by Amy Clipston
All of Mike’s perplexing emotions about his father’s illness and his brother’s school troubles bubbled to the surface, and his eyes misted over. He longed to ask Dat’s advice, but Mike didn’t want to add stress to his father’s life when he was struggling so much with his health.
“You worked late again tonight,” Dat said, breaking through Mike’s tense thoughts. His voice was tired and quaky.
Mike cleared his throat to fight back his threatening tears. “Ya, I was trying to get caught up.” He dropped into the chair beside Dat’s. “I’m sure you remember what spring was like at the shop.”
Dat smiled, and a faraway expression overtook his face. “Ya, I do. It was my favorite time of year. I loved being busy, and I enjoyed working with my hands.” He held up his shaking hands and smiled. “They aren’t much use to me now. I can’t even hold a cup of kaffi without sloshing it all over.” His smile collapsed. “Was iss letz, Michael?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Mike rested his elbows on his knees. “I’m just tired.”
“You’re working too hard. You should be home in time for supper. John needs you.”
Mike bit back a sardonic snort. “I know he does.”
Dat studied him, and his expression softened. “I know you’re running yourself ragged for our family.” He blinked, and his blue eyes glistened with tears. “Michael, I’m sorry I’m not able to do more to help you take care of John.”
“Don’t worry about it, Dat.” Mike touched his father’s thin arm as sadness constricted his chest. “John and I are doing just fine. Marie and Janie are a tremendous help to us. I’m just worried about your health.”
“I can’t stand being a burden to you.” Dat swiped at his tears with a shaky hand. “That’s why I want to stop my treatments. It would be better for you and John if I—”
“Stop,” Mike said, a little more harshly than he meant to, and Dat winced with surprise. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He took a deep, shuddering breath. “I will take care of everything, but I have one thing I need you to do for John and me.”
“What’s that?”
“I need you to be strong for us,” Mike said, leaning forward and touching his father’s arm again. “I need you to keep up with your treatments and take care of yourself. John and I need you.” His voice trembled. “Can you do that for Johnny and me?”
“Ya.” His dat nodded. “I can do that.”
“Gut.” Mike stood. “Are you ready for bed?”
“Ya, it’s about that time.” Dat placed the newspaper on the end table beside him and then Mike lifted him from the chair and helped him back into the wheelchair.
As Mike pushed his father to his bedroom, he hoped he understood how much he and John needed him. He couldn’t cope with the notion of losing Dat and John becoming an orphan. He needed his father, and so did John.
CHAPTER 6
RENEWED GUILT WASHED OVER RACHEL AS SHE WROTE THE class schedule on the dry-erase board the next morning. She’d tossed and turned most of last night as she remembered the anguish in Mike’s eyes when he shared all the stress he faced daily. She longed to go back and relive the events of yesterday so she could take it all back.
If only she’d listened to Malinda and not gone to visit Mike. Now she’d made her relationship with him worse. How could she and Mike possibly work together to help John when she had offended him?
When she’d arrived home yesterday, she thought about telling her mother what had happened, but she was too embarrassed. How could she admit her stubbornness and quick temper had gotten the best of her again? She’d broken the rules and jeopardized her job. But, worst of all, she’d hurt Mike Lantz, who was already carrying enough stress on his shoulders. The last thing she needed to do was add to the poor man’s troubles.
“I think we should encourage the students to read on their own today and then have them summarize aloud what they read to test their comprehension. Do you think that’s a gut idea?” Malinda lifted a stack of reading books and began to place them on the students’ desks.
“Ya, that sounds like a great idea.” Rachel fingered the marker in her hand as she watched Malinda distribute the books. It was time to tell Malinda the truth. After all, Malinda would find out what Rachel had done when the school board chairman came to visit them and fired Rachel.
“I need to tell you something,” she blurted.
“What?” Malinda faced her.
“I didn’t listen to your advice yesterday.” Rachel placed the marker in the small tray below the board. “I did exactly what you told me not to do.”
“What are you talking about?” Malinda’s expression clouded with puzzlement.
“Yesterday you told me not to go talk to Mike Lantz.” Rachel’s stomach tightened as Malinda gaped at her. “I should’ve listened to you, but like you said, I’m too stubborn for my own gut.”
“Ach, no.” Malinda shook her head. “Tell me you’re joking. You didn’t really break the rules again, did you, Rachel?” When Rachel didn’t respond, Malinda glowered.
Rachel swallowed. “I did, and I’m very sorry.”
Malinda groaned as she sank into Luke King’s chair. “What happened?”
Rachel explained how she’d gone to visit the Lantz farm and then went to Bird-in-Hand Builders. She detailed her conversation with Mike, and as Malinda listened her eyes darkened with a combination of disappointment and anger.
“I never should have done it,” Rachel said, her voice trembling with both guilt and shame. “I realize now I did more harm than gut.”
Frowning, Malinda bent her arm on the desktop and then rested her chin on her palm. “You have no idea how hard I’ve worked to build a gut relationship with the parents and the school board, and you managed to undo that in one conversation.”
“I’m so sorry.” Rachel dropped onto the desk chair beside Malinda.
