And why were they buying into this devil’s blasphemy?
He moved his cursor to the comment box and typed:
FAKE! PHOTOSHOPPED! NO ONE BELIEVE THIS BITCH’S LIES! NICE TRY YOU STUPID EVIL WHORE! YOUR TIME IS NEAR!
Content, he clicked on COMMENT and watched as his protest became public. That would teach the tramp.
Not sure what to do next, he ventured over to his own profile. He was a bit taken back at first to discover his wall was the same message written over and over. All of them by the same person. The same Messiah.
The profile’s name was The_Fly.
His wall read:
OBEY THE FLY OR ALL WILL DIE
OBEY THE FLY OR ALL WILL DIE
OBEY THE FLY OR ALL WILL DIE
Johnny clicked on “Like” and a thumbs up icon appeared above The_Fly’s post. That was a good message. More people should have taken it to heart.
He clicked back to his girlfriend’s profile one last time to check out the photo. Someone else had already commented after him. It said:
JOHNNY U R PATHETIC
And the comment after that:
UR NUTHIN BUT AN ANIMAL Y DON’T U GO BACK 2 TEH ZOO WERE U BELONG!?!!!?????
He was pathetic? These monsters, these wasters of life, they had no idea what life was. They didn’t know what was going to happen. They weren’t the ones chosen by the Messiah. These useless drained souls, they had no idea just how pathetic they actually were.
At least he knew how to spell—yet still, he was the pathetic one?
And it was too late to obey the Fly. The warnings would stop appearing soon. They had failed Its test, and now the results were to be punished. There were consequences for action, especially the negative actions.
And in this world, that’s all there was.
He typed into the comment box:
YOU ARE ALL FUCKED
Not even a minute passed before someone else replied:
NO I THINK U R MISTAKING US 4 UR DOG!!! LMFAO!!!
Johnny screamed and drove his fist through the computer screen. A burst of sparks shot out, his knuckles starting to bleed.
He looked at his hand and trembled at the thin streams of toxic purple mixed within his blood. He stuck his tongue out and licked it.
The taste was incredible.
Johnny paused and glanced at his reflection in the broken monitor. He frowned, wondering if maybe those “people” were right. Maybe he really was just some animal. But then again, wasn’t everyone else?
He didn’t want to be like everyone else, though. He was different. He was the Chosen One.
He was Johnny Desperation, leader of the Fly’s holy army.
Zooey Deschanel whimpered in the background and Johnny slumped his head down. What had he done? It was horrible. He felt like the biggest piece of shit in the world. It made him want to puke again. God, he was disgusting.
Where was the Fly when he needed It the most? Where was It when he was doubting himself, doubting this whole fucking reality?
“Where are you?” Johnny shouted. “Show yourself!”
He ran into the bathroom and put his head down into the toilet. “Show yourself dammit!” he screamed. “I need you.”
But the Fly never appeared. He didn’t know where It was, but apparently It wasn’t constantly looking over his shoulder like he had once believed. Maybe, hopefully, It was merely off preparing for war—instead of the alternative.
Instead of not existing.
“What in the hell?” said a voice from the bathroom door.
Frightened, Johnny jumped back, staring at a large melting swamp monster. He believed it used to be his older brother, James. He had gotten a lot fatter since turning all demon on everyone.
“What do you want?” Johnny backed up against the tub. This was his private bathroom, so what was this foul creature doing rotting in it?
“Why the hell are there so many candles in here?” James asked. “Is this some kind of, um, ritual jerkoff ceremony?”
His black, empty eyes spotted Johnny’s hand, the one he had punched the computer screen with.
“Don’t tell me you’re using blood as lube now, too.”
Blushing, Johnny hid his hand behind his back. “Why are you here, demon?”
James offered a gargled, hideous chuckle. “You’re tripping balls, aren’t you? That’s too cute,” he said. “Nah, I just wanted to say I saw that pic on Facebook. Man, that was my dog too, you fucking animal. You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m telling Mom.”
