just give me a call.”
“Is Barry upstairs?”
“No, Dolly popped in a few minutes ago. She’s taken him for a walk with Babs. She’ll be in the park if you want to try to catch them.”
“I don’t think I’ll bother. I’ll just check on Hamlet.”
I was still grumbling to myself about the birthday present subterfuge, as I made my way upstairs. Hamlet was standing behind what looked like a mini easel. In his hands, he had a paintbrush and paint palette. At the opposite side of the cage a female hamster had grabbed a dressing gown to cover herself.
“Do you mind?” Hamlet looked and sounded annoyed. “You’re disturbing an artist at work.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea that you were into painting.”
“I’m not ‘into painting,’ as you so eloquently put it; I am an artist.”
“Sorry. That’s what I meant.”
“If you must know, I got the idea from that woman who sometimes takes Barry for a walk. Dolly, I think her name is. She brought a few of her paintings for me to see. My goodness! Have you seen her work?”
“I have, actually.”
“Then you’ll know what I’m talking about. After seeing those, I decided I couldn’t do any worse. Gillian is here to model for me.”
