by Aimee Brown
“Yeah… I went through all the work of picking up all of our favorite foods to surprise him with dinner at work, and when I get here Rachel tells me that he went out of town with Andy – this morning.”
“And you’re sure he didn’t tell you?”
“Yeah, of course I’m sure! We’ve hardly talked in a few days and I don’t remember him mentioning this at all. I’d remember that!”
“OK, OK, that is weird.”
“Do you think he’s cheating on me?”
“No…” Her hesitation doesn’t match her words.
“Great. Now what?”
“Let’s go to his apartment and see what else he hasn’t told you?”
“I don’t exactly have a key, Lil.”
“So? That’s a minor, workable detail.” She laughs. “Well just tell the super that you left your medication in there and you have to get it back before Jack gets home from his business trip.”
“That could work.”
This is not the right thing to do. I just need it on record that I know this.
“I’ll meet you there in ten.” I hit the End call button.
It might not be the right thing to do but I’m doing it. What can it hurt? If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’ll figure out why on my own.
*
The super was more than easy and let me into Jack’s apartment with no questions asked. Apparently, I’m on the list of accepted people in his life so he didn’t even stay to make sure I got what I lied that I needed in the first place.
“Now what?” I glance at Lily who is already going through drawers in the kitchen.
“Start looking for things.” Clearly, she’s done this before.
“What am I looking for?”
“Proof that he’s not always at work. Women’s underwear, condom wrappers, toothbrushes that aren’t yours, photos…”
“Ew…” It’s at moments like these I question my friendship with Lily but also thank the Lord that I have her.
“Well… it’s what some men do, Ems.”
“I hope it’s not what Jack does…” I walk into his bedroom. Everything is perfectly clean, the bed made, no dirty clothes and the curtains are closed. I glance through a couple of drawers but he’s so anal about everything that there isn’t a reason to dig: the shirt drawer has shirts, the sock drawer has socks, yadda, yadda, yadda. Nothing exciting anywhere.
“Find anything?” Lily asks me as she enters Jack’s room.
“No… you?”
“This.” She holds up a bright purple bra.
“That’s mine!” I snatch it from her just as the front door clicks open. “Oh my God!” I hiss at her, hoping to God it’s just the super checking on us.
“Hello?” Jack’s voice comes booming through the apartment.
“I left my purse out there,” Lily whispers, running to my side.
“Emi?” He walks down the hallway, our eyes momentarily meeting before his gaze moves to the bra still hanging from my fingertips. “What-” He looks around the room, spotting Lily cowering behind me. “What are you doing here? How did you even get in?”
“Jack… I… Uh… wanted to surprise you, with dinner, so I went to your office but Rachel said you were here.”
“So why is Lily hiding behind you then?” He asks with no emotion on his face.
“We couldn’t find you so we thought we’d check in here. We just got here too.” I pretend my day has been exhausting as well so I just really don’t even have time to fight about what’s really going on.
“And how did you get in?” He’s being really hard to read right now with all the questions.
“The super let me in.” I watch Jack’s brow furrow and his lips pinch together.
“I’m just going to wait for you in the car.” Lily runs past us and is out of the front door before I can even object.
“If you thought I was here, why did you get the super to let you in?” He grabs a picture frame still in my hand and sets it back on the dresser where it belongs. “I’m confused. And where is this dinner?” He glances around the room.
There is no way I can continue to lie my way through this. “I must’ve been so excited to see you that I left dinner in the car. I got our favorite, though. Pastini.” Obviously, I’m going to try the lying. At this point, what else do I have to lose?
“Ems, Rachel called me a few minutes ago to tell me you were upset I didn’t tell you I was going out of town.”
“Oh?”
“I was going to call you after I got back but… here you are, sneaking around my apartment. Why are you really here?”
Of course, he sees right through my lies. As he should, it’s not like we’ve been dating for just a couple of weeks. It’s been a couple of years.
“I don’t know, Jack… You act like I’m at the bottom of your list lately, so I wanted to find out what you’re really up to. Why you don’t treat me like you used to?”
“So, you snuck into my apartment to – what? Look for another woman?”
“NO.” I shake my head as I stare at the carpet.
Jack frowns.
“Fine, yes. That’s exactly what I was doing.”
“The dinner story was a lie?”
“Yes… NO! I have dinner, and dessert, and even wine, but I didn’t think you were here so I just came up to see if you were with—” I pause momentarily, knowing if I say it out loud I’m going to sound like a completely pathetic jealous girlfriend. Which basically is exactly what I am.
“You just came up here to see if I was with someone else. Got it. It’s nice to know that even after two years of dating you still don’t trust me at all?”
“I do trust you! But you never talk to me anymore.” I can feel emotion welling up in my chest with my racing heart. This isn’t going to end well.
“I’m busy, Ems, trying to make partner at the firm. We’ve talked about this. I’m basically at Andy’s disposal until he decides I’ve earned it. Why can’t you understand this?”
