My stomach churned under the intensity of his gaze.
‘That sounds good.’ Our hands interlocked, he squeezed my fingers. I’d have been content to stay like that gazing up into his eyes the entire day, but the shuffling noises behind me distracted my attention.
‘Well, I’ll leave you to it, then. Now that normal service has been resumed.’ Lexie appeared from the bathroom, clutching her overnight bag in her hands, looking tired and uncharacteristically vulnerable without any make-up on.
‘Oh Lexie!’ I ran over to her, throwing my arms around her neck. The events of the last twenty-four hours, twenty-four days or however long it had been since Jimmy had bulldozed into my life, had left me feeling strangely wobbly and tearful. My sister, my dear lovable and infuriating sister. What would I have done without her?
‘Thanks so much for everything, you know, last night and all that. For being so understanding. I couldn’t have done it without you.’
‘Hey, anytime, you know that.’ she said. ‘I’m only sorry we didn’t get a better result from Donna Diamond. Still, we’ll catch up with her yet. Don’t you worry about it.’
‘Thanks, darling,’ I said, giving her a big kiss. With Lexie and Jimmy on my team then everything would be all right, I felt certain.
‘Yeah, thanks, Lexie,’ said Jimmy, wafting past her and whispering in her ear. ‘I’ll see you soon.’
‘Ugh… that pesky ghost!’ she yelped, flapping her hand around the back of her neck and leaping up and down on the spot. ‘Would you not do that? Tell him, Alice. It’s seriously freaky.’
‘Behave yourself,’ I laughed, nudging him in the ribs with my elbow, as we watched Lexie dance down the hallway.
Chapter Fourteen
After breakfast we decided to head for the great outdoors. The atmosphere in the flat was becoming oppressive and besides, the sun had been filtering through the picture windows beckoning us outside, the forecast for the rest of the day bright sunshine.
Brickhill Country Park was only ten minutes away and a haven for wildlife, dog-walkers, young families and courting couples.
Walking hand in hand with him along the pathway that led to the boating lake, I had to keep reminding myself that outside of our little fragilely constructed bubble, none of this was real. To the man pushing his young son along on his toy motorbike I was a single woman taking a Sunday-morning stroll alone. To the teenage couple gently teasing each other, I was probably a figure of pity and ridicule. To the guy loitering behind the dustbins, I was fair game.
‘All right, love?’ he asked, a sneer moulding his face.
‘She’s out of your league, mate,’ called Jimmy, putting a protective arm around my shoulder as we sauntered past. I laughed, confusing the guy with my reaction as he shook his head dismissively. If I’d been alone, I’d have felt vulnerable and frightened and would probably have turned back onto the main path, but with Jimmy beside me I’d felt protected, a feeling I relished and something I realised had been sorely missing from my life. Someone to lean on.
Maybe, in the absence of a real-live man in my life, I needed something else. A dog, perhaps, I thought smiling, as a scruffy-haired mutt scampered past. Whatever it was, the hole that I hadn’t even known existed in my life had been given a temporary fix by Jimmy’s special brand of spiritual healing. The trouble was I knew it was only a for-the-moment arrangement.
‘To be honest, Jimmy, it was all a bit of a disaster last night. We did our best, but we had to pounce on Donna in the loos. It wasn’t the most conducive atmosphere to getting her on our side. And when she heard what we had to say it only made matters much worse.’
‘I bet.’
‘She’s very pretty, isn’t she? Much prettier than she seems on telly and in the mags. Up close you can definitely see the natural beauty beneath all the glitz.’ It wouldn’t have surprised me if Jimmy had slept with her after all. Any red-blooded male would have their head turned by someone as desirable as Donna.
Jimmy scrunched up his nose as though he’d just caught a whiff of something unsavoury.
‘You think? She’s not my type, that’s for sure.’
‘Oh really? And what’s your type then, Jimmy?’ The outdoors air made me bold.
He stopped and spun me round to face him.
‘Someone like you,’ he said looking at me intently. ‘Yeah, I suppose you’d do, with your funny ideas and quirky ways.’
‘Thanks a bunch,’ I said, laughing away the compliment, but my body couldn’t ignore the implication. My stomach scrambled and I felt the back of my throat tighten.
