by Jenna Jaxon
His coming to Landscastle had been the best and worst thing to happen to her. It was beyond wonderful to be near him again. Yet any sort of relationship remained an impossibility.
So now here she was. As desperate as ever. And just as desperately in love.
“I was hoping to find you.”
Sarah whipped around at the unmistakeable sound of Daniel’s voice.
For one mad moment, she wondered if her obsessive thoughts had conjured an illusion of him. But that was, of course, utterly absurd.
Sarah knew she should respond. But she couldn’t, for the life of her, think of anything to say.
“I trust you slept well?”
His question relieved her of any embarrassment she felt in his company, and she eyed him suspiciously. Surely he must know she couldn’t have slept a wink after his kisses last night?
He gazed blandly back, looking perfectly innocent, which immediately confirmed her suspicions about him. The cad!
“Oh, like a babe, your grace. And you?” She smiled sweetly and felt a smug pleasure as his jaw dropped briefly, before he got that devilish twinkle in his green eyes that kept her up at night.
“Wonderfully well.” He grinned dangerously, stepping closer. “I had the most exquisite dreams.”
“Really?”
Sarah tried to sound nonchalant, but he was looming ever closer, and she was remembering his lips upon her own.
“Oh, yes.” His grin grew yet more wolfish, and Sarah clenched her fists to stop from fanning herself in the sudden heat.
“Well, I’m not sure what concern that is of mine,” she managed to stutter.
“Trust me, sweetheart. They all concerned you.”
Good Lord! The man should come with a warning.
Sarah opened her mouth to make her excuses and flee like the coward she was. But before she could speak, Daniel reached out and pulled her closer.
She was transfixed.
He grazed his knuckles softly against her cheek before lifting her chin and placing a soft, tender kiss upon her lips.
Well, there went tonight’s sleep, too.
“Good morning,” he whispered softly, his mouth only inches from her own.
“G-good morning,” she stuttered in response.
Daniel studied her in silence for a moment, and Sarah could do nothing but stare back at him.
Finally, his lips tilted.
“I’ve decided something,” he said conversationally as he stepped back.
He was in fine spirits this morning. He must have been telling the truth when he said he’d slept well.
“Have you, indeed?” she answered tartly.
She wasn’t sure why she felt so out of sorts all of a sudden. Perhaps it was because it irritated her that he seemed so unaffected by their kisses, while she wasn’t sure her legs could hold her up for much longer.
“I have,” he answered jovially, offering his arm.
“And what is that?” she asked on a sigh, taking his arm and allowing him to lead her on a slow ramble away from the manor house and toward the walled gardens of George’s estate.
“I have decided that we’re not getting anywhere, you and I, with the way things have been.”
Sarah couldn’t agree more but remained quiet, curious as to where he was going with such a statement.
“I have been driving myself mad with questions about what happened to you. Questions you are clearly unwilling to answer.”
How little he knew. She would love nothing more than to tell him. To lean on those vast shoulders of his and let him help her carry this burden of hers.
But she wouldn’t, couldn’t do that.
Selfishly, she didn’t want to give him reason to leave her forever.
“But the truth is,” he continued, unaware of her racing thoughts, “I don’t care.”
Sarah stopped in surprise, and he pulled to a halt and turned to face her.
“You’re here.” He smiled that glorious smile. “You’re safe. And you’re just as beautiful as you ever were. That’s enough. I don’t need to know why you left. All that matters is that I’m with you again.”
Sarah didn’t know what to say. A surge of guilt tried to make itself known.
Daniel was endangering his reputation as it was. Now was the time to confess all to him. To give him the chance to leave before they became even more embroiled with one another.
It was far too late for Sarah, of course. She would love nobody but him forever.
But there was still time for Daniel to leave and move on with his life. The closure he would have from knowing that no ill had befallen her would be enough.
He could go back to Town or one of his many country seats. He could meet a nice young lady with a stain-free reputation and fill a nursery and be happy.
Her gut twisted in pain at the thought.
And so Sarah discovered that she was a worse person than she ever imagined. For instead of selflessly letting him go, she decided to cling to him for as long as she possibly could.
To take this Christmas miracle that had fallen into her lap with both hands. To enjoy whatever time she could with him, for as long as she could, and consequences be damned.
“No more questions?” she asked, even as she felt ashamed of herself.
“No more questions,” he repeated, his boyish grin lightening her mood.
“I think,” she said softly, gathering her courage, “that this is going to be a wonderful Christmas.”
In answer, Daniel lowered his head and captured her lips in a kiss that could melt the snow around them.
The past had ruined the idea of them; a future couldn’t exist.
But for now they could be together as she’d always wanted.
And that was enough.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The next couple of weeks were Heaven sent for Sarah.
The ennui she’d felt the night of the Winter Ball, the night she’d seen Daniel for the first time in over three years, had been well and truly eradicated.
Landscastle was a place that took celebrating Christmastide very seriously, and now she was more than happy to join in the festivities.
