by Karen Deen
Luke: Are you home safe? I’m worried.
Zoe: Sorry, just got home. Stopped at the shop quickly along the way. Thank you for worrying. See you tomorrow.
Luke: Glad you are home safe and sound. Meant what I said. Trust me. Let me help. See you in the morning. I fly out for the weekend at lunchtime.
Zoe: Okay
That’s all I could reply. There was no way I could be happy about him heading away for a wild weekend of women. My chest hurt and my heart ached. I decided to take a hot shower and crawl into bed. I definitely wasn’t able to stomach anything.
Luke
What the fuck happened this afternoon? I went from having a normal, busy work day, looking forward to seeing Zoe, working out how I could sneak a kiss before she left, to thinking about what was going to happen when I got back from my weekend away.
It all turned to shit when Zoe turned up. I didn’t know what happened. I just knew deep in my soul that it had something to do with Andrew. He hadn’t answered my phone calls, or the text messages to contact me urgently. If Zoe wasn’t going to tell me, I would have to get it out of him. The longer it took, the more agitated I became. There had better be a good fucking reason, for him ignoring my calls. I’d been working so hard to get closer to Zoe and I saw her pulling away from me the instant I got to the car. It wasn’t just gradual. She was backing away from me quicker than I could stop her. Whatever had gone down on the phone had startled her into another panic attack. Luckily, we caught it in time. That didn’t happen easily. Something major had triggered that uncertainty.
Spending most of the night pacing the house, checking my phone, lifting weights in my home gym, I let loose my frustration and anger on the punching bag. Hitting until my knuckles ached through the gloves. Time had gotten away from me.
I messaged my usual goodnight to Zoe but there was only silence in return. I started to believe my phone was broken. Nobody wanted to contact me. Nothing was going right. It probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but a stiff bourbon was going to help me sleep. Or take away the pain of the night. Either way it was going to help. I had a feeling it might take two glasses before the numbing effects kicked in.
***
That noise had better shut up or I was going to smash something.
Thank God it stopped. It made my head hurt.
Urgh. There it was again. What the hell was that? Slowly opening my eyes, there was a light flashing on my bedside table. Shit, my phone alarm. I hadn’t needed it in a long time. I would still be out cold still if it hadn’t gone off. Rolling over, my head pounded. It started with one bourbon to help me settle, but I soon lost count until I eventually passed out. Shit, this was going to be a killer day with a hangover. Slowly sitting, I needed pain killers, water to detox, and a really strong coffee. A hot shower was first on the list.
The harder the pressure, the better. The fine needles of water soothed my aching body, helping to clear my head. Some of last night was coming back to me. I dreamed about that woman in the bar from college. I had no idea why. She’d often visited my dreams over the years, but not for a while because I’d been too hung up dreaming of Zoe. Before she came into my life, the college dream woman was the only one to have ever rocked my world. What we shared that night was more than just one-night sex. It may have started as that, but by the end of the night we were totally in sync. Our bodies knew each other on another level. I regretted having so much to drink earlier in the night which eventually had me passed out. When I woke the following morning, she was gone. I tried to find her several times. Visiting the same bar trying to find her once more. No one seemed to know of her. I tried other bars in the area but had no luck. When I’d taken her back to my place, I’d asked her name which she avoided at all costs. She preferred the mystery so I’d let it go, which I regretted now. After a few months of searching, I eventually gave up. Whenever I went out I’d always still look for her. Even after I moved back home, I couldn’t forget that night. I had dated plenty of women after her, but she was just something special. Something I could never quite put my finger on.
The hot water finally woke me up enough to step out and attempt to tackle the day. I had done a lot of thinking last night and everything was coming back clearly now. I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t sit back and wait to sort this shit out.