‘She was very cool and collected,’ I said, linking my arm through his. ‘She wasn’t about to admit she’d made the whole thing up, but I could tell by her eyes she was lying.’
‘You weren’t prepared to take my word for that, then?’
‘Yes, but…’ I blushed, knowing he had me sussed. I’d wanted to believe him more than anything, but it was difficult when all the national papers were telling a very different story.
‘Hey, don’t worry about it. I’d have been the same,’ he admitted. ‘The trouble is the rest of the population will be thinking the same as you.’ He paused to pick up a stone, and flicked it with his wrist into the water. It skimmed along the surface, and we watched the ripples spreading outwards. ‘It’s not the way I want to be remembered, though.’
‘I know,’ I said, slipping my arm through his again. I hated seeing him so hurt and downcast. As if being dead wasn’t enough, he had all this other rubbish to contend with too. ‘We’ll go and see Donna again. Perhaps now she’s had a chance to think about it, she’ll realise what she’s done, how wrong it is and change her mind and tell the truth.’
‘You reckon? I doubt it somehow,’ he said, his brow furrowing. ‘There’d be more chance of me coming back from the dead!’
‘Stop it!’ I hated him talking like that, reminding me that he didn’t belong here.
‘You know,’ he said then paused, bending down to pick up another pebble, throwing it with more venom this time. It plopped with a thud deep into the water. ‘I went to see my parents last night.’
‘Oh really?’ So that’s where he’d been then.
‘Yeah. Mum’s in a bad way. This whole baby thing has really shaken her up. She was just coming to terms with the fact that I’m not around any more and now this. She’s horrified. She doesn’t want to believe it and yet… she doesn’t know what to believe.’
His voice trailed away as we wandered down to the water’s edge and watched as a mother duck and her ducklings followed behind two small girls trailing bread into the water.
‘What can I do? It’s so frustrating. She thinks her first grandchild will be coming into the world and she’s wondering what part she’ll play in that child’s life. I need her to know the truth, to tell her not to worry, but I can’t.’ He sighed, a ghostly sigh, heavy with regret. ‘You know, I had a good go at telling her, but obviously she wasn’t hearing me. I even thought about trying out one of my few ghostly tricks, but decided against it. I didn’t want to worry her any more than she is already.’
‘No, keep the tricks purely for Lexie’s benefit, hey?’ I smiled, wishing though, for once, it could be his mum who could see and hear him, not me.
‘The thing is she could spend a lot of time and emotional energy in getting to see and bonding with a baby that isn’t even mine.’
It was a terrible thought. That Jimmy, a dead man, had to live with the lie was one thing, but to think that the repercussions would filter through to his family and friends, affecting their whole lives too. Whatever my personal feelings about Donna, I was sure she couldn’t be aware of the devastation she was causing by the fact of one little lie. No one could be that callous.
‘I could go and see your mum, tell her the true situation.’ Desperation coloured my words. If only there was something I could do to help.
‘Hmm, but then it’s just your word against Donna’s. It might just make matters worse for m
um.’
‘I suppose,’ I said. ‘There’s always a DNA test, if it comes to it. I know it’s not something you’d want to insist on, but if it’s going to prove things once and for all, then it might be the only answer.’
Jimmy nodded.
‘Do you know, this whole thing has been a nightmare?’ He reached out a hand to my shoulder, the intensity of his gaze on my face holding me captive. ‘But the one thing that’s made it bearable is having you here at my side. You’ve been so supportive. I mean it, Alice, I don’t know what I would have done without you.’
He placed a feather-light kiss on my forehead, tipping my head back with his finger on my chin. As I felt my eyes close involuntarily, I felt an overwhelming surge of happiness tempered with a stab of loss and regret. If I’d been fighting my feelings for weeks, I knew now with a thud that I couldn’t hang onto them for a moment longer. They’d been swept away by a ghost.
‘I just wish there was more I could do to help,’ I said, looking up into his grey soulful eyes realising I was lost there.
‘Just you being here helps, Alice. I can’t tell you how much.’ He dropped his gaze for a moment before looking up at me with a huge grin on his face. ‘God, I am so starving!’ He rubbed his tummy, bringing me back to the moment. ‘How about you?’