“I know you’re sorry.” Malinda wiped her hand across her face. “But that doesn’t change the fact that Mike Lantz could complain to the school board chairman and get you fired.”
“I know,” Rachel said softly. “He said he might.”
Malinda glared at Rachel. “What were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking clearly. You know how I get when I’m focused on something. I was completely fixated on working with Mike to help John.”
“You could have done that without accusing him of neglecting John.” Malinda sat up straight and wagged a finger at Rachel. “That’s what the journal is for. We’re supposed to write in the journal and communicate with the parents that way, not by visiting them at work or home.”
“I know.” Rachel studied the toes of her black shoes. “I’m going to make this right.”
“How can you possibly do that?” Malinda asked, looking skeptical.
“I’ll write a note of apology in the journal and tell Mike I was completely out of line,” Rachel began as the ideas popped into her mind. “I’ll give John extra attention, and I’ll be extra patient with him. I’ll do everything I can to help him with his reading, math, spelling, and classroom behavior.” Excitement burst through her. “I’ll take care of everything. I promise you, Malinda.”
When Malinda’s expression remained stoic, Rachel added, “And I’ll talk to the school board chairman if you’d like. I’ll apologize and tell him it’s all my fault, and that you told me not to handle this on my own. I’ll take full responsibility.”
Malinda shook her head. “You don’t need to talk to the school board chairman. Mike may not say anything to him, so we don’t want to bring this to his attention.” Her expression relaxed. “You just write the apology in the book and work with John as much as you can without neglecting the other students in the class.”
“I’ll do my best.” The knot in Rachel’s stomach eased slightly. “I’ll be the best teacher I can be, and I’ll make this up to Mike and John.”
“Fine,” Malinda said. “But in the future, you need to follow the rules. If you don’t
follow the rules, then we won’t be able to teach together anymore.”
“I won’t let you down again,” Rachel promised.
“Gut.” Malinda stood. “Let’s get ready for the students to arrive.”
Rachel worked one-on-one with John most of the morning while they concentrated on reading, spelling, and math. She was patient but also firm when he told her he didn’t want to work on his math sheet. She encouraged him to try, and she managed to convince him to try three subtraction problems.
During lunch, Rachel stayed in the classroom and lifted John’s journal out of his tote bag. She turned to the page where Mike had written the note and studied his handwriting. Her thoughts again wandered back to their conversation yesterday and the pain she’d found in his powder-blue eyes.
With a deep breath, she began to write.
Dear Mike,
Please accept my sincerest apology for our conversation yesterday. I was out of line, and I’m sorry for upsetting you. I have spoken with Malinda, and we are discussing a plan to work more closely with John and give him the attention he needs. I will continue to keep you updated by writing in this journal daily. Please do your best to write in the journal as often as you can. Thank you for your patience with me as I work toward becoming a better teacher.
Most sincerely,
Rachel Fisher
Rachel studied her note and then closed the journal. She hoped Mike would accept her apology and decide not to contact the school board chairman. If he did, however, she would face the consequences.
RACHEL STOOD BY THE PASTURE FENCE AND HUGGED HER SWEATER TO HER middle on Sunday evening of the following week. She looked toward where the youth group members played volleyball in makeshift courts and pondered the previous week at school. She had worked closely with John, and she’d seen a slight improvement in both his schoolwork and his behavior. He no longer bullied the other children, but he was still socially withdrawn. He was also still struggling with his schoolwork, but she vowed not to give up on him. Rachel was growing attached to the child. She could see glimpses of a very sweet boy who just needed some encouragement and affection.
While she watched the other young people laugh, talk, and play volleyball, she reflected on Mike Lantz. Rachel continued to write notes to Mike every day in John’s journal, and she’d been thankful that she’d received a response. The response, however, had come from his cousin Marie. The reply was positive, thanking Rachel for her hard work with John. But she’d hoped Mike would respond, telling her he accepted her apology. Perhaps Marie hadn’t relayed her apology in the journal.
Surprisingly, the school board chairman had not contacted Malinda or Rachel, which Rachel believed was evidence that Mike hadn’t reported her behavior after all. She was thankful he hadn’t, but she was also surprised. She hoped that meant he’d forgiven her.
A sudden burst of giggles drew Rachel’s attention to her right. She spun around, and her stomach twisted when she saw David and Sharon coming toward her. Sharon giggled as David whispered something to her.
Although Rachel had done her best to put her two-timing ex-boyfriend and former best friend out of her mind, she frequently saw them at church and now tonight at youth group. She took a deep breath and fought back the resentment bubbling up in her throat. She had to find a way to release her anger and forgive them, but it was difficult for her to heal when their happiness was constantly shoved in her face. She bit back the sour taste of jealousy as Sharon’s eyes met hers.
“Rachel.” Sharon’s smile crumpled. “It’s so gut to see you. How are you?”
“I’m doing fine.” Rachel gripped the fence post beside her and leaned on it for strength. “How are you?”
“Fine, fine.” Sharon cleared her throat and turned toward David.
David gave Rachel an awkward smile before lifting his straw hat and pushing his hand through his dark hair. David always fidgeted when he was uncomfortable. Did he feel guilty for breaking her heart?
