by Maris Black
“I don’t mind you answering my phone, Kage. What did she say?”
“She said she loves you, Happy Birthday, and that she’s supposed to report for surgery at seven Monday week. What the hell is Monday week?”
“It means not next week, but the Monday after. Don’t ask. It’s something my grandmother always said.”
“Jamie, why didn’t you tell me your mom had breast cancer?”
“Because it’s got nothing to do with my job. Why would I bother you with my personal sob stories?”
He gave me a reproachful look. “Because I care. Because I could talk to you about it. And because I’m going to take you down there to be with her for her surgery.”
I whirled on him. “You can’t do that. It’s… please don’t make me be a burden on you. This job means a lot to me, and I don’t want to make you regret hiring me.”
“Shut up,” he said. “Don’t say things like that. You make me seem like a tyrant or something. I thought we were—”
He didn’t finish his sentence.
“What else did my mom say?” I asked, mainly to break the silence.
“I told her we would be flying down for it. She’s fussing about it just like you are. She thinks it’s a wasted trip, because she’s going to be fine. But I told her that it didn’t matter how minor the surgery was, because I wanted to bring you. A boy should be there for his mother. End of story.”
That made me smile. “And what did she say to that?”
“She said to tell you she loves you, and that she’s glad you have a friend like me.” He chuckled. “That part was a little embarrassing.”
“That’s because you don’t know how to take praise unless it’s about fighting.” I noticed Kage had set my toothbrush out on the counter for me. I picked it up, squirted toothpaste onto it, and started to brush, watching Kage in the mirror.
“Jennifer is bringing her boyfriend, too,” he said, emphasizing the word her.
I paused and stared at him for a second, then started brushing again, hopefully before he noticed my reaction.
“Chase?” I mumbled through a cloud of toothpaste bubbles. I finished brushing, rinsed, and splashed my face with cold water.
“I guess that’s his name. Does your family like him?”
I shrugged, turning to face him. “They’re fine with him, I think. I personally think he’s a bit of a tool. Why?”
“I’ve never met anyone’s family before.” Kage shuffled his feet, looking about as uncomfortable as I had ever seen him. “Do you think they’ll mind that I’m a fighter? I know some people don’t like fighters. They think we’re mean or crazy or something.”
I smiled. Maybe it was because it reminded me that he wasn’t perfect, but his sudden show of vulnerability was touching.
“Don’t sweat it,” I told him. “My family is gonna love you. All you have to do is flash those dimples, and they’ll be bitten by the Michael Kage love bug. I don’t know what it is about you, but everybody adores you, even when you treat them like shit.”
“Yeah?” He sat on the bed and started pulling one of his boots on, bunching his jeans down around the top in that casual, sexy way he seemed to do everything. His button-up shirt wasn’t buttoned up yet, and the top snap on his jeans was still unfastened, revealing the caramel fuzz of his happy trail. “Do you?”
“What?” I startled and snapped my gaze away from his body. “Do I what?”
He watched me closely as he pulled on the other boot, and there was nothing on his face to give away what he was feeling. “Do you adore me? You say everyone else does. I want to know how you feel.”
I stared at him, stunned into awkward silence. What exactly was he asking me? Did he want to know if I felt the way everyone else did about him? Because that one was easy to answer; I was just as enamored of Michael Kage as all of the fans he’d been racking up, and every person who got pulled into his gravity just by being near him. He was magnetic, irresistible, and special in a way I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
But if he was asking something else, something more…
But he couldn’t be. I was the one acting like I had a schoolgirl crush. The one whose knees got wobbly every time he got too close.
“Do you mean—” I took two faltering steps toward him on rubber legs, wondering what had happened to my muscles. They’d been there a moment ago. “I don’t— I can’t—I don’t know—”
Oh, Jesus. This is… impossible. I can’t tell him how I really feel.
