Sex, Lies & Sweet Tea

by Kris Calvert

  “God knows this place needs help,” Mimi said, dismissing my objections as she leaned into me. “You’re smarter than ninety-nine percent of the people working here. I have my suspicions that most of the staff at Autumn Valley are up to no good.”

  “Now Mimi, don’t get all riled up before your afternoon bridge game.”

  “I know for a fact they killed Ruby Hancock in 3B, and Richard my bingo partner had his teeth stolen just two days ago.”

  “Well, if I get the job,” I said as I stood and kissed her head. “I’ll look into it. Try to enjoy this beautiful morning, okay?”

  Mimi smirked but then blew me a kiss as I headed into the plantation-like building for my interview. I had to shake my head at her inappropriate comments, and yet I admired her spirit.

  As I approached the antebellum style building, I smiled. Only in the South could you find Corinthian columns, azaleas and bedpans so beautifully housed together. It wasn’t your typical nursing home environment, more like a Four Seasons for the last season of your life. The cleaning staff was hard at work in the front entrance polishing the dark and ornate wood that filled the building. A small Hispanic man who seemed to be in charge, smiled and nodded as my heels clacked across the shiny floor.

  The building had an old world appeal, but retained its charm through the warmth of the friendly staff and impeccable service they offered their residents. Autumn Valley had a long history of catering to wealthy geriatrics who were too old to live by themselves and too ornery to live with their family.

  As I passed the vestibule sign that read Autumn Valley, Senior Living in Luxury, all I could think was, these people had it made. There were elegant dining rooms, groomed golf courses, pre-dinner cocktails on the veranda, day spas and stretch limousines for trips to the grocery store. We should all have it so easy.

  I headed for the door marked Administration Office, and was stopped in my tracks by the overwhelming scent of fresh flowers. Since Daniel’s funeral, that smell triggered memories I’d just as soon forget. The one exception—lilac. It was my favorite and my signature scent.

  I shook my head and put it out of my mind. I needed to focus, I needed this job. I wanted this job—for my own sanity, and to be close to Mimi. With a deep breath, I opened the door.

  The office lobby was large and contained several leather chairs and couches, but the oversized reception desk was the centerpiece of the space.

  “Good morning, Miss Peterson. I’m Stacy Little.” Her voice was small, and her head was even smaller. She could barely see over the tall and intricately carved desk.

  “I’m Mr. Miller’s administrative assistant—but he calls me his secretary—but I prefer administrative assistant—but in the end it probably doesn’t even matter—but that’s who I am.” Stacy gave her entire introduction without taking a breath or leaving her perch. I was dumbstruck by her high-pitched voice and overly excitable nature. To her left, a hefty security guard flanked her work area. He tried his best to look all business, more than likely he was just hanging out.

  “I’m Chuck. Security. And I’m leaving,” he said, moving toward me as he wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand.

  “Hi, I’m Sam,” I replied, deliberately waving and hoping he wasn’t coming in for a handshake. “But I guess you already knew that.”

  “Afternoon, ladies,” he mumbled, giving me the once-over before leaving.

  Stacy giggled at Chuck’s goodbye and stood to walk around the tall desk. Surprisingly, Stacy Little wasn’t little at all. She was as wide as she was tall and her stockings rubbed together where her thighs met, making a whish, whish, whish sound when she walked. “Welcome, Sam. Mr. Miller is expecting you.”

  “Great,” I laughed nervously.

  “That’s just dandy,” sang Miller as he stepped out of his office.

  James Miller was short, portly, and reminded me of a turtle with his slight hunchback and nonexistent neck. Despite the reality of his thick glasses and awkward old man comb-over, he clearly thought of himself as a handsome devil. Worst of all, he was drenched in cheap aftershave.

  “Nice to meet you.” I extended my hand and gave a firm shake, only to discover he was a little man plagued with big sweaty palms.

  “The pleasure is all mine,” Miller chimed, each word dripping with greasy charm. “Won’t you join me in my office, Miss Peterson?”