And with that, the swamp monster slithered away.
Animal?
Animal?
ANIMAL?
Johnny screamed, his voice reverberating against his own skull, and he leaped to his feet. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed an emergency bottle of Jericho he kept stored there. A minute later the can was empty. It dropped to the floor, bouncing one, two, three times against cracked linoleum.
Everyone thought he was an animal. Even he was starting to believe it. Animal, huh? Then what was he doing here, in this house of evil? He belonged with his own kind—with the other animals. These other “people” could just go to hell.
And they would, once this was all over with.
They would burn like the pathetic creatures they truly were.
Then he heard a voice. It was one in his head, but it wasn’t his own. It was his Savior.
“Release the army. Free them all.”
* * * * *
Caught in a wild sprint, Johnny approached the Loathsome Public Zoo at a frantic pace. He knew it was closed for the winter so he didn’t waste any time and started climbing the stone wall. He didn’t even seem to break stride. Nothing was going to get in his way.
Feet crushing soft snow, he was starting to wish he had bothered to put on a pair of shoes before leaving. But then again, what animal actually wore shoes?
And for that matter, what animal wore any type of clothing at all?
Besides humans.
Which he no longer was, and would never be again.
Johnny let out a growl and ripped the clothes off his body. Looking down, he blushed. It was extremely cold out here.
Thank God no one’s here, he thought, and bolted like a bullet for the first building in sight.
He kicked in the door and barged straight inside, foot swelling from the strong impact. He knew where he was. This was the answer to the age-old question “Where do the zoo animals go during the winter?”—they kept them locked up at an interior habitat. A couple zookeepers would visit every day and feed them, but still, it must have been hell never being able to go outside.
Never being free.
“I have arrived!” Johnny yelled, and was answered by his own echo.
He ran through the building unlocking all the cages. It was crazy, how they all just piled out like that, as if they’d been waiting for his arrival this whole time. Awaiting their savior. They all knew where to go. Johnny watched them head out the door.
The purple had him accelerating like a madman. Building to building, he rushed through them all like Sonic the Hedgehog, bouncing from lock to lock, tearing them all open with his bare, bloody hands. One cage to the other, until every last one was opened, moving like a deluded pinball machine.
He was going to free the whole damn zoo.
Such were the commands of the almighty Fly.
Obey or die, obey or die, obey or die…
And afterwards he would break down the gate separating the animals from the humans. He wondered if anyone would be able to tell a difference.
Who would be more civilized?
Gloating, he thought about how proud the Fly must have been of him, and moved on to the next building. This one was full of goats. Lots of ‘em.
One by one, Johnny Desperation saved them all.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Good God, That’s Odd
Maddox told Winston to pull into the Walgreens coming up. He parked there without saying a w
ord, killing the Hummer’s engine.
“What’re we doing here?” Benny asked from the backseat.
Maddox pulled out a twenty and handed it to him. He told him to go pick up two ski masks. “And a pack of cupcakes,” he added.
“What? Why?”
“Because I’m hungry.”
“No, I mean the masks.”
“Are you really that stupid?”
There was a pause.
“Oh-kay,” Benny said. “I’ll be right back then.”
He left Maddox sitting there in the passenger seat with Winston. He tried to strike up conversation with the bodyguard but the man refused to respond. Instead, Winston reached over and flipped on the radio to some hip-hop station.
Several minutes later, Benny finally did return, and once again the Hummer took off, heading to a currency exchange building called Loathsome Cash.
After finishing his cupcake, Maddox told his brother to give him one of the masks. Benny handed it over and Maddox gave it a double take. He held it up with his thumb and index finger, eyeing it queerly.
“Benny, why is this mask pink?”
“What does it matter? What, are you homophobic or something?”
Maddox cleared his throat. “Well, Benny, it is generally considered common criminal knowledge that you wear a black ski mask. Who the hell wears a pink one? Huh? Are you retarded?”
