by Karen Deen
“God, Luke, it is not that simple. We aren’t in a normal situation. You are one of my bosses. I work for your company. The company doesn’t condone inter-office relationships. Your brother certainly doesn’t agree with inter-office romance. There are so many barriers in front of us. It is not as simple as you think it is.”
“You’re overthinking this. All of what you said should have been the last thing on the list of things we need to talk about. How about you start with how you feel about me?” The look on his face was hard to read and I grew worried he was annoyed with me. “I mean, isn’t that more important than what Grant thinks? He’s not the one sitting here across the room from you wanting to wrap you in his arms.”
“Luke, you’re making this hard.”
“Fuck. It’s hard, all right. That is not in doubt,” he said, always with a joke to lighten the moment. I could see his frustration. “What shouldn’t be hard is for you to tell me what you feel and what you want.”
“You have no idea. What I feel and what I want are easy. What I need to do is the hard part.” I wasn’t sure a glass of wine was the best option, my nerves now had me taking large gulps.
“Zoe, you need to use more words here.”
“Okay, okay. But you need to let me say everything I need to say before you butt in with your smartass comments. Got it?”
“Me, a smartass? I’m so offended. I’m so serious all the time,” he said, laughing at himself.
“Yeah, whatever. We are having a serious conversation and you still manage to get a joke in. No, not a smartass at all. Now, sit there and be quiet for a minute while I talk. This isn’t going to be easy for me. Do you think you can manage that?” The look on Luke’s face changed. He could see I needed him to be serious for a moment. If he wanted answers, it was time to listen. “You asked me how I feel about you.” I paused while sucking in a breath. “I would have thought that it’s pretty obvious. I like you a lot. A real lot. There is no way I would have kissed you or let you touch me the way you have, if I didn’t. You make me feel things I have never felt before. You look at me like no man has ever looked at me. It makes me feel good. You have that ability to turn my body inside out with a single kiss. It is like you know my body better than I do.”
“God, I want to,” he mumbled. I gave a pointed stare reminding him to hush.
“The last few years you have slowly crept under my skin and our friendship has been so special to me. You make me laugh like nobody else can. You have seen more in me than anyone else. I had a whole different life before I arrived here and it wasn’t a great one. The attack you witnessed the other day would send most men running the opposite direction. Instead, it just made you hang on tighter. You were so beautiful to me that day and your compassion was so comforting. You will never know how much that meant to me. I have never had anyone care enough to look after me like you did.” My voice softened, tears threatening to break free from the emotion. Luke could tell I was starting to struggle and before I could get another word out, he was beside me on the couch. He thought it would help, his being so close, but it only made it harder to talk. His hand was on mine, his thumb drawing calming circles.
“We both know that these feelings between us have been there for a very long time. We have managed to keep them under control for years. It has been hard, but we’ve done it.”
“It sucked, though. I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“Luke,” I warned. “I need to finish.” He sighed, running his fingers over his lips like he was zipping them shut. My tears retreated a little and a small smile played on my lips. “My life didn’t really begin until I started working for you. I came from no money and was hiding from a life that was torture. To be honest, I’m still hiding. I can’t share it with you. It hurts too much and I have fought so hard to move past it. For the first time in my life, this job has given me the chance to find myself and who I really am and who I wanted to become. I am independent and look after myself. I keep a roof over my head and food on my table. Along with that, I have managed to save enough money for a deposit so that I will be able to buy my own home. I only need a tiny bit more and I will be there. It won’t be a flashy place like here, but it will be mine and for the first time ever, no one will be able to take it away from me. Zach has offered to help me buy something that needs work, so we can get it cheaper and he will guide me on the renovations.” Luke rolled his eyes, unimpressed at me having his big brother help me and not him. “I am not afraid of hard work and I actually think it’s therapeutic for me to feel like I have achieved this all on my own. I know that is hard for you to understand.”
I paused, searching for courage. What I had to say next, wasn’t going to sit well with either of us.
“I can’t risk losing my job when I am so close to finally getting my freedom and finding my safe place. Being with you will put all that in jeopardy. There are so many things that can wreck everything. What if we don’t work out? What will Grant say? What if the family doesn’t approve? Even if we broke up, could I stand to see you with someone else every day? Would the family be happy for me to be your girlfriend but only if I went and worked somewhere else? There are so many questions. It would just break my heart to leave this job. I have never had a family, or anyone who cared about me, so your family is the closest thing I have ever had to that. I can’t lose that. It will kill me.” My cheeks grew wet as tears streamed down in steady rivulets. Luke sat silently wiping them. I couldn’t say anymore. Surely Luke has gotten the message. Leaning forward, I rested my forehead on his shoulder, his arms circling around me, slowly stroking my back to soothe me.
We sat like that for a few minutes until he broke the position and raised my head to look at him.
“Can I talk now?” he asked with a small grin.
“Only because I can’t manage to talk anymore.”
