Addie blinked back the unexpected sting of tears. Her daydreams had comforted her and made her believe in happily-ever-afters. Somewhere along the way, though, she had stopped believing in them for herself. “I’m not going to go after a single dad who shows no sign of interest in me. He’s polite and nothing else. Maybe he still has feelings for his ex. Then what? I’m not going to get involved in that, even if he was interested.”
“Addie, I think that’s what you’re telling yourself. But I think the real reason you’re not even sending out any vibes that you’re interested is because you don’t think you’re good enough for him,” Molly said softly.
Addie looked down at her hands, at her short but neat fingernails, and felt uncomfortable in her own skin. They were both right. “Okay, so maybe you’re right. I can’t even imagine a guy would go from sleeping with someone like that…to someone like me.”
“Are you serious?” Molly said. “Addie, any guy would be lucky to have you. You’re a beautiful woman on the inside and out. You’re gorgeous. There’s no guy on the planet who wouldn’t think so.”
“See, this is Mom’s legacy. She really screwed us all up,” Melody said, refilling her glass. “I’m going to tell you a little something, and you should really pay attention, because this is my unfiltered, real-world advice, okay?”
Addie and Molly glanced at each other, and she could tell Molly was trying not to laugh. Melody had always been dramatic, but she’d always been honest as well. “First off, sweetie, you’re not Fatty Addie, and I’m sorry for bringing up that awful name, but I had to get it out there because I know it’s still on your mind. That’s not you. It never was you. It was made up by losers who grew into bigger losers. Second, I kind of know who Drew is. He’s never looked twice at any of the women who’ve come on to him at the hospital. He’s not a guy who checks a woman out. He’s never once made any remark about a woman. You can’t judge him based on his ex-wife’s Instagram feed. That’s all her. How do you know that he isn’t turned off by all that? What if he just wants a normal woman in his life?”
“You’re right,” she said, nodding.
“But you don’t believe me.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that lately I’ve been thinking life would be a lot simpler if I didn’t get involved with anyone. Like, you two can get married and have babies, and I’ll be the cool aunt.”
“Wrong. You’d be the cute, loner aunt who owns a bookstore.”
Addie rolled her eyes. “Fine, whatever, Mel.”
“Well, don’t be mad at me for speaking the truth.”
“It’s easy for you to say. You don’t get it. You couldn’t get it, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“Just because you feel insecure doesn’t mean you should back away from something you want,” Molly said softly.
The second she looked into her sister’s eyes, her defenses came down. She was being silly. Compared to what her sister had been through, her problems were pathetically small. “I’m sorry, Molly.”
“Don’t be. I just don’t want you to miss out on life because you feel like you’re not good enough. I’ve been there. I almost lost Ben a second time because I was too insecure to tell him the truth and then believe him. Now? On the other side, I can see how afraid I was, and if I had given in, I’d be miserable and alone.”
“I know you’re both right, but I don’t want to have to pursue someone. I don’t want to have to convince someone to like me or be interested in me. I’ve done that before.”
“This isn’t high school,” Melody said, this time without an edge to her voice, but sympathy. “If you want something, go after it…him. Don’t let your past screw up your future with this guy. Pick up the phone, text him back, and ask where and what time he wants to meet.”
She glanced at Molly, who was nodding.
She let out a loud sigh, looking at Melody as she picked up her phone and listened to her sisters’ advice.
Chapter Five
Drew spotted Addie the second he and Bella got out of the car.
She was standing near the entrance of Target, holding two Starbucks coffees in her hands. Even from the distance, she stood out. Her dark hair was pulled back loosely in that messy bun she usually wore, the one that had him wishing he could pull it out and run his fingers through it, the one that made him think she was shy. Her red coat and dark jeans fit her body, highlighting her curves, but as they approached, it was those sapphire eyes that held him and made him wish he was a different man…the kind of man who had a right to pursue a woman like Addie.
