Chapter 18
It was the best Christmas ever, Bennie had assured. I had to disagree. (No surprise there.) After the unusually tense table conversation, Lucius’s tantrum, the food fight, and the fist fight, I ended up with a broken nose and two black eyes when Icarus’s elbow accidentally caught me in the backswing while I tried to separate him from his younger but by no means smaller cousin. Because of my quick healing and horrendous luck, they had to break it again to reset it.
To top things off, I committed my first kill while hunting. I had always done my part in running down our prey, but I hadn’t actually taken their lives. Nevertheless, I had done so that sacred and holiest of nights when the young buck we separated from the herd, turned and charged with no warning. His antler caught Crispin in the ribs, goring him in several places from chest to flank. Spurred by Crispin’s yelp, I’d charged forward in an instinctual race to protect. The buck’s head was down, focused as he was on his present threat, and before he could react, my teeth sliced through his flesh and ripped his throat clean from his body.
I’d lost my meal that morning, along with Lucius’s feast from the night before.
Best Christmas ever. Not.
I cooked Christmas night, hoping to make reparations for Christmas Eve, and salvage a vestige of the holiday season. I was sharing it with Bennie. For his presence alone, I was thankful, so I showed my appreciation with a spiral sliced ham and all the fancy trimmings, including a fresh baked apple pie. It was the least I could do for their unexpected gift.
Ok, so it wasn’t the best Christmas ever, but it wasn’t the worst either.
ΑΒΩ
Icarus stood quietly at the top of my stairs while I finished the paper I was reading. He had padded up a few minutes earlier, upon the departure of his cousins. The twins left to watch a game at their friend’s house, dropping Crispin off at the movie theater along the way. Max and Lucius went to patrol for signs of Alec. Hailey was the only one left. She was still stalking about somewhere.
“You think you’re going to find a cure.”
“Perhaps.”
“You won’t. My parents were both doctors. Years, they searched for a cure and they were no closer at the end than the beginning.”
“They’ve made groundbreaking strides in medicine the past ten years with the aid of computers and technology. They’re coming close to finding a cure for aids.”
Crossing the space, Icarus sat of the edge of my bed. He’d barely set foot in my room the past month. “My parents weren’t killed over territory, Thaleia. Some of us don’t want a cure. Did you ever consider the possibility that this isn’t a disease? This is part of who we are. Our heritage. Our religion. We have a right to exist, just as anyone else does.”
“I wasn’t born this way. Neither was Hailey. We were infected through a bite. Does that sound like a religion to you?”
“I would call it an act of God.”
“I’m sure Hailey would disagree, as do I.”
“Nevertheless, this is a dangerous ambition.”
Resting my book on my legs, I asked, “Do you think your parents discovered something? Is that why they were killed?”
“No, they just became careless. They owned a pharmaceutical company. Really, it was a cover for their research. They shared your ambitions for science. But others feared that if they slipped, they could’ve revealed our existence, which wouldn’t have ended well. Do you know what the public would do if they discovered our abilities? We’re talking about cell regeneration. Disease resistance. Virtual immortality. And what would happen if no one ever died?”
I was loath to think of the consequences. Overpopulation. Depletion of natural resources. Pollution. Famine. Species extinction. The list goes on and on.
“By the same token, if the military discovered our existence, they wouldn’t hesitate to produce and exploit our strengths, and naturally we’d become their archetypes.”
It was an equally alarming thought. I honestly wasn’t sure of our limitations, but I had no doubt he was right. The army wouldn’t hesitate to utilize our DNA for experimentation.
“But that wasn’t their only ambition or what I think got them killed, for that matter. They also were studying genetics, tracing bloodlines to try to find a common gene in those who’ve survived the change. Females, particularly.”
Unable to help myself, a wry smile tickled my lips. “I’m sorry,” I said in apology. “It’s just that I had a theory on that too. The Sabine women.”
When Romulus founded Rome, they acquired wives by abducting them from the neighboring city of Sabine. Romulus and Remus, of course, were believed to have gained their lycan abilities from the Capitoline wolf. They were the creators of all lycanthrope today, the ancestor from whom they each descended. Naturally, his parents would have suspected the Sabine women for carriers of that gene.
This earned me an appraising caress of my cheek. “You have been studying.”
“Am I right?”
“That’s what my parents suspected, and what I believe led to their deaths. Collecting the genetic samples was a difficult and dangerous job. The only way to acquire them was to visit each pack, and all packs aren’t trusting of outsiders or in agreement of my parent’s views.”
“But if we could find that genetic marker, it would save lives. We’d be able to identify those who could survive the change ahead of time.” I would think they’d want this.
“One would think,” Icarus said in answer to my disparagement. “But there are two sides to a coin. The ability to identify these women could be used in offense and not just defense.”
“What do you mean?”
“With lycanthrope, nature herself controls the population with the high male to female ratio in a pack. Fewer females, less offspring.”
“Overpopulation.” Duh. I gave myself a mental smack to the forehead. Didn’t we just discuss this? It never occurred to me the same was true for lycanthrope.