  “Of course.” Discreetly, I wiped the wetness from my hand on the side of my dress as I watched Miller turn his sweaty mitts into finger guns, pretending to shoot his secretary.

  “Stacy darlin’, hold all my calls. I’m in a very important meeting with Miss Peterson. And Miss Peterson,” he said, turning his guns on me. “It’s the third door on the left.”

  I walked to his office, hearing the conversation behind me, acutely aware of Miller’s eyes on my backside.

  “What are you interviewing for again?” Stacy asked.

  “New PDC employee.”

  “You know how I feel about that,” Stacy whispered. “You should ask me before you change the way things work around here.”

  Stacy obviously wore the pantyhose around the place. Miller kowtowed to her, and quickly joined me in his office. “Have a seat, young lady,” he gushed as he shut the door and sat behind yet another enormous desk. “I must tell you… you smell lovely.”

  The words dripped from his mouth through a thick Southern accent.

  “Well, thank you, Mr. Miller.”

  “Oh please, call me James,” he bellowed confidently with a smarmy smile. “Let me be the first to welcome you to Autumn Valley.”

  I listened to him pitch the virtues of the facility, posturing himself as a strong leader. It was easy to let my mind wander since he hadn’t paused to take a breath or ask me a question. Miller was a small man who had an office filled with incredibly large things. I could only surmise he was overcompensating for something and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had a sports car parked in the doctor’s lot.

  “I’m very impressed with your resume, Miss Peterson.”

  He jabbered on, astonished by my work as an executive recruiter. I waited in vain for a question to come and allowed my mind to amble around his office. There were three dead animal heads, two conference tables, a signed Bear Bryant football, and too many awards and certificates on the walls to count. This was a man who was really into himself. I bet he had a penis the size of a boiled Georgia peanut.

  “So that’s the position, Miss Peterson. Do you think it might be something you would find interesting?” He’d finally asked a question.

  Miller moved from behind his big desk to the credenza where he unsuccessfully half-sat on the top as he waited for my answer. I knew I would probably regret what I was about to say. “Yes. I would love to work here.”

  “Well, that’s… just… super,” he gushed. “Miss Little out front will get you started on your human resource paperwork. I’d really like to see your bright and shining face around here as soon as possible.”

  I smiled and stood to shake his sweaty hand again. “Yes, of course. I can start tomorrow if that’s okay.”

  “Yes,” Miller replied with a mumble, vacantly regarding my breasts. “That’s dandy.”

  I silently questioned him with my eyes over the attention he was paying to my décolletage. “Beautiful pearls, Miss Peterson,” he said, knowing he’d been caught. “I quite admire a woman in pearls.”

  “Yes, well, thank you, and I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said turning to leave.

  Miss Little stopped me on my way out, and my elation over the new position came to a literal screeching halt with her high-pitched voice. “You’ll need to fill out this packet and bring it back to human resources as soon as possible.” She shoved the folder marked Welcome to the Autumn Valley Family into my hand and walked away without saying another word.

  “Thank you,” I replied to her back. “I will.”

  I wanted to drop by and tell Mimi the good news. She would be elated, and I was excited
knowing I had somewhere to be every day.

  I hurried down the corridor to the B wing with newfound enthusiasm. In the distance I heard a scream and instinctively picked up my pace thinking of Mimi. A frantic nurse brushed past my arm as she power-walked down the hallway “What’s going on?” I asked.

  With a wave of her hand she ignored me, but it didn’t matter. The closer I got to the sound, the clearer the view.

  “Don’t fight me!” Chuck the security guard was unsuccessfully trying to tackle a man I couldn’t see to the ground. My first thought, how dare this man… these are defenseless geriatrics.

  The power struggle continued, mounting tensions in the hallway. When they turned to face the growing crowd, I caught a glimpse of the culprit and lost the ability to think rationally. Goodness gracious Lord a’mighty. He was beautiful. He looked too good to be bad.

  “Code yellow!” Chuck shouted as he tried to bring the man to the floor. “Code yellow for God’s sake!”

