by Maya Blake
He waited until she’d returned to using both hands to tuck into her spicy chicken and sautéed potatoes served with a mango and avocado sauce before he returned his attention to his own food. Pleading with her body to calm down, she attempted to be content with the fact that wherever her appetite had gone it was coming back with gusto.
Ramon, on the other hand, ate less and drank more, his jaw clenching and unclenching until she resolutely set down her cutlery.
‘Either my dress is bothering you more than you want to admit or something’s wrong. Maybe something that involves you smashing up your studio?’ she enquired boldly.
He tensed further. When he didn’t reply immediately, she thought he meant to ignore her. But then he shrugged. ‘I’m an artist. I’m allowed a temperamental outburst every now and then.’
‘I suppose, except you look like you want to have another one right now. So I’m guessing it wasn’t cathartic?’
His eyes narrowed on her, but he answered, ‘I get that way when my vision and my process don’t converge as they should.’
‘Artist’s block?’
He grimaced, his gaze sweeping her body before he glanced away. ‘I prefer...frustrated.’
‘How long has it been?’ she asked, then mentally kicked herself. With all he’d suffered, was it a surprise?
‘I drew my last painting eight months ago. My last sculpture has been even longer.’
Before his devastating loss. But after his break-up with Svetlana?
The food in her mouth congealed. Had the break-up affected him to the extent his art had suffered? As she watched him gulp back another mouthful of red wine, his features set, Suki’s chest tightened.
Silence reigned while he took another sip.
‘Since we’re sharing intimate subjects, which of your parents decided to name you Suki?’ he asked.
She looked up, a little startled at the unexpected question. Then, glad for the change of subject, she smiled. ‘My mother. It was her favourite teacher’s name. She decided from a young age that she would name her daughter that.’
‘And your father didn’t raise any objection?’ he asked.
The pleasing memory of how she got her name disappeared. Her gaze veered off him, a sudden interest in her meal meant to disguise the mingled anger and anguish that flashed through her each time she thought of the father who’d chosen to ignore her existence.
‘I didn’t have the privilege of meeting my father for the first decade and half of my life. He decided to do a runner after being with my mother for one night,’ she said. ‘When she found out she was pregnant and eventually tracked him down, it turned out he’d lied about his single status. And, surprise, he wasn’t interested in the child he’d helped conceive.’
An expression passed over Ramon’s face, almost curiously resembling fury. Although why he should be furious on her behalf was puzzling. Or maybe it was directed at her?
‘And you’ve never sought him out all these years?’
‘Not in the past ten years, no. I attempted to when I was sixteen. I skipped school one day and went to his office. Perhaps it wasn’t the best place to confront him, but what the heck do I know? Anyway, he didn’t want to know me. He made it clear he wasn’t interested in engaging with me on any level. So I drew a line under that.’
‘Perhaps things might be different now.’
‘Perhaps. But he knows where I am. He’s always known where I was. He’s not been inclined to seek me out. That says it all, really.’
His expression turned inward. A little bleak. A lot serious. Again his mouth tightened with a hint of fury. ‘Such a waste.’
Something moved in her throat. Her hand found the back of his before she’d fully registered the move. He gave a sharp exhalation, his gaze dropping down to their touching hands before returning to her face.
‘Don’t take this the wrong way. Your family was a close-knit one so you may think my not knowing my father was a waste, but I don’t think I missed a great deal by not having him around,’ Suki said.
He tensed, his eyes narrowing on her face.
Suki bit her lip as the powder keg of the subject of denied father threatened to blow up again. ‘I don’t believe that about everyone, Ramon, only my own. From the little I saw of him, he and my mother would never have been compatible in the long run. I think she fell in love with the idea of falling in love more than anything. And he, of course, would never have left his wife for a one-night stand.’
‘Are you saying that knowledge didn’t in any way inform your own actions?’ he pressed. His tone wasn’t as harsh and condemning as it had been on the day of the memorial. As unyielding as the question was, this time it was powered more by the subtle need for assurance and thin layer of vulnerability than anything else.
But still she drew her hand away before she answered. ‘Think about it, Ramon. We had a one-night stand too and, as you reminded me, we didn’t even like each other much. But would I be here, trying to have another child with you, if I didn’t want this? The doctors reassured me that the likelihood of the congenital heart failure reoccurring was low, but it’s still scary—’
‘Perdón? The what?’ He cut across her, his voice a deadly blade.
Her breath strangled. ‘The baby—’
‘Our baby.’
She nodded jerkily. ‘Our baby was diagnosed with congenital heart disease.’ She frowned. ‘You said you had me investigated. I thought you knew...’
Her words trailed off as his glass dropped onto the table, spreading red wine on the white cloth. ‘Dios mio,’ he muttered through lips gone ashen. He stared at her for an infinite moment, then he jerked to his feet, paced away from the table.
‘Ramon...’
He swerved back around. ‘Tell me what...how...’ He stopped, swallowed.
