by Jillian Neal
“What?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you. I’ll be back later.”
Her mouth fell open. “You’re just going to tell me that before you go off and do whatever it is you’re going to do?”
“Yeah, because you deserve to know. I love you. There, I said it, but I have to go, babe. Please don’t be so mad at me. I can’t stand for you to hate me.” I’m doing this for you.
“I don’t hate you.” The wind captured her whispered words. He read her lips instead.
“Good.” Reaching across the truck cab, he pulled the door shut and backed up. He had to go rescue his friends. It was what he did. It was who he was.
There was only one road through the Glen. Aaron parked his truck at Old Man Rasmussen’s. Racing into his home, he cleared his mind, refusing to fully focus on what he knew he needed to do. Going on with it, he pulled a baseball cap low over his eyes, emptied the change from his pockets, and put on a black hoodie. He silenced his phone and removed his belt. No noise. T thought someone was looking for them.
Easing out the door after a quick pat to both of his dogs, he walked into town following the tree line, staying off the road.
He texted T. Passing the bar. Sheriff’s car is still in front of the library but the lights are off.
A response came almost immediately. Griff’s here. We’ve moved further into the woods. A klick due south from library.
Sit tight.
Cutting behind the dumpsters at Saddlebacks Aaron mentally calculated how far the library was from the bar. T’s truck was in the parking lot. Praying everyone assumed he’d gotten lucky and had gone home with some cowgirl, Aaron focused on his current mission. He needed to head southeast to avoid being seen by the Sheriff or anyone else out at this hour. He had to bisect the prairie land between the back of the buildings that ran behind Main Street and Moorer’s Woods.
The cold Nebraskan dirt would offer him no coverage. He had to get to the woods quickly. They’d have to wait until the sheriff left to make their escape. It was a clear night with a three-quarter moon. He could do this without a flashlight. His gut was a better guide anyway.
Pulling out his phone again, he flipped to the picture he’d taken of Natalie just before he’d lost his fucking mind. That smile. Those eyes. Jesus Christ, those lips. The way she looked at him. If he just kept her in the forefront of his mind, hiking a klick through the woods to find members of his team wouldn’t rush the past back into the chasm he’d carefully crafted between him and what had been. The space had to remain empty. He couldn’t traverse it, couldn’t attempt to recall any part of it, couldn’t resurrect anything from its barren landscape. Keeping it at arm’s length was the only way he remained sane. Its intrusion that very night proved he wasn’t strong enough to allow it to have any part of his life now.
Natalie. She was the only thing that mattered. This was all for her. He’d find the man who’d effectively draped a dark cloak over her light, taking something that never belonged to him. He’d end him. He would keep her from ever having to be afraid again. He loved her too much to ever let her fear hurt her again.
Softening his footfalls, he listened intently. Something was moving. The rhythmic crunch of leaves sounded human. Slipping into the shadow of a Birch, he barely breathed. He wasn’t even half a klick away from the bar. There was no way this was T or Griff.
The low beam of a flashlight bounced in the distance. Aaron’s training took over. Pulling the hoodie over his hat, he crotched low keeping himself in the darkest sliver of shade. He pressed his body against the massive tree trunk. A cluster of dead leaves remained low on the Birch. The autumn winds hadn’t gotten to them yet. He accepted their offered coverage.
Running his fingers through the dirt at his feet he dusted it over his face to keep the moonlight from outing his location. Bile swam in his throat. The last time he’d done that… No. He wasn’t going there. He couldn’t.
The hardwood at his back absorbed his pulse. He kept his breaths shallow and steady. He had no weapon, save a jack knife in his pocket. Silently, he reached into his pocket and eased it out.
How fucked up was it that they were in this mess because he’d asked for their help? If it weren’t for himself, he’d be tucked up in bed with Natalie holding her in his arms, safe and warm. And yet, the only way to know she would always be safe was to go on with his mission.