“I’m so excited. This is going to be the best day ever. I can’t believe Addie said she had time to meet us, and it’s not even like she’s babysitting me. Do you think she really likes me, Daddy, and wants to spend time with me?”
Drew tore his eyes off Addie and stopped walking, looking down at his daughter. Her words made it impossible to keep walking, to ignore the underlying insecurity she was expressing. He wanted to blame it all on Jill, this incredulity she had that an adult who wasn’t being paid would want to spend time with her. Sure, he could blame a big chunk of it on Jill, especially since she’d texted him during the night saying she was in love with Paris and didn’t know when she’d be home, but he hadn’t told that to Bella yet. But the truth was that he was to blame as well; he had been so focused on saving the lives of others, he’d taken for granted the life in his own house. He’d acted like the other adults who hadn’t thought she was important.
By some divine kind of intervention, though, his daughter was allowing him back in her life as a trusted parent. She held his hand as though they’d done this every day. She looked up at him and spoke to him as though they’d always been close, and now she was letting him into her most vulnerable thoughts. And what did he say? How did he answer that question? Yes, he knew Addie was different from any woman he’d ever met. Yes, he sensed she had a huge heart. Yes, he thought Addie was a very special woman…but he couldn’t make promises for Addie, and he couldn’t promise her that Addie would always be around.
He crouched down and answered what she asked and nothing more. “Of course Addie likes you. She replied right away last night when I texted her. She wouldn’t have offered to watch you after school or skate with you for the Christmas show if she didn’t like you.”
Bella gave him a wobbly smile that tore at him. “Okay, Daddy,” she said, walking again. “I’m so happy I met Addie. She’s like my best grown-up friend.”
He wanted to say she was his best adult friend too, but that was wishful thinking. Bella broke free from him and made a beeline for Addie, almost knocking her and the coffees over with her overzealous hug. He joined them, and Addie was laughing as she handed him a coffee.
“Thanks. Good morning, Addie,” he said.
She shot him a smile that made him forget that he couldn’t have a woman in his life again. People barreled by them, the crowds already making his skin crawl as they walked toward the door.
“Good morning. I thought we might need some reinforcements,” she said as they followed Bella, who was already grabbing a shopping cart from the row. Excitement seemed to cling to the air, despite the frazzled faces of adults trying to check off items from their lists.
“This may not be enough,” he said. “Unless this is spiked, nothing will make shopping on a Saturday during the holiday season any less painful.”
She shot him a look. “Are you kidding me? This is the best time to shop. The hustle, the bustle, the temper tantrums, the lists, the Christmas music, the decorations. Nothing beats this.”
He didn’t know what to say. How could anyone be this cheerful? “Well, I think Bella agrees with you. She’s been up for hours, plotting.”
“Over here!” Bella yelled, stopping at the display of trees and ornaments.
Addie smiled at his daughter and sped up. They joined her, and Drew looked from her to Bella. “Please tell me one of you knows what to buy.”
Bella grinned.
“Oh, Daddy, leave it to us.”
They laughed, and Addie joined Bella, and the two of them walked through the aisle. “Do you have a color theme you think you’d like?” Addie asked.
Bella started grabbing boxes of ornaments off the shelves and tossing them into the cart. “Red and green. Maybe gold so that the tree is extra sparkly.” She made her way down the aisle, searching each shelf thoroughly.
Addie looked over at him, and he nodded. Really, what did it matter to him? This was all for Bella anyway. The magic of the holidays had been lost on him for years, since he was a kid. His parents had loved Christmas, and while he hadn’t let himself think about it in years, so had he. He wanted Bella to have that. No, he wanted more than that…he wanted her to have that and never lose it, like the woman standing beside him. Addie looked as animated as his daughter. He tried to force a pleasant smile on his face, like he liked Christmas.
“Okay and what about the tree?” Addie asked, looking at him. She had eyes that made him want to believe in everything his daughter did. She made it seem like everything was easy…this whole shopping on a Saturday like a family did. He and Jill had never done this. He’d worked on Saturdays, and she’d spent the day working out and destressing at the spa. And Bella…she’d spent the day with her nanny. He looked away from both of them, hating himself. If Addie knew the kind of person he’d been, she’d be disgusted.