“Because I don’t know why it means I’m last in your life,” I cry. “It’s not fair.”
“It’s also not fair that you’re digging around in my apartment, is it?” I watch Jack roll his eyes at the bra I’m still holding and walk past me to sit on the edge of his bed. “Listen,” he sets his hand on my thigh as I sit down next to him. “I think maybe we should take a break until I’ve done some thinking.”
“What do you mean a break?” My voice cracks as I ask, knowing exactly what he means.
“Like, no more Jack and Emi until I’ve made partner and figured some things out. Clearly, this is stressing you out, and I can’t worry about what you’re up to next when I already have so much on my plate.”
“You’re breaking up with me?!” I squeal, flipping the bra in his direction.
“I think it’s for the best right now.” He picks the bra up off the floor and hands it back to me.
“You are such an ass! There is someone else, isn’t there?” I yell, but he’s already directing me towards the front door.
“Emi, just stop.”
“I can’t believe you would do this!”
“I could say the same.” The front door is open and he’s willing me out of it. “I’ll call you, I promise. I just need some time. That’s all.”
“Fuck you! Don’t call me, EVER!” I grab the doorknob and slam the door shut behind me, forcing myself not to allow the tears to take over until I’m safely down in front of the building. Lily at my side.
“Ems, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think he was in town, had I known I’d have—”
“He dumped me! He said he couldn’t worry about what I might be up to next while he’s got so much on his plate at work.”
“He what?!” Lily is as mad as I am.
“Yeah.” A single tear rolls down my cheek before I wipe it away. “I’m going home.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No.” Before she can object I’m in my car, doors locked,
waving, and hoping she’ll get the BFF ESP that I’ll be fine, eventually.
*
“Emi, I know you’re home, your mom let me in, please open the door.” Jack’s voice wakes me. I glance around the room and realize I’m still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday, food cartons are lying across my bed, and the bottle of wine on my nightstand is empty.
“Ems,” he knocks again.
I crack the door open for him and disappear into my bathroom.
“Whoa… What happened in here?”
“I ate our dinner last night,” I say, reluctantly walking back into my room, “after you broke up with me.”
“All of it?” He lifts the half-eaten cake from the box, his eyes wide with surprise.
“Nearly.”
“Listen…” He sighs as he walks towards me but I back away from him, holding my arms across my chest. “I didn’t sleep at all last night.”
“Good,” I spit at him, with as much hate as I can muster at nine in the morning without coffee.
“You breaking into my apartment wasn’t exactly the right thing to do, but I can kind of see why you did it.”
“You can?” I look over at him.
“Yeah. You’re right, I’ve been putting you at the bottom of my list and that’s not fair. I’m sorry for that. I do need you to understand, though, that this is a critical time in my career and I need you to be patient with me.”
“Well, you dumped me, so I guess you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
His deep sigh, frown, and hand through his hair make my heart pitter-patter in my chest hoping he’s having second thoughts. “I don’t want to break up with you, Emi. You just frustrated me.”
“You frustrate me.” I fight back and watch him laugh under his breath.
“I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I hope you’ll forgive me and maybe take me back?” He disappears out of my bedroom door and into the hallway before reappearing with a giant bouquet of yellow roses. “The lady at the florist said that yellow roses signify innocence and apologies. I know I’m guilty of not putting you first but I hope you’ll overlook it and give me another chance.” He hands the roses to me.
“How am I supposed to say no to this?” I ask him quietly, a little ashamed of myself.
“You’re not.”
“You promise there is no one else?”
“There will never be anyone else, Ems. You should know that by now.”
“And why aren’t you at work now? Aren’t you going to get in trouble for this and lose your possible partnership?”
“Come with me, I want to show you something.” He holds out his hand for mine. “Please?”
I set the flowers down on my bed and follow him to his car, not realizing he’s taking me somewhere outside the house. The route he takes tells me he’s bringing me to the office with him. Considering what I look like right now (red puffy eyes, still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and with the added bonus of a cheesecake stain on my shirt), I hope he’s not bringing me in to see anyone important.
“That.” He points to the sign advertising his practice on the front of the building.
“Morgan, Steller, & Cabot?” I say out loud with a grin.
“I made partner, and this was Andy’s surprise to me. I guess they updated the sign while we were out of town yesterday.” I look at him and his smile says everything. He’s elated that his hard work has finally paid off.
“I’m sorry, Jack. I acted like a crazy, jealous girlfriend and I didn’t mean to do that. I just…” I bite my lip looking for the right words. “I’ve never loved someone the way I love you, and I was scared I was losing you.” I glance down at my own hands. “Seeing that sign last night might have also saved us both a lot of trouble…” I force a laugh as he wraps his arms around me.
“You’ll never lose me. OK?”
I nod, tears filling my eyes. When he kisses me, the tears spill out on their own.
“Why are you crying?”
“That was the worst night of my life,” I sob, as he pulls me as close to him as he can in the front seat of his car.
