by Leslie Chase
When she returned, she found him sitting up in bed checking his phone. Seeing her, his face lit up in a smile which sent a shiver of delight through her.
“Good evening,” she said, feeling her face flush as he looked at her. “I guess I should offer you breakfast?”
He laughed at that, dropping his phone on the nightstand. “That would be lovely, I’m starving.”
Standing, paying no attention to the fact that he was entirely naked, Karl walked past her into the bathroom to shower. Allison glanced after him, feeling her blush deepen. If he doesn’t mind walking around like that, I’m certainly not going to complain, she decided as she checked her fridge for supplies.
Hunger always made it hard for her to decide what to eat, but she quickly settled on eggs as something she could make a lot of in a hurry. After all, neither of them had eaten at all since the night before, so she presumed Karl was as hungry as she was. Scrambled eggs and bacon and toast came together quickly, and when he emerged from the bathroom she had a plate piled high for him. She didn’t fill her own plate quite as much, but she did forget any notion of dieting.
“You’ve given me quite an appetite,” she told Karl as she sat opposite him. He grinned at that, no trace of false modesty to be seen.
“Me too,” he said, eating quickly. “Thank you, I needed this.”
She couldn’t help laughing at that. “It’s the least I could do after you got shot protecting me.”
Karl laughed too, glancing down at his arm. Allison followed his eyes, then looked back at his face.
“I was wondering about that,” she said after a moment’s pause.
Karl laid down his fork and nodded. “I expect you’ll have a lot of questions, and you deserve answers to them. First off, yes, we shifters heal fast. Very fast. But don’t think that you’re immortal or anything, we won’t heal from a fatal wound. Get shot in the head, or the heart, and it’s all over.”
“I thought maybe it took silver…?” Allison’s sentence trailed off, and she blushed, feeling silly for asking. Karl reached out to take her hand, squeezing reassuringly.
“Silver wouldn’t heal like this, it’s true,” he told her. “That’s where the legend comes from. But anything that can kill a normal human can kill us too, it’s just harder – and if we live through it, we’re going to heal up fine.”
Allison squeezed his hand back, glad he wasn’t making fun of her for asking stupid questions. She watched his eyes as she forced herself to ask the question that filled her mind. “What am I? What are we?”
He sighed, looking uncomfortable with that, but he did answer. “We’re shifters, Allison. Shapeshifters. It’s an inherited ability, all of my family are bear shifters, and you are descended from a family of wolves. I don’t know why they didn’t teach you about your heritage, though.”
“My parents died when I was little,” she said, looking down at the table. “I was taken in by a distant relative of my mom’s, and she didn’t like my dad’s family.”
“Oh.” Karl grimaced. “I’m sorry about that, Allison. The wolf shifters must be on your father’s side of the family, then, and you never got the lessons you needed.”
He looked both sad and angry, his hand tightening almost painfully on hers. “They should have tracked you down, though. Then we wouldn’t be in this mess. If they’d taught you when you were younger…”
Trailing off, he looked into the distance. At what, Allison had no idea.
“You’re saying I can turn into a wolf?” she asked after a few seconds’ silence.
“It’s a little more than that, but yes.” Karl’s eyes were sad as he focused on her again. “You have a wolf’s soul in you, and you can take its form. The trouble is, you should have learned to be partners with your animal soul years ago. I was raised with mine, my family taught me to shift almost as soon as I could walk, and I’m at peace with both sides of my nature.
“You don’t have that, and so your wolf-soul comes out when it wants to. That’s dangerous because it doesn’t understand people, and it’s only going to get stronger. That’s the difference between a wolf shifter and a werewolf, Allison – control.”
She shivered, remembering all the strange incidents, the animal attacks that had plagued Mayfair and the people in it that she didn’t like. The weird dreams she’d had, the places she’d found herself with no explanation. I’m lucky I didn’t kill anyone, I guess.
“But you can teach me now, right? I’ll learn to control myself and then everything will get back to normal?”
As soon as she asked the question, she knew it wouldn’t be that simple. If that was all it took, then Karl would never have looked so conflicted about things. Chewing on her lip, she watched his face as he put together his answer.
He shook his head, and her heart pounded.
“I wish it were that easy,” he said, his face like stone. “But… Allison, I’ve never heard of anyone over the age of twenty learning how to control their animal.”
For a second they sat in silence, watching each other. Allison looked at Karl, not knowing what to say, and eventually he continued.
“I have some friends in the shifter community who might be able to help,” he told her. He spoke firmly, but there was an edge of sadness to his voice. “People who might have more experience with this kind of thing. But I’m not going to lie to you, there isn’t much time. Once someone starts to lose control to their animal, it happens quickly – and there’s no coming back.”
Allison gasped. It wasn’t that the idea was a shock; she’d been expecting something like that, but it didn’t help. And there was something, some pain, behind Karl’s eyes. Something that she couldn’t identify, something that wasn’t about the here and now.
She squeezed his hand again, trying to look calm for his sake. “You’ve seen this before haven’t you?”
“Not quite this,” he said, shaking his head. “Similar, though. It’s something that comes for the older shifters too, sometimes. When they lose their faculties, the animal comes out in them and they can get lost in it.”