15
Luke
I AVOIDED ZACH’S ROOM on purpose when I entered the office. I wasn’t ready to see Zoe, yet. My Range Rover was in the carpark, so I know she was here. My head might have been clear but I needed another couple of coffees to prepare myself. I still hadn’t heard anything from Andrew, so I guessed he must’ve been out at sea on a test run with one of the boats. Well, he would get my last message and work out what was happening. Hopefully by then, Zoe would have filled me in on yesterday’s disaster.
Sitting back in my office chair after lunch, sipping the fourth coffee for the day, I heard the chatter and giggling filling the office. There was a buzz of activity and I suspected visitors. If anything sent women crazy, it was little kids, especially two little cuties that I’d recently met. If anyone could cheer me up, it would be those rugrats.
Coming up behind them, as they stared into our awards cabinet, I knew that hadn’t spotted me yet. Once I started to speak, Sammy spun around, yelling out my name and launching himself at me.
“Hey, buddy, what are you doing at my work? Have you finished school and you’re going to work for me now, huh? What about you, Sophia? Do you want to come and work with me, too? We get donuts every day for morning tea and we play games in my office.” I had the kids laughing and Zach tried to think he could be funnier than me. Never going to happen. I looked up from tickling Samuel and there she was. Standing behind Emily, she tried her hardest not to look shocked and confused as to why I was still in the office and not on my way to Vegas. Her confidence certainly dropped but now was not the time for our much-needed discussion. Zach was too busy rattling off instructions to everyone so he could take Emily and the kids home for the afternoon and start their weekend. He had a little of Grant in him, not that I would ever tell him that. Mom and Dad were at his house finishing off the play gym and fence at the cottage as a surprise for when they arrived there. The kids would be beside themselves and Emily would be pretty shocked at what my Dad could achieve in a day. Mom was his handy apprentice and over the years, I’d seen her help him with so many projects. She was never afraid to get her hands dirty. They really were perfect together.
Once they all leave, Zoe looked uneasy. My sisters were still chatting away and soon Grant joined in. It had become too much for her.
“Why are you still here?” she asked quietly and I tried not to laugh at her. She had no idea what was coming. We were surrounded by my family who all seemed to have expert hearing especially when there was something you didn’t want them to hear.
“Change of plans,” I mumbled and walked away. I gave her no clue why that was. Two could play at this game. She didn’t give me anything to work with, so I wasn’t either.
See how you go, Zoe.
She’d be at her desk for the rest of the afternoon trying to work out what was going on. I was pretty sure it would eat away at her.
Grant followed me into my office with some questions on the demolition plans for Branch Street that were to be submitted Monday to Council for approval. He seemed to be the calmest I’d ever seen him. There was something about that quiet little princess, Sophia, that affected him. She communicated with him on a level that none of us had ever been able to. Whatever her secret potion was we needed the recipe. We sat going over all the finer details for a few hours. I hadn’t realized how quickly the time had gone because for the first time in a long time, I had actually enjoyed working with Grant. I felt like I was being treated as an equal. It didn’t happen very often and had to be savored when it did.
Heading out to my car, I noticed the Range Rover was still sitting in the carpark. Zoe must be still finishing up work for Zach or was havin
g a Friday afternoon drink with the girls, which they sometimes did. This is my opportunity to put a plan in motion. Opening the Rover with the spare keys I had on my key chain, I scribbled a note and left it on her driver’s seat. Let’s see if you can resist this.
No more cat and mouse, Miss Zoe. Time to tackle this head on.
Zoe
I was so confused. Luke was supposed to have flown to Vegas to meet up with his college mates. Yet, there he stood in front of me at the office. He knew I was trying to work it all out but couldn’t ask too many questions in front of everyone. That smirk on his face told me how funny he though it all was. I couldn’t walk away without asking why he was still here. Fat lot of good that did me. His simple answer of change of plans could mean anything. I’d just have to try again.
I waited in my office pretending to be finishing up work, hoping I’d see Luke walk by my door at the end of the day. I planned on cornering him when nobody was around. Finally, I heard footsteps coming from the direction of his office, although it didn’t sound like his stride.
