by Aimee Brown
Everything will be just fine. I haven’t really spoken to Jack since just after everything happened and we agreed that a break would be best. I’ve learned a lot with him gone actually. I opened my own coffee shop, which, if you’ve never run your own business before, is a great way to spend every second thinking about something besides the thing you’re trying to avoid. Really therapeutic in leaving the right people behind when you need to. It also showed me that I really could do anything I wanted. I didn’t need a man from a rich family to be my family when I didn’t have one any longer. I’ve got great friends, both old and new, a great apartment, and I don’t really long for anything. I’m happy, by my own doing.
Of course, there are those times where I wish I could just call someone up for a movie and a cuddle, but those moments usually pass pretty quickly and are a lot less messy than if it had actually happened the way my fantasies allow it to play out.
*
“Two glasses of wine, Em?” Lily lectures me as the stewardess collects our empty containers in preparation for landing. “You should have stopped at one.”
“I think at three I would have been able to tune this out better…”
“Ha, ha. I just don’t think you should be going into this drunk.” Lily scolds me.
I laugh as I walk down the hall leading between the plane and airport departure gate. “I’m far from drunk, miles actually.”
“Don’t listen to her,” Josh winks at me before grabbing Lily’s hand with a sympathetic look on his face.
No matter how much I’ve prepared myself, this could possibly be one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in a while. So, I had a minuscule glass of wine or two, it’s not like I’m suddenly going to be ready to deal with my past after all the bad luck I’ve had. I really just don’t want to face Jack for the first time in a year in front of a room full of people who were also invited to our wedding. Actually, if I had a choice I’d rather not face Jack at all.
“I’m just saying that this week might be miserable enough already, I just don’t think she should start it off with two glasses of wine.”
I stare down at the ugly green patterned carpet that is somehow famously known as the Portland Airport. They actually sell souvenirs of this ugly carpet.
I finally stop and turn towards Lily, “Two plastic, tiny glasses of wine, Lil, not bottles, not a case, not even hard liquor that I considered smuggling in my bag. Two tiny airport size glasses of wine. I’m pretty sure I’m well below the legal limit.”
“Fine, just please, don’t overdo it?”
“Do I ever?”
Lily raises a single eyebrow. So, everyone has overdone something at some point. So, kill me.
“There he is.” Josh nods in the direction of my brother.
I couldn’t miss him if I wanted to. Despite the fact that we are paternal boy and girl twins, we do still look alike. We both have dark ash-brown hair, blue-gray eyes, and pasty white skin. He stands a good head taller than me, and there are the obvious boy and girl differences but besides that, he’s like looking in the mirror.
He’s standing in front of the schedule boards with a homemade sign that says Esmeralda the Great like I’m some sort of palm reader coming to read him his fortune. I still don’t know why our mother chose names straight from a circus sideshow act, but she did.
I am the two minute younger twin sister of my brother Evan. We were adopted at birth and given names that, I hate even to admit, are legal. Emi and Evan are just covers for the much worse names that show on our birth certificates. We’ve never known anything about our birth parents so maybe our real parents did and that’s where the weird names come from. My full name is Esmeralda Erin Harrison, and my brother is Evangelo Eron Harrison. The different versions of Erin are because we are twins and our mom thought we needed twinning names.
For as long as I can remember we insisted people call us Emi and Evan but our parents never would cave in and use them.
“You know I hate it when you call me that,” I say as I approach him.
He wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the floor in a giant bear hug. “Exactly why I do it. It’s what brothers do.”
Every time I see Evan, I realize how much I miss him and I wonder if running from the situation was the right thing to do. He’s really just about my only family left.
“Fine then, Evangelo,” I say in the most annoying sisterly tone available, watching his face scrunch into a disgusted look.
“Whoa now, OK, I won’t call you Esmeralda anymore if you’re gonna use Evangelo.”
“Good. Now, let’s go grab my bags.” I point to the sign over the down escalator reading Baggage Area and lead the way downstairs.
