The Letting

by Cathrine Goldstein

  “Yes,” I say. “I’ll teach you. But you can’t learn here. The water’s too violent.”

  “I have a pool,” he offers. “Actually several.”

  “You have several pools, and you don’t swim?”

  “I know.” He shrugs.

  “Pools are no good either. We need to make you strong if you want to swim, and frankly, giving you my blood’s not enough.” He looks at me, genuinely interested. “And to give you my blood regularly, we need to make me even stronger.”

  “How do we do all of this?” he asks.

  “The same way I’ve prepped every girl I’ve sent to you.” I stare him dead in the eyes. “We go to camp.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Getting Farnsworth to agree to go to camp is so much easier than I ever imagined. “You want me to go camp?” he asks me, utterly shocked.

  “Yes,” I answer. The ocean water laps at my feet and the moon hangs lazily on the horizon. “I can help you get stronger there. Teach you to swim.”

  “Like my own personal trainer.” I see he is lost in his thoughts. “Are you joking?” I hear the vulnerability in his voice. “I run a country,” he explains, talking himself out of it. “I couldn’t just go…”

  “Okay.” I turn my face toward the sky and feel the warmth of the purple twilight surround me. “It’s up to you. Stay here if you want. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to grow strong and learn new sports.” I pull my gown up over my calves and wade deeper into the water. “The ocean is beautiful.” He is standing near enough to me to hear without having to yell. “But it’s nothing like my lake. At night, my lake is so quiet it’s peaceful. Many sleepless nights I have paddled out in a canoe and lay back, letting the sounds of nature and the gentle rocking of the canoe lull me to sleep. During the day, the girls and I fish right off our dock, catching lots of small sunfish and sometimes even a large bass. And of course, there’s the swimming. The lake water temperature is always perfect. On the hot summer days it cools you off completely, but on the chillier spring and fall days, it feels as warm as a bathtub.” I glance at Farnsworth and see I have his rapt attention. “I’ve also built a diving board,” I add, splashing my feet in the water.

  “By yourself?” he asks, flabbergasted.

  “It wasn’t difficult. I love that board. I run up to it and jump and feel my whole being, body and soul, spring up into the air. It feels like I am stretching up into infinite space. Then I glide in the air for what feels like a beautiful eternity, the wind I’ve created blowing gently against my face. Then splash!” I slap my hands together for emphasis. “Suddenly I break into the water, my arms, then my head, my entire body, and finally my feet. The water caresses me gently and welcomes me in. After long moments of slithering through the water feeling more fish than human, I come up for air. When my head bursts through, I hear nothing but the sound of my own heartbeat, racing from the thrill of it all.”

  “Let’s go to camp,” he declares.

  “Okay.”

  “We’ll leave tonight.” I nod, wondering how I will ever be able to build and set-up a diving board before Farnsworth makes his way down to the waterfront.

  ****

  It is only Farnsworth and me in his helicopter traveling back to camp. He has refused any help, assuring everyone my blood has made him somewhat invincible. He is so invested in this trip I have to be sure I am absolutely ready, mentally and physically. If I waver, if I’m weak in any way, it will instill doubt in him and I will be sent back to his mansion for sure. I am also sure the girls will be waiting for me at camp, because he already told me they were there. I take a deep cleansing breath as the helicopter takes off. Just like Farnsworth, I have to do everything exactly right so I’m not caught in my web of lies.

  The flight feels endless with Farnsworth sitting across from me, watching my every move. From time to time, I close my eyes and think about Phoenix, and how different our helicopter ride was. I smile as I think of him, how he would point to things through the window, explaining what they were to the girls; or how he told me, in no uncertain terms, that he would never forget me. The thought of him warms me and I snuggle into myself, imagining his arms around me. I open my eyes and Farnsworth is smiling at me, with that same unnerving look of love. I give him a quick smile back and immediately look out the window.