“Considering we eat substantially more than humans, I think it’s safe to say we’d deplete our food sources quicker too. We would begin to fight over territory in search of a steady supply of prey. Already, we’re competing with humans on this very issue, so as an added precaution, most packs only have one breeding pair.”
“Except for your pack. All four brothers were able to find wives. Maybe your parents were able to find the genetic marker.”
Icarus shook his head, his expression inscrutable. “No, they didn’t.”
“Then how do you explain all your cousins?”
“You think your parents were liberals; you never met mine.”
“Come on. What could be so bad? Your parents obviously had morals. If anything they deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for their philanthropy.”
“That’s the thing. They might have meant well, but who were they to play god and govern matters better left in the hands of nature?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t, but all lycanthrope are doing the same thing when they’re killing women by trying to turn them instead of accepting what nature provided by birth.”
“I completely agree, but I have to point out, that the decision to change in most circumstances is consensual. We don’t run out, pick random women, and hope we’re compatible. We date. We fall in love. We present them with a proposal. They have every opportunity to turn us down. And in the end, if they don’t survive, we have to live with the guilt of their deaths. But that’s the tithe we pay for our immortality.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Again, I agree. Yet, if this is our only choice, if this is the way nature devised to keep us in check, if these women are willing to gamble their lives for us, then they should be properly mourned if things don’t work in their favor. To do it any other way is cowardly.”
“Thank you, Icarus.” I was touched. Genuinely. It was moments like these—when he shattered my view of him with his compassion—that I could look beyond his faults and see why I cared about him.
“No
w you want to know how my cousins came into fruition.”
“Of course.”
“Just hear me out before you jump to conclusions. Promise.”
“Cross my heart.”
“Alright.” He scrubbed the scruff around his mouth, searching for an appropriate outset to present his revelation with minimal blowback. “There’s no easy way to put it so I’ll just be frank. My uncles wanted children and my mother provided them. You said you would hear me out. Now hear me out,” he snapped, watching my jaw bobbing wordlessly. “There was nothing polygamous about it. They were doctors. Everything was done in vitro. In a lab.”
“Ok, so she was a surrogate,” I said, walking myself through this. “It’s not that uncommon.” I’ve heard of relatives graciously offering to step in where Mother Nature failed.
“They wanted what anyone wants. A family.”
“Ok!” I stressed, holding my hands up in surrender. “You obviously feel defensive about this, but you’re barking at the wrong person, because I get it. Shocking, I know, but I do.”
“They were executed for it, Thaleia.”
“And you thought I’d persecute you alike.”
“It’s unconventional—human or lycan regardless—and society tends to reject what’s different.”
“Tell me, if this was such a breach of ethics that it got them all killed, why did they do it? I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t they cheating nature by having so many children? Didn’t they think that would draw attention to themselves?”
“I told you they were liberals. They came to the states to escape the antiquated beliefs still followed in Rome. The New World, you know—land of the free? But, really, they thought with the discoveries of cloning and God particles that the world could handle a few betas and omegas having their own children. Don’t get me wrong. They didn’t have any more children than a typical pair would produce. We have large families to protect our bloodlines because of the warring between packs, so six isn’t unusual. But what they didn’t anticipate, was a rival pack mistaking their compassion for successfully completing their research. They slipped up, grew complacent.”
“You sure they weren’t trying to steal their research?”
“There was nothing to steal. My parents hadn’t found anything conclusive. I know. I know. Their killers didn’t know that, but they didn’t come in asking questions. They came to cease and destroy. They murdered my parents then burned down our homes, starting with the lab in the basement of our home. They never even went inside, just torched it.”
“I don’t mean to be insensitive, but are you positive everyone was killed? Your cousins are considering the notion that they might’ve taken your mother alive. And if you think about it, they wouldn’t need the files if they had the scientist herself.”
“It’s always a possibility. But research aside, I don’t’ know whether I should hope that they took mercy on her because of her gender or pray that she died quickly. I hate to think of what’s happened to her, because it’s a cruel enough world for a female lycan without someone trying to extort information from her.”
“I’m sorry.” My mother was safe at home. I don’t know how I would handle it if she were abducted and I had no idea of her whereabouts. He had to be going out of his mind, and here I was throwing salt on his wounds.
“Thaleia, I don’t want your sympathies. I’m telling you this because I want you to think long and hard before you pursue this any further.”
“Are you asking me to give up searching for a cure?”
“No, if I tell you to stop, I’ll lose you. If I don’t tell you to stop, I could lose you anyway. I’m stuck in a Morton’s fork. I see no winning end.”
He reached for my face, intending to steal another caress, but I turned my head. He was asking me to give up my only hope of a normal life. To give up my parents. Bennie.
“I’m sorry. I was trying to give you space. If I’d known this was the direction you were headed, I would’ve told you this a long time ago.”
“Why, because you know it would’ve broken me? You might not realize it, but that’s what you’re doing. You’re trying to destroy all hope I have for a normal life. My parents are still alive. Bennie is still alive.” I stabbed my finger furiously at my chest. “I have a family.”
Icarus flinched from my words. “I’m presenting you with facts so you can make an informed decision that will leave you at peace with your life, with what you are.”
