They set out the lasagna, bread sticks, and salad at the kitchenette and sat discussing Ellen’s work. Her job was endlessly fascinating to Rae.
“So they wanted an accounting of the sensors and the boys are working on them in the department. It’s funny how enthusiastic and grateful they are,” she said with a grin as she cut a slice of the lasagna.
“I’m surprised that you would offer them the grant to do that,” Rae stated.
“Yeah, so are my partners in Gigitech but I’m the majority stockholder so what I say goes,” she let the flavor of the rich sauces in the lasagna seep into her taste buds and nearly closed her eyes at the flavor. “Besides, an ‘anonymous’ grant was made to pay for the rest of their research including a truck with seating for six that will hold two of their machines,” she confessed around a mouthful of food.
“So what about you, what’d you do today?” she asked to change the subject, taking an interest in the other woman.
Rae shrugged dismissively. “I just did some online paperwork.” She took a bite of her bread that she had dipped in the sauce of the lasagna.
“Why do you do that? Your job is important too,” Ellen asked watching Rae lick the sauce caught on the corner of her mouth, her little tongue darting out, making the redhead want to groan.
“Not as important as yours,” she smiled wryly at the comparison, gesturing with a breadstick.
“Rae, I just got lucky. This was Ryan’s dream, not mine,” she told her quietly. “Your job sounds much more real than mine.”
“What was your dream?” she asked.
Ellen looked down at her plate, not as hungry as she once was. She shrugged. “I honestly don’t know what dreams I had. I just wanted out of Oklahoma.” She paused for a long moment before continuing. “Then when I got to college I met Ryan and the rest is history,” she smiled.
That long pause though spoke volumes to Rae. “Why don’t you ever talk about it?” she asked.
“Talk about what?” she hedged.
“Your time in Oklahoma,” she pointed out.
“It’s in the past, let’s leave it there,” she answered a bit sharply. She saw the hurt on Rae’s face but she quickly masked it. Suddenly she jumped up from the table. “We need some wine,” she said as though just noticing they had no beverage.
They didn’t discuss what was bothering Rae. They didn’t discuss Ellen’s past. They tried to enjoy the rest of their dinner but it hung over them.
* * * * *
Rae followed Ellen upstairs ostensibly to ‘help’ her put together the bed that had arrived that day. She walked in behind her, holding her hand when Ellen stopped to see that the bed was not only put together but that the matching dressers had been placed strategically about the room. It all shone beautifully and the scent of lemon was in the air. The draped linen looked wonderful.
“Oh Rae,” she breathed. “Thank you,” she turned to thank her girlfriend and to give her a kiss.
Rae saw the genuine joy in the redhead’s eyes. A bit of a tear in them and she was overcome. She put more into that kiss and found she couldn’t stop.
“No Rae,” Ellen tried to back away, to put a halt to the impassioned kiss they had begun to share, the initial thank you going on a bit longer than it should have. Like she had been doing for a while now, she tried to stop it, turning and walking up to one of the dressers by the wall.
Seeing her turn away hurt Rae. She got slightly angry as she walked up behind her. Pushing her against the wall, she reached around her and ripped open her blouse. The buttons shot against the wall and bounced off the wainscoting. She was thrilled to find that Ellen was wearing a bra that opened in the front, she flicked it open with her fingertips.
“Wait, no,” Ellen protested weakly as Rae began to lick at her neck and then up to her ear, causing tingles that filtered down her spine in response.
Rae had had enough; she started caressing down Ellen’s front, cupping her breasts, using her hips to grind against Ellen’s rear. The moans that Ellen managed to eke out began to drive her crazy. She wanted Ellen as she had never wanted another woman. She slipped off her suit jacket, trying not to release Ellen as she held her tightly, freeing up her own arms to hold the woman and ravage. She wasn’t getting away, not this time. Her fingers plunged into the waistband of Ellen’s skirt, seeking, investigating, finding…
Ellen bucked against Rae, trying half-heartedly to get her off of her but she was surprisingly strong. She didn’t want to hurt her and she found herself excited to be taken like this. Never had Rae shown she could be this aggressive. The touch of Rae’s fingers on her front though weakened her resolve; she didn’t want this did she? She was always in control, and yet, not this time as Rae held her firmly, not releasing her, kissing along her neck and sucking on her ear lobe. She gasped as Rae cupped her breasts; the feel of the palms of her hands on the nipples was exciting. She felt them harden within Rae’s hands. She moaned, trying to stifle it and failing. She could feel her arousal as one hand left her breast and began to trail down her stomach, the skin clenching at the touch, she reached inside the waistband of her skirt and Ellen tried to buck again, unwittingly bucking into Rae’s hand.