Pain shook her from scalp to toes. ‘We used protection so I didn’t suspect I was pregnant...for a while. I was still spotting. Anyway, when I eventually had the scan, it showed the defect, I was told the chances of her living through the very risky surgery were appallingly low. I did extensive research. No one could guarantee success.’
‘That’s why you terminated the pregnancy?’
Brokenly, she nodded.
‘So you intended to keep it all along?’ he pressed.
‘Yes. You really didn’t know?’
He exhaled loudly. Then his face contorted in a pained grimace. ‘No. After Luis told me you’d terminated the pregnancy, I didn’t have much room to hear anything else. I admit I didn’t treat the messenger very well. We didn’t speak for a few weeks, and, when we did, we chose not to discuss it further. My investigation was to verify time and dates and your finances, not why you’d terminated...’ He shut his eyes and shook his head. ‘Madre di Dios.’
‘I’m sorry.’
His eyes opened, spearing her with fierce remorse. ‘No, I am the one who is sorry. Lo siento mucho,’ he repeated solemnly in Spanish.
A stone lodged in her throat, and her eyes prickled. Muttering another curse, he came and crouched before her chair, his thumb brushing her tears. ‘This time we will succeed,’ he rasped harshly. Whether it was a command to the cosmos or a plea couched in typical Ramon arrogance, she found herself nodding, adding her own silent prayer to the statement.
He caught her hand, drew her up and walked her to the terrace. His tone subdued, he probed her gently for more information, which she freely gave, finding the sharing of the pain she’d carried for ever a little easier to bear.
An eternity later, they returned to the table. Their dinner dishes had been cleared, and the table was now set with dessert.
Ramon offered her a plate of pastelitos and yemitas. ‘Eat, they’re your favourite,’ he instructed before heaping ice cream onto the side of the dessert bowl.
She sta
red at the large, mouth-watering dish. ‘You’re trying to fatten me up.’
‘No, I’m trying to get this meal over as quickly as possible so I can drag you to the bedroom and get that damned dress off you,’ he returned gruffly, stormy eyes ablaze with lust and a large dose of regret pinning hers.
He stayed true to his word. Except the dress didn’t survive the inferno of his lust. Suki suspected he’d intended to rip the dress to shreds all along and didn’t mourn the loss for too long. They were too busy mourning, and then reaffirming life.
But as she scooped the ripped material off the floor the next day, her mind tripped back to the night before and the disturbing subject she’d left untouched.
Svetlana. And why Ramon had lied about having broken his engagement with her. Although Luis had informed her without prompting the last time she’d seen him that Ramon and Svetlana were no longer together, the thought that he’d still been with her when he’d slept with Suki had triggered a fresh bout of bitterness.
It still did. Her fingers gripped the tattered material harder as the admission lanced her.
Why?
Because she wanted to be able to trust the father of her child completely? She didn’t doubt that Ramon would be fully committed to his child. Family held a premium place in his priorities. Perhaps even the ultimate.
So why did she need other assurances that didn’t...shouldn’t matter to their agreement? Because her child would one day look up to his father and find him wanting, just as she’d found her father wanting.
Even before she fed herself that answer, Suki knew it wasn’t the complete truth. She wanted to know for herself.
‘I’m one hundred per cent sure that dress is out of commission for ever. Glaring at it quite so intensely isn’t really necessary.’
She whirled around. He stood in the doorway to their—his—suite, the fists he’d thrust into stone-coloured chinos making his well-developed biceps, left visible by his short-sleeved V-necked shirt, bunch in eye-catching glory. A trace of tension stiffened his shoulders, and lingered in his eyes. Clearly, some of last night’s subjects bothered him too.
She dragged her gaze from the spectacular sight he made to the torn dress in her hand. ‘Yes... I was about to dispose of it.’
‘After delivering its last rites?’ he teased.
She shook her head, the alarming direction her thoughts seemed intent on taking preventing any humour from filtering through. ‘No.’
His face turned serious. Striding forward, he caught her chin in his hand and tilted her face up to his. ‘What’s wrong?’
She started to shake her head, unsure of where this conversation would go if she started it.
He stopped her. ‘Tell me, Suki.’ The even tone of his voice didn’t diminish the implacable demand.
‘Why did you lie to me about your engagement being over the night of my birthday?’ she blurted.
His whole body froze, his jaw tightening as his teeth clenched. ‘I didn’t lie to you,’ he bit out after several tense seconds.
Her heart squeezed with disappointment far too acute for her to fool herself into thinking this conversation didn’t have rippling repercussions for her emotional state. ‘What does that mean? Things weren’t over with her though, were they? You didn’t deny that you were photographed together after you and I were...’
‘Together? No, I don’t deny it. And yes, she was still in my life, but we were not engaged.’
Pain she had no right to feel lanced her. But she fought to keep it from showing. ‘That’s just semantics, Ramon. Whether you were engaged or not, you were with her when you were with me. You weren’t just a cheater, you also made me a cheater!’
His head went back at the hot accusation. His hand dropped, leaving her cold, far colder than common sense warranted she should be.
And yet the shiver that went through her was so strong, she rubbed frantic hands up and down her arms as she watched him walk away. When he reached the French doors, he turned around to face her. The look on his face was chillingly forbidding.