“Zoe, I am surprised to see you still here. Whatever you’re doing I’m sure it can wait until Monday.” Grant leaned against my desk, smiling. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him smile before. Today was a day of mystery and confusion. “Come on, I’ll walk you down to your car. Everyone else has already left.”
Wait… what? “Really, I didn’t see Luke walk past,” I said, trying to make it sound like an observation.
“He took the service lift as he left his work boots down in the basement when he got back from site today. Did you need to see him?”
“No, no. I just thought you were both still in a meeting. Thanks, I’ll walk down with you. Just grabbing my bag.” Was Luke avoiding me or was it just a coincidence that he left without saying goodbye and perhaps sharing his explanation.
Climbing into the Range Rover while thanking Grant for opening my door, I noticed a note on my seat. I sat on it purposely so Grant couldn’t see it. Once he closed the door and I started the car, Grant left. I lifted my ass and grabbed the folded paper which was scrawled with Luke’s handwriting.
If you want to know why I didn’t go to Vegas, come to my house on your way home. Happy to fill you in on why I changed my mind. You know you want to. Don’t overthink it, Zoe. Just start driving. See you shortly.
***
I felt like I was living in an alternate universe. Going to Luke’s was like heading into the lion’s den. Not going to Luke’s, would send me crazy. I wasn’t ready to go on my own little story-writing exercise tonight. I needed facts and the only one who could give them was Luke. I whacked the car in drive and headed out of the parking lot. I had no idea how tonight would end but I needed to put my imagination to rest so I could sleep easy.
The closer I got to his house, the angrier I became. Luke was playing with me and I didn’t like it. No one got to make decisions for me. Only me. I controlled my life. It took me a long time to get to this point and accept that no one had the right to make decisions for me. This felt very much like Luke was pressuring me into doing things his way. When I saw him, I would not be sitting back and listening. He’d be hearing my point of view on how we approached things.
I half expected him to be sitting on the front steps again, waiting for me, ready to tell me his story like it was the only thing in the world I needed to know. The simple fact was, it had been driving me crazy all afternoon, but he didn’t need to know that. From the phone call yesterday, it sounded like they had a pretty big weekend planned so it made no sense as to why he was still here. Walking up the steps, I pulled my shoulders back. I was trying to be brave. On the inside, however, I was an absolute mess. The last twenty-four hours had been an emotional roller coaster.
Taking a big breath, my finger pushed the doorbell and I heard his footsteps coming down the stairs. My heartbeat quickened and when the door opened, it skipped a beat. Luke was wearing low-hung jeans which sat on his hip bone. He was bare chested and just like I remembered from all those years ago. His muscle definition was perfection, including his six-pack. My fingertips tingled at the memory of running my hands over them. Slowly taking him in, I stopped at the part that had me swooning. That V-shape that pointed me to the promised land below the waist of his jeans. The tiny scattering of hair reminded me of what was hiding under the material.
“Hey, there. Glad you decided to show. Are you okay?” His voice snapped my attention from his crotch to his face. “Come inside. I’ll get you a drink. What would you prefer, beer or wine?” Retreating into his house, I stood frozen, admiring the view of his tight ass and wide shoulders. The strength in him was easy to see even without him flexing a single muscle.
“Zoe, are you coming in? Or are you going to stand outside all night?” Chuckling to himself he disappeared into the kitchen. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. He thought it was because I was admiring the view for the first time. It was worse because I was reminiscing what it felt like to touch that view. That made it even harder to move past my brain freeze. “Come on, woman, your beer is getting warm. Close the door on your way in.”
Entering his kitchen, which was something out of a home magazine, I was reminded on how different our lives were. My whole apartment would fit inside his open-plan kitchen and family room. One thing was for certain, my apartment did not have a half-naked man leaning against the bench offering me an opened bottle of beer. My body was working on autopilot as I reached out and lifted the beer to my mouth, swallowing several gulps to help calm my nerves.
