He takes a deep breath. He continues.
Billy You. Live up here (indicates his head) practically every night. And I don’t even register with you!
Tony It was my job.
Billy I was only obeying orders?!
Tony We were told you’d all asked to be there.
Billy I chose it over a prison sentence.
Tony You chose.
Billy Don’t argue with me. You’re not in a position to argue!
(Pause.)
Did you hate yourself that much? Or is it that that made you gay? Seeing all those images. Not got much to say for yourself have you?
Tony Look, untie me. Then I’ll say sorry. And then it’ll mean something.
Billy Shut up!
Billy kneels and cries.
Tony I hated myself. What I did to you I did to me. And for that I am sorry. I remember you now. I do.
Billy Don’t lie!
Tony You were one of the pretty ones. It was. A very long time ago. You have nightmares? This. This is my nightmare.
Pause. Billy gets up and we see he is holding a bread knife.
Tony Please . . . I’ve changed.
Billy You’re still there. You’ll always be there.
Tony Even if you hurt me I may still be there.
Billy Since I met you. I’ve fought. That people like me wouldn’t feel what you made me feel. Gay is good. Gay is . . .
Tony Please.
Billy But on my own. With men. I feel. Scared.
Tony People like us.
Billy I need to get to the bottom of what your sickness is.
Tony No.
Billy is approaching him now.
Billy It won’t hurt. Tony. Anthony. It’ll be . . . just like . . . a trip to the dentist.
Tony whimpers as Billy steps forward and plunges the breadknife into his chest. Tony eyes widen in terror. Then he slumps forward in his chair. Billy rearranges him neatly on the chair, the breadknife jutting out of his chest. Billy takes a swig from his can of lager.
Blackout.
Scene Eight – Tom’s house, Islington, 2010/Tom’s back garden, Islington, 2010/Tom’s old front garden, Billericay, 1999
Tom stands thinking, running the blue hankie over and over in his hands. Melanie comes in.
Melanie My therapist’s going to have a field day. (Beat.) I just phoned home. Arabella’s hyper. I said ‘Guess what sweetheart? You have a gay granddad.’ And then I burst out crying. How are you feeling?
Tom Dangerous question. I’ve cut myself off from feelings over the years.
Melanie Why didn’t you tell me the truth?
Tom About Michael? We thought it’d be for the best.
Melanie About you.
Russell enters.
Tom I couldn’t even be honest with myself.
Melanie You don’t do things by halves do you? Most people sit their families down and come out to them quietly. You assemble the world’s Press.
Tom I’ve been such a coward.
Melanie What are you going to say to them?
Russell The six million dollar question.
Tom looks at him.
Russell I know that look. It’s Glinda to Dorothy when she lands in Oz. ‘Are you a good witch or a bad witch?’
Melanie Do you have to be such a stereotype?
Russell Oh, so you’re more impressed by the queens who get married and have kids and hide their love away?
Tom Go easy on him, Melanie. He might well be a good witch.
Russell I’m sorry if I’m a stereotype, I’m just being me. And . . . (this is a struggle) I’m sorry that Mickey went and I stayed.
Melanie What a ridiculous thing to say.
Russell thinks. Ellie comes in carrying Mickey’s guitar.
Ellie Look what I found in the loft.
Tom Where’ve you been?
She sits, tuning it.
Ellie Tring? Mount Ararat? The swirling mists of time were particularly pleasant. And very nearly St Petersburg.
Melanie Are you going to apologise to me?
Ellie Of course. I am very sorry about your Care Bears Nightie going missing that time. I actually attacked it with some crinkle cut scissors because you were really getting on my tits that day. I’m sorry. Same when your Girls World was mysteriously shaved. Mea culpa.
Melanie I had a brother who was amazing and inspirational and you made me think he was just a shit motorcyclist!
Ellie Oh that.
Russell Yes that.
Tom Are you leaving me?
Ellie This house is one of the few things in life that gives me pleasure. Whether I share it with you or not is immaterial.
Melanie Are you all right Mother?
Ellie Yes Melanie. I’ve got my mojo back. That’s what happens when you hover two hundred metres above the earth on a magic carpet. You see the truth. (To Tom.) You know, it’s funny . . . your lover being in prison.
Tom Is it?
Ellie When I’m just being released.
She picks out a tune on the guitar, quietly and slowly, and starts to hum softly.
Russell Can I go yet?