“Daddy got us one yesterday. It’s real,” Bella said, grabbing more boxes of ornaments.
“I love real trees,” Addie said, smiling at the both of them. He had gotten the real tree because Bella had wanted it so badly. He had so much making up to do.
Addie pointed to the boxes of lights, and he tried not to check out her cute butt when her coat rose. God, was he really this much of an ass? One minute he was vowing to stay away from Addie and the next he was checking her out. “What about lights?”
“All the colors,” Bella said, marching down the aisle.
Drew pushed the cart and told himself to keep his thoughts platonic and his focus on Bella. He caught the moment when Addie’s smile dropped, and he forced himself to look pleasant even though he had now gotten himself into a mood. But he didn’t want her to think he didn’t want her here. “She seems to know what she wants,” Addie said, shooting him an awkward smile.
“I’m glad, because I have no idea what I’m doing actually,” he said, trying to infuse humor, trying to make her feel welcome.
He had spent months trying to ignore his attraction to Addie. It had been easier when he didn’t spend much time with her. But now that Bella seemed to push them together, he couldn’t ignore that it was more than attraction. It was something he hadn’t experienced before; that was what made him want to run in the other direction.
“I’m going to go check out the display at the end of the aisle,” Addie said while Bella studied different types of lights. He had no idea she even knew what she was reading on the boxes.
“Sure,” he said, trying not to let his relief show as she walked in the opposite direction. He focused on Bella and tried to be patient when she told him she thought they needed twenty boxes of lights and that they should consider stringing lights around each window and doorway and possibly the toilets in their house.
When he sent her to put back five boxes of lights, he spotted a guy talking to Addie from the corner of his eye. Drew tried to focus on what Bella was ordering him to buy, but he was watching the guy that was talking Addie’s ear off. He could tell from her expression she wasn’t impressed. But her cheeks were flushed, and he hoped to God that didn’t mean she was actually interested in him. Not that she couldn’t be interested in someone. Of course she could, just not that guy. He didn’t look good enough for her…first off, he should consider combing his hair and getting it cut; secondly, he was too old for those ripped jeans; and third, those cans of Pringles under his arm indicated a very unhealthy diet.
“Daddy, for the billionth time, what do you like better for the top of the tree? The star or the angel?”
Drew tore his gaze from Addie and that guy to look at his adorable daughter, who was frowning at him and holding up two boxes. He was startled at the familiar frown—it was his. How could he never have noticed that before? It was scary. He smiled sheepishly and looked at the two boxes. A memory of his mother carefully unwrapping a gold beaded star jogged through his mind. He had loved that star. His father would place it on top of the tree when they’d finished decorating it every year. “Would you like to see the star I used to put on the tree when I was your age?”
Her eyes widened. “Like from the olden days?”
He stifled his laugh, because she looked serious. “Yes, from the twentieth century. I bet it’s in a box in the basement. We can look for it when we go home.”
She nodded. “Sure!”
When she went to put back the stars, he glanced back over at Addie and whoever it was that wouldn’t stop talking. He narrowed his eyes as he noticed the guy seemed to have moved closer to Addie. This was the longest pickup he’d ever witnessed. Addie’s face was still red, and she unbuttoned her coat and took it off, draping it over one arm. His gaze darted back to the guy with the dirty hair, and he narrowed his eyes as he noticed him appreciatively taking in Addie’s curves. He said something that Drew couldn’t quite make out. Addie rolled her eyes and then walked back over to them. He glared at the guy because he’d actually turned around to check Addie out from behind. Drew quickly looked down at his phone as Addie approached.
“Everything okay?” he asked as she threw her coat into the top of the cart.
