She put up the coffeepot and reached for the skillet. Leda came bounding in from the bathroom. "Don't make any eggs for me," she said. "I'm not hungry.”
"Why not?"
"I'm just not. Just give me some coffee." She went to the tub and turned on both faucets full blast.
Michele sighed and shoved the skillet back on the shelf. "I hope you're not still upset about last night," she said. "I didn't mean..."
"Oh, honey, I'm just so excited, I haven't got room for an appetite," Leda bubbled.
Michele turned away to get down cups and saucers. She did not like the way the girl was reacting. Yet she couldn't very well blame her. Leda had everything just the way she wanted it now. Why shouldn't she bubble?
Michele set a cup of coffee for Leda on the ledge behind the bathtub. Then she wandered off to the livingroom and searched in a drawer for the manuscript she had been working on a few nights before. Standing by the window, the papers in one hand, a cigarette in the other, she began to read. As her eyes moved over the words, she felt an excitement generating inside her. The story was not bad. Not bad at all. With a little fixing, it would sell, she felt sure.
She sat down at the coffee table and spread the papers out before her. This was the answer she had been looking for. If she could just keep herself busy with her writing, she wouldn't have to care where Leda was or with whom.
She heard the girl let the water out of the tub. She picked up a sharpened pencil and moved it toward the paper.
Leda appeared in the doorway. "I forgot to tell you," she said. "There's a tryout tonight. I might not be home before midnight."
Michele stared at her as though the girl had thrown a bucket of cold water in her face. "What did you say?"
"I said..."
"Never mind. I heard you," Michele said. "Why the hell didn't you mention it before?"
Leda shrugged. "I never got a chance to. After I agreed to quit school, there didn't seem to be any point."
Michele stood up, her fists clenched, her heart pounding inside her chest. She knew she had to do something decisive now. Or be lost forever.
"Baby, what's the matter now?" Leda asked.
Michele waited till she felt her voice was under control. "How far are you going to take this thing, Leda?"
Leda frowned. "I don't understand. What's the difference between going to school and attending a tryout?"
Michele let her breath out in a long sigh. "Not much, I guess," she said finally. "But at least I'm used to your going to school."
"But what's the use of my going to school if I don't do anything with it?" Leda said. "Be reasonable, Michele."
Michele's stomach knotted as though she had been punched by a heavy fist. "What the hell do you mean, be reasonable?" she demanded. "I'm supposed to give up everything while you go your merry way, is that it?"
She wasn't at all sure what she had given up, if anything. Still, as she had told Leda, it was the principle that mattered. She was willing to go through hellfire for the girl. The least Leda could do...
"Nobody asked you to give up anything," Leda said simply.
"I didn't have to be asked. I love you. And if you felt the same way about me..."
Leda shrugged and turned away from her. "It's no use," she said over her shoulder. "'You can't see anything any way but your own. I'm not going to fight with you anymore, Michele."
Michele stalked to the bedroom and threw herself down on her back on the bed. Her chest was heaving and she felt that she must be suffocating.
Some hell of a happy marriage!
Some sweet little wife!
She tried not to listen as Leda bustled about in the kitchen, getting dressed, drinking a second cup of coffee. Yet her ears were filled with the sound of the girl. Her eyes clouded with the memory of the girl's soft beauty. Every thought led her back to Leda. And Leda's treachery.
Finally Leda came into the bedroom with Boris trailing after her.
Michele recognized the look on Leda's face and she knew that nothing she might say would sway Leda now. The stubborn desire for independence had come to the fore and Leda's eyes were bright with determination.
Leda bent forward to kiss her goodbye.
Michele could not take her gaze from the girl's eyes. She had never seen them so unrelenting.
"I'll be home about midnight," she said quietly.
Michele knew better, but she decided to give it one last try. "I'll expect you at seven-thirty," she said. "I'll have dinner ready."
Leda stepped away from the bed. She smiled, but there was no warmth in the expression. "I'll be home about midnight," she repeated.
Michele watched her go. She wanted to pick up the bed and hurl it after the girl. Why couldn't Leda give an inch? Even now? She knew that if necessary the girl would hang about the streets until midnight. But she would not come home a minute sooner.
It seemed preposterous to Michele that she had allowed the situation to get this far out of hand. And it had been all her own doing, she knew. For if she had been firm with the girl, if she had not gone back on her decision to have Leda remain at home with her, the girl would have gotten used to the idea in time. She would have learned to like being cared for, as Michele wanted to care for her. But now...
Michele shrugged. Now, there was almost nothing between them but bitterness. She loved Leda, she always would. But love, it seemed, was not enough. She could never accept Leda's way of life. She needed the girl to be available to her whenever she wanted her. Not whenever it happened to be convenient to Leda's career. And she knew that the girl would not accept her way now either. It was too late for that.
