by Lynn Lamb
I still feel some guilt when things go well. Katie says that it will get better with time, as long as I am able to acknowledge my feelings and work through them.
October 15
The snow continues to fall today. We have decided to have a van pick up workers on different teams to do necessary jobs. Over fifty men, women and older children have been shoveling in areas for the van’s route.
We are going to have our first Council meeting and group supper together since the snow began. Those who are infirmed and the elderly will be the only ones to stay home today.
The last few days at home actually became a de-stressor, at least to me. I am feeling re-energized; ready to face the challenges that come my way.
~~~
And the day was ready to send challenges.
As soon as I walked into the Council meeting, being held in front of the fireplace in the Town Hall’s main room, I knew something was wrong. “Tell me,” I said.
Billy stood up from his place on the couch to talk. “I have some bad news. Tony and Angie Gianluca were found dead in their home from exposure,” he said.
The air in the room had yet to warm, and when I gasped a hazy cloud appeared in front of me. I was stunned by the unexpected news, and yet I didn’t cry. I wondered if I had used up my allotment of tears.
“Lizzie, from now until the air warms up again, I need a neighbor watch in effect. Each neighbor must check on at least one of their fellow neighbors, twice a day. There needs to be a check in on the radios every day, too. Joseph, please set that up. During the checks, I want all of the neighbors to make sure that houses are warm enough, and that they have any food and water they need,” I said. “I don’t care how it’s set up; as long as your system makes sure that we have no more deaths. If you need help, please ask Jackson.”
“Sure thing, Laura,” said Joseph. “I’ll take care of it.”
“I want to have a funeral for the Gianlucas tomorrow. They should be buried in front of their home, so that when another family moves in, in the future, they will know who had lived there during the war,” I said.
“That might be tough, Laura,” said Billy. “The ground is frozen solid.”
“Do whatever you have to do,” I replied. “Use the Bobcat Adam found on his last run.”
“I’ll make sure it happens,” Adam stepped up.
“Thank you, Adam. I will make the announcement over the walkie, if you will get that ready for me, Lizzie? I can do that right here if everyone will stay convened please.”
I don’t know why I couldn’t wait for the meeting to be over, but I felt a sense of urgency.
“Here you go,” said Lizzie a few minutes later. She handed me the walkie.
“My dear Villagers, this morning, the bodies of two of our neighbors were discovered. Mr. and Mrs. Gianluca are no longer with us.” I began to cry. Damn. I guess that I was wrong about that tear allotment. “They died of exposure to the cold. Our homes in Monterey were never built to withstand freezing temperatures,” I continued with the information that was given to the town when the snow began.
The head of every Council member was bowed as I continued. “I am asking you all to take care of one another. Instructions on how to do this will come this afternoon on this channel; however, I think that you all instinctually know how to do this. Walkie your direct neighbors and friends throughout the day. Check in with the elderly. We are not alone; we have each other.” And with that I clicked off and resumed the meeting with tears in my eyes the entire time.
There was only one other update I wanted before I adjourned the group.
“Sampson, how are supplies?” I asked the young man with the now bushy beard.
“Not great,” he said, seriously. “We need water to distribute. We have plenty of clean bottles, just waiting to be filled.”
“Doc, is the snow clean enough to drink if we boil it?” I asked Malcom.
“Yes, it should be, but keep to the top layers of snow to be sure,” he answered.
“Billy, can you rig a metal trash drum or two to hover over a fire?” I asked.
“Yep,” he confirmed. “No problem.”
“Jackson, give Billy some of your security team to help,” I ordered. “They are doing well getting through the snow. Sampson, how are the other supplies?
“Some foods are running low. We need more canned vegetables,” he explained. “The Colonel’s team and Out-bounders are getting us enough meat. It’s steadily coming in. We just have to get it to the homes since there are no more group meals.”
“Okay, if there is nothing else, I will see you all later,” I told the confused looking group of councilors, and I left abruptly.
I walked out of the meeting with purpose, Jackson at my heels.
“Where are you going now?” he asked. “It’s too cold out here to be wandering around, if you think you are going to check every house in the Village…”
“Not every house,” I said. “Just one.”
He stopped and watched me march off through the Monterey Tundra.
I knocked on Mrs. Ingram’s door. Her fragile voice asked me in, sweetly.
“Hello, Mrs. Ingram,” I said as I entered. Her living room was warm from her fire. “I just came to check on you. I am sorry I didn’t come down sooner.”
“I am fine, dear,” she told me. “Don’t you worry.”
Within thirty minutes, I had Mrs. Ingram packed, and Mark and Bailey at the door, van parked in front of the house.
Mark carried Mrs. Ingram down the stairs of our house while I ran ahead of him. “Be careful, Honey. The stairs are slippery. We need to start shoveling again.”
I ran in the front doors and started a new fire. Mark set Mrs. Ingram on an over-stuffed chair in front of the fireplace.
Bailey brought a throw and placed it over her legs, enjoying acting very grown-up.
