I grabbed my purse and followed him out. Kat stood talking with Noah and someone else who's back I'd recognize anywhere.
I sucked in a breath and Colby spoke in a low tone beside me. “I didn't want him having to go to the ceremony with his family.” He looked at me in apology.
“No.” I patted his hand. “It's good that he's with us. This is his family.”
I hadn't spoken to Jamie since that day on his front porch. The day we finally said what we should have known all along. We were heading in different directions. We had to do what we had to do. All of that would help if only my heart didn't jump whenever I saw him in the halls at school or when my brother mentioned his name. It'd be easier to accept if I didn't love him so stupidly much.
Jamie turned, his gaze landing on me, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“Hi,” I said, completely ignoring that we weren't the only ones in the room.
“Hey.” His teeth flashed and I couldn't breathe.
“Callie took so long we're going to be late,” Kat said. “Pictures afterwards.”
“Surprise surprise,” Jamie laughed. “Callie making us late.”
“For the record,” I grumbled, following them out the door. “I didn't take too long. I just didn't start getting ready until the last minute.”
“Yeah, that's not any better, sis.” Colby grinned over my head at Jamie and I could have punched the both of them.
Colby, Jamie, and I said bye to Kat and Noah once we got to the school and walked across the football field to where our classmates were beginning to line up.
“Callie.” Morgan sprinted towards us, her gown flapping at her legs. She hugged me roughly and then turned to do the same to the boys.
We found our spots in line moments before it started moving.
As far as ceremonies go, it wasn't half bad. But nothing compared to when Morgan got up to do her speech. Along with the valedictorian, we had a class elected speaker and we'd wanted Morgan.
A cheer rose up - much louder than for the valedictorian I noticed - and Morgan raised a hand, grinning.
“Guys,” she started. “Our parents are watching. We're not a bunch of hooligans. Save the shenanigans for the parties tonight.” A laugh wound through her captive audience. “But seriously, this year has been full of a lot of crap.” I laughed again. The faculty didn't know what they were getting with her. They didn't know why everyone loved her so much.
“School was hard. Damn hard.” She leaned in to the microphone. “But the parties were fun.” She paused to get serious again. “We got shot. Some of us literally.” She gestured to her shoulder. Silence followed. “We had an intruder in our school. OUR SCHOOL. One of us, but an intruder all the same. A lot was taken from us.” She looked towards her parents in the stands. “I'm not just talking about a canceled prom or even my brother, as much as that loss hurt us. It's unexplainable, but every single one of you knows exactly what I mean.” She pointed towards us, pausing to take a breath.
“We're still standing. Evil didn't win. We are strong. We are fierce. This class, OUR class, will be remembered for not giving up. For not turning on each other. For not being afraid. That's what we take with us from this place. Yeah, the knowledge will be useful, the memories fond, but our resiliency is priceless. Shit happens. Are you going to bury yourself in it or shovel it?”
I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing and I wasn't the only one.
“What does that last part even mean?” I whispered to Colby.
“Did she seriously just say 'shit happens' in her commencement speech?” he responded.
Morgan had a shit eating grin - oh the irony - on her face as she walked back to her seat.
The principle walked forward, rubbing a hand over his face and stuttered through a short speech before beginning to call our names.
Kat met us on the other side of the field when it was over, a big smile on her face. She cupped my cheek before wrapping her arms around me. “Your mom would be so proud.” Her other arm snaked out and snagged Colby to join our hug. “Of both of you.”
She released us and pulled out her camera. Jamie joined us for a few pictures before wandering off.
I was standing on my own, my mind lost in memories of the past year when someone stepped up beside me, resting his forearm on my shoulder.
“I'll bet it feels good to be so accomplished Ms. McCoy.” The British accent was fake and I grinned.
“Yes.” I did my best Emma Watson. “In the grand scheme of things, Mr. Daniels, high school is quite the achievement. There are only billions of us graduates.”
“Billions, you say? However did you join such an exclusive group?”
“Oh, it's all very difficult.” I looked down at my nails. “I showed up.”
Jay snorted, wrapping his arm around me. “I'm gonna miss you, kid.”
“You do realize that calling me a kid makes you a bit of a pedo.” I looked up at him to catch the twitch of his lips.
“This time last year we were just starting our torrid summer affair.”
“That's what the kids are calling it these days?” I chuckled.
He laughed softly until it died out. “And now you're leaving.”
“I'll be back,” I said.
“Is that a promise?”
“There's no way I'm actually going to stay in L.A. I give it a few months. If he wants to see me that is.”
“He will.” He looked down at me, getting serious. “How are you with the whole Jamie thing?”
I lifted my shoulders, dropping them immediately. “It hurts, Jay.” He pulled me in tighter against his side acting as a balm for the burn. My best friend. I breathed in slowly, releasing it in one puff. “Maybe it's just not meant to be. I think it'll be okay.”
“A few of us are skipping the parties tonight,” he said finally.
“Sounds perfect.”