“You aren’t getting away,” Rae breathed in her ear as she began to rub between Ellen’s legs; she could feel the kernel of flesh harden beneath her fingers as her nipple had against the palm of her hand a moment before.
Ellen was lost. Used to taking command of any situation, including her love life, she was used to being in charge, giving it up though was something new to her and she wasn’t sure she could do it. Rae gave her no choice.
Licking along her neck and at her ear she breathed deeply and warmly inside it. Her tongue followed making Ellen go weak at the knees. “Oh,” she breathed out as Rae expertly began to play with her clit.
Ellen’s attempts to pull back away from Rae’s questing fingers caused her butt to grind unintentionally against Rae who used it to further seduce her. “I want you,” she breathed as she rubbed harder, using the moisture she found to slicken the passage and hold Ellen hostage.
“Hmph,” she breathed hard, unable or unwilling to move. Her struggles were used against her and she was held captive by Rae’s fingers. It didn’t take long before she felt the familiar tingle as her clit released her in an orgasm. “Uh, uh, uhhhh,” she moaned as Rae thrust and rubbed simultaneously. She went limp slightly before gathering her wits about her, realizing her need to keep this on a certain level was over. She turned in Rae’s arms, looking at her intently, her eyes burning into Rae’s.
Rae worried for only a moment before Ellen spun her about and pushed her against the wall, hard. She kissed her passionately and just as hard, demanding a reaction. Already heated by what she had done to Ellen she responded accordingly. She found her own work suit discarded on the floor along with the rest of Ellens before she was pushed onto the bed. Her carefully made up bed was soon mussed as they expended their passions together on it. Dancing the age old dance of two lovers.
“I love you,” Ellen breathed after their second set of orgasms began to wane.
Rae held her close, smiling down into her laughing eyes, not responding verbally. Raising up, Rae lightly teased her nipples against Ellen’s and to her fevered mind they seemed to harden imperceptibly. She reached down once again and was surprised to find that Ellen was still hard, her thumb rubbed it and Ellen arched.
“Nooo,” she breathed, not meaning a word of it as her body betrayed her once again.
Rae slipped easily inside again, loving the warm feeling of the slick passage. Watching Ellen rise to the occasion, again and again, had excited her beyond reason, she pushed and pushed and Ellen took and took. It was a revelation to both of them as she thrust and rubbed and enjoyed.
Ellen kissed her passionately in appreciation. Her lips slipped from Rae’s and buried themselves in the hollow of her neck. Her teeth bit gently along her shoulder until she couldn’t remember what she was doing and she bit, hard
. It was only later that she had to apologize for the bruise and teeth marks that she left.
“Oh my god, no more,” she complained good-naturedly after having gone down on Rae and tasted the results of their passion. Cleaning it up had been so eminently satisfying, knowing that Rae had gotten so excited at what they shared.
Chuckling Rae turned to her. “You’ve never been like that,” she said by way of inquiry.
“I’d worried for so long if I gave up control I wouldn’t enjoy it.”
“Are you angry with me?” Rae worried for a moment.
“No, not at all,” Ellen assured her.
“So, are all your fears laid to rest?” she said with a grin and then turned serious when Ellen’s thoughtful demeanor blackened.
“No, I’m afraid if I told you everything you’d leave me in a heartbeat,” she said honestly. She had never felt this vulnerable before.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
EXPLANATIONS
Ellen sat up, pulling the sheet up with her. She brushed her hair back off her face. Looking at Rae she knew at that moment what it was to love another person besides Ryan. She didn’t want to lose Rae, but she had to be honest with her. They had just shared an incredible experience. She’d had an epiphany of sorts. She could give of herself without giving up her control; or rather she could give up control, and fully give of herself. It was very enlightening. She owed this woman, who she loved, the truth, the whole truth.
