One particular night dad had a band playing called The Twisted Monkeys. The lead singer was wearing an old worn out black t-shirt that said Twisted Monkeys on the front, jeans with about ten holes in the legs, and a pair of combat boots. When they started playing I was completely captivated by their music. It was classic rock, bluegrass, folk and a touch of soul. It sounded perfect. When the lead singer began to sing, I fell head over heels in love with him. Now, I know I was only 7, but at the time I thought I was in love. From the moment he opened his mouth to sing, I fell in love with music. I wanted to learn to play the guitar, learn to sing just like he did, and I wanted to write my own songs. So then maybe one day he would let me play in his band.
While I was listening to this man sing his song with his beautiful voice, I heard shouting from behind me. I turned around and saw a big group of people fighting and pushing each other. People were screaming and running towards the exit. The band stopped playing once they realize there was a commotion, and I remember feeling sad that he stopped singing. His singing made me happy. His singing made me smile.
I hear my dad yelling from somewhere behind the bar. “Abigail, pumpkin, go upstairs into your room OK, I want you to stay there until I come and get you. Go hurry, NOW!” He’s shouting at me, so I peel my eyes away from the stage and start running to my room. As I’m making my way to the back of the bar I get knocked down by two large men fighting in front of me. I cry out in pain once I hit the ground and the pain shooting up my arm is intense and I begin to cry. I notice that blood is dripping down my arm and I realize that I fell onto some broken glass. I get up and try to run in the opposite direction, but I can’t seem to get away from all the fighting. I am shouting for my daddy, but I don’t see him anywhere.
I get knocked down again, but this time I scramble underneath one of the bar tables as fast as I can and I try to hide. I keep thinking over and over, where is my Daddy, I want my daddy.
I start to hear gun shots being fired and panic starts to consume my body. Before I even realize what’s happening, I am being pulled out from under the table. I start to panic and scream and try to get away, but when I hear his voice I immediately stop struggling and a sense of calm comes over me. It’s the man from the stage, the man with the beautiful voice.
“It’s OK, I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. Let’s get you to your room where it’s safe OK?” He calmly says. How can he be so calm? I’ve never been so scared in my life.
“Where are my mommy and daddy?” I start to cry again. I am having a hard time breathing, and I can’t seem to catch my breath.
“They are trying to stop the fight, they will come find you soon. Once this is over they will be right up. Don’t be scared. Try real hard to be brave, OK? Deep breaths, in and out. That’s right, keep breathing,” he says soothingly. He starts humming a song while he darts me across the bar to my bedroom, and I realize it’s the song he was singing on stage before the fight broke out. His humming makes me feel safe, and my breathing immediately begins to even out.
He drops me off at the bottom of the stairs and tells me to run upstairs, get in the closet and hide, and not to come out until my mommy and daddy come and get me. And just like that he was gone. I stayed in that closet for I don’t know how long, as I waited for my mom and dad. My mom comes in and finds me sometime later. The look on her face is a look I’ve never seen on her before; she can’t stop crying, and she’s shaking. She looks empty, lost, scared.
“Mommy, what happened? Where is daddy? Why are you crying?” She reaches down and picks me up and tells me that Daddy won’t be coming home. He was shot and killed in the fight. Her lip is busted, her eye is swollen, and her shirt is ripped. I look down at her and she is covered in blood. My life has never been the same since that night, and neither has my mom's. His death was her undoing. She couldn’t deal with losing her husband, and turned to alcohol and drugs to numb her pain. That night when she held me and we both cried was the last time she showed me an ounce of sympathy. It was like her soul went with him the moment he left this earth. That was the night she stopped being the mother that I knew and loved.
