by Mardi Ballou
“Oh, Keith,” she groaned, rotating her bottom so he could kiss and lick where she wanted him. From the way she was moving tonight, she wanted him everywhere, a feast of erotic stimulation.
Yeah, baby. When they were together like this, he sensed she could understand what he was thinking, though he was loath to break the contact to actually say words. Instead he mouthed them into her hot moistness and smiled to himself as she moved in reply.
“Right there, and there,” she whispered, shifting to show what she meant. “Fabulous,” she hissed as he massaged her hips and nibbled her where she wanted to be nibbled.
She tightened her legs around his head as she began to quiver with the start of her climax. He loved that she “climbed” to her climax, a series of steps up a magical staircase to a point of paradise. Even more, he loved possessing this intimate knowledge of her, loved that she’d shared this with him—only him.
“Ahh.” Brenda shuddered with the force of her orgasm, calling out his name. Hard and practically shaking with desire to be inside her, he rode the crest with her, stroking her sides as she began to subside.
Man, did I ever need that. Her climax came on so fast and with such intensity, Brenda nearly burst into tears. She held back because she knew her sobs of relief would freak Keith out. There were definite limits to how much emotion he could handle. This awareness meant never being totally free to let it all hang out with him.
He was hugging her, stretched out alongside her, hard and raring to go. Now came her turn to please him, which had the extra bonus of providing her with even more pleasure. She reached down and stroked his erection. He reacted instantly with a move and a groan. “I guess you’re glad to be here,” she whispered.
“You think?”
“Am I supposed to think?”
“Vastly overrated. Feeling’s so much better.” Mouth pressed against her cheek, he chuckled.
Brenda loved touching Keith everywhere. His hard-on was large and in charge, perfect to satisfy her. If only she could turn off the tinge of unease from her conversation with K.C. What a time to be dwelling on stuff they’d gotten past together ages ago.
“Oh, Keith,” she murmured as he showered attention on her breasts.
He stopped for a moment and, lips glistening from a juicy exploration, grinned. “What do you want, baby?”
Talk about loaded questions. If he really understood how hard it was for her to be totally honest about everything she desired—including an iron-clad guarantee for the future—he’d turn, run and head for the hills. She thrust her chest forward and pressed his head to her there. “You,” she rasped. “I want you and everything you’re doing. I want your mouth on me there and there.”
With enthusiasm and energy he kissed her breasts and her belly, her lips. She fingered his balls, then his shaft. He gasped. “Now,” he moaned. “I need to be in you now.”
No way she could ignore such a direct plea. She motioned him to lie down on his back. His maleness proudly jutted forth in clear invitation. She swallowed hard. Eyes closed, image firmly in mind, she opened her legs to straddle him. In moments he’d sheathed himself and she positioned herself to take him fully inside.
Keith thrust upward. She couldn’t have said why, but suddenly she hesitated to complete what they’d started and raised herself from him in a very uncharacteristic tease.
“You’re killing me, Brenda,” he moaned, grasping her cheeks to once again get her into perfect position.
“Come on now, Keith, don’t exaggerate.”
He froze and growled. “Never. If anything, I’m understating. You know I want you. Only you.” He caressed her cheeks with his maddeningly talented fingers.
If only she could feel as confident about him outside of bed as within. When it came to planning their future, she definitely took the lead. Though he didn’t add the words right this minute to what he’d just said, he might as well. Keith was the shining embodiment of the live in the moment philosophy.
Still, she couldn’t bring herself to push him faster and harder. Not while he was horny, when he was so vulnerable. Not when he’d come such a long way in their relationship outside the bed. On the other hand, when else would she ever have his attention the way she did now? “Keith,” she whispered, once again in prime position to make love. “Am I really enough?”
He swallowed hard. “God, yes. Lucky me, I have you.” He thrust upward and this time she didn’t resist.
Inch by inch, she took him deep inside. Unlike him, she’d had few lovers. Only with him did she share the magical warmth of their unique intimacy, the erotic bond that joined them and transported them to the place only they could know. With every touch, her sensuous pleasure grew. Her emotional hope grew too. After all, how could such ecstasy fail to persuade him?
What’s with Brenda tonight? Hot as a firecracker and ready for lovin’, but something’s off. Should I be worried? Maybe I need to spend some time with her after to figure out what’s going on. Nothing complicated, I hope. Ah hell, when it’s about a woman, it’s always complicated. For later. I need to have her now or I may die. He groaned as he thrust into her and found nirvana. Home and ecstasy all in one, that was Brenda.
“Keith.” When she said his name in that very special tone, when they made love, danger signals erupted within him, darkening his pleasure. With her he was home, but home came with challenges. What if he gave her his all and it wasn’t enough? What if he couldn’t be enough? If he opened himself up to what he heard in just the way she said his name, he might fall off the edge of his world into failure. Too scary that. Once he let her into the part of himself he kept on permanent lockdown, he’d have to face his true measure as a man.