“You don’t know?” He tilted his head at me, like he was trying to read me from a different angle. “It’s not exactly rocket science, Jamie. Stop over-thinking for once. It’s either yes or no, simple as that. Yes. Or. No.”
“Fuck you, Kage.” I don’t know why those were the words that came out of my mouth. They weren’t at all what I was thinking, but the way he was pressing me had me ready to bolt. I wanted to escape, so that I didn’t have to admit the uncomfortable truth that I felt more for Kage than I was supposed to. That I was some sort of freak.
“Hey, come here,” he said, his eyes softening. But instead of waiting for me to come to him, he stood up and closed the distance between us himself. His open shirt fluttered at his sides, exposing those ungodly abs and those smooth flanks that always seemed to draw my eyes.
“Uh…” I made a sound, a helpless little squeak, and felt my face flood with shame.
Kage stopped directly in front of me. “I just want to know how you feel about me is all. I’m not sure how else to find out besides asking.” He chose his next words carefully, slowly. “I know I’m reckless, at least when it comes to my life. But when it comes to something that really matters, I can’t afford to be reckless. I have to be careful, you know?” He took a deep breath, ran a hand over his head. “I’m trying to say something here, if you’ll let me. You know I have to be careful, but I’m asking—”
“Yes.” I hadn’t wanted to say the word, but it came out anyway. And there it was, on the air between us.
“Yeah?” He grinned, but there was something vulnerable in his eyes.
“Hell, yeah,” I assured him, this time with more energy.
Kage nodded, still smiling, then turned away and finished getting dressed. And that was it.
He seemed awfully chipper as he buttoned his clothes up, but I was confused. I couldn’t help wondering what I’d just confirmed. What exactly had we been talking about? Because for a minute there, it had seemed like—
No, I couldn’t afford to think crazy thoughts like that. And there was Kage busy getting dressed like it was just any other day. Not like I’d just admitted—
Oh. My. God. I might as well walk out into the middle of traffic and kill myself.
I’d just admitted that I had feelings for Kage. Whether he’d meant it that way or not, that’s what I had meant. No more pretending I was just horny, or that what I was feeling was a simple case of hero worship. Nope. The truth was I had a humdinger of a gay crush on my client. Like dicks and balls and ass and muscles and man kisses. Like gay as shit. Like… ah, hell.
I ran to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face as a wave of nausea crashed over me.
14
KAGE and I got out the door in 20 minutes, and somehow we managed not to speak another word to each other until we were out of the hotel room. He still seemed to be in his chipper mood, while I was still brooding over what happened. I really needed to get past the ridiculous idea that somehow things had changed between me and him. If he had indeed meant what I thought he had meant, he wouldn’t be acting like there was nothing amiss.
Since we were in the middle of the shopping district of sorts, there were plenty of restaurants to choose from. There was a little Italian eatery on the corner near our hotel, an Ethiopian place in the next shopping center over, and the requisite Asian buffet took up what looked to be a whole city block. But the thing that caught Kage’s eye was a little 1950s style diner with a checkerboard sign and about 10 booths in
total. It had an old-fashioned soda fountain at the front with red vinyl barstools, and the workers wore white aprons and black and white striped paper hats. The tables were made of that old-fashioned gray Formica that I remember seeing in my grandmother’s kitchen before she had remodeled.
I wasn’t so sure this would have been my first choice, but the gleeful expression on Kage’s face won me over. The guy wanted to buy me a burger. Who was I to say no?
“You sit right there, and I’ll go order.” He gestured me toward a booth near the door. I really wanted to order for myself, but I sat down to humor him and watched as he strutted up to the counter with a spring in his step that made me chuckle to myself. He really was enjoying this. A few minutes later, he returned to the table with a big smile on his face and a tray loaded down with food.