‘Ravenous,’ I agreed. It must have been all the fresh air playing havoc with my appetite and my emotions.
‘There’s a cafe next to the car park. Come on,’ he laughed, taking off, ‘I’ll race you.’
‘Jimmy! Wait. I’m not running, don’t be silly!’ But he wasn’t listening, he’d disappeared off into the distance and I could only limp after him laughing at his exuberance and enthusiasm.
When I caught up with him a few minutes later, he was already at the buffet eyeing up the selections.
‘What kept you?’ he asked, grinning, handing me a plastic tray.
I was panting, but I seemed to be in a constant state of breathless anticipation these days so that was nothing new. ‘I was going to let you have a piece of my bacon,’ I said churlishly, ‘but I’m not so sure now.’
‘Well, to be on the safe side, we ought to get enough for both of us,’ he said, loading my plate high, first with bacon, then with sausages, tomatoes, mushrooms, fried bread, two eggs, and, finally, black pudding.
‘Yuk,’ I said eyeing it warily.
‘What? It’s delicious. You don’t know what you’re missing out on. Ooh, don’t forget the toast,’ he said, putting the entire contents of the bread basket on my plate.
At the till the young sylph-like cashier surveyed my tray with undisguised disgust.
‘Someone’s hungry,’ she said, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow.
‘Oh, I’m in training,’ I said airily, ‘for the London Marathon.’ I did a little jog on the spot for demonstration purposes. ‘I need plenty of proteins and carbs. I’ll have all this run off by lunchtime.’
Her mouth fell open and I noticed the small shake of her head.
‘Come on, my very favourite, highly-toned athlete.’ Jimmy gave me an affectionate slap on the backside, making me squirm and giggle on the spot. ‘I’ll race you to the table.’
‘Must dash,’ I called to the cashier who was giving me a very dismissive look as I jogged off, following my very favourite ghost to the table.
Chapter Fifteen
The week in the run-up to the Charity Ball was absolutely manic at work so I was relieved when Jimmy explained he had plans of his own.
‘Listen, Alice,’ he said, grabbing my hand one morning as I was about to leave for work, ‘I’ve got some stuff to catch up with this week so don’t worry if you don’t see me for a few days.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah, seeing my parents the other day made me realise I have some unfinished business to sort out. I want to pop in on a few people, say my goodbyes. So no freaking out if I’m AWOL for a while. I promise I’ll be fine and I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘What’s happened, Jimmy? Have you heard something then? You’d tell me if you’d been given a leaving date, wouldn’t you?’
Jimmy shook his head, laughing.
‘I might be wrong, but I don’t think I’ll be receiving written notification through the post. But hey, if I do, you’ll be the first to know.’
‘OK,’ I said, feeling foolish. Ever since we’d met up with Donna, I’d been in a heightened sense of panic thinking Jimmy would be taken at any moment. Despite his reassurances to the contrary, how would I know if he’d ever come back again? And would he even have any say in the matter?
A shiver rippled down my spine at the thought of him wandering off on his own again and those poor unsuspecting people on the end of an unexpected visit from the ghostly apparition of Jimmy Mack. He’d probably scare them half to death. Mind you he was looking particular delectable this morning. In what was becoming his daily uniform of dark jeans and fitted white T-shirt, the strong hard lines of his body were accentuated. And I don’t know whether it was my imagination, but it seemed with each passing day that Jimmy’s eyes grew a shade darker, their depths becoming more intense and soul-bearing. I was sure the flecks of silver in his hair were becoming more plentiful too and the pallor of his skin gave an ethereal effect sending my stomach into freefall.
‘OK, just be careful out there.’ Who knew what dangers were lurking in the murky places he was frequenting. ‘Do you think there’s a whole host of people out there making from beyond the grave visits? It’s a bit creepy when you think about it.’
‘Thanks. People like me, you mean?’ asked Jimmy, looking offended. ‘I don’t know. I’ve a feeling there’s not that many of us around. Would be nice to meet a fellow in-betweener, but I think I could be something of an anomaly.’