* * *
By a few of us, Jay had meant our group. When we got to the beach, Morgan, Colby, Parker, and Jamie were all there. A somber mood hung in the air, a smoke clogging our lungs. This was it. Jamie left tomorrow. I was gone the day after that. Morgan and Parker were on a plane in two weeks. Only Colby and Jay were sticking around for the summer.
Morgan grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the water. I'd taken off the robe in the car and was thankful to be in my board-shorts and bathing suit. Kicking off my sandals, I dug my toes in the sand as the tide rose up, washing over my feet, pulling the sand out from beneath me and letting me sink further in. It was one of my favorite feelings, like I was becoming one with the beach.
A small, almost opaque crab walked past my ankles, paying me no heed. Morgan, still in her dress, didn't seem to care that the water splashed up to catch the hem. A carefree laugh bubbled out of her chest as she swung our arms between us.
I looked sideways at her, pulling my lips to the side. My feet came free like suction cups, protesting the movement. I broke Morgan's hold on my fingers, turning towards her and kicking the water as it came near us.
She shrieked and ran, circling back around to shove me further out towards the water. I laughed and dug my feet in, catching Parker's eye as she walked up behind her sister. She grabbed her legs and I took her arms as Morgan squirmed and screeched, trying to free herself. We walked as fast as we could, swinging her out in an arc and letting go.
“I'm gonna -” Her words were drowned as she went under and came up sputtering and laughing. She sprinted back towards us. Colby blocked her, picked her back up, and ran into the water in his clothes. Jay wasn't far behind and Parker dove in.
I stood there watching them, feeling rather than seeing Jamie's presence beside me.
“Still sure you have to leave?” I asked, gesturing to our friends.
“I wouldn't have a choice now,” he answered. “But yes. I'm sure.”
“Good.”
“Are you?”
“It's the only thing I am sure of.” It was only then that I realized he'd been staring
at me and I took the chance his silence gave me to escape to the water, plastering on a smile, determined to make this night a happy one.
After a while, we all left to change and get the supplies for our final bonfire. The one none of us would forget.
The light was already fading by the time we got back. Colby and I were first. He was basically a professional, always the one we relied on to get these things started. In no time, he had a small fire going.
“What's taking them so long?” I looked back towards the parking lot.
“Jay got us a permit for this, right?” Colby asked, always one to play by the rules.
“Of course.”
I spread out a blanket and sat down, watching Colby worry over the fire and just about everything else. It was such a familiar sight that I laughed.
“What's so funny?” he asked.
“You.” I leaned back on my elbows with another laugh.
He flashed me a grin, taking a seat beside me. “I can't believe you're leaving.”
“Aw, brother.” I grabbed his arm. “Are you actually saying you'll miss me?”
He leaned back next to me. “Can I tell you a secret?” he asked. “I will.”
“You could come with me, you know.”
“You might be ready for this, Cal, but I'm not.”
Leaning my head on his shoulders. “Before this year, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to miss you too.”
A car door slammed and Morgan came into view with Jay and Jamie not far behind. She glanced at the fledgling fire, then at us and grinned. “Well, this is how we started the year. Only fitting we end it like this as well.”
* * *
Jamie wasn't playing his guitar anymore, but the music was stuck in my head as I walked around the point of rocks, out of sight of the rest of the group.
I couldn't take the goodbyes any longer. It wasn't only my friends, it was this place. I'd always felt like Gulf City wasn't where I was meant to be, but this beach was. L.A. had beaches and many many more waves to catch, but would I feel the same way about it?
Would I still feel close to my mom?
I knew now that she'd spent a part of her life there as well. California. Had she named me after the place or the people she'd left there?
My entire life, I thought I represented a failed dream, my name weighed down with regret.
Looking out towards the darkened sea, I saw the truth reflected back at me.
I was, I am, I will always be California. My mom's California.
“You look happy.” Jamie's voice made me jump and I clutched my chest.
“Don't do that,” I gasped.
“I saw you disappear around the corner.” He stepped towards me. “I had to make sure you were okay.”
I turned to him, feeling my way in the dark, and touched his cheek lightly. “Thanks.”
His features were hidden from me, but my awareness of him was heightened. He breathed loudly.
“What time do you leave tomorrow?” I took a step back, needing space.
“I don't want to talk about leaving. Not tonight.”
“Then what do you want?”
The air around us was charged, preparing for lightning to strike.
“Callie,” Jamie whispered, his voice pained.
He moved quickly, bending to capture my lips with his and for the first time in weeks, I could breathe. Winding my arms around his neck, I pushed closer, shivering as his hands rubbed up and down my sides.
His tongue parted my lips, seeking the same thing I'd been looking for. To feel whole. He could swallow me, devour me, and I wouldn't care. All I wanted in that moment was him. Nothing else mattered.
I played with the hair at the base of his head and he growled into my mouth before pulling back.
“Callie,” he whispered. “California. I love you so much it's killing me.”
My voice shook as I tried to speak. “Show me.”
“What?”
“Show me how much you love me. Give me something to remember.”
