“You know where you’re taking us?” Ana called out to the dog while it wound its way between the narrow tree trunks.
Without slowing, Lifen turned her snout to the side and yipped again, but this time she was a bit gruffer. Ana figured it was dog for stop your complaining and keep up, so she dug her feet in and picked up the pace. Droplets of water absorbed into her clothing as she brushed past hanging leaves. The downpour from the day before left the ground moist and it smelled of clay. It was slippery in spots, but her balance had improved over the last few months, which helped her navigate through the mud.
Her blood pounded in her ears, nearly covering the sound of the birds above as they squawked at the intruders. Exercise felt good. The pinch in her lungs and the strain on her muscles forced her worries away, if only briefly. After a while, the surroundings grew familiar and they slowed.
Water coursed down from the hillside and into a muddy valley. A downed tree trunk stretched across the creek and Ana had to fight the urge to turn around, to close her eyes and force the memories of yesterday away. The engorged waterway had shrunken down and was no longer an angry torrent, but a peaceful stream again. It almost seemed like a different place.
Lifen scurried down the embankment to the log and ran across. Ana thought of Chance, trying to remind herself why she was there, and forced herself to follow her mentor. When she reached the other side, she watched as Lifen pressed her snout into the earth throughout the clearing.
“This is where it all happened, but it looks like you already figured that out.” Ana scuffed her shoe in the dirt. “This is where Chance killed Markus in yaguar form. Sanchia came here with me and helped me push his body into the river. Well, it was more of a river yesterday. This is the last place I saw Chance. After the energy burst, he just looked at me and flew away.”
Ana swallowed the lump in her throat and pointed in the direction he had disappeared. Lifen lifted her nose in the air and whined.
“Now what? Do you smell anything?”
The dog trotted up to her and pulled the blue sarong from her grasp. Ana turned away. Moments later, Lifen’s voice answered her question.
“I can still smell a trace of all four of you here. If you had the ability to shift and fly with me we could go search for him quickly, but you only just awakened your abilities. It will take too long if we keep moving like this.”
Ana spun around to face her mentor. Wrapped in the fabric, Lifen frowned at the skies. Ana grew worried. Lifen wasn’t suggesting they abandon the plan, was she?
“Well, I can try to shift,” Ana said. “Just give me a chance—I don’t want to be the reason we can’t catch up to him.”
Lifen stopped and stared at Ana. It reminded her of Balam when he studied her the first time they met. She had no idea what Lifen was thinking, but she wasn’t about to take no for an answer, so she dropped to the ground and crossed her legs in the same way she had seen Chance prepare countless times before.
“I can see you are determined. I admire that. I will allow you to try—but if you are unable to transform, then I will need to scout ahead and come back for you. Most younglings struggle to shift into a new form. You only just came into your power yesterday, so do not be hard on yourself if you cannot do it.” Lifen settled across from Ana and touched the center of her chest. “Close your eyes and take long slow breaths.”
Ana did as she said and let her lids slide shut. She slipped into a steady breathing rhythm and focused on the rise and fall of her chest. Her muscles relaxed. It was almost as if her body sank into the hard, clay soil.
“Very good. Every human has energy within themselves, but shifters and healers contain much, much more. It is the difference between a battery and a power plant. We have the ability to absorb energy around us. Every beginner needs to be able to sense their own energy, so that when you call to it, you know where to find it. Focus inward and let yourself feel it, see it in your mind.”
Ana’s heart raced with excitement. She realized suddenly that this was the moment she’d been daydreaming about since she found out Chance was a shapeshifter. Well, if she was honest, it had been longer. For as long as she could remember, she’d longed to fly free like a bird, allowing air currents to carry her through the skies. Becoming another creature had its appeal. She only wished Chance was here to share her moment.
Ana pinched her eyes shut and steadied her breathing. He would see it soon enough, she told herself. They would be back together—today even.
