Isabel met a troublesome doctor,
He punched and he poked till he really shocked her.
The doctor’s talk was of coughs and chills
And the doctor’s satchel bulged with pills.
The doctor said unto Isabel,
Swallow this, it will make you well.
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry.
She took those pills from the pill concoctor,
And Isabel calmly cured the doctor.
Isabel once was asleep in bed
When a horrible dream crawled into her head.
It was worse than a dinosaur, worse than a shark,
Worse than an octopus oozing in the dark.
‘Boo!’ said the dream, with a dreadful grin,
‘I’m going to scare you out of your skin!’
Isabel, Isabel, didn’t worry,
Isabel didn’t scream or scurry,
Isabel had a cleverer scheme;
She just woke up and fooled that dream.
Whenever you meet a bugaboo
Remember what Isabel used to do.
Don’t scream when the bugaboo says ‘Boo!’
Just look it in the eye and say, ‘Boo to you!’
That’s how to banish a bugaboo;
Isabel did it and so can you!
Boooooo to you.
OGDEN NASH
KNOTS
Our son may be backward and lacking in graces
And virtually covered in spots,
But since the first day he could do up his laces
He’s dazzled us all with his knots.
Why, only just now, with a speed that confused us,
He showed us a Granny and Reef.
His light-hearted patter informed and amused us,
His deftness was well past belief.
Without the least effort he fashioned, one-handed,
A Pineapple, Rope-Yarn and Slip;
He whipped up a fine Matthew Walker (eight-stranded)
And never once fumbled his grip.
His quick repartee really had us in stitches.
We gasped at that flexible wrist;
We thrilled to the skill of his Sennits and Hitches,
His Sheepshank, his quaint Monkey’s Fist.
And then, in a trice and, it seemed, with no trouble
He tied, to the awe of our friends,
Some beautiful Blackwalls, both single and double,
Topped off with some Fisherman’s Bends.
To finish the act he produced, without thinking,
A classically tight Wall-and-Crown.
He took a brief bow and he’s now gone out drinking.
So, please, could you hoist us all down?
JOHN YEOMAN
BONES
Said Mr Smith, ‘I really cannot
Tell you, Dr Jones –
The most peculiar pain I’m in –
I think it’s in my bones.’
Said Dr Jones, ‘Oh, Mr Smith,
That’s nothing. Without doubt
We have a simple cure for that;
It is to take them out.’
He laid forthwith poor Mr Smith
Close-clamped upon the table,
And, cold as stone, took out his bones
As fast as he was able.
And Smith said, ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you,’
And wished him a Good-day;
And with his parcel ’neath his arm
He slowly moved away.
WALTER DE LA MARE
THE RELUCTANT HERO OR, BAREFOOT IN THE SNOW
When he put on his socks in the morning
He found they were much too tight.
His feet, without any warning,
Had lengthened over night.
He didn’t have any others,
He couldn’t pick or choose.
He borrowed a pair of his mother’s
And went to put on his shoes.
When he put on his shoes in the morning
He found they were much too tight.
His feet, without any warning,
Had lengthened in the night.
His toes and heels were skinned – oh,
His feet had grown like roots.
His shoes went out of the window
And he went to put on his boots.
When he put on his boots in the morning
He found they were much too tight.
is skis.
Had lengthened over night.
His little toe was just in,
He had to squash and squeeze.
He threw them into the dust bin
And he went to put on his skis.
When he put on his skis in the morning
He found they were much too tight.
His feet, without any warning,
Had lengthened over night.
He had no footware which in
His feet could feel at ease.
The skis went into the kitchen
And his toes were left to freeze.
And so he went out barefoot,
No socks or shoes he wore.
He trod in places where foot
Had never trod before.
And everywhere his feet sent
A message to the sky.
His footprints down the street meant
A hero’s passing by.