  Everyone in the hallway had stopped in their tracks to watch the altercation. Frozen in shock at what was unfolding, the crowd continued to grow.

  “You’re making a big mistake!” shouted the man. “This is all a misunderstanding! If you’ll let go, I’ll explain myself.”

  “I’m not letting go of anything until I get you under control!” Chuck yelled in his face. “Don’t make me tase you! Where’s my backup? For Christ’s sake, this is a code yellow!”

  One little distraction—it was all the magnificent needed. He grabbed Chuck by the arm and in one fell swoop laid him out onto the beautiful parquet floor that graced the halls of the B Wing. “Calm down. I’m not going to hurt you,” he insisted as he coolly placed a knee in Chuck’s back. The authority in his voice was incredibly sexy, making me think he’d be hard to disobey.

  “I’m sorry I had to do this, but I couldn’t let you tase me. My name is Mac Callahan. My mother is a resident at Autumn Valley and I’m lost,” he admitted, looking around the hall at the gawking bystanders. “I’m…”

  He stopped mid-sentence, catching my gaze. All I could think was a man shouldn’t be this beautiful. He stared me down, and I could feel all the blood in my body going two places: my face and my goodie basket. And there hadn’t been goodies in my basket in a very long time.

  “I need you to calm down,” he continued, focusing again on Chuck.

  “Fine! Please get off me.”

  He helped Chuck to his feet at the precise moment two security guards came to his aid.

  “I didn’t mean to scare the nice lady in B-22,” he explained as he caught his breath and brushed the dust from the floor off Chuck’s shoulder. “I thought it was my mother’s room, Nancy Callahan.”

  “No, sir,” interjected the nurse next to me in the crowd. “Mrs. Callahan is in the D wing. D-22 in fact.”

  I had to wonder if he would be visiting often. As I told myself he was probably married, he looked my way again and smiled.

  “Now it’s starting to make some sense,” he answered, looking squarely at me yet speaking to her.

  The scuffle was over and I knew I should leave, but my feet didn’t want to go anywhere. I was entranced by the man I now knew as Mac Callahan.

  “Chuck,” he said, looking back and obviously reading his nametag. “I’ve been in a few scuffles in my time, and you, my friend, are one strong man.”

  Chuck puffed out his chest and pulled his sagging pants up over his butt-crack. “Well, I try to keep these folks safe around here, and if a resident starts screaming I’m going in to take somebody down.”

  “As you should, sir.”

  “Okay, Callahan, is it?”

  “Yes,” he agreed, taking another downward glance in my direction and running his hands through his wavy, sandy blonde hair. “Mac Callahan, and I’d appreciate it if we could just forget the whole mess.”

  “Yeah, sure,” conceded Chuck. “Just get the room numbers right. Okay?”

  “Chuck my man, I can promise you that.”

  I watched as he laughed with a smile that lit up the world—maybe the universe. He was flawless. Man-candy from head to toe. Mac Callahan was perfectly tall and thin, yet visibly muscular under his tailored linen suit. He had an amazing Adam’s apple that would glide like sex on a stick every time he laughed, and his tousled sandy locks moved in perfect rhythm with every gesture of his head. He seemed unaware of his sexual magnitude, or maybe he didn’t bother to care. Mother of God and all that’s holy, he was hotter than hell and half of Alabama. This man could be perfect. He probably was perfect—unless he was married.

  He flashed another smile my way and I buried my nose into the new hire folder in my hands. I couldn’t conceal my own grin, let alone look away from his. I was so into this god of a man, I didn’t even notice the entire hallway had cleared from the scuffle.

  He brushed his pant leg down. Bingo. No wedding band, but he wore a gold insignia on his right ring finger.

  “Hello,” he said, extending his hand in my direction. “Mac Callahan.”

  My first instinct was to kiss it, like he was the Pope or a king. Instead, I opened my mouth, my brain seemingly unaware of what I was about to say. “Oh… my… stars, yes.” The words slipped past my lips before I could reel them in. “I’m sorry.” I blushed and quickly shook his hand. “I didn’t say… I mean, I didn’t mean to say that. At least not… out loud.”

