I take a deep breath and gently remove the snow globe from Charlie’s hands, doing my best not to scare him. “I’m sorry, sweetie, but you know that we don’t talk to strangers and we definitely don’t accept gifts from them. We can’t keep this. Please promise me you’ll never talk to that man again—or any other stranger—without checking with me first. He’s not my friend.”
I brace myself for Charlie’s reaction but he must sense my apprehension because he just nods quietly and says he’s sorry.
I lock eyes with Avestan as I drop the snow globe into the garbage can next to us. “Okay, sweetie,” I say to Charlie, “go ahead and get your drink and then stay right here. I’ll be back in less than a minute.”
Many people are milling around the park, giving me the confidence to do what I’m about to. Even so, I take my phone out of my pocket and hold it in my hand in case I need it. To call the police? Alexander? I’m not sure. I don’t even have Alexander’s number. I wait for panic to start tickling my throat but for some reason it doesn’t come.
I stride over to where Avestan is sitting and stand before him.
“Declan, it was merely a peace offering. I think we got off on the wro—”
I cut him off before he can finish. “If you ever come within a mile of Charlie again, I’ll have you arrested,” I say with a fierceness I didn’t know I had in me.
I spin around before he can answer and walk briskly back to where Charlie is waiting. He takes my hand and I challenge him to a race so we can leave quickly.
When we get to the sidewalk I congratulate Charlie for winning and I turn to look over my shoulder. The bench is empty and Avestan has disappeared. Above us, storm clouds are rolling in, blocking out the sun. An icy shiver runs through me and I squeeze Charlie’s hand tight. We run the rest of the way home.
Chapter Six
On Monday after school, Finn and I are biking home together and I seize the opportunity to talk to him about Liz and the dance. It’s a little over three weeks away.
“Finn, can we walk our bikes for a second? I want to ask you something.”
He looks at me questioningly and stops. “What is it?”
“Have you ever thought about Liz as a girlfriend?” I figure I may as well dive straight to the heart of it like he always does.
“Liz Warner?”
I nod. As far as I’m aware it’s the only Liz we know, but leave it to Finn to want to confirm exactly whom I’m referring to.
He stops walking. I can almost hear his brain synapses firing as he mulls over the idea, attempting to calculate a complete answer.
After a minute or so he starts ticking off pros and cons. “I like the way she thinks. She’s intelligent and she usually has an interesting viewpoint. She’s also pretty in an unconventional way.”
He pauses and continues. “We have a lot of the same interests and I enjoy being around her, even when she hassles me. And she usually laughs at my jokes … she’s pretty funny, too. And that’s unusual because I don’t always get NT humor.”
His list of pros is growing and I’m smiling because I haven’t heard any cons yet.
“She gives me a hard time sometimes but she never treats me different from anyone else. I like that. She’s taller than me,” he pauses, “but I don’t really care. She gets pretty grumpy when she’s hungry, but I guess I can deal with that, too.”
I laugh.
He sums up his assessment. “I guess I would have considered it except that we’re friends. I wouldn’t ever want to ruin that.”
I’m touched by the thoughtfulness of his answer. “What if I told you that Liz wanted you to ask her to the dance?”
“I thought we were already going to the dance together.”
“We are. As a group. But what if you asked Liz to go with you as your date, and I just tagged along as a friend, like always?”
He turns that over in his mind. “Does she want me to ask her out on a date?”
“Yes, I’m pretty sure she does.”
“Then why hasn’t she said anything? I talk to her every day.”
“Maybe she’s worried you don’t feel the same.”
He digests that idea. Finally, he says matter-of-factly, “Thanks, Declan. I’ll think about it. Is that all you wanted to talk about?”
I nod, bewildered. He hops back on his bike and pedals ahead.
What the—? I feel bad now that I even said anything. If Finn was thrilled then it would have been okay that I told him that Liz liked him. But now I’m not sure if he returns her feelings and I wonder if I betrayed Liz’s private thoughts by saying something. Geez, I was expecting a happy ending, why doesn’t it ever work out that way in real life?
