by Gray, June
“How so?”
“Well, Luke told me that you had a panic attack just by being at the mall. And now here you are, having drinks with someone from your past.”
I sipped my beer, dwelling on his words. Was he right? Had I changed so much? Was the old Kat still underneath, and if so, did I want her back?
My phone vibrated in my pocket and, seeing West’s name on the screen, I immediately answered it. “Hey.”
“Hi Kat,” he said sounding a little tired. “Happy early birthday.”
“Thank you.”
“I wish I could be there with you and give you a birthday orgasm.”
I crossed my legs, feeling a tingle going through me. “Me too.”
Decker mouthed, “Is it Luke?” and when I nodded, he held out his palm.
“Decker wants to talk to you,” I said.
“Wait, what?”
I handed the phone over and Decker held it against his ear with a huge smile. “Luke, I am out with your lady,” he said with a shark’s grin. “Hey, it’s not my fault. She asked me out.”
I could hear Luke’s voice but couldn’t make out what he was saying. “Sure, man. I got it,” Decker said after a few minutes and handed the phone back.
“Hey, listen, I can’t talk for too long,” West said. “We’re getting back on the bus in five minutes and heading to Atlanta.”
“Okay. How are the shows so far?” I asked.
“It’s been so good, Kat,” he said, his voice lighting up. “Being up there on the stage and performing songs that I wrote. It’s amazing. There’s nothing like it.”
I felt a strange gladness wash over me and that’s when I knew—I really knew—that this was the real fucking deal. Real love. And the crazy thing was that it no longer scared me. “I love you,” I said. “I’m happy your dream has come true.”
“I wish you were with me,” he said. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later. I love you, Kat.”
After I hung up, Decker shook his head with a smile on his face. “You guys make me sick.”
I felt my face warm. I’d forgotten all about Decker. “Shut up.”
“No, it’s nice,” he said, holding his palms out. “He even asked me to look out for you.”
“I don’t need looking after.”
“He knows that, but it doesn’t keep him from wanting to protect you.”
“And you’re my great protector?” I asked with a laugh.
“Yeah, unfortunately,” he said with an affable grin.
Decker was true to his duties and walked me home, making sure I was inside the building before hailing a taxi himself. And as I lay in bed later on, going over the night, I counted the ways my life had changed in one year and, in the dark as the clock struck twelve, quietly said goodbye to the old Kat and welcomed the new.
The next day I woke to an annoying buzzing noise and only after several disoriented seconds did I finally recognize it as the doorbell. “Hold onto your fucking panties,” I grumbled as I walked towards the door. I pressed the call button. “What?”
“Happy birthday!” shouted a male voice.
I stared at the intercom box in shock and pressed the button to let him in. I threw open the door and, in my shorts and tank top, went out to the hallway in crazy anticipation. My heart was thrumming hard as I waited but, when the elevator doors slid apart, the man inside was not the one I was expecting.
“Decker?” I asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”
He came towards me and held out a bunch of flowers. “Happy birthday.”
“Um, how did you know?” I took the bouquet and stared at it, only able to name one of the flowers. Roses and something white and something else with lots of petals.
“Luke asked me to give you this,” he said and before I knew it he was wrapping his arms around me and giving my back a friendly, if a little awkward, pat.
“Thanks,” I said, stepping back quickly.
“He also asked me to take you somewhere.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, distinctly aware that I wasn’t wearing a bra. “Where?”
“I can’t tell you.” He looked down at his expensive watch. “Go take a shower and do whatever else you need to do, then we can go.”
He came in with me and said he’d wait in West’s apartment and watch TV while I dressed.
“You’re not going to take me out on a date or anything, are you?” I called across the patio. “On behalf of my boyfriend?”
He sat down on the couch, flinging his arms across the back, and shook his head. “No. This surprise is only marginally better.”
“What are we doing here?” I asked an hour and a half later when Decker drove his fancy car past the JFK Airport signs.
“You’ll see,” he said with an excited grin. “But before you get really excited, no, we are not here to pick up Luke.”
He drove past the airport then turned onto a back street towards a row of warehouses.
“Um, are you taking me back here to murder me?” I asked, eyeing the rows and rows of trucks and buildings. “Because I have to tell you now, that’s not going to work out in your favor.”
He grinned over at me. “I don’t doubt it.” He pulled in front of an office building. “Okay, sit tight. I’ll be right back.”
I watched him walk into the building, wondering why the hell I was sitting in a fucking expensive car at nine thirty in the morning on my birthday of all days. “I should be in bed, sleeping in,” I mumbled to myself, looking over the shiny dashboard and the wood inlay.
After ten minutes of nothing, when I’d finally got tired of smirking at the expensive car and its audacious accouterments, Decker emerged from the building. In his hand was a leash, and at his side walked a beautiful white German Shepherd.
“Josie!” I yelled, scrambling out of the car. Upon hearing my voice she strained on the leash until Decker finally let go. I crouched down and she ran into my arms, nearly knocking me on my ass, then nuzzled my cheek all the while making little whining noises in her throat.
