by Sadie Grubor
"Hey, Liv," Erik greets with a kiss to my forehead. "Hey, big Al." He kisses the top of Alex's head.
"Erik, I was going to call you, but—"
He pushes by us, entering my apartment.
"I know, but I figured I'd stop by to see how your trip was and check in on you guys." Erik makes himself comfortable on my couch.
Closing the door, my earlier exhaustion suddenly returns. This conversation is going to be uncomfortable, to say the least.
"I'm gonna go dress Alex," I mumble, walking down the hall to his room.
Once Alex is dressed and on his feet, he runs off into the living room.
"Rik," he announces, rushing into Erik.
Erik reaches down and lifts him fully onto his lap.
"Toons." Alex pats his hands on Erik's chest impatiently.
"Okay, okay."
Picking up the remote, Erik turns on cartoons for Alex. I take a seat in the large, overstuffed chair across from them.
"Well, at least Alex missed me," Erik grumbles, his attention focused on me.
Ignoring the comment, I stare, unseeing, at the cartoon. When Alex yawns, I start mentally preparing myself for the discussion I won't be able to put off any longer.
"Okay, baby, it's time for bed."
"No." Alex slips from the couch, ready to run.
"I really don't like that you've learned that word." Grabbing him under the arms before he can run, I lift him to my hip.
"Night, Al." Erik ruffles his hair.
It takes a few long minutes for Alex's aquarium crib toy to lull him to sleep. It takes me a few minutes longer to return to face Erik.
Erik stands from the couch as I re-enter the room and approaches me.
"I think we should probably talk—"
His lips firmly press to mine. His hands move to hold the sides of my face as his tongue grazes my bottom lip. I pull back and push on his chest to put some space between us.
"Erik—"
"I missed you, Liv. Let me stay. We can talk in the morning." His hands move down my sides, grip my hips, and pull me closer.
"We really need to talk. Now." I push on his chest again.
"Olivia," he huffs. "I really need to be close to you tonight. I missed you so much and love—"
"Stop!" With a final push, I finally get space between our bodies. "Listen to me. You know I only want to be friends. And I’ve tried to be just friends, I really have, but you keep pushing for more. We just aren't more than that and we won't be."
Erik opens his mouth to speak.
"Please, let me finish. I love you, Erik, but it's not in the way you want me to or in the way I should. My love is a fondness and caring. I’m not in love with you." I search his face, hoping for understanding.
"Liv, I don't care. I love you enough for the both of us."
I take two more steps back, but he follows.
"I know it's hard for you. I know you always think back to Isaac. I get it, I do. But he's gone, Liv. And he’s not coming back."
I flinch at his words. I know Isaac is gone. I never meant for him to think Isaac is the reason I can't love him.
"It's fine. I can love you enough. I won't leave, or hurt you, or—"
"This isn't about him and that isn't how love works. Besides, I have a situation I need to deal with. It's one that won't make you happy at all."
"Situation?" His brows pull together in confusion. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, per say. Something happened in Vegas that I need to deal with."
"What happened?" He steps closer and I can't retreat anymore; it would bring us too close to Alex's room.
I put my hand up, keeping an arm's length of distance between us.
He focuses on my hand. "Tell me what's going on." His eyes meet mine.
"Sit down first." I motion to the chair I recently sat in.
He sits. "Tell me."
"In Vegas, I met someone and—"
"You met someone else in Vegas?" he sneers.
"Calm down and let me finish."
"You fucked someone else in Vegas, didn't you?" He returns to his feet, anger contorting his features.
"There was a lot of alcohol involved and I ended up married." I rush the words out and stand completely still, waiting.
Erik's face instantly turns beet red, causing his typical baby face to contort further.
"You married and fucked some stranger?!" he yells.
"Shh, Alex is sleeping," I hush.
"Fuck you, Liv! Who are you? Are you some whore now, huh?!" His arms flail at his sides as his voice gets louder.
Anger I'll accept, I deserve it, but insults will not be tolerated.
"Get out," I growl. "You can be angry and hate me all you want. I made a mistake I have to deal and live with, but I won't be called a whore. Get out!" My own voice raises higher than intended.
"Olivia, I don't…I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it. I just, I can't believe you did something like this to me. Why? I love you, why would you do this to me?"
"I drank too much and didn't know what I was doing. It's a horrible excuse and I would never intentionally hurt you this way. Never. I would never plan to do something like this. Things got out of control," I reply, my voice finally back to normal levels.
"I don't know what to say to you." He shakes his head and looks at the floor.
"I'm so sorry, Erik. I…" I trail off, not knowing what else to say to him.
"Goodnight, Olivia." Turning, Erik leaves my apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Olivia
Alfonso arrives right on time, his briefcase in hand. He stands next to Mercedes’ office, talking with her while he waits for me to finish the last detail on a Scooby Doo birthday cake.
Quickly washing my hands, I go greet my soon-to-be annulment lawyer.
"Hey, Alfonso. It's good to see you."
Straightening from his leaning position, he returns the greeting. "It's good to see you, too."
"How's Noelle?" I ask, referring to his longtime girlfriend.