MARGARET MAHY
INDEX OF POETS
Beckett, Samuel 244
Beerbohm, Max 120
Belloc, Hilaire 87, 178
Bodecker, N. M. 106
Burgess, Gelett 197
Cannon, Edward 193
Carroll, Lewis 35, 54, 59, 70, 98, 149, 170, 177, 201, 208
Causley, Charles 81
Chesterton, G. K. 217
Ciardi, John 180
Dahl, Roald 51, 135
Douglas, Lord Alfred 168, 219, 220
Ellis and Furber 196
Foley, J. W. 194
Goldsmith, Goldwin 254
Gorey, Edward 128, 145, 157, 227
Graham, Harry 183, 190, 228
Hoban, Russell 39, 57, 101
Hoffman, Dr Heinrich 248
Hood, Thomas 125, 230
Housman, A. E. 90, 92, 153, 188, 233
Irwin, Wallace 204, 260
Kalmar, Bert 262
Lear, Edward 7, 71, 72, 76, 103, 108, 116, 158, 166
Leverett, Ernest 97
Mahy, Margaret 31, 49, 272
Mare, Walter de la 58, 77, 271
McGough, Roger 46, 152, 174, 218
Milligan, Spike 56, 107, 133
Morton, J. B. 229
Nash, Ogden 69, 94, 126, 207, 228, 265
Paterson, A. B. ‘Banjo’ 251
Peake, Mervyn 79, 122, 223
Prelutsky, Jack 47, 138, 243
Rands, William Brighty 28
Richards, Laura 91
Riley, James Whitcomb 40
Ruby, Harry 262
Sellar, W. C. 114
Silverstein, Shel 66, 140
Thackeray, William Makepeace 184
Updike, John 167, 200, 214
Watson, Clyde 25, 45
West, Colin 131, 156, 234
Wright, Kit 221
Yeatman, R. J. 114
Yeoman, John 146, 198, 245, 269
INDEX OF FIRST LINES
A cat came dancing out of a barn 238
A dog came into the kitchen 244
A tail behind, a trunk in front 90
A-sleepin’ at length on the sand 204
Affable, bibulous 200
All hale! thou mighty annimil – all hale! 88
As a friend to the children 87
As I went over the water 165
Before the children say goodnight 180
Chilly Dovebber with his boadigg blast 42
Dear Madam, I’m sure you’ll be happy to know 198
Dilly Dilly Piccalilli 45
Ever eaten poodle strudel? 46
&nbs
p; Ever see 174
Fame was a claim of Uncle Ed’s 69
From my city bed in the dawn I see a raccoon 97
From Number Nine, Penwiper Mews 157
Goldfish 218
Goosey, goosey, gander 169
‘Hallelujah!’ was the only observation 233
Have ye seen the would-be-not-humble dandy 120
He dreamt that he saw the Buffalant 125
He thought he saw an Elephant 149
Here you may see what’s very rare 21
His Uncle came on Franklin Hyde 178
Hooray for Captain Spaulding 262
I am Ebenezer Bleezer 47
I don’t mind dawn 221
I give you now Professor Twist 94
I had written to Aunt Maud 228
I hope you may have better luck 168
I knew a child called Alma Brent 229
I saw a peacock with a fiery tail 24
I saw iij hedles playen at a ball 26
I sprang to the rollocks and Jorrocks and me 114
I, too, once hoped to have a hoopoe 167
I went to the pictures tomorrow 27
I wish I were a jelly fish 217
I’ll tell thee everything I can 208
I’ve eaten many strange and scrumptious dishes in my time 51
If down his throat a man should choose 193
If the butterfly courted the bee 28
If we square a lump of pemmican 194
If you should happen to descry 153
Isabel met an enormous bear 265
Isn’t it a dreadful pity 234
It’s Christmas – the time when we gather to make 49
Jerry Hall 78
Little Birds are dining 170
Little Willie’s dead 227
Long by the willow-tree 184
May I ask you if you’ve noticed 66
Mrs McPhee 81
My cousin John was most polite 183
Naughty little Hannah said 190
Nine mice on tiny tricycles 243
‘Nitgub,’ said the typewriter 39
O my agèd Uncle Arley! 72
O’er seas that have no beaches 122
Oh, weep for Mr and Mrs Bryan! 228
‘Oh! what is that comes gliding in 230
Old Mother Hubbard 239
On the Ning Nang Nong 107
Once – but no matter when – 143
Once there was an elephant 91
One fine day in the middle of the night 26
Our son may be backward and lacking in graces 269
Out on the margin of moonshine land 40
Prepare the ground when maple buds have burst 214
Prodiggus reptile! long and skaly kuss! 95
Said Mr Smith, ‘I really cannot 271
Said Old Mother Hubbard, one dark winter’s night 245
Said the monkey to the donkey 237
Shining in his stickiness and glistening with honey 57
Simple Simon went a-fishing 259
‘Sister, sister go to bed 54
Speak roughly to your little boy 177
Suppose the land turned into the sea 31
The Ampoo is intensely neat 128
The babe, with a cry brief and dismal 227
The Emus formed a football team 251
The flies crawled up the window 196
The hideous hue which William is 188
The island of Llince 106
The monkey married the Baboon’s sister 255
The Nutcrackers sate by a plate on the table 116
The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea 103
The Roof it has a Lazy Time 197