Tom Would you like me to phone you a cab?
Russell Have the Press gone?
Tom No, they’re still there.
Melanie But if he steps outside the front door that’s practically an admission. You’re happy with that?
Russell I’ll be in the back garden. Shout me when it’s here.
And he leaves. Ellie starts to sing.
Ellie Which side are you on boys?
Which side are you on?
Which side are you on boys?
Which side are you on?
Melanie What are you saying Dad?
Tom It’s never too late to surprise someone.
Ellie I’m bound to follow my conscience
And do whatever I can
But it’ll take much more than the union law
To knock the fight out of a working man
Which side are you on, boys?
Which side are you on?
Which side are you on, boys?
Which side are you on?
As she sings, Billy comes in and sits on the couch in prison clothes.
Tom How is it here?
Billy The scary thing is. If I had my time all over again. I’d probably still do it. So I guess I’m in the right place. Why are you here?
Tom I . . .
Billy Imagine if I’d said you’d attacked me all those years ago. Imagine if they’d believed me. Might be you sat here, eh?
Tom I understand the blame should be partly mine.
Billy I wish I’d never met you.
Tom You were always full of such optimism. About us. The world.
Billy Not any more.
Tom I want you to be. I want you to have hope again.
Billy I can’t.
Tom Forty seven years ago I . . . I was waiting for you when you came out of hospital. I’d . . . I’m prepared to do the same for you now.
Billy My head’s been messed with enough over the years.
Tom This time I mean it.
Billy Are you laughing at me?
Tom shakes his head.
Tom You write such lovely letters. I hope mine are okay.
Billy I wish I’d known your son.
Tom I wish I’d known him more. (Sighs.) I’ll give you time to think about this. It might be the worst decision we ever made . . . but
Billy I might already be spoken for.
Tom Right.
Billy I’m not.
Tom We could grow old together.
Billy We already are.
Tom I wish I’d known you. More.
Billy You didn’t do it nearly fifty years ago. And you won’t do it now. I’m probably never going to see you again, so . . .
Tom gets up.
Tom One of these days I might surprise you.
They stand and shake hands.
Billy You won’t. You’ll never
do it, Tom.
Billy leaves. Tom takes a piece of paper from his pocket and reads the statement he’s prepared to Ellie and Melanie.
Tom I know that certain stories have come to light about my relationship with William Lynch and the death of my son from AIDS in 1986. Because of my catalogue of lies for the past half a century my family is now suffering greatly. My son’s biggest fear was disappearing into silence. He wanted to be screaming. Even when he was tulips. And so I must not go coyly, head bowed. I do not regret who I am, but I do regret my deceptive behaviour over the years. And it is because of this deception that I forthwith offer my resignation to the police force. I have misled the public too long. I have misled those I love longer. It’s time to be honest. Because tomorrow, we’re tulips.
Ellie wipes a tear from her eye.
Melanie Do you want me to come and hold your hand?
Tom I have to do this alone.
Melanie nods. Russell comes into the back garden. He looks up to the stars. In the living room. Tom looks to Ellie.
Tom Wish me luck?
Ellie Go. If you’re going.
Tom Look after your Mother.
Melanie nods. He turns and faces the door.
Russell Mickey? Can you hear me?
The lights come up on another part of the stage and their old front garden in Billericay. Tom, Melanie and Ellie turn to see sixteen year old Mickey running into their front garden in his Mum’s wedding dress. Sixteen year old Russell runs after him dressed in a multicoloured frock. Russell watches them from his garden.
Mickey Come on Russell! You’re my bridesmaid!
Russell What’s my name?
Mickey Dolores May!
Russell No it’s not it’s Barbara Jean! You’re Dolores May!
Mickey Shut up and spin.
They both stand there spinning.
Russell Why are we doing this?
Mickey To try and catch up with the world. The world spins.
Russell I know that.
Mickey Spin, Russell!!
Russell It makes you dizzy!
Mickey One day. One day I’m gonna spin so fast . . . I’m gonna fly off the world!
They continue to spin. Tom breaks away and heads to the front door. Ellie and Melanie stand watching the boys spinning. Russell watches too.
Ellie Michael? Are you wearing my wedding dress again?!
Mickey No!
This tickles Russell.
Ellie Wait ’til your Father gets home!
The boys continue to spin. Tom opens the front door and a hundred camera lights flash, sending beams of light across the stage.
Blackout.
Canary Page 8