I also learned some years later that the man with the beautiful voice was killed as well. He was rushed to the hospital and was in the ICU for 3 days before he passed away. He left behind a wife and a 7 year old little boy. He was shot while running from the bottom of my stairs. I will forever hold a small amount of guilt for his death. As crazy as it may sound, I feel somewhat responsible for what happened. If he hadn’t stopped to help me, he might have gotten out of harm’s way sooner, he might have escaped, and he could have gotten away. He should have been going home to his family, but instead he was trying to save me. I still dream about his voice. If I’m feeling sad or alone or scared, I sing the song he hummed to me the night he saved my life.
Chapter 4
We finally arrive to the party. We had to drive around for almost half an hour until we found parking. Already this night is turning out to be a drag. We enter the house and it is packed wall to wall with people. Jessie and I make our way to the kitchen to get a drink. There are three boys trying to figure out how to tap a keg, I watch them for a few minutes trying to figure it out, and I can’t help but laugh at them. All the years I spent growing up in a bar taught me a few things, tapping a keg was one of them. I also hold the record for the longest keg stand, but no one but Jessie knows that.
“Do you guys need some help? I happen to be an expert at tapping a keg,” I say while laughing.
“Uh sure,” one of the guys stammers. “It’s my first house party, and I’m not sure what I’m doing.” Amateurs.
I get the keg tapped and running in a matter of seconds. I make sure to show him what I did, so that for future parties, he won’t be embarrassed again by not knowing how to work a keg. Honestly, it’s not that difficult. There is a round of applause, and I take a dramatic bow for everyone. I fill up my cup and start to head towards the living room. Maybe watching people dance and make fools of themselves will make this night a little more interesting.
“Watching you tap that keg was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen.” I know that voice. I turn around and I am met with his powder blue eyes. He’s wearing a vintage AC/DC t-shirt and faded jeans with holes in both knees, and a worn pair of navy blue Chucks are on his feet. What is it about Converse tennis shoes that make guys look ten times hotter? I am standing here staring at him like an idiot, but I can’t bring myself to look away. I find myself wondering if he really likes AC/DC, or if he is just wearing this shirt for a fashion statement.
“Cat got your tongue, Peaches?” His voice snaps me out of my daydream and I narrow my eyes at him. He is smirking at me again, and he knows that I was checking him out. Lovely.
He is about to open his mouth to say something when Miss Eyelashes comes up and drapes her arms around his waist. It’s like she is marking her territory and claiming him as hers. The look that flashes across his face is a look of annoyance mixed with amusement. I want to kick myself for feeling an ounce of jealousy towards the fact that she has her arms around him and I don’t. And for some strange reason, I think he knows this makes me a little jealous. She glares at me, and then gives me a catty smile. Slowly she rises up on her toes and kisses Adam’s cheek.
“I’ve been waiting for you to arrive, Adam. I’m so glad you were able to make it,” she sweetly says. Her voice sounds childlike, high pitched and annoying. I never understood why girls felt the need to change their voice while talking to a guy.
“Yep, I heard Abigail was coming, so there was no way in hell I was missing a chance to hang out her with her.” He pulls away from her and smiles at me. She is appalled by his answer, and her cheeks are turning a slight shade of pink. She’s clearly embarrassed, not to mention pissed, that he’s not giving her the attention she is seeking. By the way she looks and dresses, it's clear guys don’t turn her down very often.
“Why would you want to be with a freak like her? She’s absol
utely disgusting. Look at her.” She throws her hands up in the air. I don’t think this chick wants to go there with me. I have a hard time backing down from a fight.
“What, as opposed to a tramp like you? I think Adam prefers his dick to be disease free.”
Adam raises his eyebrows in surprise at my comment, and I think he looks amused as well. Why do I feel defensive of him already? I don’t like the thought of Adam being with a girl like her. He’s too good for her.
“I think Abigail look absolutely beautiful, not to mention hot as hell, and I would want nothing more than to spend this night with her.” He looks at me sincerely while saying this, and I am not sure what to think about the feelings going off in my stomach right now. Miss Eyelashes looks like she wants to kill me, and if she could I have, no doubt I would be six feet under by the end of the night. But she doesn’t scare me, I have seen way worse than her in my short lifetime.