Another pause as Karl withdrew into himself. Scooting her chair around, Allison put her hand on his shoulder and held him. “Who was it?”
“My father.” Karl’s voice was hard and rough, and she could feel the tension in him. Opening up didn’t come easily to her man, she could see that. She didn’t press him, just held him and waited, offering what support she could.
“There’s not much to tell,” he said eventually. “He was a strong and proud man, a great man. He taught me what it means to be a man, and a bear shifter. And then, one day, he just started to slip away. The bear came out more and more, and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to bring back the mind of the father I loved.”
Abruptly he turned to face her, his eyes shining with determination. “I lost him to this curse, Allison. I’m not going to lose you, too.”
Angry at himself, he stalked back to the bedroom to grab his phone. Karl hadn’t intended to share that with Allison, but it wasn’t easy to keep up his reserve with her. And she deserved to know the truth.
That doesn’t mean I should just open up about everything in my past like that, he told himself. There’s a reason I don’t think about that story: it’s depressing, and Allison doesn’t need doom and gloom right now. She needs help.
Fortunately, he did have some idea of where he might get some. Scrolling through his contacts list, he dialed Harper’s number.
“Harper,” the wolf shifter answered almost instantly. “Is it done?”
Karl bit down on his urge to hang up on the man. Is it done? As though killing a werewolf was a simple chore rather than a tragic necessity. Even if in this case the werewolf hadn’t been his mate, that would have been tasteless.
“No, Harper, it isn’t,” he growled. “There’s a lot more to this than I expected.”
“Oh?” The polite curiosity in Harper’s tone didn’t do Karl’s temper any favors, and he felt the phone creak
in his hand as his muscles tightened. “Has it been seen by the humans?”
“It hasn’t done anything, you jackass. She is a person, even if her wolf is taking over.”
There was a pause, and then a sigh on the other end of the line. “My apologies, Karl. This isn’t easy for me, you understand. Condemning one of my own to death, just because she has lost control to her wolf, is not something I take lightly – I hope you can understand if I want to distance myself from it somewhat.”
Oh, I understand alright, Karl thought humorlessly. Some people handled violence that way, but he didn’t like it. Lose sight of the fact that you were killing people and you lost something important about yourself. Even in the Special Forces, killing terrorists, he’d made the effort to remember that his targets were humans. Humans who had taken up weapons for an evil cause, yes, and who needed to be dealt with – but losing sight of the humanity of their enemies was part of what made them evil. He didn’t want to make the same mistake.
But this wasn’t a time to lecture Harper on his ethics. He needed to act, and for that he needed more information.
“I’m going to take that burden off you,” he said instead. “I’m going to teach her to control the wolf, and I need your help.”
Harper was silent for a second, and Karl thought he could hear the other man’s confusion. Then he heard a muffled sigh. “That is impossible, as you well know. Killing her may not be pleasant, Karl, but it is necessary. Once a wolf shifter starts to lose control, it’s a swift downhill slide.”
“No one has ever tried to teach her, Harper. She hasn’t had a chance.”
“And I grieve for her, my friend. I truly do. But it doesn’t make any difference, she’s lost. She won’t be able to control her shifting, and eventually someone will see it happen. Our secret will get out. Put her out of her misery before her wolf takes over and she brings disaster to us all.”
Karl snarled, anger rising to overwhelm him. It wasn’t just his own rage and frustration he was dealing with – his own animal soul was brimming with emotion at the thought of harm coming to Allison, let alone him having to do it.
“You don’t understand, Harper,” he said, keeping his emotions under control as best as possible. “I will teach her. When you asked me to do this, you said I should do whatever was necessary – you may have meant that I should kill her, but that’s not what I agreed to.”
“Ah, I see,” Harper said, and there was a sadness in his rich voice. “This is personal, isn’t it, my friend? Well, I don’t suppose that’s something I can criticize you for, under the circumstances.”
“Damned right it’s personal,” Karl growled. “She’s my mate. I knew it as soon as I saw her.”
That shut Harper up for a moment, and Karl couldn’t help enjoying the shocked silence a little. It wasn’t like the dubious pauses he’d gotten out of the man previously, this was much more satisfying.
“Are you sure?” Harper asked eventually. Before Karl could respond, he hurried on. “No, that is a foolish question. Of course you’re sure! That does indeed change everything – I am certainly not going to try to argue with you about how you should treat your mate.
“Very well, how can I assist you?”
Karl took a deep, calming breath. “I’m going to need to know how you wolves learn to control your animals. I’ve no experience outside of bears.”
Even there, he had precious little. He’d learned himself, of course, but he’d been young then, young enough that his memories of the process were vague at best now. The only person he’d taught was Marcus, another of the Guardian Bears. Marcus hadn’t known about his heritage when he joined the military, and Karl and the other bear shifters he’d met there had had to introduce him to his heritage themselves.
But he’d been a young man still, and in no danger of losing control of his bear. It wasn’t the same situation at all.