"She's good." He smiles, but it looks forced.
"Good to hear." I motion toward the stairs. "Let's discuss this upstairs, if you don't mind?"
He nods and I turn to Ced.
"If you need me, give me a call, okay?"
"Will do." She smiles and pushes her chair so Alfonso can't see her. Then she mouths, "He is so hot," and fans herself.
I smile and shake my head.
"Oh, don't forget, I'm taking off early today for my date." Her grin grows, brightening her entire face.
With a nod, I pick Alex up from his play area and show Alfonso to my apartment.
He sits at my small kitchen table and I take my place across from him with Alex in his highchair on my right.
"So, tell me what happened." His fancy silver pen hovers expectantly over the yellow legal pad in front of him.
"Didn't Felicity tell you what happened?" I don't want to admit my stupidity out loud again.
"Yes, but I need your official statement regarding the occurrence." His tone is professional, but the small twitch at the corner of his mouth gives away his amusement.
"Fine," I huff.
For the next half hour, I recount what I remember of the sordid experience, leaving out the details of the amazing horizontal tango with Damon.
"Alright, well, I'm sure we can easily trace his information since you are acquainted with him. I'll get the annulment papers drawn up and sent over to him." He finally stops writing and drops the pen to the legal pad. "If he isn't on board with ending the marriage, as you mentioned, then we may have to go to court."
"How fast can we file?"
"I'll expedite it, but it will still take two days to process. Mr. Knyght will receive notification shortly after it has been filed. I would say three or four days, maybe." He shrugs.
"And if we have to go to court?"
"If he contests the annulment, he will have to go through a large process and get lawyers involved. Techn
ically, you will need to sue for divorce in order to be heard by a judge, or a mediator, at the least."
He sighs and rubs the back of his neck.
"What?"
"Olivia, I'm going to be really honest. This isn't my specialty. While I can definitely have my paralegal work on the paperwork and get this filed, if you have to go to court, you're going to need someone with more family practice experience."
I nod and give a small shrug.
"No, Liv," Alfonso leans forward, elbows to the table, "you don't understand. If Mr. Knyght is as intent as you stated, he is not going to make this easy. I can assure you that a man of his wealth and business background will have top shelf lawyers at his disposal. Sharks that will chomp at the littlest bit of blood in the water. They'll make it an expensive endeavor."
"Fu…dge," I groan. At least I remembered not to say fuck in front of Alex.
I glance toward Alex in his highchair and feel the urge to smack myself for allowing this into his life.
"Let's hope he comes to his senses and agrees to the annulment," I say to Alfonso, but I don't take my eyes off Alex as he smashes cheerios in his hand and watches the remnants float to his tray.
"What does he want from you? Any ideas at all?"
"I have no darn clue, Alfonso."
The honesty of the answer is like a slap to the face. I have no idea what he wants or why he is so adamant about staying married to someone he doesn't know.
"Maybe you should find out," Alfonso murmurs.
"Maybe I don't want to know," I counter and then groan out loud. "As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. If I find out what he's after, maybe it will be the key to getting rid of him."
After saying our goodbyes to Alfonso, Alex and I go back down to the bakery.
With the morning behind us, our afternoon is just as crazy. Mercedes cut out early for her date, a guy she met while shopping for bakery supplies. Emily and Greg, the part-time baker assistants, have afterhours clean up duty, so it’s bath and play time for Alex.
After four rounds of peek-a-boo, ten games of hide and seek, and five stories, Alex finally yawns.
"Time for bed, baby boy." Sweeping him up into my arms, he lays his head on my shoulder.
"No," he responds, yawning again.
Once Alex is settled into bed, I make my way toward my own room. A knock at the door stops me just before I reach my bedroom. "Damn," I whisper, so not to wake Alex.
I glance at the clock on the wall as I go to answer the door.
"It's almost ten. Who the hell…?”
Peeking out the window next to my door, I see Erik standing with a bunch of wildflowers in his fist.
I pull open the door. "Erik it's late."
"Liv." He steps into my apartment, causing me to take a step back.
"I am so sorry for how I reacted."
"You have every right to be angry. I understand." I cross my arms over my chest. Not in defense, but because I feel more uncomfortable with him than I ever have.
"I don't want to fight with you." He smiles, sheepishly.
"Neither do I, but I can't do…this." I motion between us.
"Liv, please, just give me another—"
I put my hand up, stopping him.
"It's not like that between us. For me, anyway." Placing a hand on his arm, I inch just a bit closer. "I'm sorry, Erik. I really wish things were different, but I can't force something that isn't there."
"You mean you can't force yourself to love me?"
His fist clenches, causing the flowers to rustle and the plastic paper around them to crinkle.
I bite my lip to stop my chin from wavering and simply nod.
"Is it him? You love this stranger?" His voice rises.
"Shh, Alex is in bed. And, no, I do not love this guy. I met with Alfonso today to resolve everything. I told you, I made a mistake. That's all, but it doesn't change things between us."
I remove my hand from his arm, taking a deep breath.
"I love you, Olivia. I love Alex and you. I've never loved anyone the way I—"
"Stop, don't do this," I beg.
