by Sadie Carter
Relaxing, he pulled out of her and rolled onto his back, gathering her against his side.
“Wow, who knew it could get better?” she marveled as he chuckled. He ran his hand down her back, slapping her bottom lightly.
“We’ll have to start packing,” Jay murmured as she snuggled into his chest. “Although we’ll wait for the morning.”
“Packing?” She stiffened.
“I take it you want to bring some of this stuff with you?”
“Ahh, well, most of my gear is still in Landon, this is the landlord’s furniture.”
“That’ll make it quicker then.”
“Jay?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you asking me to move in with you?”
He leaned up on one elbow. “Of course you’ll move in with me.”
“Onto the estate?”
“Yes.” He was looking at her a little quizzically.
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that. Not quite yet. Moving onto the estate is a big step.” Her stomach tied into a knot, making her feel ill.
“Cassie.” He took her hand, squeezing it gently. “You’re my mate. Being apart from you was hard. I don’t want to waste any more time apart from you.”
She chewed her lip. She didn’t want to be apart from him either. She just wished they could spend more time together, away from the pack. She wasn’t at all certain how they would react to having a human live with them. The pack members she’d met were all nice, but most of them had been distant. God, she wished was braver than this.
“I have to work out two weeks notice. Jimmy took me on with no experience. He took a chance on me. I can’t leave him hanging.”
Jay snorted. “Oh yeah, he took a real chance. Come on, Cassie, the guy snapped you up because he knew how lucky he was that someone as classy and hardworking as you wanted to work in that dump.”
“It’s not a dump.”
“Yeah it is, and you owe that guy no loyalty. I bet he works you long hours for crap pay and with little thanks.”
Well, she couldn’t really argue with that, but still…
“I’m not walking out, Jay,” she replied, crossing her arms. “I do have some work ethic, you know. I need some time to get used to the two of us before I have to get used to living with the pack, to sharing you with them. I know it’s selfish when you need to go back—”
“You're not selfish,” he interrupted her. He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it even more. “Okay, two weeks it is. You can get used to living with me before you have to live on the estate. I must admit, I like having you all to myself.”
“Are you sure? I’ll understand if you have to go, I can follow…”
He shook his head. “They’ll manage without me.”
But she saw the frown flutter across his face, and she wondered how long he could, and would, stay away.
* * * * *
“That was one hot kiss.” Ella fanned her hand in front of her face as she stepped into the kitchen of Fat Eddy’s. “I take it you and Jay are together now?”
Cassie blushed. Jay had walked her into the bar, kissing her lingeringly before he’d taken a seat in her section. She’d tried to convince him to stay at home, but he’d told her he could make his calls as easily from the bar as he could from her apartment, and here he could keep an eye on her. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about that but didn’t feel it was something to argue with him over. Yet.
“Yeah, we are.”
“About time, any fool can see he loves you.”
“He hasn’t said it,” Cassie replied, surprised by how much she longed to hear the words from him. “I didn’t think you liked him.”
Ella shrugged. “I was prepared to hate him after he hurt you. But he’s not so bad. You know, for a man.”
“He wants me to move back with him.”
“So, do it. Life’s too short. You love him, right? Even my jaded, disillusioned eyes can see he makes you happy. Life is what you make it.”
The taller woman turned her face away abruptly as Cassie gaped, taken aback. Ella always seemed so tough, yet Cassie was sure she’d seen her eyes glitter with tears.
“Of course, it could be that he enjoys the chase. Some guys are like that, they like to chase, and when they catch you they dump you like last week’s rubbish.” The words were bitter, but the pain was real.
“Ella—” Cassie reached up with a tentative hand, but Ella shrugged it off, walking to the door.
Chapter Eight
“Who was that?” she asked as Jay walked into the bedroom, shutting his cell phone. It had been a long shift, and she felt exhausted. It didn’t help that she’d spent half the time worrying about moving back to the estate and the other half trying to get Jay to stop growling at all her customers.
Tomorrow, she was going to insist he stay at home.
“Reed,” he answered, his face serious.
“What is it? Is it Dusty?”
“Dusty’s okay, not great, but they’re releasing her soon. Cain’s still with her. We thought it was HAW who bombed the shop, but Dusty reckons she caught a scent before the bomb went off. She’s certain she smelled a werewolf.”
“What? Not one of the Shadowpeak pack?”
“No.” He shook his head. “She doesn’t know who, but she’s certain it was a werewolf.”
“Why would another werewolf bomb the shop? And how are you all going to find him?”
“Good questions,” he replied seriously. “The enforcers are meeting tonight to discuss possibilities. I’ll ring Reed tomorrow for a briefing.”
“Wow, that’s awful. I mean, it’s awful to think HAW would do something like that, but for it to be another werewolf? That’s terrible.”
Jay nodded, obviously deep in thought.
“They need you to go back,” she guessed.
He gazed over at her pensively. “Yeah, they do.”
“When?”
“Now, apparently. I told Reed that was impossible that I’d be back next week. He wasn’t happy.”