“All of this fussing,” she said. “I am fine. I can stay in my home. The neighbors check up on me, and I listen on the walkie during the day. It’s like radio soap operas from the olden days.”
I laughed, having no firsthand knowledge of radio soaps, but I felt certain that listening to walkie conversations would be highly entertaining.
“Mrs. Ingram, we are family now,” I told her.
“And we love having family in our home,” Mark added. “It’s like being back in Africa. With Annie, Jake and the girls next door, it is right to have you here.”
Mrs. Ingram’s eyes turned glassy. I gave her fragile frame a gentle hug.
“Farklempt?” I asked.
“Farklempt,” she answered.
“Mark, will you take Bailey next door and see if any of Annie’s cookies are left? And grab anyone over there and some board games. I am working from home today,” I announced.
October 16
Why does it seem like all of the loud noises always happen at night?
It was around 2:15 in the morning when we heard the loud cracking sound, and I knew immediately what it meant. Over the years, on two occasions, I had heard that exact noise. But what followed it, the breaking of glass and splintering of wood, I had only heard once before, during the attacks.
I ran to Mrs. Ingram as Mark went for Bailey. Mrs. Ingram was sitting up in her bed, attempting to light her lantern. I helped her into her wheelchair, and we joined Mark and Bailey in the living room.
Bailey’s eyes were wide with tears, and Mark tried to comfort her as he carried her to me. “It’s okay, we have you,” he said.
Just as we stoked the fire and put more wood on it, our walkies went wild with calls.
“Mark here,” he said and waited.
“Go to 1564,” said the nasal, disembodied voice. Jackson had come up with 1564 as code for go to the private channel when he found out that so many of the Villagers were listening in on private calls.
“What’s going on, Jackson?” Mark asked as I held a very frightened Bailey.
“Tree hit an occupied house. Looks like we are finally goin
g to be able to use the Russell’s,” said Jackson.
Mark handed me the walkie, “Great. I could have gone a life time without wanting to use their skills. Give Mark the address, and I’ll get dressed.”
Kimberly and Aaron Russell were both seasoned firefighters. She was the Captain of the Monterey Fire Department, and stood a good foot taller than her husband. But for what Aaron lacked in height, he made up for with muscle.
No one in the Village had warm enough clothes for a nuclear winter, that much has become crystal clear. When temperatures began to drop before the first snow, we had a detail go into all the unoccupied houses to look for ski gear and anything that would work in the snow.
I wrapped myself in layers, including a brown ski cap with little bear ears and some thick, thermal shoes that had never been worn. They still had a tag boasting “Good down to twenty-five degrees.” I had hoped that I would never have to test that.
Mark finished getting ready, and we made our way out in the freezing snow. The lights from the occupied houses helped some. Everyone had heard the crash, and many were trying to see what had happened through their windows.
I heard Jackson’s voice over the emergency channel, “Everyone except for emergency personnel needs to remain in their homes. We have a tree down, and by the looks of it, there could be more. The snow was heavy and wet tonight and might continue to take down trees that are not stable. If you hear crackling, take cover under heavy furniture, such as tables. I repeat, do not leave your homes.” He sounded like one of those emergency alert tests we used to hear all of the time on television. I wished this had only been “a test of the emergency broadcast system.”
When we got to the house, Jackson was running around yelling orders to security. Bri was by his side, matching him step for step. I approached him, not sure how I could help.
“Ma Nature is still pissed at us. Trees are too damn heavy from the snow. This could be bad. We have a family of three in there, the Lewis,” he began his report. “Kim and Aaron are working their way in through the roof.”
“What should I do?” I asked him.
“Here,” he handed me a walkie. “Sing to the Villagers.”
“Silent night, Holy night…” I began.
“Talk to them, comfort them, you know what to say. And don’t ever sing again—. Man, you’re bad,” he said as he ran off to scream more orders at his security team.
I giggled because I knew exactly what he meant, but didn’t like what “singing to the Villagers” implied. I had never lied to them, and I wasn’t about to start now.
“Laura,” said a lady wearing pajamas and a coat. “Please come inside my house and stay warm. You and Mark, I mean.”
My face was burning in the cold wind, and I gratefully accepted her offer. Before we made it in the house, there was another cracking sound further off in the forest.
“Get the fuck inside,” Jackson yelled to us.
“Language,” I yelled back at him.
“Sorry, PLEASE get the fuck inside.”
I wanted to grab Bri. It is still my instinct to take care of her, and probably always will be, but she had a job to do, and I needed to respect that, no matter the danger.
“Hello Villagers,” I began to speak into the walkie as soon as we got inside. “I know that we are all having flashbacks from the crashing sounds, but we are in this together this time. We have crews on the scene of the damaged house. Our firefighters are working to rescue the Lewis family who are trapped inside…”
~~~
By 9:00 in the morning, it was over. The Lewis family had been the next to die in their home. Mark, Bri and I walked home with the weight of this bearing down on us, heavily.