  We land as close to the cabins as we can and I am home. I try to push open my door before the rotor stops, but I’m stuck. Glued to my seat. I feel trapped and claustrophobic in the small cabin of the helicopter with Farnsworth so near, and I look out at the brown-green grass and tiny cabins longingly. The first thing I have to do is get Farnsworth settled and then, I have to get word to Phoenix. Somehow. Naturally, Farnsworth’s entourage is coming, but they won’t arrive for another three or four hours. Our helicopter moves so much faster than the vehicles. Finally, the rotor stops and my door is released. I stumble out of the helicopter, very nearly tripping on my gown. Farnsworth sees me. Damn. I have to be more careful. A superwoman would not stumble. I steady myself and look back at Farnsworth who is still waiting in the cab. He looks nervous about his decision so I motion for him to join me. He walks down the steps warily, so I hold my hand out to him. He slips his hand in mine and my arm turns to stone. I try anyway possible to free myself. “Here it is,” I say. In the darkness of the night, the helicopter spotlight lights the camp. Inside the cabins I see silhouettes of terrified girls, frozen, staring out of the windows. I step forward so I can drop his hand, pretending to show him around. “These are our cabins.” I point to the various buildings around camp. “Over there’s the mess hall, and over here is Margaret’s office.” Just like the girls, she could not have missed our entrance. “I’m certain she’ll be out to join us momentarily.”

  “Ah yes, Margaret,” Farnsworth recollects, like the name means something to him.

  “The woman who runs the camp.”

  “Oh, I know. Believe me, I keep a very close watch on the camp that supplies the New World, and me, with the blood we so desperately need. That’s why I know so much about you, Veronica.” His voice sends a chill through my body.

  “So uh, this cabin’s empty.” I point to a cabin on the outskirts. “We used to use it when we were busier.” He nods. “I thought that could be your quarters.”

  “Nonsense.” It’s Margaret’s voice. I turn and see her there, she is dressed in her regulation green, but she has obviously just woken up. Margaret is seething as she looks at me. Surprises of this kind are not Margaret’s thing.

  “Hello Margaret.” I smooth my hand down the side of my dress and her eyes follow. It’s so wrong but I can’t help but enjoy her jealousy. I turn to Farnsworth. “This is Margaret. As you know, she runs the camp.” Then I turn to her. “And this is Principal Leader Farnsworth.”

  “Hello, Principal Leader Farnsworth, sir,” Margaret says, curtsying.

  “Hello,” he answers.

  “As I was saying, Veronica, Principal Leader Farnsworth can’t sleep in just any cabin. He can have my quarters,” she offers.

  “That’s very nice,” he replies, “but I wouldn’t dream of putting you out. That cabin will be perfect.”

  “But sir,” Margaret protests, “you must understand…If I knew you were coming…” Again, she shoots me a look of death.

  “Oh, don’t blame Veronica,” Farnsworth chuckles, turning to me and squeezing my hand for just a second. “The trip to camp was entirely my idea. She told me you would be a gracious host, even with no notice. Obviously she was right.” Even in the darkness I can see Margaret’s face blush bright red. I turn to Farnsworth.

  “I’ll help you make up your cabin, but then we should turn in. It’s probably best to get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow’s going to be an exciting day.” I speak with as much manufactured excitement as I can muster.

  “Of course.” Farnsworth looks as if he would agree to anything to get away from Margaret.

  “I will help you, naturally,” Margaret insists
.

  “Oh thank you, Margaret.” Farnsworth flashes a very charming smile. “But Veronica is more than capable of helping me set up my cabin for the night.”

  “Of course sir, but—”

  “But I do look forward to seeing you first thing in the morning for breakfast,” Farnsworth interjects, smoothly dismissing Margaret. “It’s in a place called the ‘mess hall,’ correct?”

  “That’s correct, sir.” Margaret is not at all her usual vibrant self.

  “The ‘mess hall.’ ” Farnsworth tosses his head and laughs. “How wonderful. Well Margaret, I will see you in the mess hall first thing tomorrow. Have a good night.”

  “Yes sir, you too, sir.” Margaret curtsies once more then walks to her cabin slowly, looking back to scowl at me every now and again. Farnsworth seems to have forgotten her already. He turns to me.

  “Tell me, Veronica, if that is my cabin, where will you be staying?”

  “In my cabin, of course.” I’m surprised he could ask such a thing. “Over there.” I point in the direction of my cabin.