Tears stung my eyes as I gripped her soft coat, not realizing until that moment how much I’d missed her. “Did West arrange this?” I asked as Decker approached.
Decker stuck his hands in his pockets, looking very happy with himself. “Perhaps.”
I buried my face in Josie’s fur, hugging her to me. I turned when I felt something poking my shoulder, finding Decker’s cell phone by my face.
“Kat? Happy birthday,” West said as soon as I held the phone up to my ear. “Do you like your surprise?”
“I do! Thank you!” I said, a happy laugh bubbling up from my chest. “How did you do it?”
“Franny and I coordinated it.”
“You guys are the best.”
“Yes we are.” He paused. “It feels good to hear you laugh. I wish I could be there right now to see the smile on your face.”
“Me too.”
“Listen, Kat, I have to go. We’re headed to sound check.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll see you soon.”
“Eight more days,” I said, rubbing Josie behind her ears. “Thank you for my gift.”
“You’re worth it, Kat. More than you know.”
After Decker drove us back to the apartment, I took Josie upstairs and introduced her to the apartments.
“You’d better not piss on anything or West will kill us,” I said, following her around while she sniffed along the floorboards and then took a long leak on the grassy area of the courtyard. She then sat down and cocked her head, fixing me with a look that hurt my guilt-ridden heart.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I sank to my knees and held out my hand. “Come on, Josie.”
After a few seconds, she finally walked over and nudged my hand with her nose. I wrapped my arms around her neck and hid my face in her fur, leaning into her warmth.
“I’m still Kat,” I said. “I haven’t changed that much, have I?”
20
KAT
/> The clock on the dresser said it was only fifteen past midnight, but it felt as if I’d been lying awake in bed for hours. At only three days until my fashion show and two until West came home I was a bundle of tightly wound energy. My collection of four outfits was all but done and, except for the final refining process, I was ahead of schedule by a few days. I’d even managed to walk Josie three times a day down to the park a few blocks down, but nothing helped calm my nerves.
The Fashion Institute of New York was different than other schools in that they invited many professionals already in the fashion business to attend the student’s capstone show, sometimes garnering up to as many as thirty new audience members. The idea of showing my work in front of so many was daunting, yet a part of me was excited, proud even. But the combination of fear and excitement made me stay awake in bed far longer than I should, my brain refusing to shut up.
I stayed in bed for another few minutes before finally getting up and heading to the bathroom to start a bath. I threw epsom salts in the tub and twisted my hair up into a bun, but before I could dip a toe in the water I decided to grab my phone from the nightstand first.
“Stay, girl,” I told Josie when she looked up at me from the foot of the bed. “Trust me, you don’t want to be around for this call.”
I went back to the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and dialed West’s number when I was submerged in the hot water.
“Hey,” he said, sounding a little out of breath. “Why are you calling so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” I said. “I miss you.”
“That’s sweet. I miss you too.”
“Well don’t sound too enthused.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just a little busy,” he said. “But I do miss you. More than I can express right now.”
“You can’t even step away to tell me about it?” I asked, sliding my palm down my thigh. “I’m…”
“What, Kat?”
“I’m naked in the bathtub, missing you,” I said, lifting my leg out of the water and sliding my hands from my toes down to my thighs.
It felt strange to even think about engaging in phone sex with West, but I wanted him so bad I was willing to push past my comfort zone just this once.
“Kat…”
Despite the crazy thrumming of my heart, I kept going. I’d already started, I might as well keep going. “I’m slipping two fingers inside me, imagining it’s you.”
His silence told me that I, hopefully, had his attention.
“I’m tweaking my nipples between my fingers, like I’m looking for the right radio station.”
He let out a surprised chuckle.
I sat up. “What?”
“God, I miss you.”
“Then come home and fuck me already before I make more awful analogies,” I said, feeling flushed from the hot water and maybe slight embarrassment.
“About that…”
I sat up. “No, don’t tell me the tour’s been extended?”
“I might be held back by a day or two. Saturday night by the latest.”
“My show is this Friday,” I said.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he said, then he paused and I could hear muffled talking in the background. “Hey Kat, I really have to go. We’re done refueling and have to get back on the road,” he said a few seconds later.
“So talk on the bus.”
“I wish I could, but there’s absolutely no privacy there. And I need to get some sleep. We had a long day today.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
“Kat, don’t be mad.”
How could I not be mad? Was he for real?
I pinched the bridge of my nose, held my breath, and counted to five. “You owe me one hell of an orgasm when you get home.”
“I’ll give you as many as you can handle,” he said with a chuckle. “Goodnight, Kat. I love you.”
“I love you too. Come home.”
The next time I heard from Luke was on Thursday morning, when he called and throughout the entire conversation seemed as if he wanted to tell me something.
“Kat,” he kept starting, but never really finishing.