Evan gives me a disapproving look as he drags my bag onto the escalator. “You checked bags, plural, and brought this?” He pretends he can hardly lift it when he exits the escalator to follow me to the baggage claim.
I look back at him, irritated, “It’s a wedding. I had to get the dress here and it takes a lot to maintain and dress this figure up.” I point to myself in case he doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
“High maintenance, huh?” Evan directs his comment towards Lily and Josh, who both silently nod their heads.
“I am not high maintenance. This is just—”
What is it?
It’s a wedding that my ex will be at. That’s what it is. If I didn’t come prepared for anything even I would wonder what was wrong with me.
“Got it,” Evan nods with an unspoken understanding as if he’s just read my mind. Sometimes having a twin is a good thing. Like those times where you need them to spontaneously read your mind, or call when you’re having a bad day and you don’t want to call first. We do those weird things.
Evan jogs over to the baggage carousel that is on the point of sending my two extra large hot pink luggage bags and dress bag back through the hole in the wall to wherever they go if no one claims them. I was kind of hoping the dress bag would end up on its way to Brazil, or anywhere else for that matter. But there it is, taunting me by being draped over both my other bags, impossible to not see and accidentally leave behind.
“Is he there?” I ask Evan, not really even wanting to know if he’s there or not. But if he is, I should at least be given the chance to prepare myself.
“Who?” He gives a joking smile over his shoulder at me. “No, he’s not there. He doesn’t live with us, Em.”
I glance back at Josh and Lily who shrug their shoulders with a smile.
“I know that.” Thank God. If he did I’d be heading to a hotel right now, instead of my brother’s mini-mansion.
“I doubt you’ll see much of him anyway, besides at the wedding. He’s… uh… preoccupied.”
“With work, right?” Lily suddenly appears at my side, leaving her luggage with Josh to pull to the car. “He’s a lawyer,” she narrows her eyes at Evan, “So, I’m sure he’s busy on a case, or whatever.”
“Right. You know, Jack, always working.” Evan is obviously following her lead on something.
“What’s going on?” I stop when Evan’s SUV beeps at us approaching, triggering the back door to automatically open.
“Nothing is going on, Em,” he grabs my bags and stacks them in the back, arranging them like a Jenga game so that Josh and Lily can maybe fit theirs in as well. “Let’s head home.”
We all pile into Evan’s SUV quietly. A little too quietly. Like someone is hiding a secret quietly.
“Seriously guys, what is up? What do you all know that I don’t?”
Evan backs out of the parking spot silently, only the hum of the engine in the background, avoiding even looking in my direction, obviously ignoring me.
I glance to the back seat, where Josh and Lily exchange a look I know all too well. The we can’t tell Emi yet look. I know this look because it’s the same one they gave me when I asked what happened to my wedding dress after the move to Dallas. I still don’t know the answer to that one.
“What are you not telling
me?”
“It’s nothing, Ems.” Lily is a horrible liar. Even though her mouth says nothing, her face is saying please forgive me.
“What did nothing do?”
“He’s uh… seeing someone.” Evan finally blurts it out, never looking at me for my reaction.
“Like a girlfriend?”
“Maybe it’s a boyfri—” Josh stops midsentence with Lily’s elbow in his ribs.
“Stop it, yes, it’s like a girlfriend. I was gonna tell you, but I didn’t want to chance you refusing to get on the plane. It’s really a rather new relationship too I’m told, so nothing to worry about.”
The words hang in the air like a storm cloud. I hear them, but I can’t wrap my head around them.
I have to say this would be a lot easier if it was a boyfriend because that would mean that I wasn’t just not good enough for him after all. I was just the wrong sex. But it’s not a boyfriend, it’s a woman. Jack has a girlfriend. As wrong as this is, I wanted him to be alone and lonely. Alone and miserable. To have gained fifty pounds and be balding and to eat his dinner alone in front of his TV every single night. That would make me happy: his misery. He deserves at least that. Even though I know it’s not true because I stalked him on Facebook, I’m still going to pretend it’s somehow possible.