“I know, babe, and I’m sorry. But… at least you got a great dinner?”
When he laughs, I can’t help but laugh with him. It’s not every day you get to scoff down two entrées, an entire bottle of wine and half a cake, all by yourself.
Fifteen
The Great Escape
Present Day
Northwest Portland, Oregon/Northeast Portland, Oregon
As I wake up the morning after the wedding, something catches my eye near the table by the window.
“JACK?” I squeal when he moves, scaring the crap out of me. “What are you doing here?” He’s sitting in the corner wearing jeans and a t-shirt, arms crossed, a somber look on his face as he stares out into the sliver of light the partially opened curtains are allowing in.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I came over early to talk to Evan, he thought maybe you’d be up too but,” he stands from the chair he’s sitting in. “I can go, this was probably a bad idea.”
“So, you didn’t just sit there all creepy and watch me sleep all night?”
“No,” he shakes his head.
I sit up, turning the switch to the bedside lamp and pulling the blankets up to my neck as if he’s never seen me in my pajamas before.
“You said you didn’t want to talk last night, and I was OK with that. I needed the same thing, to just hold you.”
I feel myself sigh. The same sigh I’ve had a hundred times since the entire ordeal last night. I’m sure Evan and Hannah set that Maid of Honor and Best Man dance thing up after Amelia filled them in on exactly what was happening. I wanted to be mad but I couldn’t.
“I need to talk now, though,” he says walking over to sit on the edge of the bed.
“OK…” I glance at my phone on the nightstand next to me. “At seven in the morning?”
“Yeah…” He nods, leaning his elbows on his knees, causing his hair to fall onto his forehead.
“For the last year I’ve felt like someone I don’t even know. I’ve had to live with the guilt that you were hurt by something I didn’t even understand until last night. What you saw that day, wasn’t me. I think you know that.” He glances over at me before looking back down at his hands.
“I get why you didn’t want to talk to me because my excuse, even though it was the truth, didn’t sound very believable. That and you’re incredibly stubborn when you want to be.”
I force a smile, I can’t say he’s wrong.
“I never have and I never would cheat on you, Emi. Ever. Canceling the wedding was the second worst day of my life.”
“The second?” I ask, wondering what could be worse than that?
“Realizing I’d lost you was the first.”
“Ah…”
We both sit silently staring anywhere but at each other.
“Can I ask you something?” I finally break the awkward silence.
“Anything.”
“I can understand the Madison thing being a set up but I can’t understand the Greta thing. You let her into our apartment, and then as soon as I land here this week, I’m told you’re actually dating her. Why?”
Jack nods with a frown and sits up, resting his hand on my foot.
“I couldn’t have you see me alone and miserable this week so when Greta asked me out for the thousandth time, I accepted. To make sure you didn’t find out she was just a decoy, I told my mom and sister that she was my girlfriend. For the last month I’ve made it seem like we were indeed dating so it would be believable. It was a bad idea, I know, but I needed to see if you had any feelings left for me and I thought this would be a way to do that. I didn’t realize that she would take the whole situation and run with it.”
I nod. If it didn’t sound so plausible, I probably wouldn’t believe it.
“I was devastated when you moved with Lily and Josh but I respected that you needed a change. I wanted you to be happy. Ev
en if it wasn’t with me.”
I bite my lip as I stare down at my hands, chipping away the nail polish to keep me from letting even a single tear escape.
“Over the last month, Greta and I have spent time together. I wouldn’t say it was romantic in any way but she filled the time when I didn’t want to be alone. Having her believe we were a couple helped everyone else believe it too.” Jack looks at me, tears shining in his eyes. “I’d convinced myself she was all I’d ever deserve, but I could have never become serious with her. I had no romantic feelings for Greta. She wasn’t you.”
“I hated you.” I finally say in a whisper.
“I know,” he stands and starts pacing the room before turning back to me. “I hated you too.”
“For what?”
“For what?!” his voice gets a little louder. “We dated for five years, Em. Did you actually think I wouldn’t do anything for you? Did you actually think I would cheat a couple days before our wedding?”
“I don’t know…” I shrug my shoulders. “Everything was so perfect and when I walked into the office and saw you both, I realized it was too perfect, that brought me back to reality. I mean, come on, I was given away by my birth parents and my real parents died while I was in my twenties, I was fired from a job I loved, and a once nude model was so insistent that my boyfriend was better suited for her than for me that she constantly found ways to force her way into his life. That’s a lot of heartbreak for one person. A lot of bad luck. I kind of hoped after all that, life would at least give me a break with us. And after everything we’ve been through…” I swallow away the tears “I thought it was just the streak of bad luck that seemed to be my life. I never thought you’d be the one who hurt me the way you did. So I just… I couldn’t see past that. Running away was easier than admitting to myself that maybe my life would never be easy. I thought maybe it was time to admit that possibly I was never meant to have a real family of my own.”
Jack rubs his forehead before wiping away a few escaped tears, making me tear up all over again.