The rest of the week passes excruciatingly slowly and then it’s Thanksgiving break. We spend Thanksgiving with Finn and his family, as usual. I look forward every year to Mrs. Cooper’s cornbread stuffing and my mom’s sweet potatoes. After dinner Mr. and Mrs. Cooper pull out old photo albums of Finn and I through the years and we have some good laughs going through them. In one picture we’re naked preschoolers in his backyard blow-up pool. So embarrassing. But we can’t stop laughing because our moms remember Finn asked me that day what happened to my penis. Apparently I told him my dad was using it.
Liz is skiing with her family in Tahoe and I’m covering her weekend shifts at Jack’s but I don’t have to work on Friday so my mom and I spend the day watching movies and recovering from all the carbs we ate the day before. We briefly consider doing some Black Friday shopping but our inertia keeps us on the couch.
I run past Alexander’s house before work Saturday morning on my regular loop to the beach and notice a gathering at his house again. My heart sinks as the exquisitely beautiful blonde I saw waiting for Alexander in the school parking lot emerges from a sleek, black Mercedes. Blondie’s in the book club, too? I wave to Mrs. Frye, the librarian, as she walks to the front door. Alexander’s car is in the driveway but I don’t see him. By the time I finish my loop and run back, all the cars are gone except for Alexander’s and Blondie’s. Ugh.
The week after break, the town holds its annual fundraiser. This year the proceeds are earmarked for the library. The hope is to raise enough funds to refurbish the building and extend the hours the library is open. It’s currently closed on Sundays and Mondays due to budget cuts. My mom’s realty firm is sponsoring the fundraiser and there’s a dinner and a silent auction as well as karaoke. The theme is the ‘80s (partly my mom’s influence, I’m sure) and her firm is pledging to donate one hundred dollars for everyone who sings on stage.
Seats are assigned and Liz, Finn, and I are at a table with some other kids from school. It seems like the whole town has turned out. After dinner there are a few brief speeches and then the karaoke starts. Mrs. Frye, the head librarian, is the first to take the stage. She sings “Everybody” by Madonna and she’s fantastic. Who knew she was a closet pop star? Each time she sings “Everybody come and dance and sing” she waves her arms to get people up from their seats. By the time the song is over the whole dance floor is full. It’s turning out to be a lot of fun. My mom gets up on stage next with a bunch of realtors from her office and they sing “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang. It’s actually pretty funny. I have to hand it to my mom for getting up there. She sings only marginally better than I do, but the whole group is singing together so I guess she figures who cares. She’s had a few glasses of wine, too.
One by one, people get up on stage and some of them really surprise me. Chief Stephens has a deep baritone and he makes everyone laugh as he does his best Barry White. I’ve always known Jack can sing, but he and Al do a duet and they’re great. Soon, kids from school are getting up on stage, too. Molly sings “Vogue” by Madonna and of course she’s good—Malibu Barbie can do anything. After she comes off stage there’s a break while they announce raffle winners. Molly walks over and taps me on the shoulder. “You’re up next.”
“Um, what?” I say. We’re all sitting at our table talk
ing.
“Your mom put you down next on the list,” she says.
That can’t possibly be true—even my mom sees (or rather hears) beyond the veil of motherly love and knows I’m practically tone deaf.
“Doesn’t everyone want to hear Declan sing?” Molly announces loudly to the table.
Finn says “No,” and everyone laughs.
I demur, strongly, but Molly won’t let it go. “It’s for charity. You can’t say no. It’s your mom’s firm.” She widens her appeal to the other tables around us. “Declan won’t sing,” she calls out. “C’mon everybody, tell her to get up there and make some money for the library!”
Soon she has the tables chanting my name. Why is she doing this to me? Does she realize I can’t sing? She keeps encouraging everyone to get louder until I have no choice but to give in to make it stop.