“I heard you’re teaching at the special school with Malinda,” Sharon continued. “That’s really great. How do you like it?”
“I like it a lot.” Rachel glanced toward the crowd of young people playing volleyball and searched for her sister Emily. Where was she when Rachel needed her? “The kinner are wunderbaar. I enjoy them.”
“Oh, that’s nice.” Sharon’s smile was a little too forced. “I’m certain you’re a wunderbaar teacher.”
“Danki.” Rachel stared at Sharon and David as they stared back, standing close to each other.
A tense silence hung over them all, and Rachel found herself wondering why she hadn’t noticed the attraction that had been growing between Sharon and David. Why had she been so blind when David and Sharon seemed to always gravitate toward each other at social gatherings? Why hadn’t she realized David didn’t respond when she mentioned marriage or children? Had Rachel been so immature that she hadn’t seen the obvious clues that David had never loved her?
The questions roared through her mind like a tornado as anxiety and regret clamped down on her shoulders.
“Rachel!” Emily’s voice sang. “I’ve been looking for you!”
Relief flooded Rachel as her younger sister rushed toward her. Emily always had perfect timing, and Rachel was so thankful for her intuition.
Emily smiled at Sharon and David. “Hi,” she said. “It’s so gut to see you.” She took Rachel’s arm. “I need to steal her for some schweschder time. We’ll see you later.”
While David and Sharon muttered something that sounded like good-bye, Emily led Rachel toward the far side of the pasture. “Why were you hiding over here?”
“I wasn’t hiding,” Rachel said, which wasn’t exactly the truth. She couldn’t stand the idea of trying to mix with the other young people when her mind was stuck on Mike, John, and her guilt. She had thought about staying home tonight, but Emily had insisted they come out and see their friends.
“Ya, you were.” Emily gently squeezed Rachel’s arm. “I know you, Rach. You used to love going to youth gatherings, but you’ve changed during the past weeks. Is it because of David and Sharon?”
Rachel shrugged. “I guess that’s part of it.”
They stopped by a small pond and sat on a bench, and Rachel folded her arms over her middle as the confusing feelings about David and Sharon swirled in her gut. Jealousy was a sin, but it still reared its evil head when they were around. But if Rachel didn’t love David anymore, then was she really jealous of Sharon? Or did she simply miss having a boyfriend?
“I can’t stand seeing you so unhappy. You know you can tell me anything, ya?” Emily asked, her voice breaking through Rachel’s mental tirade.
“I know that.” Rachel gave her sister a grim smile. “I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I don’t really miss David, but I miss my friendship with Sharon. I suppose I miss both of their friendships.”
“If they were sneaking around behind your back, then they weren’t ever really your freinden, right?” Emily sat back on the bench and smoothed her blue dress over her legs.
The question was so simple, but the meaning unlocked something deep in Rachel’s soul. Why did she allow Sharon and David to continue to hurt her when she had done nothing wrong? Her only mistake had been to trust them.
“Ya, that’s true.” Rachel kicked a small stone with the toe of her shoe as she considered her sister’s words.
“David wasn’t the right man for you, but you’ll find the right one,” Emily continued. “Mamm always says we’ll find the one man to marry eventually. There’s no set timeline.”
Rachel turned toward her ever-positive younger sister. “You’re right. I just have to get used to seeing David and Sharon together and so froh.”
“I’m sure it will get easier over time,” Emily insisted. She searched Rachel’s face for a moment. “Is there something else bothering you?”
Rachel’s thoughts moved to Mike again. “I haven’t told you everything that happened my first week at schoo
l.” She shared the story of John’s behavior and then her confrontation with Mike. She also explained what she’d learned about John’s home life, her attempt to smooth things over with an apology note, and her worry about losing her job.
“I still feel terrible for criticizing Mike even after more than a week,” Rachel admitted. “I let my stubbornness and impatience get the best of me, and I should’ve listened to Malinda.”
“You didn’t know about the burden he was carrying,” Emily said, rubbing Rachel’s arm. “You were only trying to do your job. You apologized, so it’s okay now. I’m certain he’ll forgive you.”
“I don’t know.” Rachel shook her head. “He hasn’t responded to any of my notes. His cousin Marie, who helps him at the haus, is the one who answered. She thanked me for all the work I’m doing with John, but I haven’t heard from Mike.”
“He told you how much he works, right? He’s probably just too busy to answer.”
“Ya, I know. But I still feel terrible. I can’t stop thinking about him and John.” Rachel leaned her elbow on the arm of the bench and then rested her chin on her palm. “I just keep remembering how upset Mike was when we talked. His eyes were so sad and desperate. I feel like I really hurt him, and I want to make things right. I just don’t know how.”
Emily smiled. “You can do something really nice for him to show him how sorry you are.”
“Like what?”
Emily shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe send a meal home with John. That would help his cousin out too. She’s going to his haus to help him, but I’m sure she also has chores to do at home. What if you send a meal home with John with a note saying you wanted to do something nice for him as a way to apologize for your argument?”
Rachel gasped. “That’s a great idea!” She hugged Emily. “You always have the best ideas. Danki!”