Luke
“I know that this is really hard for you, Zoe. One day, I hope you trust me enough to share what happened in your life before you arrived here. No matter what it is, just remember, I will never judge you or the situation. That is all in the past. What I do know, is who you are now. A woman who I find so fucking hot that you have me in knots just thinking about you. Your beautiful personality is one that has me wanting to be near you as often as I can. We connect on a level that no one has ever done with me. You see the real me. No one else really knows that Luke. They think they do but there are some pieces only you see. I can’t let that go. Far out, I dream about you every night, Zoe. Not just the X-rated dreams, although they are pretty fuckin’ awesome. But I dream of long walks, Sunday drives for a nice lazy lunch, running together, holidaying to far-away places. I have been having these dreams for years. You can’t tell me that is not the real thing and that I should just walk away from it. You are part of my heart and I can’t seem to shake you. Not that I want to try.”
“But, Luke.”
I placed my finger up to her lips.
“Nope. My turn to talk, remember?” I ran her finger along her lips to seal them and pretended to throw away the key. No matter how serious we were, I could always sneak humor in somehow.
“Everything you say makes sense. I understand your concerns. I would be lying if I said some of those things haven’t crept into my head, too. What I think you are forgetting is that I also have a say in this. I have a say in what happens in the business and what the rules are. Most of all, I have the total say in my life. My family doesn’t get to make those decisions. So regardless of what they think, I want to be with you, Zoe. I think you’re crazy for thinking they won’t want that, too. As if Mom is going to let Grant say you can’t be my girlfriend while working for the company. He may think he runs the company but at the end of the day, if Dad and Mom say something, then it’s final. Everyone loves you. I also know they aren’t stupid. They have seen us together. Surely, they can see the way I look at you. It’s getting pretty hard to hide that I want to strip you naked and take you on the boardroom table in most meetings.”
That brought a quiet little giggle from Zoe. “Don’t panic, I am not into exhibitionism. I will clear out the meeting first then have you moaning under me while I ravage you.” Zoe’s breath hitched. Now we were getting somewhere.
“We’re grown adults and shouldn’t have to worry about what others think and the stupid rules. What is the point in being the boss if you can’t make up new rules or toss out the crap ones?” How else could I get her to understand?
“I know, but there’s so much going on at the moment. Zach has this new girl and kids moving in with him, which everyone is already edgy about. The Branch Street project is about to start, and things will get busy. You will be flat-out trying to keep that on track. I have a feeling I’ll need to carry a little of the load for Zach while he is preoccupied.”
“Zoe, you are just making up excuses. None of that has anything to do with us.” I started feeling helpless.
“I need more time to think about it. Maybe we can wait until I buy my own place and get settled and then see where we are then.” She looked away.
“No fucking way. Unless you’re ready to buy your house tomorrow, you can forget that. There is no way I’m waiting that long. And while we’re at it, I will be the one helping you buy the house. There is no way my brother is helping my woman with buying her first home. Me. That’s my job to take care of you and help you. Understand?” My voice rose louder than intended, but I was pissed off.
“I am not your woman.”
“Like hell you aren’t. You can think what you want, kitten, but we both know you are mine and I am yours. We just have to get you to the point of giving in to your heart. I have patience. Not a lot, but I will wait until you sort your shit out. You want time, I will give you two weeks.” She grunted like I was being ridiculous. “I’m going to visit Andrew the weekend after next. When I return, we will be talking. You would have had time to figure out you can’t last without this hot body any longer. Your body will be burning with need, your lips will be longing for my touch.” I leaned in close to her ear, lowering to a whisper. “Your pussy will be dripping wet with want and you will be tempted to touch yourself to take away the ache. You won’t, though, because that pussy is mine. My kitten will be purring waiting for me to finally claim her.” Her body was already responding to me, arching towards me, trying to feel that touch. “Two weeks is all you get. Friday night, two weeks from now. Six o’clock here at my house. I will be waiting for you. Your choice. If you don’t show, I will leave you alone and try to get past the fact that I don’t mean as much to you as you do to me. Or you can choose to show up here and I will take away that ache. The one that makes you want to explode as soon as my palm slides over your naked breast. That is all you get. Two weeks. I want you so bad, I can’t wait any longer.”
“Oh, God,” she moaned letting her head fall back as she tried to put some distance between us. If the only way I could get her thinking of the advantages of this relationship, was to play dirty, then bring it on. That was my sort of negotiating. “You don’t play fair, Luke. Tonight was supposed to just be talking.”
“It has been. I haven’t touched you, just talked like you asked. You didn’t mention there were rules as to what I could say. I can talk more if you like.”
“No!” she yelled. Oh yeah, I had her worked up. The next two weeks was going to be fun. If my plan worked, she would either be ready to kill me, or, be jumping my bones before the two weeks ended.
“What’s wrong, kitten? You didn’t enjoy the friendly chat?”
“You shit. You know exactly what you are doing to me. You are so mean. I am trying so hard to be a strong and responsible adult. You, on the other hand, are acting like a horny teenager.”
Now that’s where she was wrong. “You got it partly right. I’m horny as hell but there is no teenager here. I’m all man. Every hard muscle on this body is pure man.” She just handed me the opportunity on a platter. I didn’t have to try.