“What do you mean?” Rae asked almost fearfully as she sat up, pulling the sheet up to wrap herself in it and hide her nudity. Had she gone too far? Was Ellen going to kick her out?
Ellen heard the trepidation in her girlfriend’s voice. Smiling she reached out to cup Rae’s beautiful face and lean in to kiss her. She could smell the sex between them. In fact the room reeked of it. It was the sweetest perfume she had smelled in a very long time. “Please don’t worry babe, I love you,” she said comfortingly. “I wasn’t just saying it in the throes,” she reminded her with a shy little smile.
Rae wanted to laugh with joy. She hadn’t been sure that Ellen would remember what she said as she came over and over again in her arms. Her heart had soared at finally hearing her say it, but to have it repeated and so easily made her want to cry with joy. Her eyes teared up at the sentiment. “I love you too,” she told her to be clear.
Ellen kissed her again and leaned her forehead against her. “Let’s be honest, always,” she whispered.
“Always,” Rae agreed. “What did you mean a moment ago?”
Ellen wished she hadn’t said anything. She’d spoken her thoughts aloud and should have waited for a more appropriate time. Not when they were both naked, and vulnerable. “I want to tell you my story. Something I never told Ryan. Something I never told my therapist even,” she started.
“You don’t have to…” Rae cautioned her but Ellen caressed the side of her head. Rae couldn’t help but lean into the affectionate hand that pleasured her so well.
“I want to, it’s time. I’m scared though that you might not like what I’m going to tell you,” she said sadly. She had to take a chance. She had to be honest, perhaps for the first time in her life. She loved Rae too much to keep parts of her hidden anymore.
“What, did you kill someone?” Rae teased to lighten the mood.
Ellen nodded and said, “Yes.” Nothing more, just simply, ‘Yes.’
Rae waited for the punchline. It didn’t come. Ellen’s voice hadn’t been teasing. She stared at her lover and waited. The wait went on too long and she asked, “You were kidding, right?”
Ellen shook her head. She was waiting for the rejection she was sure was going to come. Her heart was beating wildly and she wondered if Rae knew CPR, in case she had a heart-attack.
“Is that what you wanted to share with me?”
Ellen was scared and nodded. She swallowed. Rae wasn’t staring at her in rejection. The concern on her face, that was almost worse.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
Ellen nodded and tried to swallow again. Her mouth was suddenly dry. She found by looking away she could start. “You know my mother died when I was young?” she began and glanced up to see Rae nod her head. Everyone knew some of Ellen’s ‘official’ biography, a necessity for all the interviews she had given. “I was ten when she died,” she told her truthfully.
“I thought you were thirteen?” Rae asked and squinted as she played over what she had read in articles over the years.
Ellen shook her head, her naked shoulders shrugging as she replied, “No, that was just so it didn’t sound so pathetic. The PR guys fabricated some of that shit,” she told her ruefully. “My mom was pretty great,” she surprised Rae by saying. “She was caring, loving, and tried to shelter me from my dad.”
“Was your dad bad or something?”
Ellen nodded as she tried to suppress those memories by remembering her mother first. “He never let my mother forget that she had given him a girl child instead of the much anticipated and wanted boy child.”
“Your father wanted a son?” Rae laughed at the old fashioned values of decades ago. She sobered at the distraught look on Ellen’s face as she tried to tell her tale. “Go on,” she encouraged. Her hand reached out to rub Ellen’s shoulder.
The redhead appreciated the touch. She was sure it would be memorable after she told her tale. “He wanted a son he could be proud of, one that could take over the farm for him someday. Mama couldn’t have any more children. He blamed me for that,” the bitterness crept into her tone. “Mama kept me from his sight as much as she could so he didn’t take it out on me. I learned early to become invisible, to hide. That all ended when he killed her by the time I was ten.”
