by Adele Abbott
“Clowns freak me out.” She shuddered.
“Me too. Do you think you could help me with the make-up?”
“I’ll try, but I’ve never really done anything like that before.”
Considering it was Jules’ first attempt at applying clown make-up, she made a very good job of it. I could barely bring myself to look at my reflection in the mirror because every time I did, it scared me to death.
When I walked through to my office, Winky came out from under the sofa. As soon as he saw me, his fur stood on end, and his tail bushed up. He hissed at me, and then disappeared back under the sofa.
“It’s only me, Winky.”
He didn’t budge.
“You don’t have to be scared. It’s me.”
Nothing I said or did, could persuade him to come back out. I could hardly blame him; I felt the same way about clowns. He was still under there when I went back through to the outer office.
“I’d better get going, Jules.”
“Why didn’t you get changed there, Jill?”
“I can’t run the risk of being recognised.”
“Right. Well, good luck.”
***
I’d never seen so many clowns in one place as there were at the Washbridge Conference Centre, where the NOCA conference was being held. It was my idea of hell, but I had to go through with it. I’d added my name to the list of attendees when I’d been on Andrew Clowne’s computer, so gaining access wasn’t a problem.
There were clowns of all shapes and sizes. Fortunately for me, both Don Keigh and Ray Carter were in their everyday clothes. If they’d been dressed as clowns, I’m not sure I would ever have found them.
“It’s me—Jill,” I said to Don.
“Jill? I had no idea that you’d be here today. I thought the threat was over?”
“There’s something that I need you two to hear.”
“What are you talking about?” Ray asked.
Without going into details, I convinced them both to hide behind the curtain at the back of the stage. Then, I waited.
About ten minutes later, Andrew Clowne, who was also wearing his everyday clothes, walked onto the stage, and took his seat at the table set out for the three committee members. He was blissfully unaware that his two colleagues were behind the curtain at the back of the stage. That was my cue to act.
I climbed up the steps onto the stage, and walked over to him. I knew that he wouldn’t recognise me, but I had to make sure that he didn’t recognise my voice either, so I conjured up yet another voice.
“I hope you don’t mind me coming up here,” I said. “I just wanted to say what an excellent job I think you’ve done as chairman of NOCA.”
“Thank you very much.” He beamed. “What’s your name?”
“Miss Potty.”
“That’s a great name.”
“Thank you. Why don’t you continue in the position of chairman?”
“Unfortunately, the NOCA constitution doesn’t allow me to serve another term.”
“Is that why you decided to fake the extortion demand?”
He looked stunned. It was time to revert to my normal voice. “You’ve been siphoning money out of the contingency fund ever since you took over as chairman, haven’t you, Andrew?”
“Jill? Is that you?”
“You knew that once the new chairman took over, the game would be up. You had to come up with a plan to account for the missing money.”
“That’s just rubbish.”
“I don’t think so. Why else would you send me to pay off the extortionist with a bag full of plain paper?”
“You had no business looking inside the bag.”
“But I did, and that’s when I realised that there never was an extortionist. You created the letters demanding the money, didn’t you? And, you knew that if I left the bag on the bridge, someone would take it sooner or later.”
“This is all just speculation. You don’t know anything about our accounts.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. While you were at the TV station yesterday, I got to have a good look through all your paperwork, and on your computer.” I changed my voice to that of Patricia Delmore, of Clown TV fame. “How did the TV show go, by the way?”
“That was you?”
“It was. While you were away on a wild goose chase, I found all the information I needed to confirm my suspicions. When you first came to see me, you pretended to be dead set against the idea of paying the extortion demand, but secretly you hoped that the two so-called murders would convince your fellow committee members to approve the payment. What could look better than for you to be the only one voting against? But when they didn’t approve the payment, you panicked. You had to do something to change their minds, so you used one of the props, which had been confiscated by the Test Lab, to kill poor Mr Bobo.”
“This is all very interesting, Jill, but you still don’t have a shred of evidence.”