“I just need to run to the washroom. I’ll meet you back here,” she whispered, not making eye contact with him. He frowned, watching her walk away. Did that guy piss her off? Had he said something inappropriate? Maybe he should have gone over and broken it up, but it wasn’t his place because he’d promised himself he was only going to be friends with Addie. He’d assumed her flushed face was because she was interested.
…
Addie ran the cold water in the washroom, letting it cool her hands. She would have splashed water on her face except she’d gone to the trouble of putting on makeup this morning, and she didn’t want to ruin it. She stared at her reflection but didn’t see the woman she was staring back. She saw the teenager whose face was filled with pimples and puffiness, and she saw the girl who hated herself, who would go asleep crying, wishing she could look like her tall, thin, blonde sisters.
She wished she could go back and tell her it would all be okay, that she’d come out on the other side. She wished she could go back and tell her that high school wouldn’t last forever, that all those people wouldn’t mean anything to her…but maybe that last part was a lie, because the man she’d just talked to still meant something. He hadn’t known who she was, he hadn’t recognized her, and she didn’t have the nerve to let him know he was one of the cruelest people she’d ever met.
He’d stood there today, talking and laughing about something dumb. Then he’d asked for her number; he’d said he’d love to take her out some time. She wanted to tell him that he’d told her that once before, before he’d stood her up in front of the entire school, before he’d help plot the most humiliating night of her life. But she hadn’t told him who she was, and a part of her had relished in him asking for her number today; a part of her had inwardly gloated when his gaze had flickered with attraction for her; and the other part had wanted to puke or rip one of those cans of Pringles from his hands and bash it on his head repeatedly while telling him what an ass she thought he was.
She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. Two kids came barreling into the washroom, one yelling they might not make it to the toilet. A frazzled mother came running in after them. Addie shot the woman a sympathetic smile and left, knowing she had to rejoin Drew and Bella. She spotted his tall figure at the end of the aisle, and her heart squeezed as he smiled down at his daughter, who was jumping and waving tinsel in his face. Drew was a
difficult man to figure out; sometimes he came across as almost cold and indifferent, but now that she was spending more time with him, she was coming to realize that it could actually be discomfort. He didn’t seem to know how to act around his own daughter. From what she’d gathered from Bella, they hadn’t spent much time together as a family.
He looked over at Addie, making eye contact across the busy aisle, and her breath caught at the look on his face; it was the look of a man happy to see her. Or a man interested in her. But when she blinked, it was gone, and Bella was running up to her, waving gold tinsel in one hand and silver in the other. “We must get these! What do you think, Addie? And which color? I say both. Gold, silver, gold, silver all over the tree!”
Addie laughed and looked up at Drew, who shrugged, a smile curling his lips at his daughter’s antics. “If your dad agrees, I think it’s just what your tree needs.”
Bella spun around and threw the tinsel in the cart. “You were the deciding vote. Daddy already said he’d agree with what you said.”
Addie picked up her coffee she’d left in the cart, avoiding Drew’s smile. It was strange how natural it felt to be shopping with them…well, besides the awkward feelings she had toward Drew. “This cart is pretty packed. Anything else on the list?” Addie asked, needing to occupy herself so she didn’t stare at him.
“Just hot chocolate and marshmallows,” Bella said, steering the cart toward the food section.
They followed her, trying to keep pace despite the crowds. “You run into an old friend?” Drew asked, shooting her a look that she couldn’t quite figure out.
Addie shrugged, not wanting to tell him exactly who that was, but not wanting him to think she was hiding something…or that she was interested in Damien. “More like an old acquaintance from high school.”
“Oh, he didn’t look like he knew you.”
That was because the jerk didn’t recognize her. He had no idea he’d been talking to Fatty Addie, and she hadn’t wanted to tell him because she’d derived some kind of perverse satisfaction in knowing he was unknowingly trying to pick up the girl he’d spent years making fun of. “He’s not too bright,” she said, unable to think of anything kinder to say. “I’m not a fan of dumb men.”
A Christmas Miracle for the Doctor Page 6