That was always the way. The give and the take of every assignment. He’d played the game. He’d known the risks. He’d made it work until the amount that was taken was simply more than he had to give. The scales had tipped so far out of balance he could never restore them and yet here he was.
The footsteps grew closer. Who the fuck was out in these woods in the middle of the night? More importantly, why were they out here? What exactly had T and Griff done on his behalf?
“Dang blastit, you kids! We’ve got you dead to rights! I heard you walking,” rang through the air in a decidedly Southern accent.
Aaron fought not to even grin though he wanted to laugh. Deputy Clarke Newsome had to be one of the biggest idiots Aaron had ever met. He had a hearty case of Barney Fife syndrome and didn’t seem willing to seek treatment. Bring it on, Deputy. You want to play with Berets let’s see how well that works for you.
Jerking his hood back, Aaron stood and stalked toward the Deputy.
“Now, you just stop right there. I hear you,” the Deputy screamed to the trees behind him, the opposite direction from where Aaron was walking. Dear God, this was almost comical.
“Deputy? That you?” Aaron called.
“Who’s there?” Newsome spun.
“It’s me, Aaron Weber. Saw some guys running behind my place and followed them out here. They went that way.” He pointed the opposite direction from where Griff and T were hiding out.
“It’s the ones who busted into the library. I knew we’d find them out here. I’ve been telling the town council for a coon’s age that we need to cut back Moorer’s Woods. It’s a hotbed for thugs and criminal types. I hate to say I was right but here we are.”
“You want to cut down the woods because of a nonexistent crime problem in town?” Aaron spoke quickly.
“Absolutely. You give ’em an inch they take a mile. I’ll just bet it was them Culver boys. Nothing but trouble.”
Aaron knew Ted Culver. Poor guy had four sons all of whom had enough energy to run a nuclear sub station. They weren’t bad kids just ran a little wild from time to time.
“Don’t go too hard on ’em.” He edged closer. “Bet they didn’t really mean to do any harm.” Having the deputy convinced it was someone else worked well for Aaron, but he hoped the Culver boys all had alibis.
“I told the Sheriff that Brock’s wife must not of locked the library up the right way and they popped the lock. Doesn’t look like they took nothing, but still, that’s a B&E.”
“Breaking and entering?” Aaron sighed. Why the library? And he’d bet Hope Camden had locked up the library perfectly well. Griff could pick any lock anywhere. He refocused. “Want me to help you look for them?” Solidifying his own innocence in one quick offer. Intelligence 101. Would never have worked on anyone with any experience whatsoever but Aaron played the hand he’d been dealt. He also knew Deputy Newsome would want full credit for finding his imaginary perpetrators. He’d never accept help.
“Nah, now I know you’ve got some military experience what with them tattoos and muscles and all, but this is police business. It’s way out of your league. You head back on to Rasmussen Farm and stay inside. This could get ugly.”
“Yeah, this is definitely not something I’ve done before.” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Hey, did you say the Sheriff is staked out at the library?” He hadn’t, but working this particular target was just too easy.
“Yeah, he keeps thinking whoever broke in will return to the scene of the crime. It’s hogwash but he says he’s gonna stay up there for a while. I’m out doing the real police work. I just hope you cit
izens remember this when I make my run for sheriff.”
“Oh, I have no doubt we’ll remember all you’ve done for the community. Like I said, they headed that way.”
“I heard ya the first time.” Newsome bathed the quiet woodland with yellow light from his flashlight before he headed the direction Aaron needed him to go.
Natalie paced from her living room to her kitchen and back again. She was going to wear holes in the parquet if she kept this up. The way he’d thrown his body over hers when his mind told him they were under attack replayed over and over in her head.
Maybe if he hadn’t had such a rough night she wouldn’t worry this way. Shaking her head, she knew she would, but he had no business throwing himself back in any kind of situation that might bring on another flashback. God, why were men so stubborn?