Just two days ago, Balam had helped her realize her power. She recalled the warmth that radiated from her and the butter-yellow glow. At the time, she’d had no idea where to find it until it snuck up on her. She hoped it was like riding a bike.
Her attention focused inward and she called out to her power. She knew it was there, somewhere. Just knowing that it was inside her gave her confidence. Slowly, a rising tide of energy built up in her chest and she felt it pull into a ball, like the sun.
“Have you found your power?” Lifen whispered from somewhere nearby.
Ana nodded with her eyes shut, frightened anything could break her connection.
“Very good. What animals have you mapped?”
Ana had heard Chance, Niyol and Balam discuss animal mapping on many occasions before, but had never experienced it herself. Even yesterday, it had taken her by surprise when she’d shifted into a horse while she was desperately trying to get to Chance. She’d had no idea she had the power to do that. The faint image of the horse, traced with blue iridescent lines skirted her thoughts. One moment she was freaking out about reaching Chance, and the next she was stumbling around on four legs.
The more Lifen spoke to her, the more her energy eased away. “I haven’t mapped anything myself. I shifted into a horse yesterday out of nowhere.”
“A horse?” Even though her eyes were closed, Ana could hear the excitement in Lifen’s voice. “I understand you do not have any experience shapeshifting, but you do have another’s memories of it. You must try to access those memories of the animals Chance shifted into if you want to shift yourself.”
She would have to resurrect one of Chance’s memories to be able to shift into an animal. Either that or she’d have to try to map one herself, and she got the feeling Lifen didn’t want to spend the time teaching her that skill just now.
The only problem was she didn’t know how to summon one of his memories. Chirping birds echoed all around her, and she grew frustrated. It felt like they were chiding her, teasing her. Another sound, much closer, met her ears and she was startled to realize it was her. She was crying.
Lifen’s hand touched her shoulder and she reluctantly opened her eyes. “It is okay. Let me go track him and I will come back to you soon. Do not be hard on yourself. You only just came into your impressive power yesterday.”
“No, but I want to come with you,” Ana whispered through tear-stained lips.
Lifen rose to her feet. “It will take too long if we go together. I will track him down and come back soon. Stay here.”
In one motion, she reached for the fastening point of her sarong, opened it and took to the skies as a blue bird. She hovered above Ana, squawked and darted off through the wiry growth.
Ana’s hands knotted into fists and she pounded the ground. A roar escaped her mouth, so loud that she felt it reverberate in her lungs. Chatter from the surrounding wildlife quieted for a moment, and Ana almost expected to see a cougar emerge from the bushes. Her fingers stung from the blow to the solid, clay earth and one knuckle started to bleed.
Her heart raced and all she could think about was Chance. All the times he had come to her rescue and she couldn’t even do the same for him. If only she could have shifted into a bird, or something worthwhile. If only Balam were still alive and Chance were himself again. If only.
Chance pushed through the underbrush, lifted his muzzle and sniffed the air. His paw snagged on a branch, so he lifted it higher and forced his way past. He had lost track of time. H
e’d been traveling all morning as a bear and he’d been moving since yesterday without sleep. He didn’t want to shift back to his human shape. Being in his nagual form seemed to help buffer the voices in his head. There was no other animal that he’d rather be than the grizzly. His needs were limited only to his primal instincts. Survival. That was all he allowed himself to focus on.
Memories clamored to barge into his consciousness. Like a closet filled with too many things, waiting for someone to come along and open the door and let everything tumble free. He was frightened of them, and he hid himself in the only way he knew how. If he focused on one paw at a time, lumbering wherever his feet took him, it helped. Helped keep him from the pain.
Chance had no idea where he was going, but he knew he was heading north. What he really needed was a place to hide, to tuck himself away. He needed to try to clear his mind and think things out. He didn’t want to, but he knew it was necessary.
Turn around, go back.