Daniel dined with them more often than he was at his lodge.
He valiantly helped her and the children collect enough foliage to fill the house top to bottom, taking Hattie’s barking orders in his stride and allowing John to take charge of their various expeditions with good grace.
Every time he was with her and the children, she imagined him as a father of boys with his sparkling green eyes and mischievous nature, and girls with chestnut curls and his stubborn determination.
They weren’t often alone together, of course. Elizabeth might be easy-going, but she wasn’t about to let Sarah tumble into total ruin.
And she would, with Daniel. She knew it, and judging from the desperation behind the few stolen kisses they shared, he knew it, too.
Only one thing dampened Sarah’s happiness. And that was the fact that she was keeping her terrible secret from Daniel.
He was a good man. Respectable. And he cared a great deal for her, even if he’d never said he loved her.
He would, Sarah knew, do right by her. Marry her.
It wasn’t fair that she kept from him the one reason why that could never happen.
And yet, she didn’t have the strength to tell him the truth and watch him pity her and ultimately leave her.
So she stayed quiet, the words freezing inside her as the world froze around her.
This morning, Sarah found herself miraculously alone.
Christmas Eve was fast approaching, and so Elizabeth and George had taken the children out to find the Yule Log, leaving Sarah in charge of the very important task of making and hanging kissing boughs.
The twinkle in Elizabeth’s eye when she mentioned the job to Sarah had been enough to set her to the blush, but she’d piously agreed to hang them for the married guests and sent Elizabeth off giggling like a schoolgirl with her husband frownin
g behind her.
Taking a pot of tea to the warm library, Sarah found herself not ten minutes later surrounded by more foliage, apples, holly, and mistletoe than she knew what to do with.
It would take an age, she knew, to finish. Not least because her mind would wander at any given moment to Daniel. To the lock of hair that fell across his brow. To the way his eyes darkened to a mossy green when he leaned close to kiss her. To his laugh, the sheer size of the man, his hands when they—
“Excuse me, my lady.”
Sarah jumped at the interruption to her salacious thoughts, and she felt her cheeks warm as though the maid who’d just approached could have heard them.
“His grace, the Duke of Darthford, my lady.”
Sarah leapt to her feet then tried to cover her excitement by demurely smoothing her lavender skirts.
It wouldn’t do for the household staff to see how happy she was about the arrival of the duke. She was quite sure there were enough tongues wagging without adding fuel to that particular fire.
“Your grace, it is kind of you to call.”
Daniel strode into the room as though he owned it before taking her hand and bowing over it. The quick touch of his lips was enough to set her heart racing.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” he said, straightening to give her a breath-taking smile.
Sweetheart? Gracious! He couldn’t call her such things in front of people.
Sarah frowned at him before pointedly moving her eyes to the maid hovering in the corner of the room, listening avidly to everything being said.
When her gaze returned to Daniel however, he seemed marvellously unperturbed, merely raising a brow in response.
He was incorrigible.
“Maisy, a fresh pot of tea, if you please. And a cup for his grace.”
The maid bobbed a quick curtsy before darting from the room, leaving Sarah and Daniel alone.
Which wasn’t the done thing at all, of course. And would most certainly set those tongues wagging furiously.
But he was standing so close and smelt so wonderful that Sarah couldn’t resist the opportunity to be alone with him.
“You shouldn’t call me sweetheart in front of people, Daniel,” she scolded, even if it sounded a little breathless.
“Sorry.” He grinned unrepentantly. “Sweetheart.”
Sarah couldn’t stifle her laugh. She really shouldn’t allow him to see how charming he was. It only encouraged his behaviour.
Before she could scold him more, however, he pulled her to his chest and kissed her soundly, sending all coherent thought from her head.
When she felt as though her legs were on the verge of turning to liquid, he broke the kiss. He then lifted a hand and stroked a thumb along her cheek, and the look in his eyes was so tender that she stupidly felt her own eyes filling.
Blinking rapidly, Sarah turned away and busied herself with the greenery.
“What is all this?” he asked behind her.
“I have been given the very important task of arranging kissing boughs for the Christmas Eve ball.” She kept her head lowered lest she embarrass herself with her sudden display of emotion.
“Really?” The wolfish tone sent her blood skittering through her veins.
Good heavens! She really needed to get a hold of herself.
Mercifully, Maisy chose that moment to return with a tea tray laden with a tea service and a plateful of pastries.
Daniel had unsurprisingly become a favourite with Cook and the kitchen staff so was never allowed to leave the house without having been plied with sweet treats first.
“I think Cook’s infatuation is growing,” Sarah commented wryly as Maisy placed the tray on the one corner of the table that wasn’t littered with foliage.
“As is mine,” Daniel said softly, looking directly at Sarah.
Maisy’s wistful sigh gave Sarah a much-needed reminder that she and Daniel weren’t alone.
So, throwing herself at him and kissing him senseless probably wouldn’t be a brilliant idea.