“Adam, I told you I wasn’t interested, so if you’ll excuse me I am going to go find my friend,” I softly say. Adam is good and kind, and he deserves more than I can give him.
As I start to walk away on my search for Jessie, Adam lightly grabs my arms and turns me around. I can’t help but panic a little bit when he touches me, but it slightly fades once I look up at Adam’s face. He immediately releases me and takes a step back.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to know if you would want to dance with me.” His mouth is quirked up in a half smile, and it thaws me out a little bit. I really am a sucker for his smile. Damn it. “I’ve never wanted to dance with someone, right now, as much as I want to dance with you.”
I narrow my eyes at him, trying to gauge if I think he’s serious or not. There is something about his eyes that make me trust him, something almost familiar, and before I can talk myself out of it, I find myself being led out onto the dance floor.
We start to move to the beat of the music, awful music might I add, but it’s catchy. He’s a goofy dancer. The running man, sprinkler, and the robot seem to be his signature dance moves. I can’t help but laugh and join in with his dancing. After about 30 minutes of dancing, making fools of ourselves, and laughing so hard my sides hurt, I tell him I need a break. God, that was fun. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.
“I want to find Jessie real quick and make sure she’s OK.” I say breathless. At that moment, I realize I have never laughed like that in my life. It felt good to laugh, really good.
“OK, I’ll go with you.” He places his hand at the small of my back, leading me towards the back of the house. It’s a completely intimate and protective gesture.
When I find her, she is dancing with Max and she’s not holding back any of her dance moves, and I know she will be waking up with him in her bed tomorrow morning. Whatever, as long as she remembers the safe sex lectures I gave her, we will be good. This reminds me, I should probably fill her nightstand with more condoms. The last thing the two of us need is a baby. The thought alone sends me into a panic attack.
Adam leans down and softly speaks into my ear. “Max is a good guy. Even though he has this whole bad boy reputation going on, he really is a good guy. But don’t tell him I said that, I don’t want us getting all weepy and sappy on each other.” I like that he speaks fondly of his friends.
I give her a small wave and point that I am going outside. Her eyes almost pop out of her head when she sees that I’m with Adam, and she not so shyly gives me a dramatic thumbs up and a wink. God, she can be so humiliating sometimes. Adam laughs loudly beside me and I lightly slap him in the arm.
“Don’t encourage her by laughing. She thinks she’s hilarious, but in reality she isn’t.” We both laugh as we head outside.
We head out back and take a seat by the pool. I take off my boots and slip my feet into the water. Adam sits next to me and mirrors my actions. We sit in comfortable silence together for a while, each of us lost in thought. Our thighs are barely touching, but that slight touch makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. For some reason that I can’t explain, he makes me feel comfortable.
“So, how hard do I have to try, or beg, or plead, to get you to go to a concert with me tomorrow night? My band is playing, along with a bunch of other local bands” A million stupid butterflies are going off in my stomach right now that he might actually be interested in taking me out. If I could reach into my stomach and squash them all, I would. Is he asking me out on a date? Jessie told me he doesn’t take girls out on dates. Do I even want to go out on a date with him? What if he tried to kiss me? What if he wants to take it farther? What if he wants to take me home after the concert? That can’t happen.
I have always asked what if questions my whole life. My dad and I used to play the what if game when I was a little kid. I would ask him, “Daddy, what if my nose looked like a witch’s nose, and it was long and pointy. Would you still think I was the most beautiful girl in the world?”
“That depends. Will this witch nose of yours have warts all over it?” I lean my head from side to side, pondering his question.
“Yes, I think about three warts, one of them has hair, too.” I giggle.
“Oh thank goodness, warts are my favorite, so yes Abigail, I’d think you would have the most beautiful witch’s nose I’ve ever seen. No other nose could compare.”