Chance stopped and grunted. His backpack, which he’d hung around his dense neck by tying the end straps together to make one large loop, pinched at his flesh. The urge to go back where he had come from made him feverish. To go back to Ana. That was where his compass and internal voice were telling him to go. But Chance couldn’t trust his instincts. Not while all of the fragmented souls’ imprints were pushing around inside his mind. The soft, friendly whisper of his grandfather, Niyol, was buried by a powerful essence that was unfamiliar to him. He knew it wasn’t his great-grandfather, Balam, because he felt him too, fighting against the dominant voice.
An argument raged in his mind from too many sides. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. He shouldn’t have allowed himself to think. He had let them back in. Chance could hardly move, so he stumbled over to a large Ceiba tree and sat at its base.
Go back to her. Her power is rare. If you consume her, you cannot be stopped. The acerbic voice compelled him to stand up, but he fought the urge and remained sitting.
The only way to protect Ana from yourself is to stay away. You must fight it, Chance. Chance found strength from Balam. No matter how much it hurt walking away from the love of his life, he knew it was for her own good. It was to protect her. Always her protector. He would have saved her from Markus again if given the choice. He may have damned himself and his soul for eternity, but it was all for her, all for Ana.
Too much had happened yesterday. He didn’t want to dwell on it. It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change the fact that his power-crazy cousin Markus had come looking for him and killed his great-grandfather instead, ripping his power from him. While he was still reeling from this exchange, he’d gone for Ana. The only way Chance could protect her was to stop Markus in his tracks. Chance had plunged a stake into the base of his cousin’s skull, ending his torment for good. But in so doing, he’d been forced to absorb his cousin’s massive power and, along with it, the fragmented memories and voices from all the shapeshifters that he had killed and anyone they had killed in their lifetimes. It would confuse even a sane and stable mind.
The whole experience was very different from the time his grandfather, Niyol, had saved his life by starting a healing connection, emptying all of his power into Chance before he expired in death. Since that point, the imprint of Niyol had guided him through memories when he needed them most in a gentle, unobtrusive way. That was very different from what was happening now.
Balam had warned Chance that killing another shifter was very different than what he had experienced with his grandfather. When you die while funneling your power into another shapeshifter in a healing connection, it is a peaceful transference, without fragmentation. When a shifter is killed, their energy is unleashed from their body. Splintered pieces are absorbed by any nearby shapeshifters, leaving an incomplete and unbalanced impression.
Niyol’s kindhearted soul was welcome to Chance, although the poisoned, power-crazy conscience that he could only guess was Markus, and the forceful, mysterious voice, were not. His willpower alone wasn’t enough to push their influence from his mind.
If he was going to avoid reconnecting with Ana, then traveling home to Idaho was a very appealing second choice. But that plan had its own reasons why it wouldn’t work. How could he go home without Ana? What if she were there to meet him?
Balam had mentioned the fact that healers could help a shifter that had been poisoned like Chance was, but he had also said that they were hard to find these days and kept themselves hidden from shapeshifters. It was hopeless.
Ana’s face skirted through his thoughts, her green eyes and sweet smile. Would he see them ever again? He had to try for her.
Mmmm, yes, let’s try. She is very special.
Chance’s vision grew foggy. He had the sensation that he was looking through the bottom of a glass, the center focused and the edges blurry. A memory forced its way into his thoughts and he found himself in a dry, hot landscape. Every breath he took expanded in his lungs and burned. The hairs on his arms shone in the light and his dark skin drank up the sun. Black hair hung down around his shoulders as he stared out across the dusty landscape.
Chance had experienced plenty of his grandfather’s memories before. It reminded him of some he’d had about Niyol when his grandfather was young, but somehow, he sensed that this one was different.
He stood in tall, golden grass that rolled in waves along the hills. A noise alerted him and he turned around. Chance recognized the man. It was Niyol’s father. The creases around his mouth deepened as he spoke. “Nastas, my son. I know you are to meet Mai, but you need to help your brother bring in the sheep from the outer pasture.”