“Wrong again. The police have managed to lift a set of fingerprints from the wrapping paper that was on the present you sent to Mr Bobo.” I lied.
“It’s your fault that Bobo is dead.” There was hatred in his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt anyone. If you hadn’t persuaded the others to ignore the extortion demand, Bobo would still be alive.”
At that moment, Don Keigh and Ray Carter stepped from behind the curtain.
“No, Andrew,” Ray Carter said. “It’s your fault that Bobo is dead. You killed him.”
Don Keigh already had his phone in his hand; he was calling the police.
***
I was the last to arrive at Aunt Lucy’s house for Grandma’s birthday party. Or at least, I was almost the last. There was no sign of the birthday girl herself. Everyone else was seated around the dining room table. Although the room was decorated with balloons, and there were party poppers on the table, there was no party atmosphere. Instead, everyone looked as though they were waiting to be hanged.
“Where’s Grandma?” I said, in a hushed voice.
The twins shrugged. Aunt Lucy shook her head. “You tell us.”
There was a pile of presents, all a similar shape and size, on the sideboard. I placed mine on top of them.
“Hi, guys,” I said to Lester, William and Alan.
They managed a collective grunt in reply. It was obvious that none of them wanted to be there.
“What time is the party meant to start?” I asked.
“Ten minutes before you got here,” Pearl said.
My phone vibrated; I had a text message.
“It’s from Grandma.” I read it aloud, “I have decided to go to bingo instead.”
We all looked at one another in disbelief. Even by Grandma’s standards, this was outrageous.
“I don’t believe it.” Aunt Lucy was red in the face. “After all the time I’ve spent preparing the food, and she decides to go to bingo instead?”
“We spent a fortune on balloons and party poppers,” Amber complained.
“And on her present.” Pearl sighed.
I was lost for words. Every time I thought Grandma couldn’t surprise me again, she managed to do it.
“You lot are so easy to wind up.” Grandma cackled, as she walked into the room. “Did you really think I’d miss this happy, family gathering? Where’s the drink?”
“I thought we’d eat first.” Aunt Lucy got to her feet.
“You thought wrong, then.” Grandma went through to the lounge, and moments later came back with a glass of whiskey.
After Aunt Lucy had served the food, the twins picked up their party poppers and pulled the cords. Nothing happened. Alan and William tried theirs with the same result.
“Where did you buy these from?” Grandma glared at the twins, after her party popper failed too.
“They were on special offer at Party Express.” Pearl was avoiding eye contact with Grandma.
“No wonder.”
The meal was superb. Aunt Lucy had made Grandma’s favourite: t
oad in the hole. Not even Grandma could find anything to complain about.
“How’s the new job going, Fester?” Grandma asked.
Aunt Lucy looked daggers at Grandma, but said nothing.
“So far, so good,” Lester replied.
“Sounds like a bit of a dead-end job to me.” Grandma laughed. “Get it? Dead-end job? What’s wrong with you lot?”
“Would anyone like dessert?” Aunt Lucy asked.
“Are we going to have some of the twins’ invisible cakes?” Grandma cackled again.
The twins exchanged glances, and I saw Amber mouth the words ‘how did she know?’
Aunt Lucy’s apple pie and custard was delicious. I was hoping someone else might ask for seconds so I could too, but no one did.
“It’s time for the presents, I think,” Aunt Lucy said.
“I want to give Grandma my present first,” Pearl said.
“No! I want to give her mine first,” Amber objected.
The two of them rushed to collect their presents, and then both tried to pass them to Grandma.
“Why don’t you open them together for me?” she said.
The twins didn’t need telling twice. They both started to tear off the wrapping paper.
Grandma’s expression was a picture when she saw what was inside.
“Bunions Away?” Grandma looked from one box to the other identical box.
“It’s a revolutionary new treatment,” Pearl said.
“I bought mine first!” Amber got in quickly.
“No, you didn’t. I did.”
“Enough!” Grandma interrupted. “Let’s see what Lucy and Jill have bought me.”
“You can go first, Jill,” Aunt Lucy said.