“You cannot just tell someone you’re in love with them and then leave and go do something stupid,” she shouted at the emptiness in her home. “Ugh.” Had he said that because she was mad? Did he really love her? They’d only really just begun dating. And if they did love each other what did that mean? Did things change? Is this how it worked? All of her brothers and even Holly swore they’d fallen head over boots for their spouses the moment they saw them. It was supposed to be the Camden way of falling in love.
Well, that was stupid. That couldn’t possibly be how love worked. Could it? The first time she’d seen Aaron he’d been shaking Ed Olsen’s hand. He’d just accepted the open bartender position at Saddleback’s.
That same kind of strange flutter she’d experienced the night before had begun in her belly and moved outward until it had taken over her brain. She’d tried to introduce herself and couldn’t seem to recall her own name. No other man had ever had that effect on her. He was gorgeous but that wasn’t what had tangled her vocal cords that afternoon. It had been the pain in his eyes, the lost hollowness she wanted to erase from existence. It had been the easy tenor of his voice and his hands. She would readily admit to falling in love with his hands the first time she’d seen them. But him? Is that what this was? She was furious with him for leaving, and yet, she couldn’t wait for him to return. She wanted to hit him and be wrapped up safely in his arms and never leave.
A soft knock sounded on her door and she propelled herself to it. Her feet barely touched the ground. Jerking it open, she gasped when she saw her mother standing on her front porch, dressed in her favorite flannel pajamas and worn terrycloth robe. She was carrying a plate of oatmeal raisin cookies, Natalie’s favorite.
“Mama, what are you doing here?”
“I know I’m not who you were wanting to be standing here, but I went out to check that late calf we had yesterday. I saw your light on and thought I’d come check on you, too, since Aaron’s truck raced by my house about an hour ago.”
“It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“I’m not sure if you noticed darlin’ but mothers don’t really get time off. It’s pretty much a twenty-four seven commitment. I petitioned for Sundays off but I was denied, twice.”
“Well, come on in.”
Natalie led her mother to the kitchen, hating that she’d worried her enough to get her out of bed.
Jessie pulled the plastic wrap off of the plate while Natalie made two mugs of tea. They settled at the kitchen table. “Now, Aaron isn’t here and you’re madder than a freshly baptized cat. You wanna tell me what happened?”
“While we were at the fair in North Platte, he had a flashback to some time when he was under attack in the Middle East. The fireworks got to him. He was so embarrassed and he doesn’t need to be. Then his friends from when he was back in the army called him and needed him to come rescue them or something. He could be in danger or he could have another flashback and I…”
“And you are in love with him and more scared than my fearless girl has ever been in her life.”
“I’m not fearless.”
“Interesting that’s the only thing you denied.”
Natalie huffed. “I can’t be in love with him. I’ve only been dating him a few days.”
“Doesn’t even take that long and you’ve been in love with him for years, sweet girl. But you come by your stubbornness honest so go on with it.”
“I’m mad at him.” There, she’d said it. “He’s supposed to be here with me. Then I would be with him if he has another flashback and I could—”
“Take care of him?”
“Yes.”
“You ever think that whatever he’s out doing is to take care of you?”
“What? No. He’s out helping his friends. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“Funny thing about love. Turns out once you fall in it everything you do is about the other person. Even the most inconsequential things.”
Natalie took a cookie off the plate and picked one of the plump raisins out of the top. They were her favorite part. Her mother chuckled. “Before your daddy and I married I was living here on the ranch but didn’t know nothing about how to run it. He told me he was going burnin’ one day. I didn’t know what on earth he was setting fire to but I remember thinking I wished it was your uncle.”
Natalie huffed. “Too bad it wasn’t.”
“Anyway, he set out and all I could think was he was messing around with fire and how that didn’t sound too safe to me. I realized in that moment that it didn’t matter if I’d only been with him for a week or two I couldn’t make it without him. My entire life had changed in a split second. Scared the pure piss outta me. I was hell-bent on helping him do whatever it was he was gonna do because you see, me not knowing a dang thing about ranching clearly meant I was gonna be able to save him from something he’d been doing all his life.” The lift of her mother’s eyebrows accentuated her point.