He needed his safety. But, oh, he needed Brenda. Most of all, he needed to make sure nothing threatened his equilibrium. He couldn’t lose Brenda or his precarious perch. So far he’d been able to maintain both by moving along by her side toward commitment. With her, it wasn’t a dirty word. He wasn’t his father, didn’t have to repeat his father’s sins. Look how well things were working for his brother Ryan in his marriage to Mara Lynn. The Tarrant boys could be good men and be partners in relationships that worked. Relationships that didn’t destroy.
He knew all this. So why, tonight, did he feel like the last of an endangered species?
Thank goodness these thoughts did not survive the onslaught of sensation that took hold when Brenda began to meet his thrusts and moves. No matter what was on his mind, he didn’t hesitate now to shift focus and center all his attention on the beautiful woman in his arms. The one whose loving warmth enveloped him with irresistible sensation and emotion. The one who showed him the way toward the future.
Eyes closed, Brenda looked like an erotic angel as she rode him for all he was worth. “So good,” she hissed, moving her hips to maximize her pleasure. Much as he wanted to close his eyes too, he couldn’t tear himself away from the sight of her blonde beauty. Hair disheveled and cheeks flushed red, she looked delectable, an artist’s dream. He wanted to retain this image of her forever.
Why was he even thinking this—as if they wouldn’t make love many times in the future? Why did tonight have the feel of farewell? They were good together, as always. Best friends and perfect lovers, committed to each other. Who could want more than that?
He raised a hand to stroke her face. The heat of passion radiated from her. She tilted her head toward his hand, showing that she liked him touching her this way during their lovemaking. He knew what pleased her on so many levels, but his gut told him he was dropping the ball when it came to something important.
“Mmm, just like that,” she whispered, mirroring his gesture and stroking his face. “Feels amazing.” Her voice sounded deep and husky.
No matter how many other women he’d been with, Brenda stood out from the crowd in every way. Friend and lover, no way could he ever stand to lose her. If she wanted more or different from him, he had to find out what and how and dig deep enough to bring her satisfact
ion. He had to try to meet her needs just as she met his. They’d done it before, faced down their demons. They could and would do it again, as many times as they both needed.
“Oh, Keith,” she whimpered as she once again made the climb to orgasm. Her muscles tightened around him in the rhythmic dance of release. She panted and groaned, her movements growing stronger and wilder. Brenda in the throes of coming was a wonder of nature, the quintessential sexy woman. Now that he’d brought her to this point—second time tonight—he could focus on his own fulfillment. He did.
In moments after she’d come, Keith was there with her, pumping into her with gusto as he shared it all with her—every drop of sexual excitement she’d inspired and provoked. Like any tiger in the jungle, he marked his female.
Sheltered in the pure sensation of their release, Keith and Brenda lay together in spent, happy exhaustion. He loved being like this, confident he’d pleasured her, brought the ecstatic expression to her face. Energy level at a low ebb, he could stay with her in just this way for hours, maybe even forever.
Dangerous thought, forever. Made him vulnerable. What if he did lose her? As soon as his mind skittered there, he backed off. Forever was a hazard, too large to take in. He shuddered as those syllables crashed across his consciousness with the force of a steamroller, obliterating all that got in its way. Why was his mind tossing emotional grenades at him? He’d come to want what she wanted, come to believe they could share happiness. Her willingness to go with the flow and understand his need to move slowly kept her around long after other women had disappeared from his life. She was learning to ask for what she needed while he was learning not to be freaked out by her wants.
Keith peered at Brenda through half-shuttered eyes. Crap, she was looking at him with what he perceived as sadness. Really? At a time like this? Couldn’t be. He started to ask her and then thought better of it. If Brenda was feeling emotional for some reason, he’d be better off not knowing just yet. Knowing would mean doing something to fix what was broken, and as far as he was concerned, there was nothing broken in their relationship. He intended to keep things like that. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. If something did need adjustment, he’d face it later. Or tomorrow.
Why, when things were so perfect between them, couldn’t she relax?
Heck, he’d come a long way since their early days together, when he’d used her and taken her for granted more often than they’d shared good times. When she’d let their relationship be a one-way street.
Lately, he’d evolved. He now did show his caring in lots of ways. Had it been mere chance that his buddy brought the Wensleydale or had Keith, in fact, remembered how much she loved the cheese and arranged for his friend to get it? That would be more Keith’s style—surprising her with something she loved and didn’t expect. Still, she longed for a bit more purposefulness in his gifts. She’d love to be able to count on him.
Maybe he was stepping up to give her just that. Maybe he would come through with flying colors for her birthday.
Her inner pessimist warned her to avoid disappointment by keeping her expectations low. But being with him like this, after the earth had just moved, Brenda couldn’t steel herself to let go of a big bubble of hope.
Chapter Two
May 12th —Brenda’s thirtieth birthday minus two weeks
After a week when they’d both been too busy to see each other much, Brenda had gone to Keith’s place with high expectations. First of all, it was their three-month anniversary of deciding to commit to each other. She’d hoped for at least a little celebration. Second, they should by now be making serious plans for her birthday. Instead— Total disappointment. Sure they’d made love—always terrific, usually earth-shaking. But they had to have a life outside of bed too. If only the rest of their relationship could be as good as the sex. Even half as good…
Stumbling with exhaustion into her condo at five a.m., she nearly tripped over Chelsey. The dog favored her with a soulful gaze, brimming with compassion. Could a dog express compassion? Brenda’s head hurt too much for introspection. “He’s done it again,” she muttered as she leaned down to pat her pet. “After every step forward, he takes three back.”