“No, it’s okay. After you.”
“Never mind.” Grandma stood up. “I’ll do it myself.” She began to tear the wrapping paper off the two remaining presents.
She now had four bottles of Bunions Away.
“Look at it this way,” I said. “You’re never likely to run out.”
Grandma glared at me. “Now I remember why I don’t bother with birthdays.” She grabbed her coat. “I really am off to bingo now.”
“You forgot your presents!” I called after her.
***
I was totally exhausted by the exploits of the day. If I’d gone straight home, I would probably have fallen asleep, and that would have been it for the evening. So instead, I decided to call in at the office to see if I-Sweat was still open. I figured that a quick workout would wake me up.
As I climbed the stairs, I could see the lights were still on in I-Sweat, so I dropped my bag off in my office, and grabbed my sports gear.
The doors to I-Sweat were open, but there was no one on reception.
“Jill! Hi.” It was Gavin. He appeared to be the only person in the gym.
“Hi, Gavin. Sorry, I didn’t realise you were closed.”
“Officially, we closed ten minutes ago, but I’m just about to do my own workout, so you can stay until I’ve finished if you like? I’ll be here for about thirty minutes.”
“Great. That’ll be more than enough time. I’ll get changed.”
I started on one of the rowing machines. Gavin was at the opposite end of the room, lifting weights; he had fastened his long hair up on top of his head. After a few minutes, I swapped to one of the treadmills.
Gavin made me jump when he appeared at my side. The noise from the treadmill had muffled his footsteps.
“Sorry, Jill, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay. Are you ready to go home?”
“Not just yet. I’m okay for another fifteen minutes or so.”
As he walked away, I caught his reflection in the mirror on the wall. That’s when I saw it. A small tattoo, on the nape of his neck, in the shape of a goblet.
I almost fell off the treadmill. My heart was racing but not because of the running—I was terrified. All this time I’d assumed the witchfinder was weird Mr Kilbride, when in fact it was Gavin.
I started to make my way slowly towards the exit, but Gavin must have sensed my movement because he turned around. He glanced at the mirror, and realised that the game was up. His ever-permanent smile disappeared.
“There’s no point in trying to get away, Jill. It’s over.”
“I don’t think so!”
I rushed out of the door, and slammed it shut, but seconds later, I heard it open again. He was only a few feet behind me as I rushed along the corridor and into my office. I had to get to my bag, which contained the syringes of Brewflower. I managed to grab it off my desk, and pull out the white box, but before I could take one out, Gavin had rugby tackled me to the ground. The box slid across the floor and out of reach. I cast the ‘power’ spell and tried to push him off me, but he just laughed.
“Your magic doesn’t work on me, witch! And soon you won’t be around for it to work on anyone else.”
This was it. There was nothing I could do. I was a goner.
“Jill! Catch!” Winky threw one of the syringes to me.
I caught it, and stuck it into Gavin’s thigh.
He stared at the syringe in disbelief, but then fell off me. I managed to pull myself up into a sitting position. For the next few minutes, nothing happened, but then Gavin, or whatever his name really was, stood up, and walked out of the room.
I was alive! I was still alive!
“Boy, do you owe me big time.” Winky grinned.
More mystery, magic and mayhem from Jill Gooder and a cast of thousands (okay, tens) in the next book:
Witch Is Why The Moon Disappeared
(Witch P.I. Mysteries #17)
ALSO FROM ADELE ABBOTT:
The Susan Hall Mysteries
This new series from Adele Abbott is set in the same world as the Witch P.I. Mysteries (Washbridge/Candlefield)
Investigative reporter, Susan Hall, is out to make her mark in her new job at The Bugle. If she is to succeed, she is going to have to bring in the big stories.
Whoops! Our New Flatmate Is A Human
(Susan Hall Mysteries #1)
Charlie (a werewolf), Dorothy (a vampire) and Neil (a wizard) have a new flatmate. The bad news is, she’s a human. The even worse news is, she’s an investigative reporter.
Web Site: http:www.AdeleAbbott.com
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