“I will tell you what I can, Karl,” Harper said, voice full of doubt. But there was something else mixed in with it, something that he couldn’t quite place. Was that a note of hope? “It won’t help, but if you are set on this ill-advised course, you may as well have the best chance possible of success.”
Karl grabbed some paper and a pen and started to take notes.
17
The moon was high in the sky as Allison followed Karl out behind her house. In the moonlight, the black rocks of the mountains to the North seemed to loom large, calling to her.
Karl sat cross-legged on the hard earth, setting a candle down in front of himself and lighting it. Allison approached warily, sinking to her knees across from him.
“This isn’t, um, witchcraft or something, is it?” she asked.
Karl barked a surprised laugh and looked up at her. “No, no it’s not. If you ever see real witchcraft, trust me, you’ll know. This is just a visualization tool for you, a way to help you see your wolf. There’s nothing magical about it.”
Allison frowned a little at that. It’s going to help me turn into a wolf but it’s not magic? What can magic do? But that question could wait until she’d gotten past her current problems; there wasn’t any point in digging into things deeper than she had to.
More important was dealing with the problem that had so many people wanting her dead. Including the man sitting opposite her, until he’d had a change of heart. That was another strange thought that she had to try to push aside. There was no point in thinking about it, but that didn’t make it easy to ignore.
At least he didn’t trigger her fight or flight response, unlike the hunters. Despite the danger he represented, she felt safe with him – and it wasn’t just her human side. Now that she had a name for the other part of her, the shadow that had haunted her thoughts, she could see how much of her reaction to people had been coming from her wolf. And her wolf was completely at ease with Karl, no matter how dangerous he was.
Maybe she knows better than me, Allison thought. It was a nice idea, to be able to turn the question over to the wolf-soul inside her, but that was also the part of her that had thought mauling Jeremy was a good idea. She couldn’t trust those instincts, could she?
“What do I do?” Brushing aside the worries, she looked across the candle at Karl. He smiled back, gesturing at the flame.
“Just focus on the flame, and let your mind drift. You’ll meet your wolf and you can make friends with her, come to an understanding.”
As though it would be so simple. Allison snorted, doubting it would work out that way. A flash of pain in Karl’s eyes told her all she needed to know about the chances of it working. But she couldn’t disappoint him by not trying, and besides, maybe it would get her somewhere.
She lowered her gaze to the flame, trying to let go of the thoughts in her mind. It reminded her of the times she’d tried to meditate, following instructions from a book – and just like those few attempts, she found she couldn’t focus on what she was doing.
“This isn’t working,” she said.
“Give it time,” Karl replied. Getting to his feet in a simple, flowing motion, he walked around behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. Allison took a deep breath and tried again, willing herself to relax.
To her surprise, it worked better this time. Karl’s reassuring presence behind her, his strong hands touching her, made it easy to let go of everything else and see only the flame. And something else inside it, a reflection in the flickering light.
She blinked, and suddenly it was clear. The candle wasn’t alone now, she saw it reflected in the eyes of a great gray wolf crouching across from her, looking her in the eyes. Its teeth were bared in a snarl, and she could see the all-consuming hunger in its eyes.
As she gazed into the wolf, the wolf looked back into her, judging. Sizing her up like prey, and liking the look of its chances. Allison leaned backward into Karl’s hands, drawing confidence from his closeness. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the predator across from her, though, and she felt pinned like a rabbit in the headlights of an on
coming car.
Don’t be silly, she told herself, trying to be firm. That’s just part of me. Okay, so it’s the part of me that’s hungry and angry and wants blood, but it’s still me.
“Hello,” she said aloud, feeling foolish as soon as she said it. She reached out with one hand, moving slowly, trying not to startle the wolf. Its lips drew back, showing off fangs, but it didn’t move.
Carefully, gently, she leaned in and offered her hand to sniff. For a moment she thought the wolf wasn’t going to respond, it sat so still. Then it moved.
Faster than she could follow, it leaped across the gap between them. All she could see were its eyes and its teeth as it went for her neck, and she screamed, pressing backward against Karl. A blinding pain filled her as the animal’s teeth found her throat, and then she was thrashing in Karl’s arms.
“Shush, shush, it’s okay,” he was saying. “Whatever you saw can’t hurt you.”
Trembling, she brought a hand to her neck, feeling the unbroken skin and relaxing. No wound, no blood, no sign of the wolf attack.
“It seemed so real,” she whispered, clinging to Karl. “I thought I was dying!”
“It was real,” he told her, stroking her hair. She felt him relax. “Just not physical. If your wolf attacked you, that means it doesn’t see you as part of it – but you have to show it that it’s wrong. That you’re the same person, split in two.”
“And how the hell do I do that?” Allison demanded. She felt bad immediately – it wasn’t Karl’s fault she was finding this difficult, after all. He was doing his best to help, and she was the one who was failing. But she needed someone to direct her frustration at.
He hugged her close, not seeming to mind that she used him as a punching bag. “That’s the tricky bit. I don’t know. With my bear, I offered him food and we got on right away – but we were both young, and I’d never tried to shut him away.”
They held each other in the warm night air, watching the moon hanging above them. Eventually, Allison sighed and pulled back from him. “I guess I’d better try again.”