“OK, well what if I had 4 arms and 3 legs. Would you think that was weird?”
“Absolutely! How often do you see people with 4 arms and 3 legs? That would be the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.” We both can’t stop laughing.
“But Daddy, I’m your only child. You can’t think I’m weird. You’re supposed to be biased and think I’m perfect no matter what. Even if I have an abnormal amount of body parts.” I say matter-of-factly.
“Abigail, you will always be perfect in my eyes. Even with the extra body parts.” He leans over and kisses my forehead, then ruffles my hair.
I can’t help but smile remembering the conversations my dad and I used to have. We would sit around the dinner table for the longest time making up what if scenarios. But now that I’m older, my what if questions are anything but fun.
“Hello, earth to Abigail, did you hear what I said? Where’d you go?” He’s staring at me waiting for my reply.
“Oh, uh, well, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, and I was just thinking.” Why is it every time he speaks, I turn into a stuttering idiot? My heart is shouting, more like screaming, at me to say yes, please say yes. I want to know what it feels like to be special, or actually liked by the opposite sex. But my head is saying nuh uh, no way, run away.
“I will resort to begging if I have to, please don’t make me beg. It might be bad for my image,” he says with a slight laugh. “I really want to take you to this concert, and I really want you to hear my band play. I do the lead vocals, and Max plays guitar, and Bryan plays the drums. We play and write all our own music, too.” He says that last part with so much pride in his voice, and I can tell that he’s proud of his band.
“I’m sure there is nothing you could do you ruin your image, girls seem to love you just the way you are. But I already had plans to go to the concert tomorrow night. Jessie and I were going to go after my shift at work.” Well, maybe he will drop it, and settle on just seeing me there. This way it won’t be a date, and I won’t be expected to hang out with him the whole night. It also means I can make a quick getaway if I need to. If Jessie were here right now, she would kick me for even thinking about turning Adam down on his offer to take me out. She will also be pissed she had a way out of going to the concert. Seriously, my taste in music is not that bad. She might even hear something she likes.
“Where do you work?” he asks
“I work at Texas Roadhouse, the one in Orange Park,” I say quietly.
“Good to know, and just so you know my begging isn’t over yet. I think I’ll need dinner before my band plays tomorrow night.” He says with a devilish smile.
“You wouldn’t dare!
” He wouldn’t make a scene at my job right? He’s just teasing me. I hope.
“Oh, I would, Peaches, I would. I told you, I want you to come with me, and I’ll do whatever I have to do to make that happen.”
“OK, OK fine, I’ll go with you. As long as you don’t make a scene where I work. I can’t afford to lose my job, or to have anything, or anyone, making me look bad,” I say. “My job is very important to me,” I add quietly.
“Ouch, are you saying I’d make you look bad? Peaches, I would never do anything to make you look bad, or to jeopardize your job,” he says sincerely. “I just wanted you to know how badly I want you to go with me. But it looks like I already got the answer I wanted,” he says smugly. “What time shall I pick you up from work?”
“I’m sorry.” Geez, that came out harsher than I intended it to. “My shift is over at 8:00, so I will be ready to go by 8:15,” I mumble. I can’t believe I agreed to go on a date tomorrow with Adam. Jessie is going to flip out when I tell her the news.
He looks at me triumphantly, and flashes me a panty-dropping smile. This is a smile I’ve yet to see, and I already know that I’m in trouble. He’s going to be hard to resist, I can tell. Do I really want him to get involved in my fucked up life? Do I want him knowing my darkest moments, or all the demons in my past, or the present demons for that matter?
Chapter 5
My shift at work seems to be dragging by, and I am easily distracted. I have a lot on my mind, and I’m overly anxious about tonight. Concerts are supposed to be my time to get lost in the music, to forget about all the drama and shit going on in my life. Music heals my soul. But instead, I’m nervous, antsy, and I’m hoping I don’t screw things up too badly.
Alive Page 3