“They were on sale.”
“Jesus Christ. Just give me your gun.”
“What gun?”
“Your Beretta.”
“Oh,” Benny said. “I don’t have that, anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It was in your car.”
“Goddammit, Benny.”
“I’m sorry!”
Maddox looked over at Winston. “You wouldn’t happen to have any weapons on you?”
Winston did what he always seemed to do and nodded. Then he hit the trunk release button and refused to do anything else.
What a stubborn little mute, Maddox was thinking, stepping out of the Hummer. His brother followed him to the back and they lifted up the trunk, revealing an arsenal of weapons.
“God bless America,” Benny said.
“Don’t say that,” Maddox said.
“Sorry.”
Maddox looked at the selection presented before him and held in a breath. This was amazing. And, come to think about it, a little scary. This man could have taken out an entire troop of soldiers by himself.
“Holy crap!” Benny shouted. “Is that a rocket launcher?”
“That,” Maddox said, “that sure is a rocket launcher.”
“Whoa.”
“I know.”
“Can we use it?”
“Don’t be an idiot.”
“Okay.”
Maddox scooped up two Uzis and handed one to his brother. Both guns were already loaded. This guy Winston, whoever he was, was prepared for a major battle. A battle with who was unknown.
“You ready?” Maddox asked.
“Hells to the motherfuckin’ yeah!” Benny said.
“If you’re going to act like a hyper coked-up monkey I will make you wait in the car. Last warning.”
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Let’s go.” Maddox pulled the pink ski mask down his face.
They marched across the street and entered Loathsome Cash. There were maybe two or three customers inside, and neither one of them seemed to notice Maddox and Benny’s presence.
Maddox pushed them out of the way and stepped in front of the line. Pointing the Uzi ahead at the cashier, he said, “I want all the money you people have. Now.”
And she laughed, looking at their masks, saying, “Are you guys serious?”
* * * * *
The Kane brothers fled from Loathsome Cash like two bats out of hell, a stream of bullets brushing inches from their flesh. Both now unarmed, they maneuvered recklessly around traffic like a bad game of Frogger, making their way across the street and leaping into the Hummer.
Wheezing, sweat pouring down his temple, Maddox whipped the pink ski mask off his face and threw it out the window. He glanced at the driver’s seat only to realize Winston was asleep.
The getaway driver was taking a nap.
“GO!” Maddox shouted, snapping him awake. “DRIVE! NOW!”
Winston gave him a dirty look and turned the key in the ignition. Reaching over, he spun the channel knob until he came across a good song, and then took off. Police sirens droned on in the distance, gaining more and more territory with each passing second.
Maddox turned to the backseat and slapped his brother across the cheek.
“Ow!” Benny rubbed his cheek. “What was that for?”
“What do you think? How the hell could you screw that up?”
“Oh, come off it! That wasn’t my fault and you know it. That dude came out of nowhere. Did you see him?”
“Benny, he was in a wheelchair.”
“Yeah, well, he rolled fast, okay?”
“I can’t believe you let him take your gun.” Maddox buried his face in his hands.
“He took yours, too!”
“Yeah, he did, you’re right,” Maddox said. “He took it because he was pointing your gun in my face, you moron.”
Benny pounded his hand on the leather seat. “I am not a moron!”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Are too.”
“Am not!”
“Are—WATCH OUT!”
There was no time to react.
The goat sprung out from a bush on the side of the road and stopped in the middle of the pavement, frozen, eyes widening at the approaching vehicle. Maddox managed to catch a single glimpse of it before it smashed into the front end of the Hummer. The initial impact sent the animal in the air, flying at least a good ten feet, before landing on the road again and rolling to a gruesome stop.
Winston slammed down on the brakes and it came to a halt, everyone inside the Hummer staring dumbfounded at the sight before them.
Maddox’s heart was skipping a thousand beats a second. He couldn’t take his eyes off it. Of all the things…
It made sense. In a strange, screwed up way it made all the sense in the world.