“You are awfully quiet, Zoe. Want to tell me what’s going on?” He waited for me to talk. “You haven’t been the same since that phone call from Andrew. Not that you were willing to admit that.” Sweat started beading on my forehead. I didn’t want to discuss the phone call, the feeling of being worthless was still not sitting well with me. I didn’t want to believe that Luke would do that, but my old insecurities were raising their ugly heads.
“I’m fine. We are not here to talk about me. You are going to tell me why you didn’t go to Vegas. That is why you invited me here. So, tell me and I can be on my way.” My tone was a little hostile. I tried to pull it back, but Luke seemed unfazed. “Did your friend change his mind?”
Controlling my breathing, I took a seat on one of the kitchen stools furthest away from him. A little distance between us was a good idea. He continued to stare, slowly drinking his beer. He had total control, which I hated.
“You look really sexy when you’re nervous, beautiful. Anyone ever told you that?” If there was a sexy person in this room, it was definitely him. His biceps flinched as he raised the bottle to his lips and, tilting his head right back, he drained it, the last dribble of beer running down his chin. Although I was mad and confused, I still had the sudden urge to lick the beer off his chin. Why was it that no matter what my head was thinking, my body went the opposite? Stupid hormones. They held more power than the intelligent brain cells.
“You think I’m sexy? Well, I’m flattered. You don’t take compliments easily, do you?” He laughed at me.
Shit. Had I said that out loud? I was totally losing the plot. I’d been here ten minutes and had become a jabbering mess. Coming here tonight was a bad idea. Still reeling from my embarrassment, I turned it back on him.
“We aren’t here to talk about me. You invited me here for an explanation. I haven’t heard too much explaining.”
“Just like I haven’t heard too much truth about the phone call with Andrew. I suspect that isn’t going to happen. The reason I know this is because any woman who is upset or angry about something that was said to them or they heard by accident is usually so busy telling everyone what happened, we get sick of hearing it. You, on the other hand, deny you even heard one word of the conversation, so that only means you’re telling me little white lies.” He moved slowly around the island bench as he spoke and now leaned against the counter in front of me. His familiar scent was overtaking my senses.
“Reme
mber what I said about trusting me? Time to start now. Trust me not to be that person, Zoe.” His hand slid over my mine. “I hope you’d trust I was never going to Vegas to sleep with anyone, let alone get some double pussy.”
I looked away, squeezing my eyes closed to keep the tears at bay. I’d cried more times in the last few weeks than I had in years.
“Why don’t you just tell me how upset you are? I could never go there just to fuck you out of my system. I haven’t slept with anyone in a very long time.” He paused, letting his words sink in. “Not since you started invading my dreams, my little kitten. Look at me, Zoe.” Placing his finger under my chin, he slowly lifted my gaze to his. “The only person I want to fuck is you. Surely, you know that by now. The only reason I ever decided to go to Vegas was because you said you needed time and space. I was trying to do the right thing. I thought if I was far away, I couldn’t be tempted to show up at your apartment. Staying away is getting harder and harder each day. Andrew is on my shit list for what he said, but you need to know, I had already decided to cancel going, long before I finally got out of him what he’d said. I need to be with you. I can’t stand seeing you so upset. Please, tell me you don’t believe what he said.”
Tears started to run down my cheeks.
“I didn’t want to. My whole life I have been told I am not worthy of anyone’s love. To hear that you were going away to forget me just sent my insecurities crazy.” In one motion, I was pulled off the stool and lifted onto the bench. Luke positioned himself between my legs, hands cupping my face ensuring I looked straight at him. There was more I needed to say. “For reasons I can’t explain, I have been telling myself all week that I can’t have you. I don’t deserve you and that it will never work.” My words are cut off with a finger on my mouth.