Natalie rolled her eyes. “Daddy didn’t have PTSD and he hasn’t lived through what Aaron’s lived through.”
“But you have?”
“Well, no, but—”
“But you’re certain if you were with him everything would be all right. And that right there is how I know you finally found the man who’s worthy of my little girl. He’s got some scars, had a few days I’m sure he’d much rather he didn’t have, but so do you. You may not be able to help him do whatever it is he’s out there doing, but you want to help him. You’d do most anything to protect him, just like I wanted to do with your daddy on that fire truck. The fact that you’re fighting mad tells me all I need to know. That’s the thing about love and fear. They couldn’t be more different and yet most of the time they go hand in hand. Difficult thing to love something so much you’re terrified to ever let it go.”
“Why do you always have to be right?”
Her mother laughed. “I’m not always right, Nat, but I can tell you this, he loves you, too. And you’re not the only one who’s scared, sugar. Long row to hoe between here and where you’re headin’ and you gotta walk every blasted mile of it. I know this, too, no matter what happens between here and there, no matter how hard you have to fight, it will be worth it.
“There were weeks of your life that I wasn’t sure I’d ever see my baby girl smile again. Past few days, it’s all you do. Even when your brothers and your daddy are beating their proverbial chests trying to protect you, all you do is grin. You keep this faraway look in your eyes, like you’ve just discovered a secret that makes life worth living. And, sweetheart, I s’pose you have.
“You’ve come so far from those dark days. I’m so proud of you. I know how hard you’ve fought. Just look at my girl now. You’re so strong and brave, Natalie. Never forget that. Never forget your own strength. I’ll tell you this, too, he needs you, baby girl. He’s been strong for so long. He stopped fighting an endless battle in that desert over there but he never stopped fighting the battle in his mind. Difficult thing teaching a man how to be in love when he doesn’t believe he deserves to be loved.”
“How do you know he thinks like that?”
“A mama knows, and when I get
done beating your daddy and your brothers back out of their caves we’re all gonna love up on him. Not gonna be easy, but it’s gonna be worth it. Love always is. I ’spect he knows what he’s doing with his friends tonight. He’ll be all right, but making him believe he’s worth lovin’, well, that might take more strength that you ever knew you had. I know you have it. I’ve always known.”
“He told me he loved me just before he left. Do you think he said that ’cause he knew he was pissing me off?”
Her mother’s laughter filled her kitchen. The cold evening air that had settled in her old house took on the warmth of the laughter, like her mama had wrapped a soft quilt around her shoulders and brushed a kiss on her cheek. “No, I ’spect he said it ’cause he means it.”
Natalie considered that, weighing her next question terrified if she allowed it to escape the tight seal of her lips her words might somehow bring it into existence. She bit her lip, frantic to keep the words locked away where they couldn’t cause any harm.
Her mother reached across the worn wood table and squeezed her hand. “Ask me.”
“Do you think he said it tonight, just before he left, because he’s gone off to do something dangerous and maybe he won’t…be able to say it later?”
Her mother shook her head. Tears sprung to her eyes.
“Why are you crying?” Panic jolted through Natalie.
“Not because I think anything’s gonna happen to Aaron, sugar. You really think if I believed for a moment that my future son-in-law was gonna go out risking his neck and not be just fine that I woulda let him off of my ranch? I thought you had more faith in me.” She winked at Natalie. “I’m cryin’ because I’m gonna have to put up with your daddy losing another one of his baby girls and Lord help me he don’t handle that well.” She laughed again.
“Mama.”
“I’m teasing you. I’m crying because it’s hard to watch your young’uns grow up and fall in love. I’m crying because one minute I look at you and all I can see in my mind’s eye is the braids I put in your hair flying out behind you when you rode your horse faster and harder than any of your brothers. The next moment I see my beautiful baby girl all grown up ready to take on this world with a man who’s deserved someone like you in his life for so long. And the Good Lord’s finally seen fit to get you two together, but that don’t make it easy to let you go.