“What? That’s the third time you’ve said my name,” I said, dropping to my knees to inspect the hem of my dress and cutting off any stray threads. I’d gone over the garments twice already, and by this time I was basically just looking for faults that weren’t there. Maybe it was my frayed nerves that really needed trimming.
“I just…” Luke said.
“What is it? Just spit it out.”
“I wish I was already home, watching you freak out about your show tomorrow even though I know you’ll be fantastic.”
“You could have been, but for some mysterious reason you’ve decided to stay away.”
He let out a low whisper of breath, the kind that let me know he was trying hard to keep from saying something.
“What? You’re frustrated because, for once, you’re not here to shut me up with a kiss or distract me with your body?”
“I don’t do that.”
“Yeah, you kind of do.” My shoulders sagged. “I miss it.”
“I’ll be home soon, Kat,” he said. “Then you can yell at me all you want and I’ll calm you down the only way I know how.”
Later that day I was walking to school, my arms full of clothes sheathed in garment bags, when I decided to stop in at Starbucks. I’d be busy for the rest of the day, probably well into the night setting up for the show, and this cup of coffee was surely only the first of many.
I had just paid for my order when someone tapped my shoulder.
“You dropped something,” a pretty brunette woman said, holding up my little white seam ripper.
“Oh, thanks,” I said, slipping it back in my purse. I glanced at her again, noting something familiar in her face.
Then it struck me—she was Amanda Blake, an actress from the show Franny and I used to watch! I shut my mouth, which had fallen open, and tried to keep my cool. I’d been in Manhattan for several months and she was literally the first famous person I’d run across. Or at least recognized.
I kept glancing over at her while we waited for our coffee orders, taking note of how much shorter she seemed in real life, but also so much prettier and younger without all that makeup.
She caught me looking and leaned in. “Yes, I’m her,” she said under her voice.
I let out a surprised laugh. “Busted.”
“I get that a lot,” she said.
“My friend Franny is crazy about your show.”
She smiled. “I’m happy to hear that.”
“I used to watch it with her in Alaska but then I moved here and haven’t been able to watch much TV.”
“From Alaska?” she asked as we got our coffee and moved to the mixing station. She asked me about my home state and I answered, then our conversation flowed towards the bundle I had in my arms.
“I’m having my show tomorrow at one,” I said as we made our way to the sidewalk. “I’m freaking out a little bit.”
“I bet it’ll be fine.”
I don’t know what possessed me to say it, but the words tumbled out of my mouth, “You should come. If you have time, you know. I know you’re busy with filming and everything. So yeah.”
“Maybe,” she said with a smile. “My stylist and I are always looking for something new.”
I told her the location of the show, unable to believe she didn’t flat out refuse. After we parted I dialed Franny’s phone and got her voicemail. “You won’t believe who I just ran into,” I said and left it at that.
Then, needing to tell someone else, I dialed West’s number.
“Luke Harrington’s phone,” said a female voice.
My legs froze right there on that sidewalk. “Sabrina?”
“Kat. Hi,” she said in a casual tone, as if answering my boyfriend’s phone was no big deal.
“Is West around?”
“West?” she asked. “Oh, you mean Luke? He’s not here
right now.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Okay, where is he then?”
“He’s taking a shower.”
I fought hard to keep my temper from getting the best of me, but it was damn hard when Sabrina’s smug voice made me want to pummel something. Or someone, more like. “Can you please tell him I called?” I asked.
“I’ll tell him but I can’t guarantee he’ll have time to call you back,” she said. “Don’t you even want to know what I’m doing with his phone?”
“Not really,” I said through gritted teeth.
She let out a sigh. “You wouldn’t like the answer anyway.”
I tried to take the higher road—really, I did—but it was hard when she was clearly goading me. “Why are you being such a hateful bitch right now?”
“I’m really not.” She paused, giving the doubt she’d planted room to grow. “But tell me, Kat: when did Luke tell you he’ll be home?”
He’d told me probably Saturday, but somehow I figured she already knew that.
“You might want to ask him where he’s flying off to tonight, then.”
“Tonight?” I blurted out.
“Yes. Right after our last show, he’s taking a taxi and heading to the airport.” There was silence on both ends for a long time. Finally, she asked, “He’s not coming home to you, is he?”
“He could be,” I said, straightening my spine. “You probably just ruined his surprise.”
“This is how it started, you know. With us. He started keeping secrets and was never where he said he’d be.”
The doubt began to sprout, a nasty little vine that was snaking around my heart. But I was determined not to go back the way I’d come, back to the girl who had covered herself in jagged leaves and thorns. “That was the old Luke. He’s not like that anymore.”
“Sure, Kat,” Sabrina said with a sigh. “I hope you’re right.”
West didn’t call me back.
And even though my first instinct was to be suspicious, I tamped it down and tried my best to keep from worrying. He’d said he wouldn’t betray me, but as hard as it was for me to trust sometimes, I just had to believe he was telling the truth.