She ignored him, because that was the safest option, and set about pouring his tea without having to ask how he liked it.
After they’d feasted on the pastries, Sarah put him to work.
She didn’t want him to leave, and she couldn’t do anything even remotely scandalous with Maisy in the room, more’s the pity, so his helping was the best way to keep him around.
And if he were distracted by his task, he wouldn’t be able to spend all his time tying her in knots with his words and glances.
They spent awhile in comfortable silence with only the crackling fire and ticking of the longcase clock for company, and Sarah’s mind was able to wander, imagining a future with days such as this one, simply enjoying each other’s company.
How wonderful that would be.
“There.”
Daniel’s satisfied exclamation brought her from her pleasant reverie, and she saw that while she’d been wool-gathering, he’d finished a rather marvellous kissing bough.
“How beautiful,” she exclaimed. “And how quickly you finished.”
“I had ample motivation, my dear.”
Sarah’s mouth dried at the seductive tone, the scandalous implications, and she had to swallow hard before she could even think of speaking.
When her wits came back to her, she leaned forward and whispered fiercely. “You mustn’t say such things,” she said firmly. “Maisy—“
“Left the room some time ago.”
Sarah whipped her head round and saw that Maisy had indeed left her chair in the corner and was no longer in the room.
They were quite alone.
“But she—“
“She did ask, sweetheart, if she might continue her duties. But you were miles away. So I took the liberty of permitting her to leave.”
“You, I—“
“With the door open, of course.”
He was so blasé about the whole thing that she found herself rather angry. With his nonchalance as much as with the maid for abandoning her. Was he really so unaffected by their being alone together?
Before she could issue any sort of retort, he stood and walked to the door.
Was he going to leave? How rude!
But he didn’t leave.
To her shock and secret excitement, he closed the door with a click that rang out across the room.
“Daniel,” she managed, her voice hoarse.
“I thought we might put the finished product to the test.” He grinned.
She couldn’t argue, couldn’t speak, couldn’t move.
That was until he returned to her and took her hand, bringing her to her feet.
She was like a puppet on strings controlled only by him.
“It’s not even hanging up,” she said foolishly. There were plenty of things she could say. Should say. Things like, how dare you? And, we shouldn’t be alone with the door closed.
But no. Dim-wit that she was, she had said the bough wasn’t hanging.
“That’s quite all right,” he said, one arm snaking around her waist, the other lifting so his hand could cup her face. “I have a wonderful imagination.”
He kissed her then, and her world spun off its axis.
She would never be unaffected by his kisses. And she would never get enough of them.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Daniel smiled in contentment as he studied the ring nestled in the black velvet of the jewellery box.
He’d had a devil of a time awaiting its arrival from Town. But despite the cruel Scottish weather and almost impassable roads, it had finally arrived.
The delivering footman was rewarded a hefty bag of coin for making the arduous journey and for arriving on time.
He wanted to present the ring to Sarah this evening at the Christmas Eve ball.
Of course, he’d have to try to find a moment alone with her to do so. He knew his Sarah and knew she would prefer the moment to be private, just the two of them.
A niggle of dou
bt tried to rear its head, but Daniel pushed it ruthlessly aside.
No, he still didn’t know the reasons behind her disappearance, and a part of him would always wonder why she’d gone. But a much bigger part of him knew that it mattered not as long as he had the chance to spend the rest of his life with her.
He loved her more than he’d known he was capable of.
Finally, he understood the love that had driven Mathew half mad about Isabelle. Finally, when he saw the duke and duchess again, he could honestly say he understood what had driven their actions. He would never want anyone the way he wanted Sarah. And it wasn’t just lust. He wanted every part of her — her hopes, her dreams, her soul. All the things that she was belonging to him alone.
So he had decided that his own happiness, and hopefully Sarah’s, were far more valuable to him than total honesty when it came to her past.
Whatever had happened, whatever had driven her away from London, he was quite sure now that it had nothing to do with him or the feelings she had for him.
He knew with a certainty borne of the strongest of loves that he wanted her as his wife, no matter her past, no matter her secrets.
Closing the velvet ring box with a decisive click, he placed it along with the sapphire and diamond ring nestled inside into his pocket.
The sapphire had reminded him of her eyes, which was why he’d picked this particular ring from the family jewels.
He grinned wryly. Who would have thought that in the indomitable Daniel Sutton, Duke of Darthford was a wistful romantic at heart?
Sarah brought it out in him; it was that simple.
A footman arrived to tell him the carriage was ready. So, after pouring then downing a quick brandy for his nerves, Daniel stepped outside and toward his future.
***
“My dear, you are simply enchanting. His grace’s eyes will be on stalks.”
“Elizabeth!”
Sarah tried to scold her older cousin, but she couldn’t contain her smile at the other woman’s mischief.
She had agonised over what to wear this evening and had finally settled on a silver satin gown dotted with the smallest of crystals.