I turn to Liz with terror in my eyes. She shrugs and gives me a quick hug around the shoulders. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. Half the adults in here are drunk anyway.”
“Will you do it with me?”
“Noooo way, señorita,” she laughs. “Sorry, but I draw the line at karaoke. I think my voice is worse than yours … if that’s even possible.”
“Great. Thanks for the pep talk.”
Molly tugs on my arm and the people around us cheer as I get up and walk towards my own personal Defcon-one-level nightmare. I’ve never sung karaoke in my life—I don’t even know how this works. Will I get to choose the song?
As I make my way to the front I see Alexander watching from a table nearby. He flashes what I think is a supportive smile but I honestly can’t tell if his expression signals amusement or sympathy.
Chief Stephens is announcing the last raffle winner as I approach the stage. Molly remains behind me to prevent me from bolting, which is exactly what I have in mind. Before I can act, though, the chief turns and beckons to me with an outstretched arm. “And now it looks like Declan Jane is going to lead the second round of karaoke,” he proclaims as he waves me up the steps.
Oh dear God, this is worse than I thought. He hands me the microphone and it screeches for a second and then I’m left in silence as he leaves me alone on the stage. I feel all eyes on me as we wait for the music to start. My eyes dart to the video screen and my panic abates somewhat when I see that at least, thank God, I know the song: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” by Stevie Nicks.
The music starts and I must have a pained expression on my face because I already sense worry from the audience. As I begin singing the first verse, I see people averting their eyes from the train wreck unfolding before their ears. I attempt a weak apologetic smile but by the time I hit the second verse I’m certain everyone is begging for it to end as much as I am. There’s a commotion at the back of the stage and I pray someone has taken pity on me and is unplugging the amplifier. I’m shocked, however, to see Alexander step up beside me with a microphone in his hand. He sings the next two lines that Tom Petty sang in the original duet.
We sing the chorus together. He’s hamming it up and the audience starts cheering. He gives me a little shrug and a smile of solidarity. Suddenly I don’t care that he’s been avoiding me. I want to hug him I’m so grateful. We finish out the song to thunderous applause. I catch a glimpse of Molly as we laugh and bow and she doesn’t look pleased.
As Alexander helps me off the stage, his hand touches mine and I feel that familiar charge between us. The second I’m safely down, however, he pulls his hand away and steps back.
I look up at him. “I don’t know how to thank you. That could have gone down as a recurring nightmare for the rest of my life.”
“Big Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty fan,” he explains, pointing to himself with his thumbs.
I smile. “Oh, so you were saving the song rather than me? Does that mean you’re still avoiding me?”
“Trying to … wait a minute, was that awful performance just a ruse to get me up there with you? Now I feel used,” he teases.
I push his arm. “Thanks a lot. So I was really that bad? I hoped I was just being hard on myself.”
“You are way too hard on yourself. But in this instance, let’s just say that now we can safely cross off both acting and singing from your list of career possibilities.”
I laugh and his green eyes crinkle with that smile that spreads over me like a warm sun.
“But, Declan,” he continues, “you have so many other qualities to recommend that it hardly matters.”
The sincerity in his voice and the way he looks into my eyes makes me forget we’re standing in a room full of people. He’s been avoiding me so long that I began to think I had imagined the stillness, the peacefulness, I always feel emanating from him, mixed with that familiar electric charge ... I hold his gaze to prolong the moment but we’re interrupted far too soon.
“Alexander! Come over to our table. Suzie has something funny to show you,” shouts Molly. As she takes his arm and leads him away, she calls out, “Nice job on the duet” to me over her shoulder. The words are kind but an undercurrent of malice stabs through every syllable.
“Thanks,” I say. Then, impulsively, I add, “It was fun!” just to tick her off. Alexander waves apologetically as she drags him away.
Safely alone, I take a deep breath and slowly blow it out as I walk back to my table. How I made it through that whole ordeal without having a panic attack is a medical mystery. My inner drill sergeant whispers “Nicely done, Jane,” and gives me a rare soft pat on the back.