“There’s a lot of grease on that tray,” I said, eyeing the two enormous burgers piled so high with fixings they were in danger of toppling over. A boat of fries sat between them, and they were flanked by monstrous 42 ounce cups of soda— the old red and white paper cups that collapse if you let them get too soggy. Kage was so utterly pleased with himself, even my grease comment couldn’t dislodge his smile. The glitter of excitement in his eyes was contagious, and soon we were both smiling like jackasses. “This looks delicious,” I told him, licking my chops at the sight of the strips of bacon dripping down the sides of the burgers. “What all did you order on these, everything they had in the kitchen?”
“Not quite.” He picked up his soda and took a sip. “I left off the chili and onions, and I ordered no tomatoes on yours.”
I raised a brow. “How did you know I don’t like tomatoes?”
Cage didn’t bat an eye. “It’s no mystery, Jamie. I’ve watched you choke them down for me, but I know you don’t like them. I never said anything before because they’re really good for you. I had hoped you would like them if you ate them enough times.”
“I’m afraid not. I tried, but there’s something about them I just can’t like.”
“Yeah, that’s how I feel about asparagus.” He took another sip of his soda, and indicated mine. “Have you tried your soda? It’s vanilla root beer.” I picked it up and sipped absently at it.
“But you eat asparagus all the time.”
“That’s because it’s good for me.”
I shook my head. “It never ceases to amaze me how much self-control you have. You push yourself to the limit in training day after day, pushing so hard for a goal that hasn’t even begun to materialize. But you keep the faith. And you eat things you don’t like because they’re good for you, and you resist the temptation for things that are bad for you, even though you love them. Case in point, that vanilla root beer. I swear your eyes roll back in your head every time you take a swallow.”
Kage chuckled. “We both know I have my vices. One of them in particular is becoming impossible to resist.” He braced his feet on the edge of my seat, his boots just brushing my thighs. “But then you’re well aware of that, aren’t you?”
I felt the room closing in on me. Why did he have to say things that sounded so much like innuendo? And he was so damn good at it, aiming that sexy half-smirk across the table at me. It was getting to the point that every time he looked at me with an ounce of intent, my dick started getting hard— like it was right there in the old-fashioned hamburger joint beneath the gray Formica table top.
I need to get to the bathroom. Get myself under control.
I made a move to get up, but Kage was a step ahead of me as usual. Before I could do much more than twitch, he’d secured my forearm to the table with his strong grip. “Eat your burger. It’s getting cold.”
He wasn’t so much forceful as he was resolute, and I couldn’t help thinking that he knew. That he was well aware of why I was trying to escape to the bathroom, and he didn’t care. He just wanted me to eat, so that’s what I would do.
My hard-on and I stayed in the booth, and I ate half of my burger like a good boy. The other half went into a Styrofoam doggy box that I carried under my arm as we strolled languidly back to our hotel. The idea of finding a club was forgotten for the moment, and we were just two guys walking along without a care, breathing in the air of a strange city. Funny how being in an unfamiliar place can make you brave— make you do things you wouldn’t normally do— things you just might regret when you get back to the real world.
That’s what my whole summer with Kage was like. One long string of things I might regret.
15
THAT night in the hotel was the first time I ever thought of Kage and me as… us. It was the first time I felt like something more than Kage’s satellite.
We were laughing at some stupid joke I’d made about the lady at the front desk, but as soon as the door to our room opened, we both got quiet, marching solemnly forward like we were walking to the electric chair. The door clicked loudly behind us, effectively shutting us off from the rest of the world.
I think maybe we both knew that this was it. That something was about to happen.
Kage crossed to the TV and clicked it on with the remote, but he didn’t sit down on the sofa. Instead, he turned toward me and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He looked almost nervous. “Wanna watch a movie or something?”
I was hovering around the kitchen area, remembering the spilled wine and the way he’d backed me against the counter. I wondered what might have happened if the bottle hadn’t fallen.
“A movie would be good,” I said. “Something with action maybe.” I rummaged in the fridge. “Want a beer? I think I’m gonna have a beer.”
“Yeah, bring me one.” He scrolled through the movie menu while I popped the tops and crossed the room to join him.