“No, you’re hoping that when I do break,” and I would, “I’ll run into your arms for comfort.”
“Is that so freaking wrong?” he growled, grasping and pulling me into his arms. I’d slid from the bed in an intuitive urge to flee. He had recognized it before I had. I hated confrontation. “I’ve told you how I feel. For over a month I’ve given you space, waiting for you to return the sentiment. Instead, you’ve run the other way. You’re looking for a fucking cure! Is the notion of a life with me that atrocious?”
“No, that’s not what I—”
Crushing his mouth to mine, he bruised my lips with a kiss. As always, my body reacted accordingly, sweltering beneath his touch. My lips parted of their own accord, submitting under the demand of his tongue. I could barely breathe around him, let alone think clearly.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew there was a reason I was supposed to be objecting. I just couldn’t think of it with the absence of air in my lungs. Perspiration budded across my face. My hips ground against his, searching for his ever constant erection. No they weren’t supposed to do that either.
Bad. Bad. Bad.
Hands tightening around my arms, his fingers dimpled my flesh as he broke the kiss. He didn’t go far. Only enough for his lips to roam hungrily across my jaw. I gasped, stealing a ragged lungful of air. The fresh burst of oxygen sent my mind back into a semblance of working order.
“Icarus, please, just wait—”
“Fuck waiting. I’m done waiting.” Tearing my bikinis at the hips, he ripped them from my waist. “By the time I’m done with you—you won’t want to live without me.”
Rucking my shirt above my breasts, his callused palms ran over the sensitive skin, kneading and pinching. Lord, he was going to fuck me into submission. The notion sent a coil of heat spiraling between my thighs. I shuddered involuntarily, aroused and appalled.
“Oh God.”
“Save your oaths, Sweetheart, I haven’t even started yet.”
Pinned against the mattress, I didn’t have much room to resist. He shoved me backward. I fell with an ungraceful ‘oomph’ onto the bed. He slung my knees over his shoulder, and with a few sturdy thrusts, pushed me to the center of the mattress, my boobs jiggling inelegantly in my face along the way. Icarus smiled errantly, his eyes traveling from my chest to the v of my thighs. I could practically see those profligate wheels and gears turning inside his head.
He didn’t give me time to protest, dropping down between my thighs. My complaint turned into a garbled cry of shock. Reason once again escaped the inner workings of my mind. My resistant pushing and scratching turned to greedy pulls of his hair and salacious scores of my nails. I basically turned into a docile pool of quivering flesh, begging for his touch.
His breath rolled warm across my flesh as his tongue wrought indescribable pleasure. He grinned wickedly, his ice blue eyes staring up from between my thighs. Flushing, I dropped my head back to the mattress, my hands still twined in his hair. My back arched off the bed.
I could never rescind this. He knew that. Because for me, sex and love went hand in hand. Some things you couldn’t take back. After this moment, I would be changed forever. Yes, he knew damn well what he was doing. (And I wondered what had taken him so long.)
I needed a constant in my life. Giving ourselves completely to one another would provide the commitment I desired. I know it was a false security, but without that tether, I felt like I was afloat, destined to drift wherever life—or a rival pack—decided to take me. I hadn’t cons
ciously realized it until now, but his rejection had left a deep-seated fear that he didn’t want me, that I was just a burden to him, and he would relinquish me to the first contender.
“Stop thinking, Sweetheart,” Icarus crooned. Cupping my rear in his hands, he lifted slightly, tracing the inside of my thigh with his tongue, while his thumb took over where his mouth left me wanting. He dabbled at my core, probing softly before delving lower still.
“No…!” I gasped, my thighs tensing. Icarus was quick to restrain me, placing two strong hands on either side of my knees. “No, please don’t go there.”
Grinning crookedly, he crooned, “Relax,” and dropped his head one more time. I climaxed in a brilliant riot of spasms, my senses overwhelmed, my fingers curled into the top of his hair. I could feel little puffs of breath against my core as he chuckled victoriously.
Rising to his knees, he glowed with self-assurance. He was still fully clothed, although slightly wrinkled at the knees. His hair was another story. Locks stuck up in every direction, curling around his ears, which were pinkened nicely, the only hint of his carnal exertions.
“Pleased with yourself?” I observed.
“Unequivocally.”
“Pervert.”
“Ditto.”
Touché. I pursed my lips.
Laughing unconscientiously, he dropped on all fours and stalked closer, stopping once he straddled my hips, his hands resting on either side of my head. “You’ve a fine ass, Sweetheart, mighty fine indeed. I’ve been waiting to touch it for some time now.”
“Clearly.”
“I have many more plans for it too.” Diving down for a kiss, he cut me a scathing glare when I dodged his lips. “But first, I need to cure this aversion of yours.”
“I know where that tongue’s been.”
“You could place your tongue on any part of me, and I would still kiss you.”
“Maybe we should test that theory,” I challenged.
“Is that a dare?”
“Perhaps it is.”
If I thought his grin couldn’t grow any wider, I was wrong. Flopping on the bed next to me, he placed his arms behind his head. “I’m all yours, Sweetheart. Work your evil.”
Feral Page 28