The sun was shining on the sea 59
The Sword-fish is an awful brute 219
The Underwater Wibbles 138
The way to Upper Norwood, sir? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! 146
The Wendigo 126
There was a Mad Man 83
There was a young lady of Rheims 77
There was an old man in a trunk 207
There was an Old Man of Dumbree 166
There was an Old Man with a Beard 166
There was an Old Person in Gray 76
There was an Old Person of Slough 71
There was an old skinflint of Hitching 58
There was once a young man of Oporta 70
There’s a rather odd couple in Herts 145
‘There is no knowing what we shall see!’ cried the centipede 135
There’s nothing makes a Greenland whale 223
There’s something very strange and odd 220
They went to sea in a Sieve, they did 108
This is the man that shoots the hares 248
Though some at my aversion smile 92
Thoughtful little Willie Frazer 260
’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves 35
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat! 98
Until I saw the Blunderbat 131
Uptown, downtown 25
What I find wanting in gazebos 152
‘What is a Bongaloo, Daddy?’ 133
What would you do 156
When Aunty Jane 79
When he put on his socks in the morning 272
When I go to Anfruca (which is very, very far – 101
When I went out for a walk one day 30
When singing songs of scariness 140
When the breeze from the bluebottle’s blustering blim 37
When the monkey in his madness 254
Who, or why, or which, or what 158
‘You are old, Father William,’ the young man said 201
You must never bath in an Irish Stew 56
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
The editor and publishers gratefully acknowledge the following for permission to reproduce copyright material in this book:
‘Vladimir’s Song’ by Samuel Beckett from Waiting for Godot, published by Faber & Faber Ltd, and Grove Press, Inc., 1954, copyright © Grove Press, Inc., 1954, renewed by Samuel Beckett, 1982, reprinted by permission of Faber & Faber Ltd, and Grove/Atlantic, Inc.; ‘The Road to Zoagli’ by Max Beerbohm from Men in Verse, published by Stephen Greene Press, 1963, copyright © Mrs Eva Reichmann, reprinted by kind permission of Sir Rupert Hart-Davis on behalf of Eva Reichmann; ‘The Yak’ and ‘Franklin Hyde’ by Hilaire Belloc from Complete Verse, published by Pimlico, reprinted by permission of the Peters Fraser & Dunlop Group Ltd; ‘The Island of Llince’ from Let’s Marry Said the Cherry by N. M. Bodecker, published by Faber & Faber Ltd, reprinted by permission of the publisher and Tumbledown Editions; ‘Mrs MacPhee’ by Charles Causley from Early in the Morning, published by Viking Kestrel, 1986, copyright © Charles Causley, 1986, reprinted by permission of David Higham Associates Ltd; ‘The Happy Family’ by John Ciardi from The Man Who Sang the Sillies, reprinted by permission of Myra Ciardi; two extracts from James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl, published by Penguin Books Ltd, 1961, copyright © Roald Dahl Nominee Ltd, 1961, reprinted by permission of Murray Pollinger Ltd; ‘The Cod’, ‘The Duck’ and ‘The Sword-fish’ from Lord Alfred Douglas’ Animal Verse by Lord Alfred Douglas, published by B. T. Batsford, copyright © Sheila Colman, Lord Alfred Douglas’s Literary Estate, 1977, reprinted by permission of the publisher; ‘The Flies Crawled up the Window’ by Ellis and Furber from the film Jack’s The Boy distributed by Rank Film Distributors Ltd, reprinted courtesy of the Rank Organisation plc; ‘There’s a Rather Odd Couple’, ‘From Number Nine Penwiper Mews’, ‘The Utter Zoo Alphabet’ and ‘The Babe’ by Edward Gorey from The Listing Attic, published by Dutton, copyright © 1954, 1972 by Edward Gorey, reprinted by permission of Donadio & Ashworth, Inc.; ‘Typo’, ‘Anfruca’ and ‘The Friendly Cinnamon Bun’ from The Pedalling Man by Russell Hoban, published by Heinemann Books, reprinted by permission of David Higham Associates Ltd; ‘The Elephant or, the Force of Habit’, ‘The Crocodile or, Public Decency’, ‘The Amphisbaena or, the Limits of Human Knowledge’, ‘Purple William or, the Liar’s Doom’ and ‘On the Accidental Death of an Office