She swallowed. Cassie felt awful, she knew he needed to go home. But she was worried about fitting in with the pack. Jay seemed confident they’d accept her, but she wasn’t so sure. She’d be the odd one out again, the only human. But she couldn’t keep him with her, not when they needed him.
“I have some questions,” Cassie began, sitting up on the bed. Maybe she’d feel better if she armed herself with some information.
“Yeah?” Jay glanced up at her, his fingers moving in long sweeps over her thigh.
“If Cooper orders you back, will you have to go?”
“Yes. I’m still part of the pack.”
“Do werewolves always live with a pack?”
“The pack is an integral part of a werewolf’s life. We need the pack. We have to live with a pack.”
“Laney lived away from the pack for a year.”
“Which was remarkable. Lone werewolves can go feral, can start killing for fun, and I don’t mean just targeting animals.”
She gulped. “What happens then?”
“Each pack takes care of its own, so the tracker for that pack would have to hunt the feral wolf down.”
“And kill them?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Who’s the tracker in your pack?”
“Marcus. But it isn’t simply a fear of going feral that keeps a werewolf in a pack. We’re a family. We’re a community. We help and protect one another. Cooper would only order me back if it was absolutely necessary because he knows my being here is extremely important to me. I’m an enforcer. It’s not just a job. It’s who I am. I can’t turn my back on that.”
“I know.” She grabbed his hand. “I wouldn’t ask you to. I guess I’m trying to understand where I fit in, that’s all.”
“You’re my mate.” He sat up and lifted her into his lap. “You mean everything. It’s all about balance and respect. The pack respects the bond between mates, and wouldn’t come between them.
In turn, mated werewolves work for the good of the pack. At least, that’s the way a healthy pack should work. Zachary ruled more by fear than respect.”
She patted his chest, trying to ease the tension.
“Does that make sense?”
“I guess so. I suppose I’ll understand better once I’m there.”
He kissed her tenderly. “It means so much that you’re willing to try to live with the pack, to learn our ways. I promise to help as much as I can.”
“You know, this is the most I’ve heard you talk about the pack. You don’t talk much about being a werewolf.”
He stiffened, and she noticed his eyes darken.
“That’s not bad or anything,” she said hastily. “You don’t have to tell me anything that you don’t want to. But I would like to see your wolf one day if it’s okay with you.”
He remained silent for so long she wondered if he was ever going to speak to her again. Then he spoke quietly. “It’s not that I don’t want to show you, it’s just…” He sighed. “Remember that girl I told you about? The human one I got involved with?”
She nodded. “The one you said betrayed you?” She’d been wondering about her, had been waiting for a good time to ask.
“I used to go to the market each week in Sefton. Lia worked there for her dad. I thought it was love at first sight. We had to date in secret. Zachary hated humans. Hell, he hated most everyone. So, I went against my Alpha, against pack rules at the time, and got involved with her.”
Cassie gulped at the word love, achingly aware he’d never said the words to her. She knew Ella was right. She loved him. They were mates. That meant he loved her. Right? And she didn’t need to hear the words.
She didn’t.
“Zachary would never have allowed me to marry her. No one in the pack would have dared bring a human back, not unless they wished them harm. But I thought I was in love and didn’t care what the pack thought, what her father thought. She still lived with her folks, and they were kind of old-fashioned.
“She didn’t want to tell them she was dating me. I think both of us were hooked on the thrill of sneaking around. When I worked up the courage to tell her I was a werewolf she acted a little weird, but I didn’t really think anything of it.” He laughed, the sound distinctly unhappy.
“Weird?”
“Oh, she became sort of jumpy, anxious. She asked a lot of questions about the pack. I thought she was nervous. Then she asked me to show her the wolf.”
“Did you?” she asked when he paused.
“Not at first. But she kept asking, and I eventually gave in. Normally, when we were going to meet up, she would tell her family that she was going to a friend’s house, and we’d meet in the park a street over. The night I agreed to change, though, she asked me to meet her in the garden of her parents’ place.” He paused, shrugging. “I thought it was kind of odd. Changing in populated areas is against the law. Not only is it dangerous for us, but the government doesn’t want us scaring anyone. But I was young and stupid, and when she told me she was a little frightened and that it would be easier on her to do this someplace familiar, I gave in.”
“What happened?”
“I changed. But her father must have been watching because he came at me with a shotgun. She was screaming, he was shooting—it was a mess. He got me on the flank, and I ran. I had to. Next day, the cops turned up at the estate and arrested me.”
“Oh, my God.” No wonder he doesn’t talk much about the pack.
“Yeah. Reed got me a good lawyer, and I was merely charged with trespassing and changing in an urban area. I was confined to the estate for a year, had to pay a large fine. Luckily, there was no evidence to support Lia and her father’s accusations that I’d attacked them. I wasn’t supposed to have any contact with Lia again.”
“Except you did,” she guessed.
“I had to. I had to see her.”
“And?” she asked, knowing she wasn’t going to like what he said next.