Michele shoved herself off the bed and went out to the kitchen to fix a large pan for Boris. She didn't like the idea of leaving the dog behind. Still, she couldn't very well take him with her to Corinne's place. The woman's fluffy gowns and golden spreads would not take well to Boris's rough-housing. And she had no idea when she might return. At the moment, she didn't care. Perhaps she would be better off if she never saw Leda again.
And Corinne would help her. When she learned that Michele needed a place to stay, surely she would put her up for a while.
The thought of having someone to run to gave a lift to Michele's spirits. Even the complication of Toni didn't seem like much of a problem now.
She hurried about the business of washing and changing her shirt, anxious now to get out of the dismal surroundings and into the bright new life that awaited her.
By one-thirty she had straightened up the apartment and was ready to leave. For a moment she hesitated on the threshold, thinking again of Leda and the fun they had had together here before they had declared their love. If only it could have gone on like that... She slammed the door behind her and hurried down the stairs. She had wasted enough time already being morose. It was time now for action. She didn't need Leda. She didn't need anybody.
The afternoon heat of the city streets hit her with the force of a blast furnace. She shuddered and slowed her pace. The bright glare bouncing up from the pavement nearly blinded her and she shaded her eyes with her hand. The street was nearly deserted, except for a few kids playing in the gutter, oblivious to the deadly heat.
Michele strolled slowly, breathing deeply to stifle the panic growing inside her. Perhaps she should call first.
Perhaps Corinne would be busy, as she said she was every day.
She decided against it and proceeded toward her destination. Better to barge in on the woman than be turned down. She did not want to be alone now to think about Leda. She didn't want to think at all.
She wanted to feel. Heat, cold, love, pain. Anything. Anything that would deaden the awful sense of loss she felt concerning Leda.
Michele hurried the last few steps to the door of Corinne's apartment house.
She rang the bell and waited.
No answer.
She rang again.
Just as she had given up hope and started away, the answering buzzer sounded. She turned back quickly and pushe
d her way into the hall.
CHAPTER 14
"Hello," Michele said, forcing a nervous smile.
Toni nodded and stepped aside. "You'll have to settle for me," she said as she closed the door behind them. "The madam went for a swim." She grinned. "Which means she's got her toes stuck in the damp sand out at Belle Harbor."
"Oh," Michele said, more than a little disconcerted at the prospect of spending time alone with Toni. "Maybe I'd better come back later."
"Of course not," Toni said. The dark eyebrows lowered. "She told me to keep you here if you showed up."
"Oh," Michele said again, beginning to feel even more uncomfortable.
Toni laughed. "My God, don't be so damned proper," she said. "Anybody would think you were a beginner." She waved Michele to a chair. "You aren't, are you?"
"What?"
"A beginner," Toni repeated.
Michele sat down slowly into the deep sling chair. She kept her glance averted. The truth was none of Toni's business. "Not exactly," she said. "I've been living with someone for over a year."
Toni stepped to the bar and took out two glasses. She dropped a couple of ice cubes into each one, then added a double shot of Scotch. She brought one glass over and handed it to Michele. "That'll cure anything that ails you," she said, a trace of bitterness in her tone.
"What makes you think something ails me?"
Toni sat down into another sling chair and peered for a moment into her glass. "If it doesn't yet, it will," she said finally. "Corinne's consistent that way."
"Oh?" Michele breathed. She was beginning to feel like a monosyllabic moron. She could not seem to relax with Toni. Something gloomy, almost cruel seemed to emanate from the girl as she talked about Corinne. Yet Michele felt too curious to try to stop her. She wanted to know as much about Corinne as she could. She didn't want to make the same mistakes with the woman that she had made with Leda.
"Hmm," Toni said. Suddenly she looked up at Michele and a smile touched the edges of her large, firm mouth. "But you’ll find that out for yourself," she said. "I didn't mean to bore you."
"I'm not bored," Michele said quickly. Too quickly. She saw Toni's eyes narrow with anger.
"Don't try too hard," Toni said. "Nobody's been able to move into my bed yet."
Michele took a quick swallow of her drink. It stuck in her throat and she gagged. Toni laughed nastily.
After a few moments, Michele managed to recover her poise. She blinked the tears out of her eyes. "I didn't mean anything like that," she said in a rasping voice.
"Forget it." Toni set her glass on the floor and stood up. "Shall we try the old routine?" she said. "Maybe we'll both feel better."
Michele watched her step to the record player as she had done the other evening and pile a stack of records on the machine. As the music started, she recognized the same waltz that Toni had danced with Corinne.
Toni turned from the machine, a look of anger struggling with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess," she said apologetically. "The madam and I had a little brush this morning. About you."
Michele waited, knowing that the girl wanted to say more. She felt again the rush of sympathy toward Toni that she had felt before. Yet now she could not afford to be too sympathetic. For she needed Corinne now as much as Toni did.
The girl cleared her throat. "We've been fighting a lot lately," she went on. "About everything." She shrugged. "After six years, I guess you have to expect it."
"Six years?" Michele echoed.