Chelsey whined, hitting the exact right note to punctuate Brenda’s exasperation. “He totally forgot that it was our anniversary. He just wanted a booty call.”
Chelsey sniffed and whimpered in response. Brenda scratched the dog’s head.
Things had been changing over the last few months. She was changing. Maybe it was the passage of time, a burst of maturity. She wasn’t laughing with him any more over the goofy stuff they used to share. Maybe she finally had to face the truth. Though he showed some readiness to commit, his progress was far from as steady as she’d like.
After their recent growing closeness, last night had put them back almost to square one. Of all the small world impossible things to happen, he’d run into an old girlfriend at lunch. The old girlfriend he’d dumped with Brenda playing the supporting role of Emergency Ex. Brenda mentally replayed last night’s ugly conversation.
Brenda: “What do you mean you ran into Staci Smyth? Where?”
Keith, shrugging: “In the cafeteria across the street from my office. I eat there all the time. I couldn’t believe it when she walked in.”
Brenda: “How did you recognize each other? It’s been years.” Hasn’t it?
Keith: Silence and more shrugging.
Brenda: “Who recognized who?”
Keith: “She recognized me. She looks great. Married, one kid. Says she’s happy.”
Brenda, slightly relieved. “You must have had a long conversation to know all that.”
Keith: “Not long. She asked about you.”
Brenda: “Me? How did she know about me?”
Keith, looking uncomfortable: “She asked if I was still with the girlfriend who had the meltdown, screaming about kids and support payments.”
Brenda, feeling sick. “She still remembered about Emergency Ex? That’s awful. What did you say?”
Keith: “I said yes, then made an excuse to leave.”
Brenda: “I wish that never happened.”
Keith, shrugging: “It’s not important. I’m sorry I told you about running into Staci if it’s going to bug you.”
Keith then kissed her, a way he had of distracting her. Usually worked. Had last night.
But now she shuddered at the recollection and at the old girlfriend popping up out of the blue. If only Brenda could go back in time and say no to the stupid idea when they first thought of it. After she’d “helped Keith out” that one and only time, they’d celebrated in the most intimate of ways—the first time they’d made love. She hated associating their first lovemaking with being Emergency Ex, but she couldn’t change that.
Only rarely could they keep their hands off each other, and last night had been no exception. The sex had been glorious, as always. But he’d forgotten their anniversary and hadn’t said anything about her birthday or moving in together or getting engaged. He’d talked about an old girlfriend. Hmm.
Was he getting cold feet? Why had the old girlfriend come out of the shadows of the past now? There was no such thing as coincidence. Despite knowing she shouldn’t, Brenda gave in to a stab of jealousy. Maybe Keith was gearing up to dump her. Maybe he planned to wait until after her birthday to give her the bad news—
She pushed away the growing sense of unease. Being on the brink of turning thirty was affecting her more than she’d expected. But maybe she and Keith could talk about this tension when they met after work. If she still felt weird by the time she got together with him for dinner at Bistro Bacchanalia, one of her favorite restaurants—the one with the best view of the Golden Gate in addition to fabulous food—she’d stop dodging the bullet and insist they talk about…them. This on top of talking about her birthday.
Meanwhile she had to clear her head of exes and jealousy and insecurity as she prepared for the day’s business. Brenda flung hers
elf into a hot shower. Once toweled off, she imbibed a gallon or so of her darkest, strongest brew—necessary fuel for her upcoming, civilization-depends-on-it business meeting.
After making sure Chelsey was set, Brenda took off. Eight a.m. meeting with Lars Hinkleschmidt, one of the cocoa bean purveyors who kept Lockheart Chocolate an industry leader. She’d caved on the meeting place—his office rather than hers or neutral territory. That was the only point she’d cave on.
Lars, always the gentleman, at least on the surface, rose when his secretary escorted Brenda into his lair. She extended her hand in greeting, noting Lars’s firm grip. Nearing retirement age, the businessman evidently worked out. “Mona will be back right away with coffee and bagels.”
Brenda, on the verge of sloshing when she moved from all the coffee already imbibed, sat in the indicated chair and gave a noncommittal shrug. “What’s this about raising your prices by fifty percent? Effective immediately?”
Lars pursed his lips. “Right to the point, Brenda.”
“Exactly. I’m busy and so are you. You don’t seriously expect—”
He held up both hands. “Production costs have gone through the roof, what with the price of oil, weather conditions.”
Same old, same old. Did he really think he’d get far dredging up familiar complaints? “Fifty percent increase for a loyal long-time customer?”
His face remained impassive. “You should see what I’m charging my newer clients.”
“Come on. We’ve both benefited healthily from our association,” Brenda pointed out. “I’m sure you want that to continue. I do too. As I said, I’m loyal, and that’s got to get me some benefits or I’ll have to start looking elsewhere. You’re not the only supplier around.”