“Wait, your father killed your mother? Did he go to prison or something?” she didn’t like this tale and could feel it was taking too much out of Ellen.
Ellen shook her head. “He didn’t actually kill her. He wore her down. He abused her instead of me until she died and then he turned it on me.”
Rae watched as she saw how it was affecting the redhead. She was ashamed, that was apparent. She didn’t like the kernel of fear that went down her spine as Ellen went on.
“I was given all the responsibilities of an adult ‘female’,” she said making quotation marks with her fingers and losing her grip on the sheet that slipped below her breasts. She didn’t notice as she tried to get out her tale to Rae before she lost her nerve.
“All of them?” Rae asked, wondering if Ellen had been sexually molested by that man.
Ellen looked up at the tone, wondering what Rae was thinking. “Not then, but later he encouraged his friends to cop a feel as I began to grow,” she said uncomfortably. She looked down at the sheets on the bed, at the rise of her breasts, and began to twist one of the sheets in her hands. “They heaped all sorts of abuse on me, from disparaging remarks, to eventually a backhand now and then. One even tripped me once so I’d fall against him and his hard-on,” she confided.
“Why didn’t anyone do anything about it?”
“My father told anyone who asked at the bruises and marks that I was clumsy. Someone at school once tried to defend me and lost their job. Someone else said something in high school and after my father visited him he kept well away from me. I tried to say something but the sheriff and others were my father’s friends. They began to say I was a liar, who was there to believe me?” she asked, not expecting a response.
“I believe you,” the brunette said quietly.
Ellen looked up and made a rueful smile before continuing. “It was getting worse. I was growing up. Then I met Ellie.”
“That was your first girlfriend right?”
Ellen was surprised that Rae remembered that. She never spoke about Ellie to anyone since Ryan. She remembered that Rae had asked her once about the name of her first. She nodded. “We never actually did anything but we talked about it. We were going to wait until I was legal. Then she died.” It had been so long but t
he pain was immediately fresh in her breast. She could feel the need to cry and the tears began to stream from her eyes.
“It’s okay baby, you don’t have to tell me…” Rae soothed, trying to rub her shoulder, hold her, and comfort her some more.
“I need to get this all out. I need you understand,” she hiccupped as she pulled away.
Rae nodded and waited for Ellen to collect herself.
“She died a week before…” she tried again and still the pain cut through her.
For a second Rae was jealous of this unknown Ellie who had held her girlfriend in her heart for so many years. She must have been quite a girl.
“I loved her…my father was happy when she died. He knew what she was. A dyke, a queer, a butch,” she said the words that had once caused her to flinch. “He couldn’t say enough bad words about her,” she sobbed a little.
Rae wondered if the memory of Ellie had kept Ellen from making any serious commitment for so long. Her fears that someone else would be taken from her.
“God, he was so mean. Why’d he have to be that way? You know?” she looked up, her eyes full of tears over her losses. The pain fresh, once again. The anger at how he had treated her. Demeaned her. Hurt her. “Why couldn’t he have just loved me for who I was? Just because I wasn’t a boy…” she finished and turned to reach for a tissue. Finding none, she unabashedly rubbed her tears on the sheet and then her nose.
“Oooh, gross,” Rae teased to lighten the mood for a moment.
Ellen grinned and yanked the sheet up, removing it from under the blanket and from Rae, exposing her delightful breasts which she covered quickly with the blanket. She shook her finger at Ellen. The lighthearted teasing helped her to regain control of her anger and hurt. She swallowed and continued, “He was a mean bastard. Drinking. Carousing. His friends were worse as they made plans for me when I was ‘legal.’ I wasn’t interested in any of them. Who wants a drunk for a husband?” she asked rhetorically. She wanted to keep from his notice, and the idea of his ‘friends’ who looked at her with barely disguised lust, made her disgusted. Lecherous hands had reached out to her as she fetched beer for his ‘friends’ for years. She had learned to avoid them, for if she ever complained or spilled the beer, her father would berate her. Words were almost worse than the physical beatings, as he harangued her for ‘fun’ in front of those friends, much to their mutual amusement. Egged on by their silent appreciation of his abuse.
Blown Away Page 17