Toni arched an eyebrow. "Surprised? So am I," she admitted. "But the party's almost over. That's why I didn't take you as nicely as I've taken everyone else." She sighed. "Corinne's looking for a replacement. And you're probably it."
Michele's ears began to burn. She knew that the girl must have already given up the fight or she would not be confiding in her now. And she realized too that Corinne must have been talking about her with Toni. She had been good, then. She must have been. And if she had been able to satisfy a woman with Corinne's experience, then surely Leda…
But she had promised herself not to think about the girl. As soon as the thought popped into her head, she turned it off and concentrated on the goodlooking girl with the sweet, sorrowful face.
"I'm sorry," she said. "But I know how you feel. I... I just broke up with my girl too. It hurts."
"Yes," Toni said. "It hurts." As the record player blared forth another tune, she held out her hand to Michele. "This is our dance. Remember?"
Michele remembered all too well the last time she had danced with Toni. And she was not at all sure that it would be wise to repeat the moment. She was too lonely, too unhappy to resist the comfort of a woman's body against her own. Yet, she felt that Toni meant nothing by it, more than her own need for comfort. She let the girl pull her to her feet.
She tried to hold herself away from the girl, aware that being too close might not be safe. Yet, as Toni's arms went about her, the desire to resist ebbed away. She let herself relax. Toni moved in close, both arms going around Michele's waist.
Michele felt more like a girl in Toni's arms than she had ever felt with a man. Toni stood a good four inches taller than she, her body tight and compact as a young athlete's. Michele closed her eyes and rested her head against Toni's jaw.
She felt the butt of the girl's hand begin to circle low on her back. Tiny sparks of need burst into flame at Toni's touch. A trickle of perspiration slid down the inside of her arm. She bit her lip and tried to pull away.
Toni stopped dancing and stood holding Michele tight in her arms. "Don't run away from me," she whispered. Her hands moved down to caress Michele's buttocks and she lifted Michele toward her. She ground herself against Michele demandingly.
Michele caught her breath as desire pulsed through her. She felt Toni dragging her toward the couch. She did not even try to resist.
Toni went down on her knees before they reached the couch, dragging Michele with her. She pushed herself down on top of Michele, her fingers tearing eagerly at the buttons of Michele's blouse.
Michele heard the material rip and she didn't care. She tilted her head back in an ecstasy of passion as Toni's lips caught at her breast.
"Jesus, I want you," Toni whispered. She nipped painfully at Michele's breast.
Michele did not even feel the pain. Her hands reached out to touch the girl and Toni shoved them away. She lay passive then, feeling her nakedness against the cool wood of the floor. Wanting Toni to love her. To hurt her.
She gasped as Toni touched her. Her back arched away from the floor and Toni caught her hips in her hands and held her. She felt herself going... going...
She heard the slap.
Toni rolled away from her, moaning in pain.
Michele felt as though the world had been pulled out from under her. Her body heaved painfully, trying to regain its equilibrium. She tilted her head back and moaned in an agony of her own.
"Get up! Both of you!" Corinne's voice dropped icicles.
Neither of them moved.
"Get up, do you hear!" She was almost screaming now.
Michele sat up, but avoided meeting the woman's eyes. She glanced around for Toni.
Toni sat on the other side of Corinne, curled up in a ball, one hand covering the side of her face. She looked ready to commit murder.
Michele reached for her shirt.
"Not yet," Corinne commanded. "When I tell you."
Michele glanced up at the woman. She stood spread-legged and regal, still clutching the leather belt with which she had slashed at Toni's head. Michele wondered how she herself had missed being cut by the blow.
"Now, stand up. Both of you."
Toni rose slowly to her feet and Michele followed her example. She knew by the expression on Corinne's face that it would be unwise to argue.
"Now, go to the couch and finish what you were doing," Corinne said in a steely voice. "It would not be fair to Michele to leave it like this."
For a moment Mi
chele did not believe what she had heard. Then she looked at Toni. The girl's face was pale and contorted with rage.
"Not this time, Corinne," Toni said quietly.
Michele realized the effort it had taken Toni to retain her composure. And for a moment she sensed the superior strength of the girl in the situation with Corinne.
"Do as I say."
"Not this time," Toni repeated. She took her hand away from her face, revealing a long, ugly welt. "And don't try to hit me again or I'll break your neck."
For a moment Corinne was speechless. She looked like a person who had never before heard the word no. Then, very slowly, her face relaxed and she began to smile. "You have never defied me before," she said.
Toni grunted. "We're finished now," she said. "It doesn't matter what I do anymore."
"Oh, you are right about that," Corinne said evenly. "You have never done something like this to me, Toni. Why have you chosen to make love to Michele?"
Michele glanced from one to the other of them. They were ignoring her completely, engrossed in the throes of their last disagreement. She put her arms around herself and huddled together inside the circle of her arms, feeling foolish and embarrassed to be exposed nakedly before them both.
Toni shrugged. "She's a goodlooking kid," she said.
"No, no, that won't do at all," Corinne said shrewdly.
Jealous And The Free, The Page 10