“I’m fine with it,” I lie, and stare out the window watching the buildings whizzing past us. “It’s not like I haven’t moved on too.” Another lie, but one that Lily knows I tell myself hoping I’ll eventually believe it. Why am I trying to lie to the people who know me best, though?
“Really?” Lily asks.
“Yes, really. I mean, come on, I refused to talk to him for three months even though he begged daily, and then I moved over two thousand miles away when you guys got transferred. So yes, obviously, I’ve moved on.”
Behind me, Lily clears her throat. “Moving on physically isn’t the same as letting go, Ems. We’ve talked about this.”
“It’s true, though. In this case, it means exactly that. I moved to Texas, I started my dream business, I’m happy, and I am well over Jack. We just went through all this earlier, remember? I’m just a little surprised to hear that he’s moved on, that’s all.”
“Good, because this week isn’t about Jack and Emi for once. It’s about Hannah,” Evan finally adds his two cents.
“And you,” I say back to him with a forced smile.
“Exactly. So, we’re going to have fun, and things will go smoothly. Hannah deserves that.”
“Yes,” I nod my head as we pull into Evan’s driveway.
My heart sinks into my chest a little when he parks next to the 1952 Corvette that our father bought when Evan turned eighteen so they could fix it up together. It still looks as good as it did the day they finished it. It’s cherry red, picture perfect, and belongs in a museum somewhere. Despite the fact that Dad had wanted Evan to keep it, he insisted that it was more fitting for our dad. The last time I saw Dad driving it was on the way to the country club for his weekly game of tennis. That was his last game. He died of a major heart attack right there on the court. My heart hurts as I stare at the car from my seat and all the memories that go with it.
“Kind of sad they can’t be here for the wedding, isn’t it?” Evan says, still sitting in the driver’s seat next to me.
“Yeah. It is. I just never imagined that they’d be gone for all the big moments in life. Do you think they knew when they brought us home from the hospital that we’d have to do all this stuff without them?”
Evan shakes his head, a smile on his face. “Nah, they never felt their age as it was, so I doubt it even crossed their minds. I’m sure they’re around us somewhere. Dad’s probably super-impressed with my more responsible venture into adulthood, and Mom is probably still wondering when her sweet dizzy Emi will finally grow up?”
Evan laughs until I make a swing for his arm, then jumps out of the car before I can make impact.
“Not even funny! I am grown up, by the way. I run my very own business, have my own apartment, and I’m perfectly happy.” I say loudly as I get out, heading to the back of the SUV to grab my many bags.
“EMI!” Hannah comes squealing out of the house and engulfs me in a huge hug. Which is a little more than awkward, considering she’s a good nine inches taller than me.
I can’t say that Hannah and I are the best of friends in life, but I think we are just about as close as we’ll ever be. There may always be some lingering jealousy on Hannah’s side that Lily is my best friend and not her. But what can I do about that? Her marrying my brother won’t change the fact that I’ve known Lily since I was six years old. There is also the fact that I’ve always had a feeling that Hannah can change her opinion of someone, in a split second, over goodness knows what or why. I don’t want to chance being on that side of the spectrum at some point.
“Hi, Hannah!” I hug her back and pretend my cheek isn’t smashed up against her perfect plastic boobs.
“I’m so glad you’re finally here!” She sets me free and hugs both Lily and Josh. “Come in, come in! I’ll show you to your rooms. I’m so excited to show you everything for the wedding in person!”
Evan gives a raised eyebrow smirk. He’s finally escaped the world of weddings that Hannah has become since their engagement. She’s now got a new audience in Lily and me. The upcoming wedding is all that she talks about. My wedding this and my wedding that is the topic of literally every phone call we’ve had for the last year. I honestly don’t know what she’ll talk about when this is over, but I imagine her post wedding depression will be best for me when I’m two thousand miles away and can ignore the call.