“And she told me to stay away from her, that I disgusted her. That I was nothing but a filthy animal and she wished her father had gotten me in the heart.”
“Oh, Jay.”
He shrugged. “She was young, still under her parents’ influence. Turns out they were fanatics. They were using her to pump me for information about the pack. Thankfully, I never said anything they could use.”
“You were young too, and you took it to heart, didn’t you?”
“For about a year I didn’t change. I felt, well, ashamed, I guess. She said some pretty vile things, screwed me up for a while. It kind of broke something between the wolf and me. Instead of working together, we fought for dominance, and I won. I swore after that incident that I would put the pack first. They’d always been there for me when I needed them most.”
“Why do you think she asked to see your wolf?”
He sighed. “Reed did some investigating. It turned out her father was a member of HAW. He must have been waiting for me. For proof, I was a werewolf before he shot me.”
“Oh, God.” She swallowed heavily at the betrayal he must have felt. It was a wonder he wanted anything to do with a human woman again.
“Jay?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you still love her?”
Rolling her onto her back, he rested up on one elbow, leaning over her, his eyes dark and serious.
“No, I don’t. I never really did.”
She nodded, glancing away. For some reason, she had the ridiculous urge to cry.
“I love you, though,” he declared.
She gasped, afraid she’d heard him wrong.
“W-what?”
“I love you, Cassidy Callington. I love you so much I can barely breathe without thinking about you, craving you, desiring you. When I’m apart from you, all I think about is seeing you again, when I’m with you, all I can think about is touching you, making you smile, hearing you laugh, holding you close.”
“Y-you do?” She could scarcely believe what she was hearing.
His eyebrows rose. “What did you think it meant when I told you that you were my mate?”
“I-I don’t know. I mean, I hoped. But then, I wasn’t sure, I thought perhaps a mating might just be about biology.”
“Biology, huh? Believe me, a mating is about much more than biology. Although that helps.” He waggled his eyebrows, and she giggled. “Don’t think that you need to say it back. There’s no rush, no pressure.”
Tears filled her eyes as she kissed him, hard. The kiss turned sweeter, and he leaned back to smile down at her, his eyes gentle and warm.
“I’m so lucky to have you. I love you, too,” she said.
“You do?” he repeated her words.
“Uh-huh.” He drew her against him, holding her tight.
“I’m the lucky one.” He kissed her again before pulling back.
She chewed at her lower lip. She needed to tell him why she was so hesitant to move onto the estate. Opening herself up, risking hurt—it was hard for her. But this wouldn’t work without communication or trust. And he’d opened up to her.
“I need to tell you why I’m so nervous about moving onto the estate.”
He turned to her. “You can tell me anything.”
She took a deep, steadying breath and pondered how best to explain this. Finally, she just started talking.
“I’ve always been quite shy, I’ve never really liked confrontation or upsetting people. Growing up, I always kind of felt like an outsider. I didn’t have many friends at school. The other kids’ parents didn’t approve of my mom and kids pick up on that sort of stuff. It just became easier to hide, to keep to myself, you know? If I didn’t try to make friends or to have a relationship…well, then, I couldn’t get hurt.”
He frowned. “Why didn’t they approve of your mom?”
“Mom was very pretty, a romantic. She believed that one day her soul mate would come, her knight in shining armor who would sweep her off her feet and ta
ke her away from the drudgery of real life, where she had to clean other people’s houses to pay the rent on a dingy trailer. She had a lot of boyfriends.
“Each time a new man came along in her life she’d be so happy, she’d laugh, have fun. She’d say that this was the one, the one she would marry. But none of the men ever stayed. When they left, she grew really depressed. Until the next one came along. I gave up listening after a while.”
“That must have been hard on you.”
Cassie shrugged. “No one ever hurt me or abused me. They never really noticed me, I guess.”
“Oh, baby.” He drew her close and kissed the top of her head. “How could she do that to you? Abandon you like that?”
She would not cry. She refused to shed any more tears for a past that could not be changed. “That’s a bit dramatic, it wasn’t so bad.”
“She was selfish. You should have come first in her life. Instead she pushed you aside. You shouldn’t have had to fight to get her attention, her love, it should have just been a given. You must have felt rejected.”
She shrugged, but he’d hit the nail on the head.
“She wasn’t a bad person. I always had a roof over my head, food in my belly. I think she tried as best she could. Perhaps I gave up on her too easily.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” He clasped her face in his hands. “Are you worried that the pack will reject you?”
She shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious now that she’d bared herself to him. He gathered her into his arms.
“I’m not saying it will be easy. Or that everyone will accept you. But most will. And I won’t allow anyone to hurt you. Trust me to protect you, Cassie.”
She fell silent, thinking. She loved how protective he was. That he wanted to take care of her. But she wanted to take care of him, too.
“You’re needed back with your pack. I’m being selfish. I think we should go back tomorrow.”
“It’s not selfish. The pack will be fine without me. If things change, we may have to move suddenly but until that happens we can stay.”