It was a line we'd never crossed before, him being much more experienced than me, but I suddenly wanted it to be him. Only him.
Jamie hesitated, weighing his next actions. After a tense moment, he pulled off his shirt, laying it on the sand. “Come here.” He held his hand out to me and I took it as he pulled me down.
I ran my hands up his chest like I'd done a million times before, before tugging off my shirt and kissing him like it was the last thing I'd ever do.
When my hands started fumbling with the button on his jeans, he stopped me.
“Hey.” His voice calmed me with a single word. “Slow is good.”
He dropped small kisses on my stomach, making his way up towards my neck in an agonizingly slow assault. I moaned as his tongue made circles on my burning skin.
“Too slow,” I panted, pushing him up so I could shimmy out of my pants. His chuckle was cut off as he stared at me, pupils dilating.
“You're beautiful.” His fingertips grazed my bare skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Are you sure about this?”
“Jamie, we can't give each other anything else. But we can give this moment. We can give goodbye.” My voice thickened on the last word and he pulled me down again, cutting off any tears that might have come.
Jamie made love to me under the stars with the ocean roaring in the background. It was perfect. And it was the end.
When we were done, I laid with my head on his chest, listening to the steady pounding of his heart. Tears dripped down my face onto his skin.
“I'm sorry.” I sat up quickly and turned away from him. “I don't mean to cry.”
His hand came up to rub my back as he sat up behind me. “California, look at me.”
I did as he asked, wiping at my face as I turned. “Don't try to make me feel better, Jamie. I don't want to be okay. I don't want to get over you.”
He cupped my cheek. “I love you.” His back shook slightly and it was only then that I realized he was crying too.
“I'm scared.”
“Your dad is going to love you.”
“Not about that.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “You're joining the army. What if …” A sob escaped. “What if something happens to you.”
“I'll be okay.”
“You don't know that.” I paused to calm myself. “Can you make me a promise?”
“Anything.”
“No matter what's going on in our lives, I need to know that you're okay. Promise me that you'll always stay in touch.”
He wiped the tears from his face. “Is that all our future holds? Staying in touch?”
I reached for my clothes and quickly pulled them on. “I hope the army helps you find what you're looking for, Jamie. I really do.”
I got to my feet, brushing sand from my clothes. Looking down at him one more time, I shook my head and started walking back to meet Colby to head home.
In one simple act, the boy I loved with everything I had became a part of my past, disappearing from both my present and future.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jamie:
I stuffed the final shirt into my bag roughly and shoved it off my bed. It landed on the floor with a definitive thud. Eight hours and forty-seven minutes. That was how long it'd been since I'd said goodbye to Callie and to Colby, the only true family I'd ever known.
I sat on the edge of my bed and leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees. My breaths came in heavy rasps. I can do this. Despite what I told everyone, I was scared shitless. Only two hours to go before I was on my own. But I'd never really be on my own. Amelia's brother told me I had the army now. They would be my family.
It was hard to see that when it hurt so much. Leaving Gulf city was easy. Getting free of my father and even leaving my brother were simple things.
I'd promised Callie to stay in touch, but what if that wasn't enough? What if I just couldn't do it? What if I just became as big a disappointment to the army as I was to eve
ryone else?
No, that was my father speaking. For the first time in my life, I actually felt like this was something I could do and I could do it well. I'd prove him wrong if it was the last thing I did.
I stood then and picked up my bag to put in back on the bed before grabbing my guitar and sitting back down. I'd only managed to strum out a few chords before the front door downstairs slammed shut.
Heavy steps sounded on the stairs and I waited. Over the years, I'd memorized the sounds in this house so I could always know what was coming. Jay's steps were always quick – one two, one two, one two. His mom's were like little flutters, barely audible. Dad's, his were different. They had a sense of finality to them, a stern authority.
His steps grew louder until he pushed open the door to my room without knocking. I leaned back against the wall, barely acknowledging the intrusion. My fingers picked at the strings, playing a simple tune.
“James,” my father said. “Stand up. I've come to say goodbye.”
That made my fingers freeze. I finally looked up and set the guitar on the bed in front of me before rising to meet him.
“Thought you'd be more of the 'good riddance' kind.” I tried to crack a smile, but it fell quickly.
“You're joining the army, son.”
“I know. I was there when I signed the papers.”
He scowled. “It's a proud organization. You will not mess up.”
“Gee, thanks for your vote of confidence.” If I was going to mouth off, I should have been ready for him, but my mind wasn't in it.
His hand shot out quickly and he grabbed me by the shirt to pull me close. His strong cologne filled my nostrils and I resisted the urge to cough.
“You will not embarrass the Daniels name.”
“No, you already do that enough.” I'd never said anything like that to him before and it emboldened me. “You think that you have power because you can beat on your eighteen-year-old son? You think that makes you more of a man? I think it makes you a coward.” I grabbed his arm when he tried to swing at me and slammed my other fist into his chin.
We Thought We Were Invincible Page 20