The day before the Winter Wonderland dance, Liz, Finn, and I are in the quad having lunch as usual. Everyone around us is discussing who’s taking whom to the dance. With only 24 hours to go, I realize that my fantasy of Alexander asking me at the last minute is becoming less and less likely. I must have a seriously bummed look on my face because even Finn notices.
“You okay, Declan?” he asks.
“What? Oh, I’m fine. I’m just rethinking that microwave burrito I just ate,” I say, playing it off.
“I warned you guys never to eat the food here,” Finn replies, but he sounds distracted.
He opens his backpack and looks up at me with a strange expression on his face—a nervous expression. Curiously, he says, “Wish me luck,” and reaches into his pack and pulls out a bright pink rose.
He walks over to Liz and gets down on one knee in front of her. He holds out the rose, clears his throat and begins to speak earnestly: “Liz, I know we’re friends and I don’t want to ruin that … but I think you’re beautiful and smart and you make me laugh and we have a lot in common and I feel good when I’m around you. I don’t know if you’d ever want to be with a guy like me, but I’m taking the chance. Do you want to go to the dance? As my date?”
Liz is standing with her mouth agape as if she can’t process what’s happening in front of her. I see behind her astonishment, though, and it’s obvious what her answer will be. Finn can’t see it yet and he quickly blurts out in a jumble, “And if you’re not interested, let’s go back to being friends and please forget this ever happened.”
Liz takes Finn’s hand and pulls him up and kisses him before he can say another word. It’s like a fairytale and people start clapping all around us. When they stop kissing and smile at each other, I can see that Liz’s eyes are watery. An emotional Liz is a sight to see. I’m teary myself.
Finn, slightly oblivious as always, has to confirm, “So that’s a yes?”
“Yes, Finn. Clueless, adorable Finn … that’s a yes,” says Liz with a laugh before she grabs his face and kisses him again.
As I smile at them both I can’t help but think how I love Finn for surprising us all like this—I didn’t know he had it in him. He must have been planning it and memorizing his speech since he and I spoke weeks ago and he never let on. He has singlehandedly renewed my faith in happy endings.
The bell rings to signal lunch period is over and as we’re gathering our things to head to class I overhear some girls chattering behind us about the
dance. I’m listening vaguely—not fully tuned in—until I hear Alexander’s name and my ears perk up. The rest of what they say feels like a sucker punch to the gut that thrusts all the air from my lungs.
“Did you hear that Alexander Ronin is going with Molly Bing?”
Chapter Seven
My crazy, hopeful balloon of a fantasy—that Alexander will ask me to the dance—has been popped unceremoniously and is now spinning on the ground, pitifully, as it loses all air. The idea of seeing him with Molly, of all people, is too much. I veer off from Liz and Finn as we walk, with the excuse that I have to go the bathroom. I truly think I’m going to be sick.
I’ve been had. There’s no other explanation. How could he be dangerous to me but not to Molly? Why couldn’t he just tell me he wasn’t interested? Did he want to make a fool of me? Well, mission accomplished jerkoff.
How can I go to the dance now? I feel a slight pang of regret that I turned down Ryan Dell’s invitation, but I remind myself it wouldn’t have been right to lead him on. He deserves to go with a girl who returns his feelings and, although I like Ryan as a friend, I’m not that girl. Maybe I’ll just stay home. Why torture myself when I don’t have to? Liz and Finn would be disappointed, though … and it will be nice to see them together as a couple for the first time. Why should I let Queen B and Mr. “I’m dangerous” Australia ruin the dance for me? I told Liz and Finn I would go and I need to stick to our plans and have fun anyway. “You can do this,” concurs my inner drill sergeant. I push open the bathroom door with renewed determination and head to class.
Liz and Finn invite me to dinner with them before the dance but I beg off. I want to give them some time alone. It also gives me more time to decide what to wear. They plan to pick me up after dinner so we can drive to the dance together.
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