He gave half a smile and my heart twisted in sympathy.
Not for the first time I was reminded what a precarious predicament he was in. Stuck between one world and another. And for how long we just didn’t know. Never being able to find any real peace or contentment. Forever caught betwixt and between.
‘Well, you’re a very lovely anomaly,’ I said, stroking away a thread from his T-shirt. I’d miss him; his easy companionship, the sight of his coffee mug around the place, the scent of his skin.’Just be careful, won’t you?’
‘I’ll be fine,’ he said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, his touch sending tingles down the length of my body, leaving me wanting so much more. ‘I’ll catch up with you later in the week.’
By Friday night, after a hectic few days at work, I was hot with anticipation at the thought of seeing him again. Walking through the door to my flat, I kicked off my shoes, deposited my jacket on the back of a chair, my jumper on the coffee table and my jewellery on the small bureau.
I ran the bath, lit my two Jo Malone orange blossom candles and put Al Green onto the CD before helping myself to a large glass of chilled Sauvignon Blanc. Taking my wine with me, I eased myself into the bath, immediately feeling the tensions of the week melt away. I was still there an hour later, when the water had turned an uncomfortable lukewarm and my skin had taken on the fetching crumpled appearance of a Chinese fighting dog, and was just stepping out and easing myself into my big fluffy dressing gown when the familiar cool whoosh of air that always heralded Jimmy’s arrival whipped beneath the bathroom door.
‘Hi, Honey, I’m home!’
‘Hey!’ The deep mellow tones of his voice immediately lifted my spirits. Relief flooded through my bones knowing he was home at last.
‘Hang on, I’ll be there in a moment.’ Hurriedly, I rubbed my hair dry with a towel, glancing cursorily at my reflection in the mirror. Devoid of make-up, my skin was glowing pink and my eyes had taken on a piggy quality. Probably not the best look for welcoming home a gorgeous man on a Friday night, but knowing what a gentleman Jimmy was, he would probably pretend not even to notice.
‘Hi, how are you? How was your week?’ I said, from beneath the hood of my dressing gown as I emerged in a fug
gy glow from the bathroom door.
‘Oh, I didn’t interrupt your bath, did I?’ Gently he pushed down my hood and placed a kiss on my cheek as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. I had to restrain myself from standing on tiptoes, flinging my arms around his neck and smothering him with tiny little kisses.
‘No, I was finished, anyway.’ Banishing such inappropriate thoughts, I contented myself instead, with a gentle pat of his back, wondering again what the social etiquette was for greeting very good-looking ghosts.
‘Good. Let me get you a nice glass of wine.’ He wandered off in the direction of the kitchen. ‘What do you fancy for supper, a takeaway or shall I make us an omelette?’
‘An omelette sounds delicious, but you don’t want to be cooking.’ For some reason I felt ridiculously self-conscious as though I was meeting Jimmy all over again for the first time. ‘You’ve only just got in. I’m sure there’s a pizza in the freezer we can bung in the oven.’
‘Nonsense,’ he said, his face beaming from around the kitchen door, ‘it won’t take me a minute. I got you a present, by the way. Take a look in the bag there.’
A very expensive-looking carrier bag stood proudly on the floor.
‘What is it?’
‘Well, it won’t be a surprise if I tell you, will it? Have a look,’ he laughed.
Curiously, I picked up the white glossy bag with the gold fancy lettering. Peering inside, I pulled out a cloud of pink tissue before my fingers landed on the silky, rich material.
‘Jimmy, it’s beautiful,’ I cried, lifting out the dress and holding it aloft, my hands running over the expensive fabric.
‘Well, I thought you couldn’t go to the ball without a knock-them-dead dress to wow them in.’
‘Oh, Jimmy!
That was typical of him. So thoughtful. I mentioned how I’d probably end up airing my old faithful little black dress, not having the time or the money or the inclination to go out and find something new and now he’d gone and done the job for me. And what a fabulous dress it was. The colour of deep blush wine, it had a plunging neckline with a gentle ruffle leading from the décolletage down through the centre of the floaty fabric. It would skim the body in all the right places and was guaranteed to look stunning.
Desperately Seeking Heaven Page 11