“I have seriously shopped myself out this week getting your rooms ready, but since I knew you’d all be here a full week I wanted to make sure you had everything you’d have back home.”
I find it hard to believe she is ever seriously done with shopping, as I gawk at her fancy house while we follow her up the grandest staircase since Gone with the Wind and into a bedroom more luxurious than I’ve always imagined a room at The Plaza.
“Josh and Lily, this is your room. There are robes for each of you in the bathroom, toiletries that I know you all use, and a snack basket on the dresser. If I’ve left anything out just let me know and I’ll send Evan to grab it.”
“Wow, Hannah, you’ve really done too much. The room is beautiful.” Lily beams over at her. “And here I thought this wedding wouldn’t be a vacation.”
“Exactly why I did this! I know you two work so hard and I wanted this to be like a vacation.”
Hannah and Lily always get along in a ‘we have to for Emi’s sake’ kind of way. Not that they don’t like each other; they do, mostly. But right now, it’s a little over the top. I’d guess by tomorrow night they’ll be slyly at each other’s throats like a scene from The Real Housewives.
“Now to Emi’s room.”
I follow Hannah out, grabbing some of my bags that Evan dumped at the top of the stair landing, and into the next room on the right.
“Same for you, but I also left a bridesmaid survival kit in here. Everything you might need for your bridesmaid duties or emergencies are in it. It’s so exciting, in a few days we’ll be sisters!” She’s talking much quieter in here as if she’s trying to keep what we’re saying away from Lily’s ears.
When Hannah first asked me to be a bridesmaid I was afraid to tell Lily. Not because I thought Lily would be mad, but because Hannah didn’t ask her to be one too. She had some other friends she’s closer to and thought it would be weird to ask my best friend, who doesn’t always love her, to be in the bridal party. But of course, she invited Lily and Josh as guests and moral support for me.
“Thank you, Hannah. You truly have thought of everything.”
“Grab your dress bag; we’ll put that in here with the rest of the wedding stuff.” She motions to the room across the hall from us. When she opens the door, my jaw drops open. The room is piled high full of boxes, gift bags, linen
s, decorations, and dress bags.
“Whoa. This is like a bridal shop. Why is it all here? I thought you hired a wedding planner?”
“I did, but I needed a place to store everything and we have plenty of room. Isn’t it amazing?” She glances around before hanging my dress on the dress rack full of gown bags.
“How many bridesmaids are there?” I count the bags quickly, worried that this wedding might end up like the last scene of the movie 27 Dresses.
“There are six bridesmaids, two flower girls, and two ring bearers.”
“Why the twelve dress bags then?” I can’t help but wonder.
“Did I not tell you?” She pulls a bag out and hangs it on a hook at the end of the rack. “I designed two wedding dresses; a ceremony dress and a reception dress.”
“Two? Wow. That’s uh—”
What do you say to the woman who probably spent twenty thousand dollars on material for these dresses? You want to say that you hope they never run into financial hard times and drop down to middle income. But you don’t dare say anything.
“It’s amazing. Here, look, this one is my ceremony dress.” Hannah slowly unzips the first bag which is easily the biggest dress bag I’ve ever seen. Inside is a dress with so much tulle and sparkle it’s hard to see anything else as it all spills out.
“I know you can’t tell in the bag but it’s so beautiful. The bodice stops at my waist and it has a full out ball gown skirt but it’s cut in layers draped offset in a handkerchief cut. Look at all this lace!” She pulls out a layer of the skirt with an intricate lace detail along the hem. “I designed this lace.”
I can tell she’s proud of it too, as she should be; it’s gorgeous.
“There is also a layer of tulle in the middle of the skirt that is hot pink so there is a hint of pink showing through in the full skirt. The beading on the bodice took me two months to complete. Can you imagine? I thought my fingers were going to fall off,” she laughs as she gently touches the intricate beading sparkling in the light.
Ever since the day I met her, Hannah has truly always reminded me of Barbie, with her perfect blonde hair, her always perfect makeup, and her obsession with all things pink.