‘That day, your birthday... I found out that she was cheating on me.’
Her gasp fell into the wide chasm that had sprung up between them. Whether he heard her or not, she wasn’t sure as he continued.
‘When I confronted her, she swore that it wasn’t true. I didn’t believe her so I ended it.’
‘That’s why you were in such a foul mood that night?’
He scowled at the carpet for a moment. ‘That’s why I jumped to conclusions about you that I shouldn’t have.’
The admission salved a little, but there were gaps she needed filled. ‘Right. Okay...’
‘A few weeks after you, she begged me to give her the benefit of the doubt. I refused. But she had a debut movie coming up and she pleaded with me to maintain appearances until the premiere. Her morals turned out to be questionable but I didn’t see the benefit in ruining her so I agreed. Besides, it also got the press off my back for a while.’
‘So you maintained a relationship just for appearances’ sake?’ Suki wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
He shrugged. ‘We’d been together a year but we both led busy lives and hadn’t seen each other more than a handful of times those last two months. Turning up for a three-hour premiere in exchange for a quiet exit to the relationship seemed like a good bargain.’
She frowned in remembrance. ‘But that wasn’t the end, was it? There were more pictures of the two of you. Even Luis believed you were still together.’ She was aware she was coming across like a rabid stalker who had tracked his every move. But she couldn’t stop the questions that spilled out. Or the need to understand.
‘She tried to get me back after that. She refused to take off the engagement ring and turned up at a few places she knew I would be.’
‘But you sent her packing?’ she asked, with a lot more hope than she knew was wise.
Ramon’s expression didn’t alter, but his silence told her he was weighing his words. ‘She continued to plead her innocence. When she proved an allegation false, I decided to hear her out.’
Because he’d been in love with her.
‘Because you...cared about her?’
A frown twitched between his brows. ‘We were engaged to be married. Of course I cared.’
The hollow sensation in her gut shortened her breath. ‘Then why aren’t you with her now?’
His face twisted in a grimace of deep bitterness and unforgiving reprehension. ‘Because only one of the allegations was untrue,’ he answered in an icy voice.
When the penny dropped, her mouth gaped. ‘She cheated on you with different men?’
His jaw worked for several seconds. ‘Apparently, she was lonely and I wasn’t there for her enough so, yes, she turned to other men while convincing herself that I would be okay with it.’ Impatient fingers charged through his hair, ruffling the jet waves. ‘Are we done with the questioning, Suki? Are you satisfied that I didn’t make a cheater out of you the night we slept together?’ he asked.
Although she managed to convince herself that the part of her that had felt battered and wronged was appeased, the sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach presented an even greater problem.
‘Yes, I’m satisfied,’ she murmured.
He exhaled, his stride steady and assured as he retraced his steps back to her. ‘I came up here to tell you lunch is ready. Teresa has made boliche.’
For the first time since she’d started sampling his housekeeper’s incredible dishes, Suki couldn’t summon the appetite for the delicious Cuban pot roast. She pushed her food around her plate, forcing down bites for the sake of eating rather than enjoyment.
Also for the first time, Ramon didn’t complain, his own thoughts seemingly turned inwards as the meal progressed. When another furtive g
lance showed his gaze in the middle distance, Suki had to bite her tongue to stop herself from asking what he was thinking of. Who he was thinking of.
The idea that she’d opened a vault of memories for him sat like a heavy weight on her chest. One she could no longer bear by the time their plates were cleared away.
‘Do you mind if I skip dessert? I want to go for a swim in a little while and I’d rather not fall asleep in the pool.’
‘If you wish,’ he said, his usual droll response patently absent.
When he failed to deliver the narrow-eyed warning for her to be careful at the pool, Suki walked away from the table, the weight sitting heavier on her chest.
It stayed with her as she traversed the hallways to the room where the decorators were beginning to re-plaster the walls in readiness to replace the centuries-old carved stone that had been removed. After a short discussion with the foreman, she made her way to her suite.
The light tan she’d acquired gave her the confidence to don the canary-yellow bikini she would normally have avoided as being too eye-catching for her pasty skin. But the way she looked was the last thing on her mind as she stepped out onto the terrace and headed for the pool.
Submerging herself beneath the cool water did nothing to erase the image of Ramon’s face as he spoke of Svetlana. The bitterness. The pain.
Acrid jealousy rose to choke her as his words joined in her torment.
We were engaged to be married. Of course I cared.
Did he still care? Was he still so in love with her it’d stunted his artistic passion?
She burst from beneath the water, her breath coming in pants as she clung to the edge of the pool. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t get off the subject? Who Ramon cared about shouldn’t feature anywhere on her emotional landscape. What she should be giving thanks for was that her integrity hadn’t been compromised.
She hadn’t inadvertently stolen another woman’s man, even if it’d been for a single unforgettable night.
And yet, she continued to cling to the tiles, her mind tripping forward to the nights she would soon not have. To the time when she would be relegated to sleeping alone, should her job of conceiving succeed sooner rather than later.