  “No,” Mac crooned, flashing a killer yet slightly crooked smile, “It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect anything less from a Southern girl after I’d dropped a two hundred fifty pound security officer in the middle of a nursing home.”

  “Luxury healthcare facility,” I corrected, giving him a smile of my own, trying to recoup what little bit of dignity I had left.

  “Is that what we’re calling it these days?”

  “According to our marketing materials, yes.”

  “Nice,” he replied, walking with me as I began to leave. “So if you work here, maybe you could direct me to the D wing. That way I won’t charge in on anymore unsuspecting folks lounging in luxury.”

  “What makes you think I work here?”

  “Well, you said our marketing materials, so I was just putting two and two together.”

  I stopped and turned to face him. His green eyes were radiant, hypnotizing me immediately. “I’m sorry,” I said gibbering through the two words. “What was the question?”

  He laughed, and I watched as his Adam’s apple rise and fall with each sound. I felt weak in the knees and my face was on fire.

  “I was wondering if you would be so kind as to direct me to the D wing, Miss…?”

  “Oh, sure,” I agreed, walking again, watching my feet take each step. “You really weren’t too far from your mother. It can get confusing in here if you don’t know your way. The B and the D wings are identical. Well, almost—for obvious reasons” I tossed my hair, amazed at how easily the flirting was coming back to me considering I’d embarrassed myself to hell and back.

  “Well, it wasn’t too obvious to me,” he conceded, making unyielding eye contact. “But I would scuffle with Chuck the rent-a-cop all over again if it meant that you would escort me to the D wing, Miss…?

  “Samantha… Peterson. Sam.”

  “Samantha Peterson.” It rolled off his tongue like ice cream on a warm day and made me blush all over again. We turned, following the sign to the D wing and I was sad that our conversation would be over so quickly. “The pleasure has been all mine, Sam Peterson.”

  I loved how he lingered on the word “all”, reminding me that Southern men really were no match for any other. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mac…” I paused, putting it together. “Callahan.”

  “I hope to see you again soon,” he whispered as he took my hand and kissed it. “But under less combative circumstances.”

  “Yes,” I stuttered, shocked by the jolt running through my body as his lips touched my skin. “That would be nice.”

  “Mac,” he reminded me with a wink.


  I swallowed hard and nodded in agreement, completely undone by him.

  He turned and walked down the long elegant hallway. I only watched for a split second, trying not to ogle his fabulous man-parts, but they were just that—fabulous—like the rest of him.

  It took me a moment to come back to Earth, but I did. What was wrong with me? I didn’t behave like a schoolgirl jonesing for the hot dude by his locker. I was a mother, a widow for crying out loud. But just for the moment, I felt like a woman in lust. And I loved the feeling.

  2

  MAC

  “Good morning, Momma,” I chimed as I walked through the door to her suite at Autumn Valley.

  “Hello, Mr. Callahan,” said the nurse from the corner. “How are you, sir?”

  “Fine.” I slid into a chair next to Mom. “More importantly, how is my momma today?”

  “Miss Nancy?” The nurse raised her voice and looked directly at my mother. “Your son is here to see you. Isn’t that nice?”

  Mom looked at the nurse with confusion and I swallowed hard. I hated seeing my once vibrant mother this way.

  “She’s having a good day today,” the nurse informed me, touching my shoulder. “I’ll leave you so you can have a visit. Call me if you need anything.”

  “Thank you,” I replied, watching Momma intently.

  I moved my chair so that I faced her directly and took both of her hands in mine, noticing she was wearing her favorite ring—a large princess cut emerald. A gift from my father before they were married, it dwarfed her tiny hand. She had aged, but looked as beautiful as ever to me. She still retained her air of refinement, though she only became totally lucid and free from the Alzheimer’s that gripped her every now and again. She was dressed impeccably, as always, in a cashmere sweater set complete with a strand of pearls. Her hair was tightly brushed into a short ponytail, her signature style. The people of Autumn Valley took excellent care of her.