  “So far from me.” His words sound like a combination of disappointment and fear.

  “You’ll be perfectly fine there, sir.”

  “Of course I will,” he snaps, squaring off his shoulders. Obviously, I have insulted his masculinity. Damn.

  “I just mean the quarters are nice even though they’re old.”

  “I see.” He is obviously trying to let the perceived insult wash past him. “So tell me, Veronica, are you alone in your cabin?” His eyes travel up and down my gown.

  “No. Never,” I lie, backing away. “Sometimes there is another Leader, sometimes the girls stay with me.” I avoid going into detail about Gretchen, and how she is trying to lead a revolution against Farnsworth.

  “Of course.” He sounds somewhat disappointed. Could he have truly believed we would share a cabin? The thought makes my dinner threaten to make a reappearance.

  “Come on,” I say. “You start walking to the cabin and I’ll grab your sheets from the laundry over there.”

  “As long as you don’t leave my sight, Veronica.” The words make my stomach cramp. Does he really think we’ll be together, constantly? How will I ever get to the waterfront and Phoenix?

  “Uh, just a sec.” I pull up the hem of my dress, amazed I am still in this stupid thing, and make my way to and from the laundry room as quickly as possible. “Okay.” I am carrying an armful of white sheets. “Let’s get you set up.”

  Before Farnsworth can even take off his tie and unbutton his shirt I have his bed made, complete with military corners. “The bathroom is there”—I point out the window—“and reveille is at o-seven-hundred hours. You won’t miss it. I’ll collect you then, and we’ll head to the mess hall. After that, we’ll begin our day of training.”

  “Got it.” He salutes me. I try to smile. “But just one thing, Veronica.” He is deliberately slowing his pace. “Why are you in such a rush tonight?” I freeze. I thought I had been so cool, but obviously, I nearly tipped my hand.

  “Honestly sir,” I say, careful to look him straight in the eye. “I’m really incredibly eager to see my girls.”

  “Oh, your girls, yes, of course. Well, don’t let me keep you.”

  “Thank you, sir.” I rush to the door and stop, then turn back to face him. My throat tightens, but I manage to choke out the words. “Sleep well, sir. Tomorrow will be a lot of fun.”

  “Thank you, Veronica. You, too.” I push open the door to his cabin and walk out into the night air. For the first time in days, I feel like I can breathe again. The warm summer air is heavy in my lungs but it feels so incredibly right. I walk faster and faster until I break into a jog. I throw open the door to cabin O and immediately hear the squeals.

  “Veronica,” they shout in unison. Then all three of them, Lilly, Violet, and Raven throw themselves into my arms.

  “Oh my girls,” I say, snuggling up to them.

  “You look beautiful.” Lilly is stroking my hair as she speaks. I pull them off me and hold them at arm’s length.

  “Thank you,” I laugh softly. “Are you all okay?” Lilly is still wearing a bandage on her arm.

  “We’re okay,” Violet promises. “We knew what to expect so it wasn’t as awful as it could have been.”

  “They couldn’t get much from me.” Lilly points to her arm. Looking at her tiny cherub face, so innocent and sweet, I just want to kill Farnsworth. Luckily for me, I can.

  “You are very brave, all of you.” I hold them near.

  “You too,” Raven adds, her hand on my shoulder. She is so mature it is heartbreaking.

  “Yeah,” Violet continues. “We heard you had the biggest Let in history. They never expected you to survive it.” I can see she has been crying. They all have.

  “Way to stick it to them,” Raven declares. When she speaks, she looks just like her brother. It makes me smile, but my brain trips up on Violet’s words.

  “Really?” I ask. “The biggest Let in history?” Violet nods. So that’s why I felt so incredibly weak for so long. It is amazing I’m as alive as I am. This is why Farnsworth thinks I’m superhuman, because my body is stronger than most. “Well, you don’t have to worry anymore.” I smooth Lilly’s hair. “Because I’m here now and we’re all together.” They snuggle against me again. “But you need to know something.” I hold them out from me and look at each of them. “He is here. At camp.”