"But I do!" he shouts, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I love you so much. I would take care of you. You don't have to be madly in love with me."
He surprises me by crushing his lips to mine — hard. The desperation of the kiss is a bitter reminder of how awful a person I am for this.
Pulling away from him and the kiss, I place a hand on his chest to prevent him from getting close again.
"I don't feel the same way and I'm sorry that it hurts you. It's the last thing I want to do, but it will only hurt you worse if I agree to be more than friends with you."
Softly pushing at his chest, he gets the hint and steps back from me.
"I'm just asking for one more chance. Can't you give me…give us, that?" His eyes search my face.
"No. I can't. It kills me to know that you love me and I can't return the same feelings. Because you deserve that. You deserve intense, profound love. I care about you and want to be friends, but I'm not sure it's possible. At least…not right now."
"Don't say that." He grabs my shoulders. "Don't ever say that. We're friends — always. If you would just give this a chance to grow, I know it could be the best love—"
"It won't," I groan. "I think you should go and take some time away from me. We both need time away from each other if there is any hope of being friends. Okay?"
Anger, hurt, and then defeat crease his face.
"I'm sorry, Erik."
"Me, too." Tossing the flowers onto the table by the door, he exits the apartment without looking back.
I press my head against the closed door and lock it as tears fall from my eyes.
My days have been full of regular baking, cake orders, and a large, high profile wedding we landed thanks to Felicity.
"She said no cakes, Olivia," Felicity whines from the other side of the restaurant booth after seeing cream puff cake on the menu plan.
"Its puffy pastry balls, not really a cake," I argue.
"It still says cake."
"Then change it to cream puff dessert," I sigh, tired of this Bridezilla's micro managing.
"Good idea." Her eyes light up.
"Seriously?" I ask, one brow lifted
"I don't want the word cake anywhere on the dinner menu." She points her pen at me. "You know how particular she is."
I nod.
"But she's marrying into money, so she's paid for the right to be a particular pain in my ass." She smiles.
"Ah, to marry a hometown hockey player, wouldn't that be the life." I grin.
She rolls her eyes.
"You're currently Mrs. Moneybags Knyght. You have access to enough money to buy the entire hockey team for Crepes sake," she laughs.
"That is being taken care of," I glower. "But nice with the 'Crepes sake'."
"Thank you, thank you." She dips her head, taking a small bow. "You talked to Alfonso, right?"
I nod.
"Well, looks like you won't be able to buy a hockey team much longer and are well on your way to being a rich divorcee."
"Still not funny," I grumble.
"Yes, it is."
We dig back into the details of the wedding for a few more minutes before Felicity changes the subject once more.
"I forgot to tell you about the hotel manager." She sits up straighter, and I swear sticks her boobs out a bit. "She asked me out." A small blush colors her cheeks.
"Really? So, is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"Definitely good," she answers. "You should see how beautiful she is, and extremely nice."
"Are you okay with dating someone you work with?"
She shrugs. "I don't think it will be a problem. We're both adults, besides she is so hot. Whew!" Felicity fans herself. "I could never pick up someone like her in any of the bars around here."
She brings her drink to her lips and drains the last of the dark red liquid. Returning her glass to the
table, Felicity sees my empty one in front of me.
"You want another one?"
"No, I have to get back soon. Mercedes is watching Alex and I don't want to even think about what she is feeding him."
"True," Felicity agrees with a nod.
Saying goodbye, we head in opposite directions.
I arrive home to Mercedes sitting on the couch, her cell phone to her ear. With a flick of her wrist, she motions to the hallway.
Stepping into Alex’s room, I find him on his floor with a plethora of colorful blocks surrounding him.
"What are you building?"
Dropping to my knees, I crawl to him.
"Momma," he blurts, clapping his hands.
"Yep, it's momma." Reaching forward, I ruffle his hair. "And you're my little man, aren't you?"
He squeals.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Lying flat on my stomach and propping up on elbows, we build a block tower. His chubby little fingers reach out and knock it down. I rebuild and he does it again, laughing.
His laugh is like a balm to my soul. As we rebuild once more, I look closer at my son. His skin is pale and lightly dusted with freckles, like me. His hair is more of a darker brown rather than the natural red my hair would be if I didn't dye it a much brighter shade. Where my eyes are blue, his are green with amazing gold flecks sprinkled around his pupil. The flecks always remind me of that stage during an eclipse when the sun looks like a bright ring around the moon. Alexander is beautiful, no doubt or mother's bias about it.
Sometimes it's hard to really, truly look at the features he inherited from a stranger. The only thing I know about the donor is the information provided in a folder. I'm still not completely sure why I chose him. But among the mix of all the others, there was just something about the medical student's profile.
Most thought me crazy for having a child with a stranger and to be honest, I still sometimes wonder if I made the right choice in bringing Alex into this world without a father.
Mercedes sits on the floor next to me, pulling me from my thoughts.
"So, did you get the dessert menu finalized?"
Nodding, I ask, "Who were you talking to?"
"Adam," she replies, wistfully.
"Is this Adam the new man you met?"