r of the Salvation Army’ from Collected Poems and Selected Prose by A. E. Housman, published by Penguin Books, 1988, reprinted by kind permission of The Society of Authors as the literary representative of the Estate of A. E. Housman; ‘Hooray for Captain Spaulding’ by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby, published by Warner Chappell Music Ltd, London W1Y 3FA and Redwood Music Ltd, London NW1 8BD, copyright © 1956 Harms Inc, USA, reprinted by permission of International Music Publications Ltd; ‘The Reluctant Hero’, ‘The Remarkable Cake’ and ‘Sensible Questions’ from Nonstop Nonsense by Margaret Mahy, published by J. M. Dent & Sons Ltd, reprinted by permission of the publisher; ‘Bones’, ‘Buttons’ and ‘Moonshine’, by Walter de la Mare, reprinted by permission of The Literary Trustees of Walter de la Mare, and The Society of Authors as their representative; ‘Gazebos’ and ‘Poems of Mystery and Imagination’ by Roger McGough from Nailing the Shadow, published by Viking Kestrel, 1987, copyright © Roger McGough, 1987, and ‘Flamingo’ and ‘Poodle’ from An Imaginary Menagerie, published by Viking Kestrel, 1988, copyright © Roger McGough, 1988, reprinted by permission of Peters Fraser & Dunlop Group Ltd; ‘The Bongaloo’, ‘On the Ning Nang Nong’ and ‘You Must Never Bath in an Irish Stew’ from Silly Verse for Kids by Spike Milligan, published by Dobson Books, 1959, copyright © Spike Milligan Productions, 1959, reprinted by kind permission of Norma Fames; ‘Idyll’ by J. B. Morton from The Best of Beachcomber, ed. Michael Frayn, published by Heinemann Books, reprinted by permission of the Peters Fraser & Dunlop Group Ltd; ‘There Was an Old Man in a Trunk’, ‘The Purist’, ‘The Adventures of Isabel’, ‘The Lion’, ‘Fame Was a Claim of Uncle Ed’s’ and The Wendigo’ by Ogden Nash from Custard and Company, published by Viking Kestrel, 1979, and published in the USA in Verses From 1929 On, 1959, copyright © Ogden Nash, 1934, 1935, 1936, 1944, 1950, 1952, renewed, reprinted by permission of Curtis Brown Ltd; ‘Aunts and Uncles’, ‘Come, Break the News to Me Sweet Horse’, ‘It Makes a Change’ and ‘O’er the Seas that Have No Beaches’ by Mervyn Peake from Rhymes Without Reason and A Book of Nonsense, published by Methuen Children’s Books, 1978, and Penguin Books, 1983, reprinted by permission of David Higham Associates Ltd; ‘Bleezer’s Ice Cream’, ‘The Underwater Wibbles’ and ‘Nine Mice’ from The New Kid On the Block by Jack Prelutsky, published by Greenwillow Books, 1984, copyright © Jack Prelutsky, 1984, reprinted by permission of William Heinemann Ltd; ‘Eletelephony’ from Tirra Lirra by Laura Richards, published by Little, Brown and Company, copyright © 1930, 1932 by Laura E. Richards, copyright © renewed 1960 by Hamilton Richards, reprinted by permission of the publisher; ‘How I Brought the Good News from Aix to Ghent’ from Horse Nonsense by W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman, published by Methuen, 1933, copyright © W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman, 1933, reprinted by permission of Reed Books; ‘The Worst’ and ‘Minnow Minnie’ from Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein, published by HarperCollins, 1974, copyright © 1974 by Evil eye Music, Inc., reprinted by permission of Edite Kroll Literary Agency; ‘Pooem’, ‘Capacity’ and ‘Planting a Mailbox’ from Hoping For a Hoopoe by John Updike, published by Victor Gollancz Ltd, copyright © John Updike, 1958, reprinted by permission of the publisher; ‘Dilly Dilly Piccalilli’ and ‘Uptown Downtown’ from Father Fox’s Penny Rhymes, published by HarperCollins, 1971, copyright © Clyde Watson, 1971, reprinted by kind permission of the publisher and Curtis Brown Ltd; ‘Wobble-dee-woo’ from What Would You Do with a Wobble-dee-Woo? by Colin West, published by Hutchinson, 1988, copyright © Colin West, 1984, ‘The Blunderbat’ from It’s Funny When You Look At It by Colin West, published by Hutchinson, 1982, and ‘Kitty’ from Not To Be Taken Seriously by Colin West, published by Hutchinson, 1984, copyright © Colin West, 1992, reprinted by kind permission of the author; ‘Afternoon of a Prawn’ from Cat Among the Pigeons by Kit Wright, published by Viking Kestrel, 1987, copyright © Kit Wright, 1984, 1987, reprinted by permission of Viking Children’s Books; ‘Old Mother Hubbard’ from The Adventures of Old Mother Hubbard’s Dog by John Yeoman, published by Walker Books, 1989, reprinted by kind permission of A. P. Watt Ltd; ‘Indirections’, ‘Knots’ and ‘Strange Meeting’ by John Yeoman, 1994, copyright © John Yeoman, 1994, reprinted by kind permission of the author.
The Puffin Book of Nonsense Verse Page 10