We finally agreed on one of the Fast and the Furious movies, though I couldn’t say which one. I was too preoccupied with trying not to look at Kage. Trying to seem casual.
I kicked my shoes and socks off and sat down on one end of the sofa, starting swilling beer like it was going out of style.
Kage was sitting on the other end of the sofa unlacing his boots. He took them off, stuffed his socks inside them, and pulled his feet up onto the seat. He took a long, slow pull off of his beer and cut his eyes over at me. The movie was just starting.
“Are you trying to get drunk?” he asked me.
“No, why?”
“Because you’re chugging the hell out of that beer. You want another one?”
I gave him a tight smile. “No, thanks.”
“Damn, Jamie. You’ve got to loosen up. Come here.”
“Huh?” I took another swallow of beer and stared unseeing at the TV screen.
“I said get your ass over here.”
I tipped my beer up and found it empty. “Oops, gotta get another beer.”
Kage arched a brow. “You said you didn’t need another one.”
I looked at the beer and back at him. “Well, I’ve got to go to the bathroom anyway, so might as well grab one.”
“Bathroom, huh?” He shook his head, but he smiled. “Okay. I’ll see you when you get back.”
I hurried to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. Fuck. What was I doing? What was going on here? My mind was a whirling dervish as I glanced frantically around the bathroom. This was definitely not one of those movie motel bathrooms with the little escape window. Didn’t matter. The bad guy was always waiting outside anyway.
But there was no bad guy here. What was I thinking? It was just me and Kage and the inevitable. My stomach was so tight it was folding in on itself. And quivering. God, was it ever quivering. I was fucked.
So incredibly fucked.
I undid my pants and took a gratuitous piss. Then I washed my hands, took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door. Kage was still on the couch where I left him, and I skirted the living area by way of the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
“Want a beer?” I asked, willing my voice not to squeak.
“Nope.”
&n
bsp; When I got back to the sofa, I hesitated before sitting down, taking a swallow of beer.
“Got your bathroom break out of the way?” Kage asked.
I nodded.
“Then set that beer down on the coffee table and get your ass over here.”
I did as he asked— no, as he commanded— and set the beer on the table.
He was lying back on the arm of the sofa with his legs stretched down the length of the seat cushion. When I didn’t make a move toward him, he spread his legs and put one foot on the floor. Then he patted the seat between his legs.
Instead of stepping forward, I stepped backward. “God, Kage—” I took another step backward, shaking my head. “I want you so, so much.”
“Then where are you going?”
That’s when I took off like a spooked horse, stumbling backward. I only got about three steps away before he was on me, taking me down and pinning me on the carpet. In the shuffle, my nearly-full beer got knocked off the table, and all I could hear was the glug-glug-fizz of the stuff spurting out onto the floor.
“My beer,” I gasped.
“Fuck the beer, Jamie.” He brought his mouth down onto mine and took my lips in a hungry kiss. He wasn’t rough exactly, but he was needy, and he definitely did not kiss like a girl. He didn’t let me be the aggressor or let me lead. He pressed in and took what he wanted, leaving me breathless.
All I could do was kiss him back, let him explore and taste. I was just along for the ride, and what an amazing ride it was.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I said when he pulled back and looked into my eyes.
He gave me that amused look he always seemed to save just for me. “Yeah? What do you think we should be doing?”
His lips were full, sexy, and right in front of me. I couldn’t resist lifting my head and taking a kiss for myself. The feel of his beard stubble was something new and unexpected, and I liked it. Like the way it scrubbed my lips and face, made them more sensitive.
I noticed I had a death grip on his shoulders, and I loosened my arms and let my hands wander tentatively across the expanse of his shoulders. Even the feel of the t-shirt with the hard muscle beneath was delightful. It was as if I’d never felt a t-shirt before. In fact, it was as if I’d never felt anything before. Like my nerve endings had just been woken from a lifelong state of dormancy.