“Stop it, Luke. No more dirty talk. No more flirting. You aren’t playing by the rules.”
“You suck at playing games, Zoe. You need to set out the rules better in the beginning. Now, I think it is time for you to head home. You only have a short time to think so you better get on to it tonight.”
Her shock made me want to laugh but I held it in. “Are you kicking me out? Really?”
“Unless of course you want to stay the night with me. We can scratch that two weeks if you’re thinking time is over.” Now I saw I was getting her wound up. She was frustrated that the night hadn’t gone as planned. That was her problem. She was trying to drive this bus, but I had sat back long enough. It was my turn to take the wheel and push her a little for a change. If she wanted to move on from her previous life, maybe she needed to take the leap.
“Obviously, you think it’s better I head off. Thanks for the talk. Don’t be disappointed if I don’t turn up here in two weeks. I’m certain nothing will change in that time. Thanks for the offer, though. Enjoy your evening with your ego.”
She stood in a rush, her cheeks slightly flushed. She was agitated and not just from me pushing her. Her body had all the signs of heightened frustration which was exactly what I hoped for.
“I’ll walk you out to your car. Nice set of wheels, by the way. You have good taste.” I was just being a dick. I knew it and so did she.
“Whatever. See you tomorrow or with any luck, maybe not,” she mumbled the last part. I opened the driver’s door and as she stepped forward, I grabbed her arm and spun her against the side of the car.
My lips planted themselves on hers, the kiss strong and laying claim. My tongue pushed her to let me in. Just like my heart pushed to be let into hers. Her mouth opened like it was a natural instinct to my probing. Pushing every emotion I had into our passionate embrace, I made sure Zoe knew exactly what I was ready to give. She just needed to let me in. I wanted to keep going, my body screaming for me to take more. I had to pull back although I didn’t want to. Slowly kissing the corners of her mouth, I hoped she could feel all I had tried to show her.
“Beautiful, take that memory with you. That’s everything I feel and the promise of what I want to give. Please give us a chance. I promise never to let you down. I care too much to ever let anyone or anything hurt you. Go home and dream of me.” Looking into her soul, I tried to leave my mark there. Guiding her into her seat, I could tell she was still confused about what just happened.
“Are you okay to drive?”
“Yes. I need to get as far away from your words as possible. They do things to me that make it hard to concentrate.”
“Message me when you’re home. I need to know you’re safe. Please.” She nodded while the engine of the car came to life. Without another word, I closed the door and she headed down the drive. I stood watching until the red glow of the tail lights were long gone. Now, I waited for that message. I waited for her to come to me. I hoped I hadn’t pushed her too far this time.
13
Zoe
THE DRIVE TO MY APARTMENT was a daze. My head spun from all Luke had said and done. There was so much more to all of this that he didn’t know. How did I face the issues in front of me to decide, let alone all the other baggage that trailed behind me?
Walking through the front door, I messaged Luke like he’d asked and locked up behind me. It was only early, but I stumbled into my room and flopped onto the bed. His reply pinged and I didn’t know whether to open it or not. His words had me on tender hooks.
Rolling onto my back, I checked his message.
Luke: Glad you are home safe. Message me when you are in bed, so I can say goodnight.
Too late, I was already seeking the comfort of my safe place. Not bothering to find any pyjamas, I slid off my clothes to just my underwear and climbed under the covers. I snuggled into my pillows and lay staring at the window. I hadn’t closed the curtains fully, so I could see the stars and moon peeking through the gap. It looked peaceful and so beautiful on a crystal-clear ni
ght. That was one thing that had always remained a constant in my life. No matter where I was and what was happening, I would always look to the sky at night. No one could take that beauty away from me. I used to tell myself it was just there for me and no one else got to share my special stars. If I could see the stars, then I felt everything would be okay. They would watch over me and keep me safe. It made no sense but as a little girl, I needed something to cling to, and that was the only thing I had. The older I got, the more important it was to me to cling onto. Now, here I was again, relying on my childhood hopes.
Replaying the events and words from tonight, I felt the warm buzz over my body that had been hovering since I left Luke’s. He knew how much I wanted to be ravaged by him. That was why it was so much harder to keep my distance. Luke had already given me one amazing night of loving my body like no other man ever had. He had my body singing his tunes and I had no restraint to stop him. It was the one night that I had never forgotten. He had fucked me hard and powerful at first, catching us both off-guard. It didn’t stop us. What was meant to be a quick fuck and run, like I had with my other men, turned into so much more. We spent the night making love like two long-lost lovers. It was easy to tell we both felt way more than we were expecting. By the time he woke in the morning, I was gone. Just like I did every other time. Back then, I didn’t even know how to handle my own feelings about life. I had no spare energy to work out how I felt for a man who had no idea who he was in bed with. I couldn’t tell you names, places, clothing of any of the other men due to my subconscious blocking it out through months of therapy. But I could tell you every single detail of that night with Luke. If only I could share it with him. I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty about keeping it a secret. Maybe one day.