“Can I do it when I get back?” Nastas said. “I promised to meet her at midday, but it has already passed. She will think I will not meet her and go home.”
“If you are not hunting, you are getting distracted by Mai.”
“I am the best hunter in the valley. Aren’t you proud of my skills?” Nastas stuck out his chest and Chance felt the pinch of a bowstring across his almond skin.
“Yes, my boy, there is no one as clever as you, but I wish your cleverness didn’t get you out of helping with the sheep. Very well, since you never miss, then I would like to see the blessings of your skill at dinner tonight. Do not forget to help your brother, Ahiga, on your way back and be aware of yourself. I hear rumor of a howler moving through the land.”
His father walked away toward a mud and stick home. Chance recognized it from one of Niyol’s memories he’d experienced a few months ago.
Nastas leaned down and picked up a rock, adjusting the bow out of the way that hung across his chest. Without looking, he tossed it into the tall grass ahead of him. A loud groan sounded and a tall lanky teen stood up. Chance swallowed and his heart pinched in his chest. He knew that face. The boy’s skin may have been smooth and his hair black as onyx, but his eyes were the same, exactly the same. He was staring at his grandfather.
“Good try Niyol, but you’ll have to be trickier than that to sneak up on me. I’m leaving to meet Mai and if I’m lucky, I will bring dinner home.”
Niyol laughed. “You are always lucky, Nastas.”
“Go see if Father needs any help. I need him in a better mood when I get home later. You are his favorite.” Nastas snickered. “What am I saying, you’re everyone’s favorite.”
“Even you? Even when I follow you on the trail and scare the game away?” Niyol crossed his arms and arched his brow.
“Well, maybe not then, but…”—Nastas strode over to the lanky teen and put his arm around him—“you’re still my favorite little brother. I’ll always look after you. So, how about helping your big brother out?”
Niyol’s thin, wide lips split into a grin and he stepped away from Nastas. He jogged back home, calling out, “Father! I can go help Ahiga with the sheep…”
The memory was definitely from Niyol’s brother’s point of view. Nastas. But he wasn’t the psychopath Chance was expecting. He seemed to truly love
his brother, which was not at all what Chance had seen from Niyol’s previous memories. This was unanticipated.
Nastas waved to his brother and started off. He moved swiftly, his body crouched as he cut through the fields. Soon he came to a rocky bluff and made his way down a narrow trail that led to a stream. All the way he was alert and aware of his surroundings. Nastas lifted the bow over his head. He plucked an arrow from his leather quiver and pressed its end to the bowstring as he settled behind a large rock.
Maybe Mai will forgive my lateness if I offer something for her table.
Nastas lay still for so long Chance started wondering why he was still experiencing the memory. They were usually short and to the point.
He stared intently at a few trees that grew in a cluster near a curve of the stream and pulled the end of his arrow back, the string stretched tight against his fingertips. His hawk-like eyesight focused on movement. Brown speckled feathers blended with their surroundings, but not well enough. Nastas let go and watched his arrow fly into its intended target.
A squawk sounded and his heart grew light with pleasure. I will get another on the way home to make Father happy.
He jumped to his feet and retrieved his kill, flinging the limp quail over his shoulder. Nastas took notice of the sun in the sky and hurried away. He followed the curve of the stream and continued for some time before he stopped again to stare at a piece of tan leather on the ground.
Chance had been growing weary of the memory, but he snapped to attention when Nastas sniffed the air. He stared at the earth and spotted a few dark mahogany flecks. A familiar human scent and the sweet, metallic whiff of blood hung on the air.
Mai was here. But where is she?
Chance was eager to see what happened next, but the memory faded and he found himself staring at a spiky, green agave plant. His heart raced from feeling Nastas’s anxiety. It was something he could closely relate to. Months ago, when Markus had called him from Ana’s phone, he’d flown into a panic and tried to save her. The fear that had gripped his heart was exactly what Nastas had experienced in that memory.
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