Finally, Winston said, “Is that a fucking goat?”
Temporarily forgetting the injured goat in front of them, Benny cocked his head to the side, confused. “Did you just talk?”
“No,” Winston said.
“Oh.”
Maddox stared at the animal bleeding out there on the road, shivering its last few dying breaths away. This goat, it was a sign. It was an omen. Something had to be done.
“A goat,” Maddox whispered, amazed. “Cursed. I’m cursed. That’s all there is to it.”
“What are you talking about?” Benny asked.
“It’s…a…GOAT!” Maddox shouted, and shot his elbow out into Winston’s jaw, driving his face against the window. He didn’t waste any time grabbing a hold of the bodyguard’s fedora and smashing the man’s face against the steering wheel with blunt force.
“For Christ’s sake, Mads,” Benny cried out, “what the hell are you doing?”
Maddox pounded Winston’s bloody face into the wheel a few more times before reaching over and opening the driver’s door. Sucking in a breath, he kicked him out of the car and sent him flying out onto the road with the goat. He quickly closed the door and slammed his foot down on the pedal. There was a strong series of bumps underneath as he ran over Winston’s legs and then the goat.
There was no backing down now.
* * * * *
“Hey, what’s wrong with you? Why’d you go all psycho on Winston?”
Maddox finished off the very last beer in the fridge. “Because there’s no way in all of blue hell we were gonna come up with a million dollars by tomorrow. So, it was either him or us. I took my pick. Also, you need more beer.”
“Yeah, no thanks to you.”
&nbs
p; The trailer was filled with a sudden ringing.
Benny screamed. “What’s that?”
“That’s your phone, you moron.”
“I am not a—”
“Why don’t you just answer it, huh?”
“Oh…well, I guess I can do that.” Benny picked up the phone. “Hello?” he said, and waited. Then: “I’m sorry, who is this again? You work for King? Huh? Yeah, well, you can just tell him that we already took care of his pansy ass bodyguard and will do the same for any other piece of crap he throws our way, capisce? You’ll get your money in hell!”
Benny punched the END button on the phone and tossed it in the sink.
“Who was that on the phone?” Maddox asked.
“I don’t know. Some girl asking for you. I think she was one of King’s henchmen.”
Maddox sighed. “No, I think that may have been my daughter…”
“Highly possible.”
“Why do you have to ruin everything?”
“Why do you have to drink all my beer?” he countered, and sat down at the couch, flipping on the television.
Maddox hurried to the kitchen and scavenged the phone out of the sink. The torn phonebook page was no longer of use; he already had the number memorized.
But it just rang and rang and rang until the line finally went dead.
After a while he gave up and surrendered to the living room with his brother, wishing he had more booze. “What’re you watching?”
“Good God, that’s Odd,” Benny said.
“The hell is that?”
“This show that interviews these people with weird ass collections, I guess. I don’t know—it’s new.”
“Sounds like a waste of time.”
“Shh, it’s starting!”
Maddox leaned back in the recliner and tried to relax.
Catchy annoying theme music spat out from the speakers and a banner ran across the TV in big bold letters, declaring the show’s pathetic excuse of a name. A man with slick hair combed straight back appeared onscreen, wearing a cheap suit and holding a microphone up to a pseudo-grin.
“Good evening, America,” the man spoke. “I would like to welcome you to a brand new program presented for your viewing pleasure. Allow me to proudly introduce you to Good God, that’s Odd!, the newest family member of the acclaimed LOL Network. I am your host, Jimmy Beam. For our first episode of thirty golden minutes, we will be featuring three separate individuals who collect some truly wacky stuff! Whether it be creepy dolls, fungus, or social security numbers, we are guaranteed to entertain! So sit back, relax, and prepared to be amazed at the wacky stuff your fellow Americans are into. But first, a word from our sponsors!”
Toxicity Page 20