  “Farnsworth?” Violet asks. I see the fear in her eyes.

  “Yes,” I say quietly, and she and Lilly shrink back. Raven, however, remains still and unaffected. “So it is extremely important you do not say a word about anything you may have heard. If he asks you, you tell Principal Leader Farnsworth all you think about is prepping for the next Letting. That goes for you too, Raven. We will all act together when the time is right. Do you understand?” Raven stares at me and nods reluctantly.

  “Good. Thank you.” I turn back to all of them. “My friend who watched out for you—” I smile at the thought of him. “You must never mention him or he could be in real danger. Do you understand?” They each nod.

  “Okay.” I peer out the window and over toward Farnsworth’s cabin. I’m certain I can speak freely. There is no way he could walk here fast enough to overhear what I’m saying. “Now tell me, when did you get here?” I ask. “Back to camp?”

  “Just a little while ago,” Raven answers. “But our chaperone tried to convince us today was yesterday.”

  “Yeah,” Violet adds. “They gave us some song and dance about losing track of time because we had just gone through a Letting.”

  “What did you say?” I ask the girls.

  “We said okay.” Raven shrugs. “We figured if it was important enough that they were lying to us about what day it is, we had better just play along.”

  I pull the girls to me and hold them close. “I am so proud of you girls. You know that?”

  They look up at me with their little angel faces smiling. So I was right. He only returned the girls to camp because I asked to see them. Otherwise, he would have held them as prisoners.

  “Okay,” I say. “Now I have to go out for a run. I’ll check in on you in a bit, but right now, snuggle down and try to rest.” The girls obey without a fight. They must be exhausted. Only Raven eyes me and gives me a coy smile.

  “Nice dress to wear for a run.” I smile at her before I tuck them all in. Looking at them lying on the floor under their netting, my heart aches at the empty spot Lulu has left behind.

  “Good night, my angels,” I whisper, just as my mother said to me every night. They yawn and snore in response.

  ****

  As soon as I am clear of their cabin, I inch my way to the path that leads to the waterfront. I am eternally grateful I have chosen a dark colored gown, and not one that would glow in the moonlight. I continually look over my shoulder, but I see no sign of Margaret or Farnsworth behind me. Farnsworth is too far away to see me from his cabin, and
Margaret has undoubtedly woken poor Willy to have him start prepping breakfast for Farnsworth. She’ll be too busy to care about me right now. I have very little time until Farnsworth’s entourage arrives and someone looks for me in my cabin.

  I trudge along across camp, and with every step, I’m closer to the gravel path. I breathe in the night air that is alive with the sound of cicadas. My body wants to go, go, go. I am aching to get to Phoenix and am running out of time. When I am clear of the sightlines of camp, I break into a run, straight toward the waterfront. As I run, I swat a mosquito. How I wish my blood was toxic once more. Soon, I tell myself. Soon. I wince when my feet hit the gravel and stones, but I don’t slow down. I lift up my gown and run full speed to the waterfront. Before I even hit the beach, I see Phoenix standing there, waiting for me. I slow my pace and run my hand through my hair. For the first time ever, I wonder if I look all right. But I don’t have time to care. I stop a few feet in front of Phoenix and want nothing more than to rush into his arms. I smile at him.

  “Is that the proper way to dress for a Letting?” he asks. My smile fades quickly as I realize there is no humor in his voice.

  “I was at dinner…” I mumble, confused.

  “Did your boyfriend give you the gown?”

  “What?”

  “Your boyfriend. Farnsworth. Heard you two are pretty chummy.”

  “Then you heard wrong.” I am on the verge of tears.

  “Really? I hear he wants you to move in.”

  “I said no.” My eyes search his, trying to understand what is happening. “And no one’s allowed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. You know it’s illegal.”

  “Not for him it’s not. Not for anyone in the Inferno. So if he’s not your boyfriend, then tell me, why did he offer to take you to dinner? And why did you say yes? Are you that hungry?” He has a look of disgust on his face.

  “I went to dinner because I’m trying to stay alive. Okay?” I nearly yell. “Is that okay by you? Or do you hate me so much you wish Farnsworth would have bled me to death?”