“Laura,” Jackson ran up to join us. “Can you come to my place for a debriefing?”
I looked at Mark who nodded despite the look of anger on his face.
We walked into the warmth of Jackson’s house. His fire was still going, and I sat down on the ground in front of it while he brewed some strong coffee.
He handed me a steaming mug and asked, “What is it with you and sitting on the floor?”
“Helps me think,” I replied.
He joined me on the floor, and we sat for a while, sipping our coffee and staring into the fire.
“No matter what we do, we can’t save them,” I said, hardly aware that I was even talking.
“No, we can’t,” he answered. “Not all of them. Maybe some of them, but not all of them.”
“Thanks for the pep talk.”
~~~
This afternoon we had funerals for five members of our community. Each person was buried with care, in their own front yard. Reverend John presided over each funeral. Everyone in town over ten years of age, and under seventy-five, was in attendance.
The tears froze to my face as I stood at the gravesides of the people who I had let down; people who had depended on me, who had trusted me.
~~~
Before bed, I sat on the ground in front of our own fire, not wanting to talk with anyone. Mrs. Ingram wheeled herself up to the fire place by my side. I looked up at her. The light from the fire made her wrinkles appear even deeper.
“You are very strong, Laura,” she said.
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” I replied, not letting my eyes leave the fire.
“They mean something else,” she said, tone becoming sterner. “I mean, you must be powerfully strong to be able to push big trees onto houses.” She rolled away without another word.
I grabbed a spray paint bottle and put on my jacket and boots and walked out the front door, headed to the wall.
When I finished my most recent graffiti crime, I heard a familiar voice behind me.
“So, that’s who our little artist is,” said Bri.
I didn’t say anything to her, I just stared at my latest work of art.
“Someday you are going to have to explain what you mean by those,” she said. We turned away from the wall and left the newest image for the Village to discover.
“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”
–Jimi Hendrix
“This one’s personal,” was all that I was willing to divulge.
October 19
The weather has warmed up some over the last few days. The days have shot up to forty degrees, and it has been raining, too. With the rain and warmer temperatures, we have had a lot of melting snow flowing down the hill and running into the ruins of the destroyed and rapidly decaying neighborhood below us. The smell of mildew drifts over the wall when the wind blows in our direction.
I was called to the wall this afternoon to help deal with a group of eight Wanderers. Rain was coming down steadily as I walked with my umbrella in the direction of the trouble.
When I got there, Jackson was yelling at someone through the “communication hole” in the wall. I heard a distinctly female voice yelling back at him, but I couldn’t make out what they were actually saying over the sound of the pounding rain.
As I got closer, I could hear the female say, “We are armed, and we will take what we need, so open this damn gate or we will blow it off.”
“Yeah? Well, we are heavily armed and outnumber you one hundred to one,” Jackson lied.
As I walked towards the wall, planning to defuse the situation, one of the security guards slapped a crazy looking makeshift armor on me. I believe that a portion of it was a trashcan lid. I felt absolutely ridiculous.
“We’ve got a lively bunch out there,” said Jackson as I approached. He was crouching under the top of the wall, on the shelf near the hole.
A gun shot rang out and made my heart race. Twenty of the security team who had been laying low on our side, stood on the scaffolding and took aim.
“STOP,” I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I climbed up next to Jackson as I saw Mark running at full speed to the scene carrying a gun.
“My name is Laura, and I might be able to help
you,” I shouted out the hole.
It took a moment to hear a response. “I don’t give a rat’s ass what your name is lady. We have a huge group that we can just turn around and get if you don’t let us in. Lady, I have kids here who are dying. Do you know what that’s like?” responded the now sad voiced woman.
“No, ma’am. I don’t know what you are going through right now. But I know what it’s like to want to protect your children,” I told her. “We could never conceive.” I looked down to see Mark standing just below me, looking for a spot on the wall.
“But I helped raise two of the strongest women I know,” I continued. There was silence, and I hoped that meant that they were all listening. “I also have a little girl who lost her family in the war. She is now my true daughter, too. Do you know when I knew she was mine? She asked me to braid her hair like her favorite character in her favorite book. I was brushing her hair out, and I just knew at that moment that she was mine. And I would do anything to keep her safe. That I understand.”
I waited, this time for over a minute. “My guess is that before the war you would never think to have a gun and try to attack regular people like us. We can help you. We have medicine, doctors, food, clean water and shelter. But we can’t let you in until you disarm yourselves. That’s my deal. You trade your weapons for a chance at a life.”
I looked over at Jackson and whispered loud enough for him to hear me over the pelting rain. “Get your people in protective gear; masks and gloves. Make sure that they are prepared when they get down there for any occurrence.”
“You are going to get someone killed some day, you know that don’t you?” said Jackson. He turned to Bri and gave her orders to prepare our troops exactly how I had told him.
“I’m, I’m not sure,” said the Wanderer. “Just wait, just wait.”
